Saints Row (series)/Funny
Saints Row
- From the original, as the crew are preparing to battle Tanya, the main character speaks for the first time:
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Johnny Gat: I'm gonna skullfuck that bitch. |
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- What makes that scene even more funny is the fact that it happens in a elevator with calm music playing in the background while Benjamin King and the player are in total silence then suddenly Johnny Gat comes up with this gem.
- What's even more hilarious is Gat's "huh?!" look after Boss says his bit. Up to that point he must've assumed he couldn't speak.
- After a few drinks in the second game, the female Latin boss will call back to this incident like it was the funniest thing ever.
- Speaking of which, when she brings up her balls. Yeah, her balls.
- What makes that scene even more funny is the fact that it happens in a elevator with calm music playing in the background while Benjamin King and the player are in total silence then suddenly Johnny Gat comes up with this gem.
- On a Similar Note, the "True Ending" of the game, where the Protagonist interrupts the final speech with:
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Protagonist: Yo, can we speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitch's. |
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- After the failed Carnales assault on Third Street, Troy lights his cigarette on Victor's dead, burning body while Dex looks on in surprise and disgust.
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Troy: What? |
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- This is made even funnier when it's revealed Troy is an undercover cop. I imagine he and some of his friends have been wanting to do that to Victor for a long time.
- The end of the Vice Kings mission in which, purely to give Warren Williams a "fuck you", Johnny blows up Kingdom Come Records a second time.
- The Freckle Bitch ads are a hoot, especially when she announces a free gift for the girls: a pearl necklace.
Saints Row 2
- When flying a helicopter and destroying the Sons of Samedi's Loa Dust fields, Tobias has this gem if you're not doing so well.
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'Tobias: You know, it's a little bit difficult to fly this thing when it's FILLED WITH FUCKING BULLETS! |
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- It's his delivery that makes it awesome; most of the time during the mission he sounds like a really calm, stoned Danger Deadpan.
- Doubly funny with that mission is the fact you are effectively burning down a pot farm from the air. As Tobias starts to make circles over the fields to make sure you got everything, the screen starts to get fuzzy. It only gets more pronounced as the smoke and fire spreads. That's right, the Boss is high as a kite and and has a machine gun.
- Johnny Gat and Aisha asking you (after coming out of a coma and a possible gender change operation), "Did you do something with your hair?"
- Which culminates in the Final Mission.
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Protagonist: I didn't do shit with my hair! |
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- Johnny's trial in Saints 2 is awesome.
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Judge: Mr. Gat, you've been convicted of over 300 murders. Do you really expect this appeal to work? |
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- Then the Boss enters the room to bust Johnny out and holds up a cop. The cop drops his gun, which discharges. Everyone ducks for cover (except for Johnny, proving how much of a badass he is), but Legal Lee pokes his head out from behind the desk, capping the scene off with another CMOF.
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Legal Lee: Uh, anybody hit and need a lawyer? |
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- In the mission Bad Trip, The Boss is kidnapped and drugged for an "interview" with the high-ranking Sons of Samedi members in the General's limo. The Boss escapes the limo and has to protect the Saints hideout from attacking Samedi... all while higher than a kite. The dialogue during this mission is pretty hilarious.
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"Why is there a little person talking in the phone?" |
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- Some other possible lines in the level include things like the Boss claiming that Shaundi's voice was stolen by a little plastic box, and actually speaking Spanish.
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Shaundi: Holy shit, are you fuckin' high!? |
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- A great moment during that scene was with Male Voice 1 (British) Boss' exchange with Mr. Sunshine. This is made even funnier when you know that the name is in fact a slang in British English as well, and the delivery is just perfect.
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Mr. Sunshine: They call me Mr. Sunshine. |
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- The cutscene after completing Bad Trip:
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Shaundi: Are you sure? They'll probably send more guys to try and kill us. |
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- Which the Boss calls back to... one of the voices when drunk might say "Nobody better call me a fucking lightweight."
