Siblings/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Runesuck

Rob: Fuck is with those trees? They got dandruff or something? Those fucking trees need some fucking Head and Shoulders. Even though they're trees, they lack a head or shoulders.

Johny: They're magic.

Rob: That's some stupid fucking magic when all it does is give them dandruff.

  • Johny using his player to kill a unicorn on the game.

Rob: You just mind your own damn business when you fuck the shit up for the hell of it. That's horse slaughter! You'll get life in horse court.

Johny: Uh, unicorn court. They get pissed off when you call them horses.

Rob: Like when you call zephyrs Pegasuseseses.

Johny: What?

Rob: Nothing.

  • "Bet I can break a window with it." "Probably." "Bet I can even KILL a man!...With it."

Rob: What the fuck? How the hell did you pull a 5000? That attack looked the same as those zero attacks you kept doing.
Johny: Yeah, but I put my heart on that click.

Johny: There is no pirate stat!...Hey, cool, they just updated it. They added a...pirate stat. Huh, cool, sweet! I can get a peg leg!

Don't Wake Robby!

  • Johny calling Rob a vampire. "Oh yeah, he's a vampire." "Count Robula-a-a-a!"
  • Rob's first dream. "Running back and forth between the houses! (echo) (Beat) What the fuck? Godzilla? (echo)"
    • Cue Godzilla trying to attack Rob and causing a tidal wave.

Johny: You gotta be kidding me.
Rob: I'M NAKED!

  • Rob's second dream. "FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEeeeeeooooo..."
  • When Rob tries to eat the biscuits and gravy but forgets it.

Rob: Wait a minute, they're on the ground. I don't wanna eat this off the ground. One with filth and dog hair all over.
(closes the door)
Johny: Dammit.

Dog Daze of Boredom

  • Rob saying "hi" to Spike repeatedly at the beginning.

Rob: Hi Spike. Hi Spike. Hey Spike! Hi Spike! Hey, Spike!
Spike: If Rob walks by and says "hi" one more damn time, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...
Rob: Hi Spike!
Spike: ...lick my lips and blink.

  • Rob's fake animal noise. "CACTUS!"
  • Rob bragging to Johny about a paper mâché hand he made and making puns about it.
  • This exchange between Rob and Johny:

Rob: Johny.
Johny: Rob.
Rob: Spike's a dog.
Johny: Yeah.
Rob: Dogs like being pettededed.
Johny: RuneScape likes being playeded.
Rob: Play-dough.
Johny: Play-don't.
Rob: Play with yourself.
Johny: No.
Rob: I WIN! Let's bother Spike!
Johny: Kay.

  • The ending, in which Spike commits a Squicky moment offscreen.

Rob: (happy) SPIKE!!

(becomes shocked)

Johny: Ew.

Spike: Do you mind?

Pop-a-Cap!

  • "Hey John, think slow!"

Dan: What the hell, JewBob?
Rob: Uh, IT WAS SPIKE!

(runs off)

Spike: ...STOOL PIGEON!

Half Beard

  • When Rob starts shaving his beard, annoyed:

Rob: Boy, shaving is...
Beard: AAAAHHH!!! WHY?! THE PAIN!!!

Rob: Shut up, beard!

Beard: Okay.

  • "Rugged. Smooth. Rugged. Smooth. I'M SO BRILLIANT!"

Johny: I don't think you're in a mind, period.
Rob: Semi-colon.
Johny: What?
Rob: QUESTION MARK!

  • Before Johny starts playing Rob's "half beard theme" on his guitar:

Johny: Rob, do me a favor.
Rob: What?
Johny: Blink.
(Rob blinks)
Johny: (whispering) Thank you.

Johny: (calling CJ) What? Dude, I'm playing my guitar. I don't wanna play 24/7. You do it! NO!
(hangs up)
Johny: I don't care how many peacock feathers you tickle me with, you damn weirdo.

Johny: Mom, can I get a ride?
Mom: I'm playing my gypsy fortune telling cards. Wanna play?
Johny: Dad, can I get a ride?
Dad: Hm? No, I just got on the computer. I gotta get my solitaire fix.
Johny: Danny, can I get a ride?
Dan: No, JewJohn.
Mason: Da-hee!
Johny: Spike, can I get a ride?

Spike: (grunt)

Johny: AHH!

Dad: Just get Rob to give you a ride.

Johny: No, his half beard's gonna...EMBARRASS me.

Rob: (out of nowhere, startling Johny) HI JOHN!!!

(Beat)

Johny: (sigh) Fine. You're gonna give me a ride, huh? You're not gonna stick around and embarrass me, right? ...You're just gonna stand there?

(Rob runs off)

Johny: Awwww.

  • "That was the decoy Rob!"
  • "Hey, you can't do this! I AM ROBERT WINCHESTER! BROTHER TO JOHNY WINCHESTER! HE WHO SITS RIGHT THERE IN THE BLEACHERS! LOOK AT HIM AND KNOW MY ASSOCIATION WITH HIM!"

Mike: (upon seeing CJ chasing Johny with peacock feathers) Oh yeah, that reminds me.
(pulls out a small pink feather and stares cunningly at Bjorn)

Bjorn: For the last time, Mikey, I am not gay, and neither are you! I think.

Mike: (sly giggle)

(Bjorn backs off)

Rob: Johny, come see!
Johny: Oh, god.
Rob: Reverse goatee is born!
Johny: (groan)

Not-the-Final Fantasy XII

  • "Are we having a party in here?" "YES! PARTY!"

