SF Debris/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The montage from the Generations review.
    • From the end of the Generations video:

Picard: What a day. I screw up everything I touch, get beaten up by Soran, accidentally kill Starfleet's greatest hero. I can't imagine how this day could get any wo- (sees the wrecked Enterprise) THE HELL? What the goddamn hell happened with the- (trails off into Angrish)

    • Also from Generations, he points out that the Duras Sisters are unimportant as villains and could be replaced with any generic stand-in. Throughout the rest of the review, he then proceeds to randomly replace footage of them with villains including Cylons, Daleks, and Londo.
  • His strained metaphor for how Sisko was feeling in "By the Pale Moonlight", which included singing "Old MacDonald" to the tune of "Amazing Grace".
  • The entire opening three minutes to his review of The Siege of AR-558, describing Sisko's work ethic, revenge tactics, and negotiating skills with Romulans.
  • From the Star Trek: Insurrection review, after the joystick comes out, the Pac Man theme starts up.

Riker: Riker to engineering, I need quarters! Lots of quarters!

  • In his review of the movie Star Trek IV the Voyage Home, he makes a note that the studio initially wanted the 'conversation' between the whales and the strange probe attempting to communicate with them to be subtitled. He expresses his bewilderment at how anyone could have conceived of that as a good idea, then proceeds to offer his own subtitles anyway. All told, it is one of the most hysterical bits he's ever done.
    • Also from the Star Trek IV review:

Chuck: The year is 1986, and Leonard Nimoy will be bringing a much known character, or rather, a reborn version of that character, back into the light in a popular science-fiction franchise while attempting to deal with his overweight and egotistical co-star.

Galvatron: I will rip open Ultra Magnus, and every other Autobot until the Matrix has been destroyed!

Chuck: But lets spend some time talking about Star Trek IV the Voyage Home...

  • His one man quest to make Ben Sisko a Memetic Badass, especially "Bitch, the list of reasons I'm awesome is so long, the only surface big enough to write it on is my dick!"
    • And the time the Borg bragged they could take anyone- after making sure Sisko wasn't around, of course.
  • Failing three times to avoid a double entendre about Harry and Tom in "Non Sequitor."
  • From the "Regeneration" review, the hypothetical conversation between Picard and the Bynars, where he accuses them of being no different from the Borg, but the Bynars say they only replace parts of the brains of helpless children. Picard: "Damn, I'm torn between my hatred of the Borg and my hatred of children!"
  • From Sarek review, after Sarek has Mind Melded with Picard.

Chuck Meanwhile a bad situation is made worse when Picard gets a look at the Star Trek XI script.

Picard NOOOOOO! It is, it is, wrong, it is WRONG!

Chuck And then he thinks he's a Bulldog...

Picard Rogh, ROGH, ROGH!

''Even if that somehow was [evolution], individuals don't evolve! WE ARE NOT Pokémon! Do you understand that, Braga?!

    • In the same review of Threshold, he latches onto the technobabble phrase 'multi-spectral subspace engine design'. The only way 'multi-spectral' can fit into that phrase is, in SF Debris own words, the ship is powered by rainbows, which he goes on to state gives him the mental image of shovel-fulls of Care Bears being thrown kicking and screaming into a blast furnace.
  • In his review for First Contact, having already pointed out that most Starfleet officers sign up to be explorers and scientists, we get this.

SF Debris (as random Defiant crewman): Please don't say "good day to die" please. Why do I have to be fighting the invincible enemy with the one guy in Starfleet eager to die? No! No! Stop thinking that way, don't be prejudiced. Just because he's a Klingon he's not going to start beating the controls and go crazy.

Worf: (after beating the control panel) Perhaps today is a good day to die!

SF as crewman: (half sobbing) Ah shit!

Worf: Prepare for ramming speed!

SF as crewman: (exasperated) I just wanted to be a botanist!

    • And also from the First Contact Review, his 5 Minute version of the film, if Sisko weren't in the Badlands hunting the Maquis.
  • The Disease. Among other things, the dread-laden introduction:

Alright, let's move into the episode, gentle reviewer, rum in hand. One does not simply walk into Mordor. One gets his ass torn back first.

    • "I can only share some wise advice my grandfather once gave me: "Boy, never put your dick in something that lights up!"
    • The reaction to Janeway's remark about the handbook on personal relationship being three centimetres thick.

"What's the point of a guide for spur-of-the-moment things that is the size of a phone book? How many ways are there to say "Don't have sex with aliens unless it's safe" are there? Is it full of testimonials? "This is Paul. Paul wasn't careful, you see, and now his dick looks like a slimjim."

    • Why did Janeway deliver an unprecedented career-damaging reprimand to Harry? "When you're evil, you have to stay in practice!"
    • "Meanwhile, the hull-breach problem from the Varro ship has spread to Voyager, and there's duranium-eating microbes that... what's that one in the middle doing? Is he humpin' the armour? Good God, even the viruses are screwing things this episode!"
  • From Coda, "So the episode begins and Neelix ambushes Janeway heading up the hall. As the conversation comes up without context provided for the episode, I shall turn to our random-context generator table, and they are discussing... (dice rolling sounds) Ship-wide Orgy Night!"

Neelix: I thought last night went well, didn't you?
Janeway: Extremely well, everyone had a lot of fun.
Neelix: I was thinking of making it a regular feature, say uh, once a month?
Janeway: It's certainly worth a try.
Neelix: And captain, you were especially good last night.
Janeway: Thanks Neelix, it's been a while.
Neelix: You'd never know.

    • They're actually talking about Talent Night.
  • From his review of An Unearthly Child, his use of political jokes about the cavemen, especially as they wildly veer back and forth between American and British references. And naming the old cavewoman 'Mary Whitehouse'.
  • From Flashback:

Neelix: Y'know, if I injected sirilium into my thermal array, it might improve cooking time.
SFDebris: And with that, Benjamin Sisko warps himself across the galaxy and begins pistol whipping Neelix for actually calling himself a chef when he thinks more energy equals faster cooking time.

