The Abridged Series/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Joe-Kage: Personally, I don't see what's so important about a bridge. I mean, come on... First one guy makes a bridge and everybody uses it, they're like: "Woo! Look, a bridge! That's new!" So, like, these other two guys make another bridge, and it's kinda like the first one, but people use it anyway because the other guy is like: "Ooh, their bridge is pretty good too! Check it out!" And then these other three guys are like: "Oh, we're going to make the best bridge ever! We're going to combine our talents and be like oh, look at our bridge, it's totally amazing, ooh." And it's like... turns out really good, and it's like the best one out of all the other bridges. Everybody subscribes to it...
Naruto: Subscribes to it?
Joe-Kage: I mean, uh, everybody crosses it, because it's a bridge. Yeah. And before you know it, everybody and their mother is making a bridge. So there's a bridge, everywhere. Nobody even knows why they're making a bridge anymore. They just want people to cross it. They don't care where they're going. The first guy is like: "I'm gonna go to conventions to promote my bridge." It's like... it's just a bridge. It's not a big deal. Get over it.
Naruto: What's he talking about?
Kakashi David Bowie: Apparently, bridges.

(approximate translation)
Konrad Lorenz[1]: Five minutes 47 seconds ago you suffered death by gunshot from a weapon-looking object's bullet-looking projectile which penetrated your prefrontal cortex and caused aortal dysfunction. And yet you're standing in front of me now in that costume as if there weren't any other ones in the costume shop. Yet this is still better than if you were to dress as the Easter Bunny, pink ears waving in the wind and hoe-like teeth hanging out from under your shades. (every monitor in the background displays that picture)
Neon[2]: Then I'm dead?
Lorenz: Dear sor Neon, you really should be! But the situation is much more complicated since you're the One.
Neon: The One?
Lorenz: Oh, don't run so much forward. You weren't even born yet... when I was black-belt on nerdyness, soldier-boy and rock-paper-scissors. If you die now, you'll march gloriously into history and your face will be downloaded as phone oplogo from the Internet for decades. But you can choose to return, in which case you'll be able to fly like Superman above the rural churches after your resurrection. If you choose this however, I warn you: if you review your life's film before your death, don't see a two-and-a-half hour long action film chock full of special effects!
Neon: I can't decide... I want to call granny[3].
Lorenz: Bloody hell, I'll be very unhappy if you keep going like this!

Vektor, a Hungarian-made abridged movie of The Matrix

  1. the Architect
  2. Neo
  3. the Oracle