Sweet Jade and Hella John

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John and Jade do stuff. —MS Paint Fan Adventure website summary for Sweet Jade and Hella John.

Sweet Jade and Hella John is a deliberatly badly written fan adventure of Homestuck by Great Pikmin Fan, obviously inspired by Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. It's also the fourth installment of the SBIG series and the Spiritual Successor to Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals (especially given how Millennium themselfes make an appearance). The story itself is rather confusing: Currently, it's in the middle of a Mario Intermission where John and Jade are playing some kind of immersive game where they dress up as Mario brothers and enter a system of eight planets to defeat one The Evil. The thread can be found here, the mirror can be found here.

Possible spoilers below!

Tropes used in Sweet Jade and Hella John include:

• Arc Number: 616 in a similar manner to 413/612/1025/111 in Homestuck.
• Ascended Extra: Nepeta, to the point where it's implied that she's orcastrating something big.
• An Ice Person: Both the Crystal King and the Ice King appear. The former kills the latter, however.
• Artifact Title: Around the latter parts of Intermission Act Two, the story actually starts to resemble Problem Sleuth more than Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
• Art Evolution: More like de-evolution, but the same effect is given. At first, only copy-and-pasted art is used for most characters, but then they get SBAHJ-styled sprites that progressivly get crappier.
• Author Avatar: A green Pikmin without any features. He sometimes speaks directly to the audience in his own quirk.
• Beige Prose: Occurs occasionally.
• Biological Mashup: Darkhorse is half skeleton monster, half horse.
• Bloodless Carnage: In the beginning, although it's played for Stylistic Suck laughs rather than censorship reasons. Dead people, like a certain point in Trol Seasson, are drawn normally but with Xs over them.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall:
  • In one point, while Jade was accidentally sent back to World 1 and attempts to catch up with John, she somehow ends up briefly running through Great Pikmin Fan's room while he's explaining the inspiration for that particular scene. GPF himself questions exactly how Jade got in there, but this isn't answered.
  • Rip Van Winkle blatantly asks FIRE John to speak in a more readable text color than white. Similarly, back in Intermission Act One, Jade insists that John "tolks the Pincess in pink." [sic.] Both of these where spoken conversations, not typed.
  • Once John and Jade finally meet up, John remarks that if the mario session was a play this would be the end of act two. Jade answers with "not yet." This is about half of the way into Intermission Act Two.
• Censor Box: On everything naked.
• Chekhov's Gun:
  • The yellow ship John and Jade ride on. It is later used as Stan's battle field during the first Fox Crew arc, and then sent to Troll Town by the Captain and ridden by the trolls. Its current wereabouts are unknown. It also reappears in Intermission Intermission, wherein there's a nuke Jade threatens to kill everybody with, and by an accident everyone dies. Whether or not there's actually a nuke on the real ship is unknown.
  • Early into IA2, Jade captchaloges a random vacuum cleaner. Four hundred and seventy pages later...
• Chekhov's Gunman: In Intermission Act One, Hank Hill seems to be a one shot side character used for the sake of a joke. Then he kills Vriska's doctor, and is revealed to be the leader of the FOX Crew with said doctor actually being a part of a rival group, the Millennium.
• Demoted to Extra: Vriska, opposite of Nepeta, turns from one of the most important characters in Homestuck who deliberatly tries to force herself into the plot into an Earl expy early on in the comic. Lamshaded in the Shipping Intermission when Tavros asks Vriska what the last big plan she had was. She answers with a long pause, followed by a "fuck you."
• Damsel in Distress: The Pincess [sic].
• Ensemble Darkhorse: Darkhorse is a parody/in-universe example. He's the only member of the Millennium Hank Hill actually likes.
• Epic Fail: Karkat promises to direct Jade to a pipe leading to World 8-4 is she can help him get a rare card for a duel match. But it turns out, he sent her to the wrong pipe. A pipe which leads to the beginning of the game. Jade... isn't happy about that.
