Shortpacked!/WMG
Galasso is an alien.
The stubble growth and daughter are red herrings. The suit is highly advanced for the hair growth and the daughter, well, it's hard to say. This explains several things:
- His lack of knowledge about human society.
- And human sexuality. He had to be told that you need a male and a female to produce a child, despite having a daughter who (ignoring this theory) is assumed to be biological.
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Galasso: "Which ones are the males?" |
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- His apparent inhuman strength.
- Why he has resurrection tech.
- This is most notable as Mike was resurrected within a year after being proclaimed dead. The first in the tank, taking nine months to revive, was Walky. So Galasso had his own tank.
- It could also explain why he burnt the drama tag.
Mike can't remember his resurrection.
He always avoids the topic and never brings it up. The answer he gave Amber was "I died and then I came back to life." But what if that's all he knows about it? One day he was dead, the next he's working at a toy store. He doesn't know and he doesn't want to know.
Lezzie's new cat is actually a Mew.
It looks and sounds exactly like one.
- Jossed: It is the horrific offspring of Choo-Choo Bear of Something*Positive and Sprinkles of Girls with Slingshots.
They both have bright blue eyes, same skin color and hair. It's not an impossibility.
- That would fit. Remember that Joyce's mom mentions that she's given up on grandkids from Joyce's brothers, implying that they're all either sterile or gay.
There's a reason Mike gets so upset in this comic, and it's not just because the guy is totally clueless
It's because he reminds Mike of Dina.
== Ethan, who has recently come out as gay, is actually a closet bisexual, and is just pretending to be completely homosexual in order to avoid having to get Galasso's daughter pregnant to produce an heir to the store. == He thought he was straight until Mike kissed him just to get under Robin's skin, and he has had and enjoyed sex with women in the past. However, when told about some of the things Galasso has made Conquest do in the past, Ethan was visibly squicked out, to the point of spraying himself where the sun don't shine with what appeared to be Lysol.
- It could also be an effort to discourage Robin's attentions... albeit a totally unsuccessful one.
- If he is actually bisexual (and I'm not sold that he isn't just gay), it could just be that it hasn't even occurred to him. He just thinks he's gay and is so caught up with it that he believes all his hetero relationships before that were a mistake. And why would it occur to him? Being gay is a good all-purpose deterrent against Robin's advances, so why rock the boat?
- Just putting it out there that the "risk" of getting Conquest pregnant is a non-issue. She's already told Ethan that she's on birth control.
Ethan, who has recently come out as gay, is actually ace (asexual), but the author doesn't know it yet.
- He actually fits asexuality spot-on, even if he does have a bit of an interest in sex. He seems like a homo-romantic asexual.
- In other words, his love of men is secondary to his love of Transformers and Batman.
== Batman can't actually breathe in space. == Note that, the only time in the strip Batman was depicted as breathing in space, it was a fantasy of Robin's brought on by action-figure card art. Clearly, during her time as a congresswoman, she participated in a secret government project to screw with Batman's mind, and left him with the permanent impression of having the ability to breathe in space.
- Alternatively, the above-mentioned experiment is the source of Batman's ability to breathe in space. This theory follows the same evidence to a different conclusion. Robin De Santo decided to use her sombrero-augmented political power not to screw with Batman's mind, but to correct what she believed to be a fundamental flaw in the fabric of the universe: Batman's inability to breathe in space. Also, note that Batman, while not shown to breathe in space, has claimed to have the ability two more times, and both occur after that Congress storyline, whereas the first comes before it.
- The experiment was implemented by Black Mesa, who already had experience with this kind of operation after giving Gordon Freeman the same kind of ability.
Robin is a grown-up Tomo from Azumanga Daioh.
Their personalities are pretty much identical, and they look pretty similar too. Tomo was planning to join the ICPO; can there be any doubt that she would jump at the chance to join SEMME? And after that, she lost no time finding a new Meganekko to harass.
- So...when did she turn Hispanic?
- When she came from Japan to America. She was poorly localized.
- I think she looks (and acts) more like Yukari.
