The Bard's Tale/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The 2004 The Bard's Tale has quite a few of these, many of which come when you choose the snarky option during dialogues.
    • You can also get some fun reading on the descriptions for your summons and bonus artifacts. For example, when describing the rat.

Narrator: A common rat. I was of course referring to the animal and not the bard.

Narrator: All hail the Bard, Rat Killer and Rodent Bane, who has bravely made the cellars once again safe for buxom barmaids and wanton widows! ...Or has he?
A giant rat sneaks up from behind and breathes fire, engulfing the Bard and forcing him to retreat
(later)
Narrator: All hail the Bard, Rat Killer and Rodent Bane, who has bravely ma-
Bard: [snappily] How 'bout you tell the story and leave the sarcastic patronising to me?

    • The little exchange betwen them when you kill your first encounter with a standard wolf is a gem, too:

Narrator: The Bard having slain the random wolf found that it had digested not only the contents of a small treasury but also various household goods... Wait, am I reading that correctly? That can't be right.
Bard: You'd be surprised. I find all kinds of things inside these beasties. Did I ever tell you about the time I killed this rat and out popped an entire chest...
Narrator: Well, I'm just going to skip those passages in the future.
Bard: What? That's a major source of income! You cheap, good for nothing horse's...
Narrator: Ahem. And so the Bard continued on his journey.