• Evil Twin: All of the human and troll kids who were post-scratch players in canon are seen as this, whereas their pre-scratch counterparts are the "good twins." It's currently unknown exactly why they are reffered to this way, especially since there's oddities like Feferi being the "evil" twin while Meenah is the "good" twin, even though their personalities say otherwise. Also, Yoshi has one, which actually stemmed out from a suggestion that was supposed to compromise with there only being one Yoshi but two kids to ride him.
• Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Boobs.
• Excuse Plot: The entire series of events is set off just because John, one day, randomly declares "fuck, let's be... MARLIO AND LULIGUI."
• Fanfic: The Shipping Intermission is revealed to be a fan fiction... by SpongeBob SquarePants. Who is wearing shades. Which arguably raises more questions.
• Foreshadowing: In the Shipping Intermission, Vriska asks Jade if she's going to nuke everybody. Her responce? "not yet." Granted, she doesn't do the nuking, but still.
• Four Lines, All Waiting: Several instances in Intermission Act 2. It's gotten to the extent that Good Yoshi, priviously a semi-regular, had vanished for over a hundred pages before John and Jean finally hear of him again.
• Full-Frontal Assault: One of the films in the Ice World's dating theater is about a man robbing a bank naked.
  • And another is about a nude woman ghost/monster thing who is supposedly invincible.
• Gag Boobs: Jane and Jean are both implied to have "freakishly large boobs," although this isn't visible from the typical sprite style of the characters. As of now, Jean has only appeared remotley busty during a series of updates where John actuallys grabs her breasts to check if they're real (not as dirty in context), other than that both of them look flat chested.
• GIS Syndrome: Like its inspiration.
• Good Bad Bugs: In-universe. The Mario game has a few, which are exploited by the characters. Such as the backwards long jump being possible again.
• Groin Attack: Actually happens to a girl first.
• Jorney To The Center Of The Mind: Dream related mechanics show up late into Intermission Act Two. For instance, Cobalt and Gold Nepeta have the power to enter people's dreams. They even both give FIRE John an Inception by giving him instructions to a back entrance in World 8-4 in a way that he will remember them.
• Kill'Em All: The Shipping Intermission ends with everyone getting nuked after a miscalculation. The events prior to the nuking weren't going too well either: Vriska, Tavros, Gamzee, Karkat, Terezi, Dave, Aradia, Rose, and Eridan were all killed before the sea gets nuked.
• Late Arrival Spoiler: Several spoilers for Homestuck are given away without much warning, so it's strongly advized to read through just about all of Homestuck before getting into Sweet Jade and Hella John. For instance, the very first command given in SJAHJ is basically what John and Jade were doing by the end of Act Five.
  • Not exactly Homestuck related: Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals's first AN warns that it will give away a certain spoiler in chapter 4. (Namely, Walter is a traitor.) SJAHJ, however, reveals this exact same certain spoiler casually once the Fox Crew's hit list was seen. While Walter is drawn in such a manner that he could resemble Rip, who wasn't on the list at first, the description pretty much reveals it further.
• Me's a Crowd: Use 1-ups right, and you'll end up cloning yourself. Which is done accidentally to John. One of the Johns gets a fire flower and becomes FIRE John Egbert, avoiding confusion until he loses the powerup.
• Mind Screwdriver:
  • Intermission Act Three begins with Jade reading a GameFAQs entry written by the author in conherant text, explaining the mechanics of the game a little.
  • A few pages after, GPF (the author, not the avatar) actually draws a map of the inward jorney area to show exactly how it works.
• Motive Decay: The Millennium are a group attempting to take over the economy in Lawful Evil methods, rather than a Chaotic Evil group of Neo-Nazis. There is supposedly a reason for this, which has not been revealed yet.
