The Cinema Snob/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Cinema Snob

  • Really, anytime he says "What's this?" and "What the fuck?" just makes me laugh. I just love how he delivers those lines.

Troll

  • His reaction to the father being named "Harry Potter," from disbelief to disappointment that this was likely where J.K. Rowling got the idea. "Oh, great. Harry Potter and the Troll Toll of the Boy's Soul."
    • What the hell?! Fucking Professor McGonagal is their fucking landlord?!

Troll 2

  • His response to the name of the town being "Nilbog":

Snob: Holy shit, it's Dracula spelt backwards!

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

Ax 'Em

  • The Snob reenacting the "Worst Line Reading Ever" from Tough Guys Don't Dance.
  • A character gets "zanied to death".

American Commando 3: Savage Temptation

  • "What? Hairy pits? I had to pay extra for that at my bachelor party!"

Superman: The 1975 Musical

  • The Snob tries flying off his porch. It doesn't work.

Snob: I am Superman! Ow!

    • Earlier in the film, the gangsters singing along to the theme from The Sopranos.
    • The critic dubs the Adam West Batman theme over a fight scene done in almost the exact same style...with a little alteration:

Music: Nanananananananana
Snob: [Deadpan] Superman...
Music: Nanananananananana
Snob: [Deadpan] Superman...
Music: Nanananananananana
Snob: [Deadpan] Fucking Superman...

Black Devil Doll from Hell

  • He says that the film is so unsexy that thinking of Porno Holocaust is giving him an erection. Then, without changing his facial expression, he reaches over and grabs a jug of water, which he then pours on his crotch.

Hell's Bloody Devils

  • The Cameo from the real Colonel Sanders. His reaction might be one of the greatest Big "What?" (The Fuck) moments ever recorded.

Col. Sanders: *walks onscreen*
Snob: *blink blink blink*
Col. Sanders: *stands there*
Snob: *leans forward, squints*
Col. Sanders: Isn't that the most wonderful chicken you ever ate?
Snob: ... WHAT THE FUCK.

Beaver and Buttface

  • His reactions to the aforementioned duo:
    • "It looks like a pair of escaped child molesters crashed the set of Clutch Cargo!"
    • "I can't have that nightmare swimming around in my head like it's trying to win a gold medal in SYNCHRONIZED BRAIN-FUCKING!!!"
    • At the start, when he has a nightmare of E.T. The Porno, Brad sits up and shouts out "Ich bin der Waffelautomat!"

Super Hornio Bros

  • ALL the Mario references.

Snob: *humps air to the sound of coins* This! Is How! You Make! A Fucking! Porn! Parody! *stops for a few seconds, then does one last thrust, prompting the one-up sound effect*

Caligula

  • The cameos from the other contributors.
    • A sudden instance of Brad Tries.
      • There's also the random cut-in from The Bruno Mattei Show.
    • Lord Kat's long improv in the gag reel is an Overly Long Gag at its finest.
    • The Snob's "comedic breakdown" of the fisting scene.

Snob: Trivia note: McDowell actually ad-libbed the bit with the flower, and it's kind of amazing watching the gears work in his head as it hits him to do that to this actor. I think it was right about...here. [Shows a freeze-frame of McDowell grinning] Yep. That's the look of a man who has the bright idea to stick a flower in a guy's ass.

    • 80's Dan.
    • His tone of voice as he says "Is that a fucking snake?!" during one of the scenes he can't show.
    • "Have you given him more wine? What the... I meant a glass of wine! What in Jupiter's name are you doing to this man?!"
    • This exchange:

Caligula: Gemellus, we are alone. We must love each other.
Snob: You shall be the first one that I fist.

    • Kung Tai Ted's summation of Caligula's death.
    • The Snob freaking out when the first scene shows a herd of sheep.

Snob: Whoa, no. No. No, no, no. No. (etc.)

Snob: What is this, reverse Sleepaway Camp?

    • Snob syncing up the launching of the Orgy Boat with "We Sail The Ocean Blue" from HMS Pinafore.
    • "I personally find it funny that the writer of the film left, the director of the film left, and the movie was released to audiences who at this point in the movie mostly left."

Violent Shit

  • Him criticizing the film's editing when it comes to cutting between scenes.

Snob: It's funny when a movie cuts frames out of the MIDDLE of their scenes, but makes up for it, by forgetting to trim a one second cut out of the end of their scenes!

We then have a very brief shot of a naked Snob sitting in the chair and reading a newspaper before cutting back to the film.
    • He sees the top billed name is "K The Butcher Shitter" and asks "Is he the father of L from Death Note"?