Mike is alive because he was working with the Martians all along
Think about it: Mike's clearly a jerk who hates everyone. We are led to believe that Dargon and Penny had some sort of Gambit Roulette going that involved transporting various items to military facilities as targets for the Martians, but it makes much more sense to assume that Mike simply wants humanity dead. Why, you ask? Because humanity slaughtered his people and drove them from Earth! That's right: Mike is, if not a Martian, some sort of extraterrestrial who has blended in to human society. Seriously, how many humans do you know who become perfect gentlemen when drunk and recover completely upon vomiting? And then there's Mike's death scene: We don't actually see him get killed, but we do see him telling Joyce to get away before he's dragged into the invading forces, never to return. The end of It's Walky clearly states that the Martians are capable of utterly destroying their targets to prevent resurrection, but Mike is decidedly alive at the start of Shortpacked. Then there's his choice of employment: He likes killing people, so why would he join a toy store rather than get his old job back if he didn't have something to hide? Naturally, Galasso is just a pawn in Mike's scheme to overthrow the planet and destroy all humans. Discuss.
- Alternatively, Galasso found a way to bring back Mike that didn't require any of his DNA. As Mike says, "[Ronald Reagan]'s supposed to be dead, and he's not alone."
- In fact, it could have had his DNA from anything: Maybe Mike lost a tooth, or somebody once pulled mike's hair a bit too strongly, or Mike gave a nickel to somebody's mom... I don't think "completely obliterating somebody" means remotely destroying any blood sample...
- It's fairly explicitly stated, though, that the cloning/resurrection process requires the original's soul, which is why you can't have more than one. It's implied that the Martians' ability to "completely destroy" an enemy does not refer only to physical destruction (which humans are already plenty capable of) but also to rendering the soul unusable for that purpose.
- Mike could be resurrected despite being destroyed by the Martians because he had no soul in the first place, obviating the need for one during cloning.
- Maybe he beat up Satan to come back. Many other individuals of similar levels of evil have done it.
- It seemed implied that the Martians are thorough, very very thorough, but not that thorough as to destroy the soul. Walky went to the same places as all the other souls, and it was more implied that is where all souls go. Even the epilogue implies that Walky had to release his soul from the Cheese back to this limbo before being resurrected. The theory I have is alternative DNA source, see Galasso theory below.
The assumed Head Alien who told Robin about the Drama Tag was actually Sydney Yus.
She proclaims that they haven't heard the last of her. Not much later, a shadowy figure appears and semi-menaces a major character. Coincidence? I think not!
Faz is dead.
The last time he had any part in the plot were in these pages, where we saw him strangled and tossed aside like a sack of potatoes by Galasso. The only time we've seen him since then is in this strip, where he's not perceptibly moving. That's right: Galasso killed Faz and had him stuffed and mounted as a dinner-plate-cover-holder.
- While Faz's latest speaking role is in this strip, do note that he speaks AND USES PARENTHESIS IN HIS SPEECH, and the only suggested motion is the flipping of the page. It is entirely possible that he was not only stuffed, but has a speaker embedded in him.
- Okay, okay, he's not dead... but he was dead and Galasso brought him back to life just like Ronnie and Mike! I'm not mad, I tell you! It all makes sense!
- Alternatively, someone/some robot is wearing Faz's corpse/skin as a suit. Or...OR HE WAS BRAINWASHED! He was MENTALLY dead when we saw him as a dinner-plate-cover-holder, and brought only back out enough to function as temp help! And that's also why he drew the giganto-penis! HE'S BEING USED TO GET AN HEIR OUT OF CONQUEST, WHO IS ALSO BRAINWASHED! What? It could happen. Hell, maybe that's why Ethan's gay. Conquest brainwashed HIM to try and stop the tide of heirs and brainwashings, and the backlash is why his Roadblock stuff talks to him.
- As an alternate "alternately", he was revived not by Galasso, but by Mike. The giant penis in the drawing is a subtle message as to why. Mike brought Faz back to life just to be a dick.
- On a more meta note, Shortpacked!, and indeed the entire Walkyverse exists to get to that point so that someone, somewhere would describe a giant penis as 'subtle'.
Ronnie is the American King Arthur
America, being a young nation compared to Britain or Germany (and their legend about Fredeick Barbarossa), is still deveolping its legendary protector. Ronnie is waiting until America is once again threatened by Communism, and when that day comes, he will rise again to save the USA. In the meantime, he works in a small retailer, the most eloquent symbol of American Freedom, because Ronald Reagan doesn't sleep, boy. He works all shifts.
- Alternatively, he is the Emperor of Warhammer 40,000. He defused the Cold War to prevent the nuclear destruction of humanity in our early stages, and has now faded back into the sidelines to await his next role as he carefully directs the growth of our species. This would definitely explain his immunity to bullets and his ability to break people's legs with the power of his mind.
Galasso is Norman Osborn, during the period where he was "dead".
Just look at him. It's obvious.