• No Indoor Voice: The Captain, along with speaking in all caps like he did in Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals, also speaks in rediculously large text. Although subverted when the Waterwraith tells him to quiet down. He does, but his text is still written in all caps, impling that he's still screaming, only not as loudly.
• No Nudity Taboo: Homer Simpson. (Don't ask.) Also the naked bank robber and the curser woman. For all three of them, this is Played for Laughs more than it is for fan service.
• Nuke'Em: The ending to the Shipping Intermission.
• Nosebleed: Happens to Jade towards the end of Intermission Act One, which leads to the separation arc of the titular duo in early Intermission Act Two. Oddly, this is the only point in the comic that human blood is drawn as dark red.
• Number of the Beast: 616 is a bit of an Arc Number here. One notable example is that the version of the Mario game John and Jade are beta testing is V6.16, which is the reversion where the developers decided to try to make the game constructs be as life-like as possible. They succeeded. Too well.
• Only Sane Man: Dave. Even the narration clears when he "be" him or "see" him. Rip also continues playing this from Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals.
• Painting the Fourth Wall:
  • During the "Sweet TROLLS and Hella MORE TROLLS" segment, the arrows were turned into "============>" (which became "=============>" after the introduction of Other CG). Also (forum only), the thread title always remained as STAHMT, with the subtitles still being added.
    • After Jean's introduction, the arrows change from, "==>" to "=-=>."
  • Mirror only: In most cases, the "hide" text for a spoiler is "CLOSE THIS SHIT." However, when we're as Dave or Rip narrates, "Hide X" is used instead.
• Pet the Dog: During World War II, the Condecse was actually on the side of the Allies.
• Platonic Life Partners: Take a wild guess.
• Porn Stash: Jade's Boobs magazines. She seems to have no problems with reading it in front of John, though. Jake also owns some magazines in this series, and during the Shipping Intermission, just about everyone accuses Jane of owning Boobs's Spear Counterpart Penis.
• Rainbow Speak: Parodied. So John and Jade have to kill The Evil, save the Princess, and get the kiss from her. Jade was told of this from a helpful informant. Also, later on we have a kickass reward that the Nepetas appear to be after.
  • Jean's exposition in Intermission Act Three to Jade avoids this, using underlining for important terms. Although this really serves as a Shout-Out to the early spritelogs with Nannasprite.
• Running Gag:
  • A character denying any Jade/guy pairing because Jade is a lesbian.
  • John fainting at the mention of Rose. The first time this happens, amusingly, Nepeta snaps him out of it before he faints.
  • "Show [Person or type of person group]log" sometimes, replacing pesterlog or dialoglog.
  • To a lesser extent, in the Shipping Intermission, a few characters get sliced in half, Eridan not being one of them even though that was how he died in canon.
• Sailor Earth: Elitaa is a parody.
• Screw Yourself: Subverted. John has a dream where his female counterpart tries to make out with him. He respondes by kicking her in the groin. When he sees Jean, who resembles his female counterpart, he does the same.
• Self-Deprecation: IA3's opening is Jade reading Great Pikmin Fan's walkthrough on the fictional Mario game. It basically Flanderizes GPF's own writting style, and in the page after the narrator comments that Jade can't understand his walkthrough because he takes too long to get to the point.
• Sequence Breaking: Jade attempts to do this in Intermission Act 1, by taking her and John to the Warp Zone to skip the first seven worlds. This doesn't exactly work. Especially for Jade.
• Ship Sinking:
  • Jake and Dirk's very first on screen conversation basically blows any chance of the two getting together. Jake doing it in a blunt manner doesn't really help.
  • Nepeta/Karkat after the former realizes the latter is dating a human. Prior to this, there was actually some chance of them getting together, assuming Nepeta breaks up with John first.
• Ship Tease: Sweet Jegus, where do we begin on that. John/Jade is by far the most teased couple (even though Jade's a lesbian), with John/Dave supposed to follow that.
• Shipper on Deck:
  • Karkat ships John/Jade. And agressivly, at that. Though he really just doesn't want any troll/human relationships and he quickly picked up on their... closeness.