SFDebris: (as Archer) No, Porthos! We cannot reduce troop presence in South Korea! BAD DOG!

Picard: You were right not to try.
SFDebris: She NEEDED to die. We must cull the weak from the herd! We must remove the Impure. AND LEAVE. ONLY THOSE. IN THE CRUCIBLE. WITH THE MIGHT. TO EXPAND. ACROSS. THE UN-I-VERSE. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EX-TERM-I-NAAAATE!!!

SFDebris (Calmer): Yeah, I know. Some of you don't like it when I yell.

  • When one of the commenters on one of his Voyager videos said, "Jesus Chuck what the hell do you have against Janeway (missing commas and all)," Chuck replied with: "Please, 'Chuck' is fine, there's no need to refer to me as 'Jesus Chuck.' I'm pretty sure that man's leprosy would have cleared up even if I hadn't touched him."
  • Following Janeway's "Captain. Ma'am will do in a crunch" line with "So anyway, Captain Crunch..."
  • His massive rant about manual overrides not working that way in "Learning Curve".
    • During Janeway's Victorian holodeck program:

Janeway: Ugh, why am I stuck reading this drivel? I just want that umbrella that lets me fly!

  • In his review of His Way, Chuck makes a point on how interspecies relaitonships should be a lot more complex than the show portrays them. He uses a hilarious analogy of likening the situation to a person having a relationship with a sentient, talking plant, and how incredibly awkward it would be.
  • From the review of Space Seed:

SFDebris: Kirk dictates a log entry, his bridge crew all collapsed around him. Kirk recommends commendations awarded to 5 of his bridge crew, while the camera lovingly shows us seven people beside him. What happened during the commercial? "As for Lieutenant Meyers, he cried like a baby at his coming death and then soiled himself. Recommend he posthumously received the Hoshi Sato Cowering Chicken medal, with clusters."

Absolutely, sir, it's similar to when a lion eats a zebra, then the zebra's seeds emerge from the lion's dropping to grow into mellons, from which fully-grown zebras spring to continue the circle of life. Which reminds me, captain, there's a large magnet over my quarters which I would like tooooooooWWWWWWWWWelcome our contestants to tonight's show!

  • After mentioning that since he's been outted as a genetically enhanced human, Bashir has been free to become Dr. James Bond.

Chuck (As Bashir): Hello my dear, I'm Julian Bashir. I'm normally a doctor, but I'm afraid you caught me in the middle of a daring scheme to rip off the mob, so I don't have long to chat. But, perhaps later we can meet for a drink and I could show my publication in the New England journal of Medicine. It's called, "1001 ways to Pleasure the G-Spot." But first, I have to return Linkara's hat.

  • In the lost Doctor Who episode "Galaxy 4", we encounter a psychotic female captain named Maaga. After some sound clips demonstrate her ruthless attitude towards her own crew, Chuck 'accidentally' starts to call her 'Janeway' before correcting himself.
    • In the same episode, he notes the Drahvins return in an Alliance of the Eleventh Doctor's worst enemies, including angry David Tennant fans.
    • And in Marco Polo, after Kublai Khan outmaneuvers the title character, Chuck dubs him with Kirk's "KHAAAAN!" scream from Star Trek II the Wrath of Khan.
    • In The Enemy of the World, Griffin, the Happiest Man Alive.
  • From "Captain's Holiday", we have this amusing bit: "Picard and his little friend Talking Latin Penis!
  • From the review of "Q-pid", Chuck muses on how the Enterprise is used for receptions, a Space Holiday Inn, if you will, culminating in the mental image of Worf chasing a shriner down the hallways.
  • Also from "Q-pid", Q asks what Robin Hood is most famous for. After Q brush off "steals from the rich and gives to the poor", Chuck starts naming other famous deeds, each time cuting back to Q's "Besides that" response.
  • In something that's both this and incredibly sad at the same time, the first part of Chuck's review of "Scorpion" ends with a montage of many of Harry's experiences being The Chew Toy on Voyager set to "Only Time" by Enya.
    • Also from "Scorpion", when discussing how people forget cool villains, Chuck shifts to The Phantom Menace:

Darth Maul: Tatooine is sparsely populated...but even they have over 50 convenient Red Roof Inn locations. At last we will have revenge...and a good night sleep.

    • After hearing the ludicrous figures involved in the Borg's fallback plan, Chuck gives us a sample of what he feared would happen when Brannon Braga went to write for 24.
  • In a video explaining that due to very bad weather, his videos would be delayed.

Chuck: Mother Nature's wrath... Or Janeway, I did never find out if she finished that weather machine of hers.

  • "Parallels" has some good moments, like Chuck describing saying Worf's ba'leth competition trophy can be used as a weapon, and trying to figure out how to describe a group of Worfs before settling on calling it a "brood".
    • His discussion of his twin boys was his funniest joke so far.
  • From "One": 'So all the crew are in stasis, and all that's left is our plucky hero and her hologrammatic sidekick.' Cue the Red Dwarf theme.
  • In Outrageous Okana he duly points out that it's really hard to write good jokes about bad comedy since it all comes back to the same point, but he makes a few really, really good stabs. After Okana shares some of his, uh, "wisdom" and explains he was joking, Chuck exasperatedly says, "After listening to you, Okana, I don't even know what a joke is anymore."
    • Chuck's complete confusion over a joke that was so bad that it was cut in favor of Joe Piscopo's lame material is comedy gold.
    • "Blame the pattern of my life!" "I blame the pattern of your vest."
    • The entire discussion about the horrible failed joke Guinan tells... and the one from the original draft of the script, which made even less sense. “If there’s a joke in there, we need a team of archaeologists with those little brushes to go in there and look for it.”
  • The entire riff on Picard holding a phallic object in front of his crotch in "Masks," suspecting that Stewart and Frakes knew exactly what it looked like and did it deliberately.
  • Chuck's backspacing about Harvey Dent's burnt face in The Dark Knight Saga.
    • Also in The Dark Knight, playing "You Got the Touch" when the Batmobile transforms into a Bat-Pod.
    • His blaming a car crash on Deanna Troi...twice.
    • "The Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away..."—it did and he did!
    • "The Batpod. So called because.......the Batpod."
    • Chuck mentions the Joker's Multiple Choice Past, and gives his own idea for an origin story: on Superfriends, Batman was trying to come up with cooler examples of his villains to impress Superman, and unfortunately let Aquaman come up with the idea of a psychotic killer clown, meaning Batman himself had to create the Joker.
      • The gist of which was Batman setting out to screw with a random clown until he turned evil.
  • The description for Part II of his "The Best of Both Worlds" review on blip.tv:

Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide presents part 2 of the classic. The Borg plan to overwhelm the entire Federation with just one ship and the abducted Picard, the cosmic equivalent of "Why you hitting yourself, why you hitting yourself?"

  • ALL of Chuck's comment about Picards brother Robeire in "Family" but especially "I think Robeire missed his true calling, running an orphanage in a Charles Dickens novel."
    • His surprised reaction when Picard actually shows kindness to a child.
    • From the video description "Also Wesley's backstory is revealed to the joy of his fan"
  • The opening of his "Where No Man Has Gone Before" review after Kirk asks Spock if he means ESP as in Extra Sensory Perception: "No captain, they were looking for ESPN for the scores on... OF COURSE IT'S EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION YOU STUPID HUMAN!"
    • "Anyway what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Kelso."
    • "The department heads, including "Hot Lips" Houlihan, has come to study the crews reactions in space and Gary Mitchell being the enlightened 23rd century guy that he is, hits on her in front of everyone"
    • "Acronyms can be confusing. I once heard of someone commenting on the climactic battle with the octopus monster at the at the end of POTC 2, which is confusing as hell when the speaker means Pirates Of The Caribbean and you're thinking Passion Of The Christ! And you don't know how much I wanted to see the sequel where Jesus battles the Kraken." and then right after words "Kirk is still concerned there could be such a thing, the ESP thing not the Jesus Kraken thing."
  • When describing the USS Pasteur in the reviews of "All Good Things..."

Chuck: ... And there's where we see the ship belonging to Beverly Crusher. A little different, big round head there angled off of the long main shaft that's easy to grip for optimal placement. The Clitmaster 5000 has set the bench-mark of quality in the... Shit, I've got the wrong script here...

  • In "Dark Frontier", After Voyager blows up a Borg ship:

Janeway: Debris status?
Chuck: I'm fine, thanks for asking.

    • And after reviewing the wreckage of the ship:

Chakotay: Maybe I should go to Red Alert and get it over with.

Janeway: Commander?

Chakotay: You're about to drop one of your bombshells.

Janeway: Oh I see. Before you say anything: First of all, it's a mutant, not a monster. Second, nothing can break those chains! And third, since I only created one, if you kill it that's technically genocide! And technically suicide.

Chakotay: ...Huh?

Janeway: No you're the crazy one!

    • Another very cruel one, with Janeway's Not Now, Kiddo to Seven's requests to take her father with them, leaving him to be killed when the Borg cube blows up right after they were finally reunited.
    • "Look Chakotay! I've wanted this all my life; it's a coffee maker that's also a bong!"
      • This exchange:

Janeway: Coffee? You look like you could use some.
Seven of Nine: No.
Janeway: It's a Human vice you might want to try some day, keeps you sharp.
Chuck as Janeway: Want some smack? How 'bout a whore? Feel like gambling? I played craps against Harry yesterday; he won so I let him keep his hands!

Chief Tyrol: That was heartless, Colonel! What are you, a Cylon or something?
Colonel Tigh: Blow me, Chief. I'm no more a Cylon than you are.

    • And later:

Chuck: A hologram that only you can see and hear, huh? Guess that means Dean Stockwell's a Cylon as well!

    • Lightheartedly comparing the attack on Caprica to 9/11 conspiracy theories.
    • "Gah, I picked the wrong week to quit drinkin'. Good thing I didn't."
    • During Adama's Earth speech:

Adama: And then there's the scurvy.
Officer: We get it, sir.
Adama: The slow descent into cannibalism.
Officer: You've made your point, sir.
Adama: Flipping a coin to decide whether you should step out the airlock or just blow your head off.
Officer: Please stop cheering us up. You're making the Marines cry.

  • Chuck riffs in the style of The Man Your Man Could Smell Like in his remixed review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
  • In the Insurrection review, Chuck turns Gilbert and Sullivan into a running gag, adds a car lock sound effect to the special tricorder Worf uses to subdue an out-of-control Data, makes reference to a "Turnip of Mass Destruction", has Riker playing Pac-man, comments on how the planet can make Geordi grow new eyes but no hair for Picard, and totally rips into the so-called perfect Bo'ku, to the point of calling them Elves.

Chuck: Yeah, piss off back to your tree and make me some cookies.

    • After talking about how on the Enterprise, they solve all problems with technical gibberish:

Picard: Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That ought to get his attention.
Chuck as Picard: He'll come to figure out what the hell I'm talking about!

Chuck: Spock also wonders about Kirk's own behavior.
Spock: Double dumbass on you?

Kirk: You mean the profanity? That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays you any attention here unless you swear every other word.

Chuck: Shit yeah. You think I talk like this all the time? Nah, only for these videos and when talking to my kids. So they arrive and meet Gillian, who's conducting the tour, taking stop at Nightmare Fuel central, to show these lovely creatures we've come here so see... being killed and slaughtered. Y'know, why don't petting zoos do this? Or maybe they do... MAX! DADDY WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN SOME ASSHOLE KILL A FUCKING GOAT!

...but for Shatner, it was, "Five! Six! Seven! Eight! If I had one wish, it would be Auuuusch-wiiiiitz!"