Robin is the Goddess of Love
That's why everyone around her gets lovin' and she gets none. She can't. It's against her nature. This is also why she can alter reality, like pulling the drama tag, being a Senator.
Car is KITT
Galasso is an Alien
How far or advance depends on your view. I am tempted, very tempted to believe him to be Head Alien II, or a resurrected Head Alien trying to lay low after his plans failed. This works mostly for the Head Alien I, near idiotic means to take over the world through a toy store, having Mike's DNA, etc. Though realistically, it could be any smarter than average alien under Head Alien who decided to try to strike it out on his own, taking a few things with him.
Ethan will find the TV Tropes Wiki at some point
Or already has. Prepare for more nude pudding wrestling action. Also, I call dibs.
Robin will find the TV Tropes Wiki at some point.
She's a far more likely subject for the fourth wall breakage that will inevitably ensue. Plus, Ethan always has the Transformers wiki. Alternately, she has already found the TV Tropes wiki, and engineered the "Ethan is not gay" WMGs in hopes that the author will say Sure Why Not and Retcon them into a relationship.
- I believe Robin already has found us. She has used the terms Crowning Moment of Awesome and Rule of Funny in the comic. Clearly she's One of Us.
- Fo'Shizzle.
Every character will find their own wiki at some point.
Ethan and Robin will have the Transformers Wiki and TV Tropes, Mike will have Encyclopedia Dramatica, Ninja Steve will have Wiki Naruto, Ronnie will shamelessly edit the main Wikipedia with regards to his term in office, Faz will set up the Faz Wiki (or possibly commandeer a random unofficial Porn Wiki and mold it into a Faz Wiki), and Connie will take up editing of random pop culture wikia. Galasso tries to either take over the Villain Wiki or order it to produce an heir with his daughter, and Car will take up editing Wiki Spider-Man. Finally, Leslie Bean either finds or makes a Congressional Wiki, and puts mention of Robin in every. Single. Article.
David Willis did find the TV Tropes Wiki at some point.
And posted most of these "guesses" himself just For the Evulz
- Willis has linked to this site several times in the comment section (for example: linking to Puberty Superpower during a discussion about the nature of Cutie Marks).
Spider-Car is not Car.
Car can't fit through any of the doors into the main toy store, but Spider-Car can. Car's a jerk, but Spider-Car helps people. Car and Spider-Car have never been seen at the same time. No, scratch that last one.
On the Leslie-Robin-Ethan-Amber-Internet Boyfriend situation:
Amber sleeps with Ethan, reawakening the female-liking side of his bisexuality. Tormented with guilt, she goes to confess to her internet boyfriend while Ethan mulls it over. IB explains that the Carlos Mencia marathon was a suggestion by his jealous ex, as was the alleged pornstache, and they blurt out at the same time that they slept with their respective exes. They either decide to call it a clean slate, start over again with all the cards on the table, no secrets, or they break it off and decide to just be friends again, this time with no UST. Amber goes back to Shortpacked, and if she and IB stay together, she'll give her two weeks notice and move in with him, and Ethan will neglect mentioning his newly rediscovered bisexuality on the request of Leslie Bean. If Amber and IB decide to just be long-distance friends, she and Ethan will discuss dating (with relevant flashback), Robin will announce that she's not at all into girls and Leslie Bean will tearfully leave to come back to help with the final fight against Galasso once he escapes that evening, and move back into their house but in a different room from Robin (though will continue trying to win Robin over). Amber and Ethan become the new UST, and Robin doubles her efforts to get into Ethan's pants.
- Oh god just write the fanfic already
Shortpacked! Is a front-gone-wrong for SEEME.
Mike or his direct superior was in charge, but then Galasso took over, and the events at the end of It's Walky! were never reported to the Shortpacked! branch. Robin had subconscious conditioning to go to Shortpacked! in the event of certain occurrences, to be kept safe under the wing of Mike and whoever Galasso had taken the store from. Not the Mike of It's Walky, mind you. That Mike was this Mike's evil twin (how many puppies have you seen him threaten? One! And Ninja Rick's killed more people than this Mike!) This explains why Mike allowed Ethan to keep Galasso under wraps, while refusing to actively get involved and blow his cover. None of the abductees consciously knew of Shortpacked!, and it's likely that there were other places across the United states (or even the world) in the event of a decentralization in order to continue the fight against Head Alien and his troops where they couldn't all be tracked down.