L: You may not know this, but my father K was a butcher shitter.
Light: Uh, what?

Snob: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

    • In the sequel, when the killer cuts off someone's head and the girl screams in the most OTT manner:

Snob: ... Why?

    • This:

Drunk: "Listen to this one. I just started at the site... and said: 'Excuse me, can I fuck you?' She says to me: 'No sorry, I'm on my period.' So I say: 'Can I at least fuck you in the ass?' And she says 'Sorry, I have hemorrhoids.' So I tell her 'Now don't even tell me you have a toothache!'"
Snob:ಠ౧ಠ

Las Vegas Bloodbath

  • Snob only gets a minute into the movie before the special effects (or lack thereof) get to him:

Snob: Watch this! [Pulls out his phone] Hey John, do you think you can add a flashbang effect to this movie footage? You can?! That's great! You're sending it over now? Well let's take a look!
[Previous film-scene, with an obvious muzzle-flash edited in]
Snob: Y'see that? In two seconds, I just gave your movie a budget!

Hardgore

  • "Thats funny. I thought the 70's cure for nymphomania was just 'more cocaine' ".
  • "Any minute now I expect her to just break down and fuck the boom mike!"
  • "What the hell am I looking at here? Was that Zardoz's cock?!"

Redneck Zombies

Snob: Naming your movie Redneck Zombies is sorta like naming your movie Transylvanian Vampires... Or Emo Vampires... Or Gay Vampires... [beat] STOP MAKING FUCKING VAMPIRE MOVIES.

Creepozoids

  • A group of people are investigating an empty building in an explicitly post-apocalyptic setting.

The Chick: You don't think this setup's weird?
Male Character: I just think they left in a hurry, that's all.
Snob: I know. Something must have scared 'em away, like possibly THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!!!

    • When two characters are looking on a computer to find history:

Character: You figure out what this place is?
Snob I know what type of place this is! IT'S A BUILDING!

Satan's School for Girls

    • "He was a dissolve cut all along! [camera pans down] ... and he pooped."
    • The "Ball Buster" commercial.

Chatterbox

  • It's a movie about a woman with a talking vagina.

"Virginia": Hey, you see the way she looked at me?
Snob: Oh, so now it's also got EYES? THIS IS TERRIFYING!!

Snob: At least it's better than The Vagina Monologues. [smiles] And that's the first joke I wrote for this review!

    • During the production of a movie starring "Virginia":

Director: Yeah, I want people to know that this is more than the first movie starring a real cunt.[...]This is a...social document.
Snob: Yeah, and A Serbian Film is a political commentary, you putz!

Snob: So you see? The moral of the story is if you have a great title, your movie will get made. No matter how fucking awful the finished product is. [cheerful] Well this really bodes well for my unsold screenplay, Card Shark! "When the casino gets flooded, everyone has a full house. Of sharks."

Sadomania

  • The Snob becomes so distracted by the stunning beauty of the female prison warden, puts the review on hold to find out more about the actress.

Snob:: A sadistic woman warden played by the stunning, Transsexualism, adult film star Ajita Wilson.
[[[Double Take]]]
Snob: What. Transsexual Adult Film Star?

[Dramatic close up]

Snob: Oh. My. God.

[Cut to Shower of Angst]

Snob: (On the phone with his girlfriend) Honey. Honey. Honey. We need to have sex. Right. Now. I am really, really, really confused...

Pussy Talk

  • Another talking vagina movie!
    • In the intro the normal theme song is replaced with Michigan J. Frog singing "Hello Mah Baby!"
    • In the same review, when the main female lead is escaping whilst in the background music plays with a "Hup! Hup! Hup!" sound in the background:

Snob: Is that the soundtrack or some annoying kids on a fucking plane?!

    • The Big Box Model, erm... accompanied by the voice of Kung Tai Ted, to her horror.
    • At the start, when he sees the logo of the company who makes the film

Snob: Why do I have the feeling someone is now going to fuck a horse in this movie?

    • "Since this is the dub version, this means YOU'RE the English!"

Zombi 7 (AKA Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence)

  • At one point, the Snob theorizes that the only reason this movie has the alternate title Zombi 7 on IMDB was because a fan of his added it in the hopes that he would review it and that months later he will be reviewing "Night of the Seagulls AKA Zombi 8". Sure enough, if you go to IMDB...
    • His reaction to one of the dub voices.

Snob: When you take a look at this doctor, wouldn't you think "voice like a Southern black man"?!

    • His nicknames for the main doctor, including "Doctor L. Jackson" and "Doctor I Speak Jive".
    • His comment on the main characters dubbed voices.

