Temeraire/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Near the end of the fourth Temeraire book, Empire of Ivory. The titular dragon has received an invitation to a tea party from his Evil Counterpart. This is the exchange that occurs:

Laurence: "There is nothing evidently insincere in it; perhaps she means it as a gesture of reconciliation."
Temeraire: "No, she does not. I am sure if I go, the tea will be very unpleasant, at least my tea will be, and I will have to drink it or look ill-mannered. Or she will make remarks which do not seem offensive, until I have gone away and thought them over; or she will try and have you murdered while I am not there: you are not to go anywhere without a guard, and if anyone tries to murder you, you must call for me very loud."

  • The Riley/Harcourt shipboard nuptuals earlier in the book proved rather comical as well. The ship's chaplain was only sober because one of Harcourt's colleagues bodily hauled him up to the dragondeck and set him under guard (not that it did any good; he was so rattled that he stumbled through the service even worse that he would have drunk). The bride did not bother finding a dress, and the groom did not realize she wouldn't, so she ended up taking her vows in trousers and a coat (recall this is the early 1800s). Finally, when the chaplain got to the whole "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace" bit...

Lily (Literally sticking her nose in): "Mayn't I?"

Harcourt: "No, you may not!"

Lily: "*sigh* Very well, (turns to look at Riley) but if you are unpleasant to Catherine I will throw you in the ocean."

  • The first few hours of Iskierka's life in Black Powder War. Suffice to say that she's a hyperaggressive Bratty Half-Pint who can breathe fire.

"An hour after sunset they crept up the slope from downwind and made their stealthy attack; or so it might have been, save in a frenzy of excitement Iskierka clawed through the carabiner straps holding her on, and flung herself over the fence and onto the back of one of the sleeping, unsuspecting cows. It bellowed in terror and bolted away with all the rest of the herd, with the dragonet clinging aboard and shooting off flames in every direction but the right one, so the affair took on the character more of a circus than a robbery."

  • Maximus recovers enough from being sick that he gets a hankering for a midnight snack, but doesn't want to wake his captain, who's been losing sleep from worrying about him. So he tries to sneak off and grab a couple cows. Live cows. That belong to someone else. On the other side of town.
    • Just to clarify, Maximus is the largest dragon in the whole series, nearly twice Temeraire's weight and so large that any transport ship made to carry dragons has to be specially altered just for him. And a dragon this size tries to be sneaky...
  • In Tongues of Serpents we meet Kulingile, a runt dragon born of two heavy-weights. Initially his survival is in question, and no one expects much of him, until a few weeks later when we get the signs that he'll not only live, but be one of the biggest dragons in the world: His air sacs inflate while he's sleeping and he becomes lighter than air and starts floating away!
  • Jane Roland's letters in Tongues of Serpents crack me up. Especially where she explains differences that came with her new rank.
  • Any of the (many) moments when Temeraire says something incredibly awkward without realizing. Case in point:

Temeraire: Oh, you mean whores.

    • And in the same conversation:

Temeraire: "I am merely curious now, if that is all there is in Dover. For Roland is too young for whores, is she not?"

After which Laurence decides he needs a drink.

  • In the beginning of Empire of Ivory , Temeraire attempting to explain the Pythagorean Theorem to guests at a party.
  • The short story Feast or Famine (set between the first two books) that has been made available on her website, all of it.
    • Not to mention when, in Throne of Jade, Temeraire confesses this to Lawrence...who then cracks up laughing, much to Temeraire's indignation.
  • In Black Powder War, Laurence orders his crew to take a hot soak on medical advice (long story), forgetting that his command is gender intergrated. One look and some frantic bundling into a blanket later:

Laurence: "You must not bathe with the others."
Emily Roland: "Mustn't I?"
Laurence: "No, it is not suitable; you are beginning to be a young lady."
Emily Roland: "Oh, Mother has told me all about that, but I have not started bleeding yet, and anyway I would not like to go to bed with any of them."