  • From the remixed review of "All Good Things", the reason why Troi is dead in the future? Worf never should have lent her his car keys.
  • The jabs at Crichton and co's bad luck throughout the Farscape reviews.
    • In "premier":

So let's see; in less than ten minutes, you've been captured, spat on, strangled and tongue-lashed by Zoidberg's badass cousin... and now you have an Arch Enemy. Wonder what the rest of the day will bring, huh, Crichton? If you're lucky, maybe just an anal probe.

(Crichton has just woke up naked in a holding cell) Face it, Crichton, life just hates you.

(A helmeted figure is found sitting at the back of the cell) Better watch it, Crichton; the way your luck's going, it's probably got a spider for a head and shrieks bagpipe music before it sucks out your juices. (The figure removes the helmet) Holy crap, you're locked in a cell with Claudia Black! See, Crichton? It's the cosmos maintaining balance -- and they were even good enough to already take your clothes off! Things are finally looking up for- (She begins kicking the crap out of Crichton) ... Okay. Guess I'm off the mark, unless that poses a more awkward way of approaching sex.

    • In "Nerve":

The only way that this could possibly be screwed up is horribly bad luck. Unfortunately, if you watch this show, you'll probably know that horribly bad luck happens for the Moya crew nine times out of ten. Tenth time, it's even worse.

(Describing Scorpius) ...the most disciplined and calculating mind in the Uncharted Territories, on a first-name basis with pain, and the will to travel from A to B in a straight line, no matter how many unfortunate people might be standing in that path. And guess what, Crichton? You now have his undivided attention. Under the circumstances, bladder release is permissible and, indeed, encouraged.

Meanwhile, Aeryn's treatment is going pretty well: it's stopped her condition from worsening, so they can hold out indefinitely unless something happens with Moya. Anyway, something happens with Moya. To say our heroes are cursed would be underselling it- at least curses usually have a chance of being lifted in some way.

So, for the full scale of just how bad things are: Aeryn's death is imminent, Moya's in the early stages of labour- meaning no escape from the system is possible-, Crichton's locked up in a maximum-security base, being tortured for information, and Chiana and PK Tech Girl have holed up in an out-of-the-way place and hoping that no-one will detect them. How can things possibly get worse? (Captain Crais arrives at the base) The arrival of your nemesis and mortal enemy, of course! After this, the Angel Gabriel arrives to tell Crichton he's the only one God doesn't love.

  • The skit of how "Doctor Bashir, I Presume" might have gone down if that Changeling had still been impersonating Bashir.
  • Chuck mentions in his Dark Frontier review that it has one of the few times substituting his homicidally insane Janeway would probably make more sense story-wise than what canon-Janeway does, leading to how his Janeway would beat The Borg.

Borg-Queen: How can you hope to defeat The Borg in their own lair?
Janeway: With my army of warrior cobalt tarantulas! I've been training the entire hive to become deadly warriors!
Borg-Queen: ... Tarantulas don't have hives...
Janeway: And normally they don't have wings either, but my job is to fix it whenever nature makes an extraordinarily aggressive and terrifying tarantula, and doesn't make it capable of flying up and latching onto your face! Or have an unending hunger for ocular jelly.
Borg Queen: ... Will you stop talking if we just give Seven back?
Janeway: ... Who?

Janeway: I suggest cutting off a random toe from each crew member!
Sisko: I don't think that will help us find the Changeling.
Janeway: What Changeling?

  • From Where Silence has Lease

Nagilum: Hmmm..now would be a good time to learn about death by killing one of you.
Riker: Oh no!
Picard: Oh no!
Troi: Oh no!
Data: Oh no!
Red Shirted Black Guy: MOTHER FUCKER!

  • From "The Wheel In Space" funny bits include Cyberman dancing, and a MST3K shout out. "In the not-too distant future..."
  • From The Invasion: Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart's song
  • His Psycho-Janeway version of why Janeway sent Picard to Romulus in Star Trek: Nemesis is extremely funny and the best part is that it makes complete sense in the context of the movie. Chuck, that wasn't self-indulgent, it was completely hilarious.
    • The buggy scene and the compared opening driving scene of Star Trek set to "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by the Rednex.
    • Playing Captain Kirk's recitation of the solemn vow to not break the Prime Directive over the gun-toting car chase was especially juicy. "Prime Directive? What's that?"
  • His habit of referring to the reboot film as "Star Trek, open bracket, 2009, close bracket."
  • During Mass Effect 2, the running gag

Chuck: <insert name>... is dead.

    • And the name Shiva Shepard.
    • Then there's this gem:

Chuck: Don't listen to him, Shepard. I like your teats--they have weight.

    • Mordin's introduction, with an addition by Chuck that fits the character perfectly:

Shiva Shepard: For the love of God, take a breath!
Chuck as Mordin: Unnecessary! Replaced lungs with organo-sythetic power-aeration syndrome! Woohoohoohoohoohooh!

    • The jokes about Shiva's stiff hair, particularly when used to headbutt a Krogan.
    • Grunt's Loyalty Mission:

The shaman approves of this and sends them on a rite to face the hostility of the surface and survive. No problem; Shepard's survived worse, right? She faced a Thresher Maw on foot! It can't be that bad...

(A Thresher Maw springs out of the ground to attack the team)

Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap.