FCG: YOU KNOW YOU JOHN N JADE IF YOU SUCH FRENDS YOU SHOULD STOP DROOLIN OVER TROLLS AND WHY NOT JUST FUCK EECHOTHER?

• • Roxy seems to ship Dave/Jade, at least in the Shipping Intermission. (Though an offhand remark from the White Text Guy at the end of the intermission implies that this applies to Roxy in the actual SJAHJ verse. She also might ship John/Rose.) Except that Jade's a lesbian and Dave... well, that's unknown as of now. Roxy cuts Rose off just as she was about to explain, with a loud "DON'T REMIND ME."
• Shout-Out:
  • The Shipping Intermission has one to Of Mice and Men.
  • Spongebob's "B^U" smiley. Might also be a Take That.
• Comic Within a Comic: Coolstuck, a comic by Dave about 3 guys who play a game. Just as SJAHJ is supposed to be Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff with Homestuck characters, CS is supposed to be Homestuck with Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff characters. Also, Dave was the writter of this universe's versions of Jailbreak, Bardquest, and Problem Sleuth.
• Shrug of God: Great Pikmin Fan himself is unsure as to what the hell the Shipping Intermission is supposed to symbolize outside of foreshadowing a few events later on in the comic. He also confirmes a few times that occasionally he just makes stuff up about the story.
• Sibling Rivalry: John and Jane are rather... competitive in the Mario game.
• Slapstick Knows No Gender: Between Jade having a modis that repeatedly punches her (as well as getting a nosebleed which leads to being punched off a ship), Kanaya getting hit in the face with Vriska's butt (it makes less sense in context), and Jane getting kicked between the legs before anyone else, it's safe to say that no female character whatsoever is safe from SBAHJ-esque shinanegans.
• Stealth Pun: The Shipping Intermission's ships are not-so-subtle puns:
  • The ship Dave starts out in is massive and called the S.S. Slasher.
  • Rose (and Roxy) are riding a plush of Shrek, an orge, with needles in its eyes. Sound familiar?
  • Karkat's (stolen) ship bears the logo of communism. Hammer + sickle, their weapons in both Homestuck and SJAHJ.
  • Jade's ship is the yellow ship from the beginning of SJAHJ. Also nicknamed a "Prospit Ship" even though Prospit doesn't exist, reffering to John and Jade's dream moon.
• Strait Gay: Jade and Jean.
• Strip Poker: Cleveland Brown and Tubalcain Alhambra are first seen playing this, even though they're supposed to be fighting.
• Stylistic Suck.
• Tank Goodness: The first (and so far, only, barring the Intermission Intermission) page with Rose and Roxy shows the latter in a tank. What exactly is going on is unclear, but Rose looks worried.
• Theme Initials: Hank Hill and Rip Van Winkle's chumhandles (rightWorker and hellishHuntress, respectivly) have eachother's initials.
• Toilet Humor: The later part of Intermission Act One. Which leads you to wonder exactly what John was doing with a laxative.
• Totally Radical: The titular two characters. Was originally supposed to apply to nearly everyone, but the author decided against that, attempting to keep the other characters more true to their canon selfs. Except Kanaya, who fell victim to John and Jade's characters only not as badly.
• Troll: Spongebob Squarepants.
• Where the Hell Is Springfield?: Four hundred pages in, this is finally averted when Author Avatar GPF's walkthrough of "Mario" shows that John, Jade, and Hank live in Texas. The Striders presumably live there to, and John's house is within walking distance from their residence. (As Dirk was able to walk over by the portal where John's house was pre-entry and entered the session.)
• The Worf Effect: Bowser, getting killed offscreen very early into the story by The Evil, and with The Evil taking over as the villain. It's somewhat like the Prospit vs. Derse war in Homestuck.
• Would Hit a Girl:
  • At one point, when Jane and Jake are guarding the entrance to World 8-4, the command is given (to no one in particular) to punch them in their faces. John punches Jane (although he appears to punch her side rather than her face) without hesitation. But Jane punches him back, and due to being at a higher level, she takes out way more health than he does to her.
  • John accidentally kicks Jane in the groin in his sleep. After her screaming from the pain wakes everybody up, John appologises to whoever he kicked... although after finding out who it was, he responds with "oh. it's you." in a less apologitic expression. He later kicks Jean in the groin, only this time it's very intentional (but caused by a misunderstanding).
  • Eridan attempts to outright murder Terezi in a duel by opening fire on her... before Feferi walks in and slaps him.
  • There are only two women in the Millennium, and Hank seems to be hell bent on killing one of them more than any of the other members (even the leader). The other woman is sliced in half by her own weapon.
• Zillion-Dollar Bill: The title screen, for some reason, features an image of the ten million dollar bill from Idiocracy. This has yet to appear in the adventure itself.