- And Pierce shares his thoughts defending the Saints hideout.
- Which the Boss calls back to... one of the voices when drunk might say "Nobody better call me a fucking lightweight."
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"I'd feel better about our odds if our leader wasn't fucking high." |
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- If you wait around for A-Ha's Take On Me to play on the radio, the character will sing along with it. Quite amusing.
- In addition to Take On Me, every character voice gets another song that they sing along to. For example, Female Voice 1 (Caucasian) will sing to Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, Male Voice 2 (Afro-American) sings to Sister Christian by Night Ranger, Female Voice 3 (Latina) sings with Land Down Under by Men at Work... the list goes on.
- One of the funniest ones is Male Voice 1 singing along to The Final Countdown. Funny enough already but made absolutely hilarious because of how terrible he is at it.
- Same with Female Voice 1, she doesn't know the first few parts of it, just mumbles something, hell, maybe all of the voices don't know how to sing.
- Male Voice 2 (i.e. black guy) is hilarious when he sings along to Take On Me, because he gets weirdly excited at the start, and during the final verse he geeks out over the music video.
- On the topic of male voice 2, his reactions while singing along to Sister Christian aren't bad either.
- In addition to Take On Me, every character voice gets another song that they sing along to. For example, Female Voice 1 (Caucasian) will sing to Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, Male Voice 2 (Afro-American) sings to Sister Christian by Night Ranger, Female Voice 3 (Latina) sings with Land Down Under by Men at Work... the list goes on.
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You know those boys don't wanna play no more with youuuu... 'cause you suck bitch! |
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- One of the voices passes comment on a prison break. "I hope Shaundi wasn't high when she came up with this plan."
- For some lulz, get your character drunk, they'll toss out some funny shit.
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[slightly slurred] "Now where can I find a garden gnome? |
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- While on the voices: Male voice 1 (British) while infiltrating the police station in a late Sons of Samedi mission, trying badly to hide his accent to the police dispatcher.
- The Fuzz missions have a few.
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Dispatcher: (sigh) I can't believe I'm saying this... but there's a chainsaw massacre in progress. |
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- When you reach the pirates and ninjas, the battle is dubbed "The Battle of the Century".
- In the Ronin mission Visiting Hours, you must escort a bedridden Johnny Gat out of the hospital full of Ronin attackers. All of the voices get great lines, but this editor's personal favorite is Female Voice 1 (the voice actress' delivery of the line really makes it):
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Johnny: You know, you could have brought flowers instead of people trying to kill me. |
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- Adrenaline mode in the Insurance Fraud diversion causes you to fly much farther when you get hit by a vehicle. It's quite possible to fly across half of Stilwater, randomly collide with another car, and then continue flying about the city, making thousands of cash for every second you're in the air.
- From the secret mission in 2:
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Julius:You look different, did you do... |
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- It goes from funny to downright hilarious if you changed the sex of your character from Saints Row to female.
- After the fight against Mr. Sunshine:
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Boss: For fuck's sake, just die already! |
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- Given the game's tone and suggestive, ah, positions, one of the comments during the Ho-ing activity is this mixed with Squick if you think about it.
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"So... you hungry?" |
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- The Boss and Pierce fighting over radio stations whenever they are in the same car.
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Boss: (after Pierce switches to the classical station) Pierce, when did you get a vagina? |
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- Bonding Experience (Sons of Samedi mission #7) has quite a few.
- For example, the opening cutscene has a moment where Pierce is complaining about how the Saints get their information on the gang [1].
- And another one comes when the mission starts, when Pierce is complaining again to the Boss, ignoring the Samedi helicopter flying above them.
- The fun continues with Pierce changing the radio to Ne-Yo's "So Sick" and tries to sing along, but fails horribly, leading to the Boss making comments like these:
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"This is worse than getting shot." |
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- The Boss, in the intro of The Enemy of My Enemy (one of the final Brotherhood missions), proves him/herself to be the worst ski-ball player ever.