Rob: It's Final Fantasy, John, not Grand Theft Auto.
Johny: Steal that chicobbo!
Rob: I CAN'T! And um, it's pronounced "chocobo".

Johny: That's stupid.

Rob: Johny?
Johny: Rob.
Rob: What are you doing?
Johny: You're connected to the internet.
Rob: So what?
Johny: I'm gonna play RuneScape.
Rob: Oh hell no.
Dan: Bob, stop it! You're making Mason frown!
Rob: What, what? Baby Mason? Frowning?
(Mason looks sad, but changes his expression to concerned)
Rob: Concerned?
(Mason looks happy and giggles)
Rob: Happy? Okay, now you're messing with me.

  • "REVOLUTIOOOOOON! Sky pirate!"

Johny: RuneScape has a story. Well, pieces of a story, in the mini-quests. Why do I have to do all this shit?

Rob: (about Vaan on the game) He's the worst character in the game, so I didn't use him.

Johny: But he's the main character!

Dan: Why the hate, Bob, why?!

Rob: Dude, look at him for a second.

(shows them Vaan on the TV screen)

Dan: Aah, Jew!

Rob: He's Michael Jackson with a stupid haircut. His stomach doesn't even look real.

"Well, let's see, we have red wolf, orange wolf, brown wolf, blue glowing wolf, wolf on fire, wolf with a top hat, Teen Wolf, wolf with a funny mustache, wolf that turns into Link, inside out wolf - and that's not even counting wolfmen."

  • "HOLY SHIT, STOP THE WORLD! IT'S ONE GIL!"
  • "Oh, Vaan, everybody hates you. The way you should be."

Heinous Anus Zone

Johny: (about Rob's imaginary Sonic level) I don't wanna hear this.
Rob: Why not, John? It's such a good idea.
Johny: It's a terrible idea.
Rob: (chuckles) I'm gonna write to Sonic Team and tell them to put it in the next game.
Johny: I'm sure they have better ideas than that.

  • When Mr. T comes out of nowhere startling Rob right after Johny says "Fool's gold."

Mr. T: GRR! Oh, I'm sorry, did I scare you?
Rob: Shit, man, I told you not to do that!
Mr. T: Sorry 'bout that.
Rob: I hate it when people do that.

  • "You never have a good idea." "BLASPHEMY!"

tWHYlight

Edward Cullen: I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dange-- (Beat) I'm a pretty vampire, shut up!

Rob: WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS SHIT?!
Adrian: I hope this could be better.
Rob: I hope this doesn't turn into a musical, but I swear, if Hannah Montana makes a guest appearance, I'm gonna go on a murderous rampage. AND YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIRST!!

Fangirls: WOOOOOOOOOO!

Rob: GRAAAHH!!

  • "Glitter skin, glitter skin!" "I HATE GLITTER!!"

Rob: SHOOT ME NOOOOW!!!
Adrian: Uh, sorry, I forgot my gun.
Rob: Of course you did!

Fangirl: Oh my god, I'm gonna go see Twilight! TV said it's gonna be awesome! WOO!
Rob: Hey, let me tell you something important for a moment - EVERYONE DIES, THAT'S THE SURPRISE ENDING!!
(walks away)
Fangirl: (Inelegant Blubbering) I only bought a ticket...

Don't Sleep, Robby!

  • Johny trying to connect to the internet. "I said you'll never let me down!...STOP LETTING ME DOWN!"
  • "Gotta get on a good schedule, John. On a good schedule I gotta get. Good schedule I gotta get on a." "You're scaring me, Rob." "Fear is the devil's matchmaker, John."

Max: Canadian, eh? Johny? Eh, eh? You're trying to mock my country, John? We got botch hands, that means it isn't better!
Johny: I said "uh". Uh! Like the bad beat machine I am.
Max: Beat machine? Pff. You never played DDR.

  • When Johny happily snuggles himself on Rob's bed, pretending to sleep.

Johny: But Rob, sleeping is good! Good sleep!
(jumps onto Rob's bed and cuddles himself)
Johny: Ah, this bed is so comfy! Oh yeah, it's such a comfy bed!
Max: You're enjoying yourself there, Johny?
Johny: Oh yeah, the pillow, the pillow! Feels so good to be so sleep!

  • "I'll be back!" "To the future." (Beat) "God dammit."
  • "All the effort wasted? DAMMIT! AAH! (crash) Dammit, who put my stereo here?!"

Max: Ooh, sounds important, should I be writing this down?
Rob: You haven't been??

  • This exchange:

Johny: You were sleeping!
Rob: Nah, I'm staying awake. I'm zoning.
Johny: Sleeping!
Rob: Zoning!
Max: Meditating!
Rob: Mediating!
Max: Meteor!
Johny: Sleeping, I said!

Rob: You know what makes for a terrible pillow? The laptop keyboard. Especially one this fucking hot.

  • When Rob realizes he accidentally stepped in the burrito. "Ah, dammit, I forgot my feet were dirty from the burrito! Ah, gross, it's all over the carpet!"

Johny: Haha! I finally found the perfect way to make Rob go to sleep! More perfect - wait a minute! I said this already! That exact line! This has all happened before, I swear it! Dammit, screw this, this déjà vu shit's freaking me out! Time for me to go crawl on the fetal position on my bed! Why am I in this closet when I plot, anyways?

  • When Johny sees Rob finally going to sleep at the end. "FINALLY!" (Whap!) "Dammit!"
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