Star Trek/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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Space... the funny frontier?


Star Trek (2009)

  • Scotty gets most of the funniest lines in the film (it helps that he's played by comedian Simon Pegg): "Can I have a towel?" "Do they still have sandwiches?" "I like this ship! It's exciting!", "engineering parlance", etc.
    • The scene where Spock is attempting to interrogate Kirk and Scotty, who have arrived on the ship mid-warp.
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Spock: [To Scotty] Are you in Starfleet?
Scotty: [Soaking wet] Uh, yes -- can I get a towel, please?
Spock: Under penalty of court-martial, I order you to tell me how you got aboard this ship.
Scotty: Uh...
Kirk: Don't answer him.
Spock: You will answer.
Scotty: ... I'd rather not take sides.

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      • The towel comment was an ad-lib that the cast thought was so funny, it took all of Zachary Quinto's willpower to not corpse after everyone else had. The final scene that made it in the film has his mouth just twitch enough to pass.
    • "The notion of transwarp beaming is like trying to hit a bullet, with a smaller bullet, whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse!"
  • Kirk's allergic reaction to the vaccine injection.
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McCoy: Ah, Jim, you're awake *looks at Jim's hands* Good God, man!
Kirk: What? *looks at his hands* [hilariously] Eeeh! *raises hands; both are swollen* What the hell is this?

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[later]

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Kirk: ... and wath da sip womulan
Uhura: Was the ship what?
Kirk: Womulan... *To McCoy* wath' happening to my mouth?
McCoy:"You got numb tongue?"
Kirk: "NUMBTONGUE?!"
McCoy:"I can fix that!" [injects Kirk with Hypospray]
Kirk:"Owww!" Lather, rinse, repeat. "Stop it!"

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  • And let's not forget Kirk actually losing the hot lady, in this case Uhura to Spock!
  • Chekov had a few moments : "W-w-v-v-w-victor, W-w-v-v-w-victor", and racing down the hallway yelling "I ken do zat! I ken do zat!" Go, Chekov!
  • Look in the background when Scotty is first introduced. He has a pet Tribble in a cage. No wonder he's so hungry!
  • Bones as aviaphobic seatmate:
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Pike (voice): This is Captain Pike. We've been cleared for takeoff.
Bones (to Kirk): I may throw up on you.
Kirk: Well, I think these things are pretty safe.
Bones: Don't pander to me, kid! One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds! Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats! And wait till you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles! See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding! Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence!

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  • When Scotty said he'd tested his new transporter theory out on Archer's beagle!
  • "How old are you?" "Sewenteen, sir!" ...aaaaaand cue Bones' exasperated sigh and "Oh good. He's seventeen!"
  • "Is the parking brake on?"
    • "Have you disengaged the external inertial dampeners?" "Oh." (Meaning that yes, he did leave the parking brake on!)
  • "So her first name's Nyota?" "I have no comment on the matter."
  • "STOP THAT!!" and the Kobayashi Maru scene. If you watch closely during the opening of the later, you can juuust tell Uhura is being sardonic, and would really like to chew Kirk out.
  • Spock Prime: "I am Spock." Kirk: "... Bullshit."
    • What makes it hilarious is that Kirk isn't boggling at the implied time travel, but at the idea that he and Spock could ever be friends.
  • Also when Olson (who happened to be wearing red) died, Chekov, in his adorably genuine stunned voice, states that Olson is dead.
  • Spock to saying "Live Long and Prosper" to the Vulcan Science Academy, you can see the hint of satisfaction in his face and the way he says it, he might as well be flipping them the bird.
  • Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!?! (From Bones to Spock, with Vulcan pronounced so it sounds like a Precision F-Strike)
  • "Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero."
  • Kirk and his apple during the Kobayashi Maru scene. When he blatantly cheats, he does it with style.
  • After meeting Spock for the first time:
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Kirk: Who was that pointy-eared bastard?
Bones: I don't know, but I like 'im.

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  • The bloopers on youtube, especially the end with Pine and Quinto doing a scene with outrageous accents.
  • The Oh Crap look Kirk has when he hears Sulu's training is in fencing. Even if it turned out not to be sports kind.

Expanded Universe


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Well, that solves that dilemma.

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  • The entirety of the Star Trek novel "How Much for Just the Planet?" Highlights include: tossing Klingons down laundry chutes, an insane computer with a milkshake fixation, the barbarian tribe that captures Sulu and McCoy and promptly breaks out into a Broadway musical number, the Klingon film noir fan, and last but not least, the Klingon vs. Starfleet pie fight.
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Blueberry, Kirk thought instead of ducking.
Splat.
Blueberry it was.

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    • McCoy explaining why he, Sulu, and two Klingons won't Kneel Before Zod (the evil queen)?:
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McCoy: Well, it's against Mr. Sulu's religion, these two gentlemen (the Klingons) already have a dictator, and I'm a Democrat.

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    • McCoy demands to know why Sulu woke him up to go on an adventure at dawn. He asks why he didn't go to Chekov.
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Sulu: I tried Pavel's door first. Whatever he said to me was all in Russian. I understood the gestures, though.

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    • The Scotty VS Klingon golf match. Chekov and another Klingon are caddies. It all culminates in the lot of them being fired at, and Chekov and one Klingon rushing into battle with golf clubs while Scotty and his opponent grumble good-naturedly about their younger friends and follow.
    • Through a series of complicated events, Kirk ends up locked in a closet in a cat burglar outfit which is much too small for him. He breaks out of the closet, tearing the outfit in the process. He takes the destroyed costume off, but isn't too happy about the prospect of running around a hotel in undershirt and shorts. The only other article of clothing in the closet is a dress. However, it's also torn, which brings us to this line:
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He took a long look at the red dress, was rather thankful it was so badly torn up, saving him a tough choice.

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      • So apparently, if the dress hadn't been torn, Kirk would have seriously considered wearing it around the hotel.
    • Bones McCoy was Not a Morning Person.
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Bones: Plerg hrafizz umgemby, and coffee.

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  • Ibid. for the TNG novel Q-in-Law, in which Q and Lwaxana Troi meet. Just the tagline should give you some idea: "Two of the most powerful forces in the galaxy are about to collide..."
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Riker: She's really beating the stuffing out of him. What should we do?
Worf: Sell tickets.

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(Character whose consciousness is now in a computer: A Level 3 diagnostic is like a gynecological exam from head to toe.
Soleta: (raising hand) Captain, requesting permission to forget what I just heard.
Calhoun: Granted, and I'll be following you.

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17822 was a very interesting year on Ferenginar. In that year alone, over twenty thousand Grand Nagi held office; the Ferengi Financial Exchange crashed 3152 times, while setting 12322 record highs; there were 41098 civil wars; an unknown number of Ferengi-incited interstellar wars (estimates are in the millions); and the Ferengi sun went nova at least one a week.
In other words, 17822 was the year Ferenginar discovered time travel.

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