- As in he/she basically starts throwing the ski balls overhand like someone would throw a baseball.
- And still missing.
- As in he/she basically starts throwing the ski balls overhand like someone would throw a baseball.
- Play the Escort or Hoeing activity. You're guarantied at least one funny line per level. Some of the funniest include:
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"So THIS is what I've been missing out watching anime all day!" |
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- One escort had the Asian girl(the one that talks about Japan and other shit) and the mistress (talks about the client licking her feet). It was funny.
- "You're the best."
- When cruising around Stilwater, you may or may not come across some black rappers. If you do, there is a chance that they may bust out a rhyme in the vein of "I spit like a cobra; bitch I'm supernova!"
- Several of the radio ads are funny to listen to, such as one boasting about the positives of using "NUCLEAR POWER!" with testimonials of a woman who brags about getting time off work for chemo and a man with a third arm being 50% more productive at work.
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Announcer: "NUCLEAR POWER! Its the way to glow!" |
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- Then there was the Brown Bagger's commercial:
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Guy (Drunk): Here, Santa brought you a bottle of scotch! |
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- "Reason to visit Rusty's Needles #8: Tramp Stamp Tuesdays."
- "Bling Bling! The term may be outdated, but out marketing department doesn't care."
- "Brass Knuckles, for when you really just wanna beat the hell out of people!"
- The ad for Ship It!, where a Russian spokesperson flubs his attempts to attract people to the store, including outright threatening them and there families, much to the chagrin of the director. The tagline for Ship It! is even "Bad At Marketing, Great At Boats!"
- A bit of a meta example, but the commercials that Gary Busey did to promote the game mix between hilarious moments and the Nightmare Fuel that is inevitable with anything Busey is involved with.
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Gary Busey: (singing) Come with me! You'll be filled with more lead than a toy from China! |
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- Ronin missions generally get a few of these at Pierce's expense. An early one involves shooting up a Ronin-controlled casino with Pierce and Johnny, and the ending cinematic goes something like this.
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TV Announcer: Video surveillance footage captured images of notorious Saints member Johnny Gat and the Saints gang leader in the assault, as well as an unknown accomplice. |
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- Another Ronin mission has Gat dragging a Ronin to Aisha's house after finding him parading around in Saints turf. One failed attempt at interrogation later, the end results go something like this:
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Ronin: I'm not telling you anything. |
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- Johnny being Johnny, he doesn't put up with the Ronin's sass for long and...
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Ronin: I'll die before I tell you anything. |
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- Finally, after Johnny talks to the Boss about messing up a Ronin nightclub, Aisha returns scowling at Johnny and holding a mop.
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Johnny: Uh... can you go on ahead? I... gotta clean up. (He is seen in a later cutscene trying to dispose of a bagged body in a trash can with a disapproving Aisha watching on.) |
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- For that matter, when first meeting Aisha and discussing setting up a new hideout.
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Aisha: "And where were you thinking of having this little meeting?" (Boss and Gat look at each other, thinking for a moment, then start looking around her house. "No." |
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- The Boss is also scared of her too.
- A random funny event while driving with a few of my homies:
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Zombie Carlos: "Uuuuunnhhhhh urraaaaaaggggghhhnn!" |
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- While exploring the mall I came across an area I had never been to that looked like a children's playground. Nothing out of the ordinary at first sight, but when when I walked inside a toy doll house I found a sex doll on the inside! I wasn't sure wether this was hilarious or disturbing, but it sure leaves a lot of interesting questions...
Saints Row the Third
- When chasing (The Belgian) Loren the British voice will shout "Remember Agincourt, you prick?!". It's even better if the Boss is wearing a full suit of plate armour.
- Saints Row: The Third already has one in the trailer for the game. Saying anything about it would spoil the video; but it is worth every last second.
- And the other "warning trailers" about not doing these things in real life.