    • "The hero of Canton, the man they call... Thane...
    • His frequent commentary on Thane's Mr. Fanservice status. "Ladies, did you know that the way of the assassin includes knowing the one true path to the clitoris?"
    • Chuck encounters the Insurmountable Waist High Fence. "What, that's it? Hey, Threepio, you and Sinead O'Connor give me a boost, we'll have this thing beat!"
    • Close to the end of the playthrough, Shepard ends up in a relationship with the Drell assassin Thane Krios. However, prior to this Mordin has warned Shepard that oral contact with Drell can cause mild hallucinations; naturally, Shepard ends up kissing Thane during the love scene, and Chuck speculates that she spends the rest of the trip lying on her bed, singing a rock'n'roll version of "The Day The Teddy Bears Have Their Picnic."
    • Over the course of the final mission, because of a deliberate bad playthrough, Shepard's team is almost wiped out: Jack, Kasumi and Thane are killed on the approach to the Collector base; Jacob gets a missile to the face while trying to shut the doors (leading to Chuck to joke about Shiva treading on one of his eyeballs); the crew of the Normandy are all liquefied; Samara ends up getting dragged away by a Seeker Swarm because Miranda stuffed up their defence; Grunt is killed while leading the second team; Zaeed and Miranda are both crushed by falling rubble while taking down the final boss; finally, Legion is shot dead while trying to hold the line. Apart from Shepard, Joker and EDI, the only survivors of the mission are Garrus, Tali, and Mordin. For a moment, it looks as though Chuck is going to run with the Bittersweet Ending with Shepard mourning over the coffins of her dead comrades. And then...

"So, there we are: nine out of twelve... are dead; Shiva Shepard once again stands in a whirlwind of death, and... ah hell, this is too much. Let's back up the truck, everybody. (Cut to the Golden Ending) There, Everybody Lives! That's more like it."

  • Quite a few moments to be found in the review of The Two Towers, among them the shot of the massive supply of potatoes that the refugees are loading into Helms Deep, accompanied by Sam reciting "PO-TA-TOES!"
    • The numerous jokes as how badly abused Gollum ends up- at the hands of the heroes:

"At least our spine broke our fall, precious..."

    • Chuck claiming that if Elmo were real, he'd look like Gollum.
    • The caption of Theoden on the battlements of Helms Deep, as it starts to rain: "This isn't rain, it's God pissing on me."
    • The annoyed rant at Treebeard's refusal to get involved in the war, even though the villains are guaranteed to chop down the Ents' forests for fuel and industrial development if they win- and they've already started doing both. Why is this funny? First of all, Chuck calls Treebeard "Spinach-Chin." Secondly, exasperated at how long the debate is taking...

Man, going into Afghanistan didn't take this long. Getting out of Afghanistan won't take this long!

    • Haldir's death:

"Blood? Blood on my beautiful armour? You sava- (Uruk-hai slices him across the back) ...urg. And you've got brain on my hair... Uncouth...

    • "Somehow, and I've no idea how, but it seems that Gollum has become bitter over the ordeal shown over the four hours of this film.
    • Comparing Gollum's torture at the hands of the heroes to Grover being interrogated by the Gestapo.
  • This description from his "Fight or Flight" review:

Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the first post-pilot episode, and things actually manage to get worse. We discover Captain Archer is insane and his crew is populated with bizarre phobias and fetishes. Plus, your one shot unstoppable alien menace of the week.

I will look down and whisper, neigh!

"So, the show's creator, Lauren Faust...wait a minute, Faust? Oh come on, that's just being too obvious!"

    • How SF Debris describes how reviewing this show feels to him:

"I feel like Bill Hicks wandering into the Hundred Acre Wood!"

    • "When did the mare in the moon exchange reason for madness?!"
    • "Just kidding, horses and ponies are different. Please don't write me."
    • "...and Pinkie Pie's laughing when confronted with terror represents marijuana."
      • His reaction in Pinkie Pie's introduction: "Ugh, I think I dated her once..."
  • The Noodle Implements involved in non-gendered sex in "The Outcast."
  • After mentioning in his review of The X-Files pilot that the events of The Lone Gunman bore an uncanny resemblance to 9/11, Chuck proposes another idea George Bush might have gotten from a TV show: US Power Rangers.
    • When the question arises as to how the courts could possibly prosecute a supernatural crime, which Chuck then continues in a hilarious fashion.

Chuck: I point you to the disastrous case of Kramer vs. (paraphrased) Gelavan-pah-doi-doi-bloop-ooh-ueh-fwuh-whoop-whululululula which showed how difficult jusrisdiction can be in establishing these cases.

  • The Summoning of Starship Captains:

Sisko: All right, I've called you all here because the situation is grim. The Dominion has more ships then we could possibly hope to defeat on the other side of that wormhole. How do we stop them from taking over the federation?

Kirk: I assume you've already tried appealing the superior aspects of human nature?

Sisko: Of course.

Kirk: And then hit them?

Sisko: Of course.

Kirk: And none of that worked? Huh. Double dumb ass on them.

Picard: Did you try closing it with an inverse tachyon beam?

Sisko: More or less, we can't close it.

Picard: Inverse graviton beam?

Sisko: Still no, we can't close it.

Janeway: Have you tried a show of force, such as finding the founders and destroying the crust and mantle of their world?

Sisko: Someone else already tried that, wrong planet.

Janeway: Well just go and do it properly this time!

Sisko: We don't-

Janeway: No excuses! Just do it!

Picard: What about an anti-proton beam?

Sisko: Still no. To both. Anyone else?

Archer: I told them I told them the Vulcans you can't trust the Vulcans! They run up the flat to the back of the dragon and hold their tails so you can't fly no more and then you can't know your thoughts no more because they've already stolen the wrench to your mind! Mindbomb the mindbomb! It's the only thing that will keep them out of your brain! it stops them coming through!

Kirk: ...

Picard: ...

Janeway: Mindbomb, that sounds COOL! I'm changing my answer to his!

Sisko: I can't-

Janeway: That's two votes for Mindbomb. We win!

Chief: I've got four skin jobs walking the streets.
Chuck: And if there's one thing Gaff hates, it's Cylons.

    • "Oh Rarity, you're my naughty little pony, aren't you?"
      • Even more Hilarious in Hindsight when the next episode that aired after this video went up was Rarity-centric.
  • From "A Time To Stand":

Sisko: [after losing command of the Defiant] I'm going to turn around, and when I turn back, we going to both pretend you didn't just say something that would make me punch you in the throat.