The world beyond the toy store does not exist
The toy store is a terrarium for the remnants of the human race. Any action that takes place outside the store is really in the attic above or artifically induced hallucinations. This is why the only legal authority we have ever really seen is Robin and that ain't saying much.
- Psssh, I wish. Then Willis might make a toy joke from time to time, instead of focusing on the character relationships... which is not exactly his forte.
Robin is Tim Drake
Batman decided the ultimate way to protect his identity would be to change his gender, wipe his memories, give him a new set and have him/her seek a job at a toystore. Hence the obsession with Batman.
Robin's sombrero can or will travel through time.
And it has 106 other abilities, to boot.
Drunk Mike is an entirely different person whose personality only comes out when Mike gets hammered.
Drunk Mike was a separate abductee whose body was subjected to an experiment-gone-wrong which resulted in his personality and memories being transferred to Mike. Eventually they will be separated into two different bodies. Drunk Mike will continue to work at Mc Awesome's while going steady with Amber while Regular Mike will do what he normally does. The two will then react like any other person does towards alcohol.
- Knew that already.
The Drunk Mike thing was a Break the Cutie ploy at Amber.
Mike has a new idea for messing with Amber and Ethan. Become Amber's boyfriend and let her think she has power over him. This goes to her head and drives a firm wedge between herself and Ethan, and possibly her other friends at the toystore morphing her into a mild Jerkass. When she's driven away all her friends, Mike reveals he doesn't act like a nice guy when he was drunk, and this was just a ploy to crumble the self-esteem Amber had gained by playing on her attraction to men that remind her of her dad.
- Except that Drunk Mike was established long before he showed up in Shortpacked! - Mike could conceivably be taking advantage of his drunk self's personality to sucker Amber into a doomed relationship, but unless the relationship with Dina (which certainly appeared to be one of the only times Mike was not in control of a situation) was part of a Gambit Roulette to destroy the friendship of two people he wouldn't meet for years, there's really no way you can claim that he's faking his inebriated congeniality.
- I find it entirely plausible that Mike could have been faking his happy-drunkenness for years for the sole purpose of springing it on someone when the opportunity seems ripe enough.
Mike is a primal force of the universe.
Hence why he was able to come back from the dead. Perhaps he is the anthropomorphic personification of being a douche, kind of like The Endless: Douchebaggery/Dickishness of The Endless.
Robin doesn't actually have a crush on Amber.
Robin has a crush on Spider-Car, whom she believes is Amber. She's in denial about the possibility of Ultra-Car being Spider-Car because Ultra-Car is a Jerkass.
Amber's hamster is a Dominus
This will explain it all. The other one plays the part of R. Dorothy or maybe Norman.
Lezzie's new 'cat' is a Mew.
It looks, acts and sounds exactly like one.
- You mean Singularikitty? Doubtful. Mew are not known to assimilate matter through their skin.
Robin and Jacob did not actually have sex. They just thought they did.
The video is on YouTube, which does not allow explicit content. Further, the only people actually present were Robin and Jacob - who are both idiots. However, they still _intended_ to have sex.
- Maybe sex videos are allowed on Youtube in Robin and Manley's utopia.
Malaya is the Third Eton
She will lead Shortpacked to its manifest destiny of rejoining Toys R Us and will lead the toy empire into the bold new future of retail.
Amber knew her birth control pills had been switched out.
At the least, she didn't notice "accidentally on purpose" (See also FBOW's Deanna and her BC mix-up)
Well, it's this, or we're being asked to swallow the idea that Amber doesn't know BC pills from breath mints.
- It's not that implausible -- I once woke up with a headache, took "ibuprofen", and when I wondered later why my head still hurt found the pills still sitting there. Closer reflection led to the realization that I had actually swallowed an M&M found at the bottom of my purse the day before and one of the cat treats that were on the table. The real question is why Robin the candy addict didn't notice that the BC pills were neither sugary nor minty.
Mike is alive because the Cheese didn't want him.
Mike was causing so much trouble in purgatory that eventually, the Cheese just decided "fuck it" and kicked Mike out.
Reagan left to go find and apologize to Nancy
He'd been alive how long by that point without letting her know?
Galasso is an alien, who is really Singularikitty who is an alien life form.
Singularikitty!Galasso has time travel tech and memory wiping. He is so skilled with memory erasing that I bet he even can make people forget entries in this WMG before you reach the end of the page! Who would ever guess Galasso could be an alien!
The Amber\Mike Spawn will be named "Dina"
Well it's already confirmed that it's going to be a girl
- Back to Shortpacked!