- In the beginning of the game, actor Josh Birk wants to tag along with the Saints for a bank robbery to know what it's like. So they rob the bank in giant Johnny Gat bobblehead masks. Including Johnny Gat.
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Josh: You're going to rob a bank dressed as yourself? |
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- Judging by the recently release second mission footage, the game seems to be far more lighthearted as opposed to the second game. The Boss and Shaundi share a lot of hilarious banter, and even Johnny has a few moments. Listening to Shaundi scream "ASSHOLE!!!" as The Boss tosses her away, just after catching her in freefall is priceless.
- That's toss her away after jumping out of a plane. S\he goes back for her after dealing with the Syndicate.
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Boss: Bad plan, bad plan. |
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- Each voice has slightly different dialogue, the Russian female is unrepentant in her version of the scene.
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Boss *Catches Shaundi* I return. |
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- As mentioned in the first paragraph, even Johnny joins in on the fun.
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Shaundi: (after being ambushed by Morning Star troops and Gat saying he'll handle them) What about the plane? |
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- Shortly after that:
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Boss: (After Gat comes in over the intercom) Great, who gave Gat a mike? |
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- And shortly after that:
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Johnny: I noticed some of our passengers are getting restless, so here's some relaxin' music for you're enjoyment. |
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- After Kiki and Viola explain that the Saints can live if they turn over two-thirds of their profits to the Syndicate:
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Boss: Listen, you French fuck. |
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- As the mission continues, this exchange goes on over the intercom:
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Johnny: You're gonna pay royal for that, Frenchie. |
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- Finally, as your character has caught Shaundi (during freefall) and deployed his parachute:
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Shaundi: I'm not gonna lie - for a minute, I didn't think you'd make it in time. |
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- The Female 3 voice says this before dropping Shaundi. While the other voices try to make excuses, she says:
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Boss: I'm going to smash through the cockpit, kill a bunch of them and then parachute out the back. |
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- Even better it makes the silence afterwards longer than with the other voices.
- During the mission "Deckers.Die," where you upload yourself into the Decker's user net:
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Kinzie: Alright, you should be seeing a visual representation of the Deckers' user net now. |
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- Later during that mission boss has to play a text-based "choose your own adventure" game to proceed to Matt. This would be funny enough on its own, but Boss will actually give commentary on the players choices.
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"That was a dick move, unicorn!" |
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- Male voice 2's reaction to the option "Look at unicorn".
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Game:It looks like a unicorn. |
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- Male voice 3's reaction as well:
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Is there a lower difficulty? |
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- The best part of the text adventure? In order to move on in the level, you have to kill the unicorn.
- The trailer for pre order content warns that the rapidly changing lights may cause seizures. The trailer itself pulls out all the stops in a bit to do just that.
- When STAG is first introduced into Steelport:
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Boss: What the hell is the STAG Initiative? |
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- Pretty much everything Zimos says, due to the fact that A: Every word he utters is in auto-tune, and B: It actually creates music out of his speech. Z-pain in the house, baby.
- His reaction to Boss calling the painting of him being incredible ugly.
- Pretty much everything Zimos says, due to the fact that A: Every word he utters is in auto-tune, and B: It actually creates music out of his speech. Z-pain in the house, baby.
- Speaking of Zimos, during the Mission to rescue him from the BDSM club, one has to interrogate a patron of the club. Most of the PC's utterances are degrees of disgust. If playing as the cockney male, however...
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Boss: Tell me where the manager is, or I'll beat the fuck out of ya. |
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- And once you get down into the BDSM stable/dungeons/human pony show and are looking for Zimos.
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Pierce: So how we gonna find this guy? Look for the dude who doesn't look pleased to be wearing a ball gag? |
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- And for the mission's final trick, you actually have to escape the club riding a human pony cart pulled by Zimos, in full BDSM gear, while being chased by the Syndicate, who are also riding human pony carts. You can actually shoot the "drivers," but you can also make them explode.