    • The conversation between Weyoun and Jake, where Chuck points out that the Dominion is a society which doesn't tolerate bias.

Jake: I know I reported you're an evil oligarchy bent on crushing the freedoms of everyone in the galaxy, but I didn't expect you'd go so far as to actually stop me from saying it! That's the kind of thing I'd expect from an evil oligarchy bent on crushing the freedoms of everyone in the galaxy!
Weyoun: There you go again with the negativity!
Jake: Well, it's true!
Weyoun: Absolutely not! It's not an oligarchy, it's a theocracy.

  • From Rocks And Shoals:

O'Brien: "Well, Captain, they say any landing you can walk away from is a good one!"
Sisko: "Shut up, Chief, just shut up."

  • The hypothetical dinner conversation from Sons and Daughters:

Kira: "Please pass the salt, you murdering fascist!"
Dukat: "Glad to help you, you crinkled-nose uptight bitch!"
Kira: "So what's on the agenda today? Murdering babies or just fathering illegitimate ones? No offense, Ziyal."
Ziyal: "...Can we not do this?"
Dukat: "Major, is it true that you're so frigid, First Minister Shakaar's penis now has twelve words for snow?"
Kira: "When you go around on your rape sprees, are you worried that you’ve sired so many bastards, you may accidentally be plowing one of them or are you just happy that you're finally doing something with your abandoned children? (Beat) Again, no offense, Ziyal."

Ziyal: "Would anyone like to see my sketches?"

Kira: "I bet your father would like to see your-"

Dukat: "Please pass the salt back... you filthy shrew."

Kira: "Why don't just come over here and take it and claim that it was for the good of the Bajoran people?"

Dukat: "Same time tomorrow?"

Kira: "I look forward to it!"

  • From "Favor the Bold":

Female Changeling: [discussing Odo] Bringing him home, returning him to the Great Link, means more to us than the Alpha Quadrant itself.
Weyoun: So, should we maybe call off this whole war thing...
Female Changeling: Get back to work!

  • From Sacrifice of Angels:
    • After pointing out how Dukat's strategy comes from the Battle of Cannae, Chuck throws in a clip from a TV movie about the battle (with Alexander Siddig as Hannibal, leading to O'Brien saying that Hannibal looked familiar...).
    • Sisko's order into the wormhole after the minefield is destroyed: "I don't expect to be able to stop much more than half of them, but maybe we'll get lucky."
    • This epic Brick Joke:

Sisko: Now to stare down these 2800 ships and...

(The ships disappear)

Sisko: Wha...? What happened?

Janeway: The Mind Bomb happened. I told you: COOL!!!

Sisko: What the hell's in this thing?!

Janeway: ...Secrets? (Beat) It's the Mind Bomb, it runs on the power of the human heart. (Sisko looks shocked) I mean emotions! God, why do you people always assume the worst?

Sisko: So it amplifies emotion and uses it as a weapon?

Janeway: After it sucks them out of you leaving you souless, basically yes. So who should we use it on next?

Picard: The Borg?

Janeway: Way to think outside the box, Captain No-duh! Any other ideas?

Archer: The Vulcans?

Janeway: Nah, Tuvok would be grief-stricken. Unless I sucked out his emotions first...

  • From Waltz:
    • Right before Dukat goes completly crazy over his mind version of Kira we have this hilarious bit: "Roger that Dukat, We are go on completly losing our shit. In three, two, one...

Dukat: Enough!!!

  • The entire sketch from "Code of Honor" about how Worf has named his penis and testicles "courage" and "honor."
    • From the same episode, the "here are the rules of the game" for the fight, as presented by Chuck's impersonation of Lutan's Second.
    • It's time for... Yars Revenge!
    • Don't forget Lutan's feelings about his new friends.

Lutan: "With so much friendship around I feel no need fo my gawds."
Chuck: "Your gods!? I don't need you anymore, vengeful deities, I have REAL friends now. And they don't make me sacrifice bitches or anything. He *Beat*OH! GUARDS."

  • The backstory to "Wolf in the Fold" establishes that Scotty (temporarily) hates all women after being injured by an incompetent female colleague, and that in order to cure him, they have to take him to a titty bar. Later on, Chuck says that since the planet's male security officer falsely pinned the blame for several murders on Scotty, the only reasonable conclusion is that Scotty now hates all men as a result, and must be treated accordingly. Cut to the Enterprise crew attending a bar filled with scantily clad male gladiators (intercutting earlier footage from the titty bar with clips from the episode "Bread and Circuses"), with big goofy grins on their faces.
    • Chuck's opinion of McCoy from the same episode:

Chuck: "Prescribing happy pills and strip clubs. You know, Bones is my kind of doctor!!"

  • From the Star Trek (2009) review, Chuck puts in the Mac start-up sound when Spock enters the Enterprise bridge.
    • Adding to this, "If they were anymore inside a computer, Spock would have to change 'Live Long and Prosper' to 'I fight for the Users'.
      • Later, the reason they can't go to warp is that Sulu tried to jailbreak the Enterprise.
    • Pointing out that person Pike has explain their orders to the crew is the person with a thick accent.

SF Debris (as Chekov): "Remember do not open the kashplachen no matter what! Also do not activate the kershplachen unless the corshplachen first otherwise death or dismemberment may occur, no matter what happens to the goldfish!"

      • Also: "You said it! ...Whatever you said."
    • Chekov not beaming up Amanda:

SF Debris (as Chekov): "Uh... Transporter Chief! What didz you do? I had nozzing to do wiff zis. I was on the Bridge, not doing anyzing related to zis."

    • Chuck referring to the ship as "Satan's Batmobile".
    • "Is this about the cheating thing, the peeping tom thing, or that cockfight I'm running out of the dean's office at night?"
    • Also, this:

Chekov: Captain Spock, detecting unauthorized access to water tube and control board.
Chuck: I suspect it was moose and squirrel.

    • The bit where Spock-Prime loses it with Kirk.

