Sorting Algorithm of Mortality/WMG/Web Original

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Wild Mass Guesses about the Sorting Algorithm of Mortality in Web Original. See Sorting Algorithm of Mortality/WMG for the entry key for the lists.

There Will Be Brawl

  • Luigi
    • Row 1: Age: Older and Wiser. (5) Not a good start.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. (3)
    • Row 3: Role: Protagonist, and closest we'll probably get to a Hero in the story. (1)
    • Row 4: Race:Caucasian. (1)
    • Row 5: Aesthetics: Pretty average looking. (3)
    • Row 6: Flaws: Typical gritty Noir character. (4)
    • Row 7: Virtues: Specifically described as the "smart one" (3)
    • Row 8: Species: Human. (3)
    • Total divided by rows: 23/8 = 2.875. He probably has the best chance of surviving the final showdown It looked a little iffy there during Episode 10, but he makes it out alive.
  • Link
    • Row 1: Age: Also Older and Wiser. (5)
    • Row 2: Role: While not a major villain, he plays a definite antagonistic role throughout the series. (5)
    • Row 3: Race: Caucasian is close enough. (1)
    • Row 4: Aesthetics: Not the Bishonen he once was, but still pretty ruggedly handsome. (2)
    • Row 5: Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold. (3)
    • Row 6: Flaws: Fallen Astray. (4)
    • Row 7: Species: Hylian, which for all intents and purposes equals "human." (3)
    • Row 8: Occupation: Police chief. (4)
    • Total divided by rows: 27/8 = 3.375. Ouch. Yeah, Zelda's (quite literal) backstab in Episode 9 and eventual death in 10 was pretty much unavoidable.
  • Captain Falcon
    • Row 1: Age: Again, Older and Wiser. (5)
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Gay. (4)
    • Row 3: Role: Mauve Shirt seems the most fitting. (4)
    • Row 4: Race: Caucasian. (1)
    • Row 5: Aesthetics: Not Average, but not The Cutie. (2)
    • Row 6: Personality: The Captain. (Duh.) He takes charge of the situation when the need arises. (2)
    • Row 7: Flaws: Gritty as well. (4)
    • Row 8: Species: Human. (3)
    • Total divided by rows: 25/8 = 3.125. Things aren't looking so good for him... He survives the final episode just fine though.
  • Red
    • Row 1: Age: Teenager. (2)
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Most likely straight, it's been confirmed he has a girlfriend. (3)
    • Row 3: Role: Mauve Shirt-slash-Plucky Comic Relief. (4)
    • Row 4: Race: Caucasian. (1)
    • Row 5: Aesthetics: Most definitely The Cutie. (1)
    • Row 6: Personality: Selfless, naïve, and idealistic. (5)
    • Row 7: Virtues: The Pollyanna. (1)
    • Row 8: Species: Human. (3)
    • Row 9: Occupation: Friend of Luigi's, and the main group's Tagalong Kid. (4)
    • Total divided by rows: 24/9 = 2.64. The lowest score out of the entire cast. Not even the main characters saw his murder coming.
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