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Zimos: This is a rescue, right; this ain't some elaborate setup for a gangbang? |
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- You later visit the same Club again when trying to free several prostitutes. The plan involves faking to sell Boss as sex slave. We don't know how well the plan went because the next thing we see is Boss naked and totaly stoned inside the club.
- Also the female Brute in a cage during the same mission.
- Pretty sure that's not a female.
- Also the female Brute in a cage during the same mission.
- The second mission you do for Kinzie, you break into a Deckers base, and Matt and Kinzie have what is only the equivalent to a verbal pissing match on Xbox Live. It's pretty funny.
- A. FUCKING. TIGER?!
- Made even funnier that these escort missions show Boss far more afraid than we've ever seen him\her.
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I hope it isn't hungry! |
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- "It's the moment everyone's been waiting for. The Murderbrawl Chainsaw!"
- The fact that the song "You're The Best" starts playing the second you begin your chainsaw massacre also qualifies.
- The entirety of Gangsters in Space.
- The Reveal in the mayor's office:
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The Boss: (walking in on the mayor making out with a stripper) Burt fucking Reynolds!? |
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- And at the end of the cutscene, after Boss expresses his/her glee at meeting the mayor:
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Viola: Quit being such a fanboy. |
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- The actor who plays Nightblade hitting on Shaundi. All of it.
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Boss: Shaundi was really looking forward to meeting you. |
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- He doesn't play along with being kidnapped for long though.
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Boss: Shaundi? |
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- And when s\he meets up with the two Shaundi is still channeling Gat.
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Birk: I felt that the moment we met. That connection. |
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- And when Cyrus appears to take Birk back he offers to lay off the heat on the Saints. Birk though wants to join and again professes his love for Shaundi.
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Oh, no, no, no. Fuck no. Don't even think about keeping that prick around. I will lose my damn mind. |
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- Homies talk among themselves now and certain combinations can be hilarious Such as Josh Birk with Shaundi or The Mayor, though the three together turn Josh into a total Butt Monkey if he wasn't already.
- This.
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Burt: Hey, you're that girl with the reality show. |
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- The "Stay Classy Steelport" achievement, which requires the player to kill enemies using the "Penetrator" dildo bat and the "Fart In A Jar" exclusively.
- In the mission Three Way, since they might die Pierce says they should say anything they want to get off their chest. Oleg mentions he's in love with Kinzie, while Boss, well...
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Male Voice 1: I read Jane Erye 13 times! |
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- Oh hell, the Latin voice full stop. Her reaction to the unicorn killing her in the Zork minigame is priceless.
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Oh no Mr Unicorn why? Fuck you unicorn. |
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- Female voice 1 after the unicorn kills her:
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And my childhood has just been crushed... |
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- Female 1 is good too after you kill it.
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What does the writer have against Unicorns?! |
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- Male Voice 1(Troy Baker)'s line about the unicorn is hilarious as well.
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"Dick move Unicorn, Dick move." |
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- A hilarious little call back during the Zombie mission.
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Viola: Like you ever dealt with zombies before!? |
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- She seems to become a running gag. When Pierce and Boss visit Kinzies home, Pierce notice a news paper article about her on a wall. Pierce quickly removes it with a "i hope she won't notice" face.
- Pierce finding a Penetrator (A giant dildo bat) at Kinzie's place, and messing with the boss.
- Not to mention his poker face when Kinzie finally turns to look at the two clowns, and he's (very badly) attempting to hide it behind his back.
- The Boss' incredibly bad acting when disguised as Temple
- Example
- The best part is that it varies depending on the voice your boss had before being disguised. For example with the Cockney Boss:
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Temple!Boss: So, how are you finding Steelport? |
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- Female Voice 1 will blurt out this gem:
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Temple!Boss: I like men. |
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- The Russian Female Boss will ask Kia if she favors Pierce, while Male Voice 2...