Spock-Prime: Jim, the only way to get control of the ship from my other self is Regulation 619, showing that I am emotionally compromised... but it will be very difficult. I am a rock; I am unflappable. In order to get through, you must have overwhelming douchebaggery in your arsenal; you must convey a sense of smug self-assurance combined with a totally vacuous outlook on the basic humanity of others; you need to be the living embodiment of dickish behaviour- asshole personified. Can you do this?
Alternative Kirk: I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was thinking about how much you stink of spoiled milk and old person.

Spock-Prime: ...Get on the transporter pad, you little shit.

Alternative Kirk: Hey, don't-

Spock-Prime: NOW! Before I put you in an escape pod and fire you back at the Enterprise, you little punk!

    • As Kirk as declared captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I declare that today is No Pants Day!"
    • The bit about Admiral Archer still having Porthos as a stuffed dog and demanding people pet it and feed it treats...

Chuck: "Because that sounds like a crazy person, and that can't possibly be Archer!"

      • Also about Scotty beaming Porthos into oblivion:

Chuck: "Some things just never sound good sober."

Chuck: "I knew Kirk said he knew Archer, but I didn't realize it was because he took Acher's self-defense course! Next up! How to curl into a ball while protecting your kidneys."

    • Sarek's "You can't strangle him yet! You haven't knee'd him in the groin yet! What are you thinking boy!?"
  • From "The Nth Degree", Geordi and Barclay's back-and-forth, especially how the last digit of Pi is "chunky".
    • Also from "The Nth Degree", Chucks conversation with John
  • The Running Gag in "Darmok" of Worf giving a Reason You Suck Speech to Picard and Riker, and explaining The Worf Effect as being a result of them never letting him fight until they've already exhausted every other option, by which time the enemy is always prepared and kicks his ass.
  • Waking up the captains in 'Realm of Fear'. Kirk dreaming about Twilight. Sisko is wondering whether he is Jesus or Buddha. And Janeway is doing something that involves electricity and a loud thud.
  • Also in "Realm of Fear", Barclay is trying to relax in his quarters with dimmed lighting, candles and taped sound effects of whalesong, birdsong and the like...

Barclay: Computer, more birds.
The Byrds: To every thing, turn, turn, turn...

  • The Babelfish version of "La Donna e Mobile" (which is apparently about furniture), followed shortly thereafter with the the Doctor using a "mobile-ay" transmitter.
  • From "Unimatrix Zero"
    • When Tom Paris is re-promoted to lieutenant after 18 months as an ensign Harry Kim, the ensign of six years, speaks up:

Harry: I didn't see a present on my chair.
Janeway: You have a chair?! Tuvok, correct this oversight!
Harry: What? You can't do that!
Janeway: Questioning my orders? Did you learn nothing from Tom? You're demoted to Ensign Junior Grade!
Harry: There's no such-
Janeway glares at him
Harry: ...yes captain. I'll just sit- uh, stand over here.

    • From the same scene:

Chakotay: Open it. That's an order.
Chuck: (to the tune of That's Amore) When some guy Outranks you And tells you What to do, that's an order...

  • The obligatory joke when Dalek Caan performs the emergency temporal shift in "Evolution of the Daleks".
    • He also uses a clip of the Doctor that closely matches the expression of the source of said obligatory joke.
  • Part of of his review of the Doctor Who episode "The End of Time" has the culmination of his "Dammit, there's nothing gay about this!" running gag after one too many Ho Yay moments between the Doctor and the Master.

SF Debris Oh, I can't pretend anymore! It's gay, it's gay, it's so gay! On a scale of one to ten this scores a gay-point-gay! It's so gay, that when mathematically graphed out it forms a fractal of gayness bending over further and further into infinity, like an M. C. Escher sketch of man-on-man action where both men are simultaneously the man on the other man! On the seventh day of Creation, when God planned to create gay, he saw the across time, blinked, then did a slow clap while shaking his head, saying "Well, there's no way I can top that. I might as well take the day off!" even as Adam protested, "You can't stop now. All you've made of the dinosaurs are bones! And what about this Higgs boson thing? You were up all night making all the blueprints. You can't not create it now!"

  • His review of "The Eleventh Hour" continues the "unintentional bondage theme" of the trilogy of reviews.
  • In "Eye of the Needle," Chuck mentions an (almost certainly fake) rumor that Edward James Olmos was at one point considered for the Captain of Voyager. He does address how Commander Adama would have worked on Voyager: dumping the Kazon into space and beating Neelix with a flashlight every episode.

Janeway: [sleeping] Oh, yes! Yes! Launch all Vipers, you dirty, dirty boy!

  • Mirror Archer asking advice from the other captains, represented by pictures of bearded Shatner, Stewart, and Brooks, and one photoshopped on Mulgrew. And Mirror Janeway turns out to be an annoying Granola Girl.
    • The whole thing is a piece of brilliance from start to finish really...

Mirror!Archer: Okay I have a brilliant plan to preserve our empire but Forest is in the way. Options?
Mirror!Kirk: Kill him!

Mirror!Picard: Don't be an idiot. Mutiny, then kill him!

Mirror!Kirk: Ooh even better!

Mirror!Sisko: I could get behind either one really... even kill him and mutiny against yourself, that sounds pretty good! Heh heh heh...

Mirror!Janeway: I've taken the liberty of writing Forest this letter pointing out the various pros in the position and how it can benefit both the empire and himself personally at minimal risk to the ship. You see I made the paper myself using a mixture of raw flax and hemp, fermenting it for weeks...

Mirror!Archer: Shut up.

Mirror!Janeway: Sorry I get carried away sometimes. But look at this caligraphy...

Mirror!Archer: Shut, up!

Mirror!Janeway: Looks like Mr. Grumpypants needs to change into a pair of Happyslacks!