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Temple!Boss: Do I have to issue a direct order to see you naked?! |
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- What makes it funnier, is that KIA doesn't mind and says she's more than willing to follow that order.
- Also what ever respect or taunt you had before starting the mission is still usable, which means you can make Cyrus do a Cancan or act as if he is taking a dumb right infront of all soldiers. Sadly it would have been too much work to give him the lines for them.
- And yes, Temple!Boss will also speak in the Zombie voice if you so choose.
- Finding the different "machines" inside the containers during the Ho Boat missions and Boss reaction towards them. Likewise when trying to escape with the girls, one can be seen hanging onto the container with one hand, the whole flight long.
- Male Voice 2's reaction to switching from hover mode to flight mode in the VTOL.
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Male Voice 2 Boss: It's like a hellicopter fucked a jet! |
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- Any of the voices when they discover jet mode is a Crowning Moment of Funny\Awesome. Half of them quote Top Gun.
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Whoooa, Daaanger Zoooooone!!!!!!
—This is so fucking cool.
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- In Learning Computer, when the Deckers move the computer out on a flatbed truck, Pierce and Male Voice 1 Boss decide to give chase the only way two gangster bros know how: in a tank.
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Kinzie: On no, don't you dare! I don't want that thing anywhere near my computer! |
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- But Kinzie has access to all the traffic cameras.
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Kinzie Okay, following the truck on the street cams, and... oh god, what the hell are you doing?!" |
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- The unique things The Boss says, while enjoying his/her drugged state, during "Pimps up, Ho's down". Doubly funny because he/she's butt naked and gunning down enemies. Like Female Voice 1.
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Boss: It's like living inside a rainbow! |
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- One is also a Lampshade Hanging when Zimos gives Boss his/her guns back:
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Boss: But where do i put all that ammo? |
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- During the mission, the Boss and Zimos share some very... entertaining dialogue.
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Zimos: You know, you're taking this whole naked thing a lot better than I thought you would. |
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- The radio ad for "Cement Shoes: The Musical" is pretty funny.
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- After Gat's death Shaundi is ready for action. When Boss takes up her sarcastic comment to get guns from the armory she gets second thoughts.
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Shaundi: You can't be serious. |
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- The Boss' lines change with every type of voice for him or her. Seriously, there's some really cool stuff there and it's worth playing through with each voice just to hear them all.
- After Matt boasts about how powerful he is, Boss will retort by challenging him to buy a pack of cigarettes. Matt thinks s\he's being ageist in saying this.
- in the second mission Boss bails out of the Syndicate plane as described above. In Air Steelport Viola is there when Boss hijacks a STAG plane.
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Viola: Almost forgot. |
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- Then Boss blows up the cockpit.
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Female(1) Boss: Not cool, plane. |
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- Boss having another moment of hidden depths with his/her reaction towards seeing the Decker's during return to Steelport. The female russian voice downright knows their motivation for the way they are, the latina voice finds their outfits sexy and the default female voice actually knows the fashion designer who made their outfits.
- This part is just funny for some people. In the second game Latin Boss might brag about having the biggest balls in Stillwater. She returns in the third game and in a bid to get to a fleeing Loren she has this giant office ornament ripped out of the ceiling. As it falls a Brute will try and fight her, and she'll go, "Who said you could play with my ball?"
- Pretty much anything the announcers say during "Genkibowl VII" is hilarious.
- After saving Zimos from the gimp show at Safeword, him and the Boss share a nice bit of banter while driving to Angel's casino.
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Boss: Come on, Z! We've got a rescue to mount. |
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- In a nice shout to the second game, early on, the Boss and Pierce will sing along with "What I Got" by Sublime on the radio. All Boss voices sing along, including the Zombie voice.
- Andy Zhen may be a complete asshole, but he has some of the best dialog in the "Gangstas In Space" DLC:
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Andy: "A child could have made that jump! A handicapped child! Who was blind!" |
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- ↑ From one of the 600 guys Shaundi used to fuck