    • Then there's the second part, where Mirror!Kirk gets tired of Mirror!Picard sassing him, and threatens him with his worst nightmare. When Mirror!Picard fears Mirror!Kirk's going to rape him with a giant spider, Mirror!Kirk says he's just gonna shoot him... and Mirror!Picard tears into him for thinking he'd be scared of something so petty. Meanwhile, we finally find out what would make Mirror!Janeway crack:

What in the name of Mother Earth's c**t happened to my brownies?

  • The Coda to the "Tuvix" review, which uses the end of said episode as an intro to a music video about Chuck's Evil!Janeway interpretation... set to "Still Alive."
    • He describes the crossbreed between Tuvok and Neelix's clothes as "demon clothing, something that rips the souls from men and women who foolishly gaze upon it, before going on a rampage where it eats denim and leather and silk and shits out polyester Hawaiian shirts."
  • When Lwaxana Troi spouts her titles in "Haven":

Chuck: Who am I?! I am His Grace, Sir SF Debris, Duke of the People Who Don't Give A Rat's Ass and Knight of the Order of Go Fuck Yourself! And, of course, a viewer with an opinion.

    • Later, he calls her "the daughter of the daughter of the House of Pancakes".
  • In the "Cause and Effect" review, Worf is such a horrible poker player that he's hocked Alexander for gambling money.
  • In the Cowboy Bebop review, using Media Research Failure as an actual joke.
  • Count Dooku gets to do something to Savage Oppress that Chuck has only dreamed of doing to his students: force lightning!
    • In part one of the review he plays a clip in the language Star Wars is meant to be heard—Spanish!
  • In the review of "The Visitor", Chuck shows all the captains talking with Jake about their father issues: Picard sympathizes; Archer gibbers that the Vulcans choked his father to death with a heart attack; Janeway gloats that "she got away with it"; then Reboot Kirk starts up- only for Original Kirk to bitch-slap him for trying to get into the crossover.
  • Despite the serious nature of the Prime Directive Analysis, Chuck does manage to squeeze a CMOF into it. When likening the Prime Directive to nature documentaries, he pulls up a picture of John Hammond saying: "And so the volcano on the island became active and all the animals will likely be wiped out...and it can't happen soon enough for me, by God! I'd have run them all over with a jeep if I though I'd get away with it!"
  • Of course the robots from Gargoyles crash into each other all the time; they were made by Counselor Troi!
  • During the scene in Yesteryear where Young Spock has to choose between putting I Chaya down or letting him suffer, Chuck notes how standards were wary about animals being put down in cartoons. Noting the Scooby-Doo episode where they put Scoob down for being too old, or the My Little Pony episode where they shot Rainbow Dash for breaking her leg.
  • This part of "Blood Fever" review:

Chuck: This leads to a scene that comes straight from juvenile fantasies. With them being cut off, Tuvok tells Tom he has no choice, he must mate with Torres to save her life. (exasperated) That's really something you should put on your recruiting posters.

Chuck (as Picard): Son, as a Starfleet Officer, I'm afraid you have no choice but to take that beautiful alien aside and bone her twelve ways from Sunday. It's part of your duty when you put on that uniform, that you have to take it off again to satisfy the endless lust of four-breasted aliens. Make the Federation proud. Make ME proud.

Chuck (as Paris): Aye aye, sir! I won't let you down.

Chuck (as Picard): Lieutenant? Make it so.

Tuvok: They are following their natural instincts, and I suggest we allow them to.
Chuck: I'd have loved it if Chakotay followed his natural instincts, and kneed Tuvok in the balls.

  • In Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges Picard rebelling against the "ask each captain for advice" Running Gag, getting so pissed off that it turns Janeway on, which of course just makes it worse. This is followed by Bashir concluding that Khan was right.
    • The Running Gag about being unable to say the episode's awkward Latin title correctly.
  • From the review of "Civilisation":

Archer: Starfleet could've sent a probe out here to make maps and take pictures, but they didn't. They sent us.
Chuck: Yeah, that was money well spent, wasn't it? (Imitating Archer) Hey, thanks for sending us out here instead of a probe! We skipped all the rare astronautical phenomena so I could show you this -- a picture of a boat! That's me in the helmet with the horns on it, dumping the mug of beer on Mayweather's head, and Tucker managed to sleep with an alien and not get knocked up for once. SUCK IT, PROBE!

  • The review of "All Good Things", in which Chuck has way too much fun naming the midgets.
  • His ad for Two Guys With A Van villainy services during his review of the Gargoyles episode, The Mirror.
  • In "The Menagerie":
    • After being told the Talosians were forced underground "thousands of centuries ago".

Chuck: Some went underground, and some became cyborgs with a hive mind and left. You'll probably never see them again.

    • The merciless heckling of the Starbase secretary inexplicably being played as The Ditz. "I know outside! It's so big!"
  • In "Ship in a Bottle", referring to Picard as "Captain Cockblocker" due to his hesitance to create a mate for Moriarty.
    • Also why Picard is so interested whether Countess Regina might be doing something illegal;

Picard: Is she doing something illegal? Doing something... naughty? Does she need someone to pull of her bustle and give her a good long spanking until her quivering cheeks... something like that? Don't spare any details!

  • Avatar: The Last Airbender: "Since a comet, being made of rocks, ice, and gases, naturally powers the one element that's not present."

Zhao: I realise my plan might seem insane at first, but if we destroy the moon, we'll cripple the greatest threat we face.
Iroh: Waterbenders?
Zhao: No, werewolves! They're everywhere, I tell you!

    • Chuck calling Aang both "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Charlie Brown" and "Light-Up Aang with Kung-Fu Grip", as well as giving General Zhao "Admiral-I-Set-Fire-To-My-Own-Boats" and "Count Crazy von Crazy".
    • His description of Jun the bounty hunter, ending with "...Marry me, Jun."
  • From "The Thaw":
    • "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a log is just a log. Sometimes a clarinet is just a long shaft of wood you want to grab with both hands, wrap your lips around, and blow for all your worth."
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