Snob: Hmm. Nice to see what Handsome Tom and 8-Bit Mickey were up to during the early nineties.

    • His comment on the fat woman dubbed with a male voice.

Snob: Now this movie only serves as a warmup to Uwe Boll's Blubberella!

    • "Were these dub actors on loan from the Godfrey Ho studios?! This doctor is like listening to Chris Rock dub Brent Hume! And the other guy sounds like fucking Clint Howard!"
    • The Snob's reaction to "Special Forces?"

Snob: You can't say Special Forces with that kind of dubbing, because then I'm gonna expect Pierre Kirby and General Karpov to show up! And when they don't, I'm going to be pretty fucking disappointed!

    • His take on how the film would play like subtitled.

Tall Doctor: Alright. Lets... Lets... Lets go now... Lets separate... now.
Short Doctor: Oww!! Look at dis! Ewwwwwww!!!

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2

  • Realizing the meme has been for every holiday except one...

Snob: Christmas Day!

  • Tries to shoot Jerrid, but hits someone across the street*

Italian Batman

  • Italian Batman doesn't have any subtitles, so the Snob decides to add in his own subtitles... taken from the Batman movies.
    • The Snob confirms that the actor playing Batman was also in Porno Holocaust. How can he tell? By the genital warts.
    • "We all certainly remember the classic Danny Elfman Batman theme! Yeah, this isn't it!" (Cue the movie's So Bad It's Good Synth soundtrack.)

Video Violence

  • The start of his review.

Snob: This movie... fucking SUCKS!!! *Throws the box to the floor, where a shattering noise is heard*

Video Violence 2

  • The above moment was given a callback at the start of his review of the sequel.

Snob: Interesting... I forgot the DVD I had was the limited "Glass Case" edition.

  • The time-travelling Call Back joke between Current!Snob and Past!Snob.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

Snob (imitating Freeman): I wish I could tell you that Zorro fought the good fight and that Ricky let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but prison is no Miyazaki fairy tale world.

Star Odyssey

  • When the aliens destroy a bunch of cities on Earth, using some very old stock explosions (as in "the movie is in color but the stock footage is in black and white" old).

Snob: "Bastard! They destroyed the world's supply of Stock Footage! Now how is Nick Phillips going to make another Death Nurse movie!"

... (concerned) I'm sure that will work itself out...

    • Commenting on the villain, who is a scaly looking person.

The man from the fridge might have claimed that he is the Waffle Maker, but this guy, really IS the Waffle Maker!

    • "Enderium... the mineral is called Enderium... That make you happy, James Cameron? YOU RIPPED OFF STAR ODYSSEY!!
    • "After endearing the Unobtainium... I mean, obtaining the Enderium..."

Billy the Kid vs. Dracula

  • After noticing that Billy the Kid vs. Dracula is the sixth movie starring John Carradine he's reviewed, he changes the the opening credits of the show to "The John Carradine Show starring The Cinema Snob". The theme song? Night Train to Mundo Fine, of course!

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter

  • His not-so-subtle reasoning for public domain month.

Snob: Why did I even do this [[[Public Domain]] Month], anyway?! *cough* DVD *cough*

Snob: Don't feel bad for Hank though: he's left with one of the greatest tombstones ever!

Tombstone: HANK TRACY. HE WAS JESSE JAMES' FRIEND.

Snob: I hope to God that when I die, my tombstone reads something like "Here Lies The Cinema Snob. He once reviewed Troll 4 with Phelous"!

The Refrigerator

  • After the fridge claims his first victim after a squicky love scene:

Can you blame the fridge? I'd go nuts too if I had to witness that grotesque display of leap-frog.

Death Nurse 2

"Why haven't more movies done that? Why didn't Halloween just divide itself in half and then draw out it's segments by inserting footage from Scream Blacula Scream? Oh wait, I know why, it's because John Carpenter isn't fucking retarded!

The Body Shop

Wait, I'm sorry, is this movie supposed to be the fucking origin story of The Powerpuff Girls? I forgot that Professor Utonium used sugar, spice, everything nice and fucking severed body parts!

Grizzly 2

  • The Snob explaining why the prospect of reviewing of the movie scares him.

Snob: Chatterbox. Finished. Superman: the 1975 Musical. Finished. Las Vegas Fucking Bloodbath! Finished! Grizzly 2? Yeah... we're not gonna bother finishing that.

  • A gem from his review of this in complete film.

Unnamed Character: I just got something over the radio...Destroyed campsite...two dead bodies, kids. *Musical stinger as the scene changes*
Snob: Hrm, sorry. It's just not the same if the music cue ISN'T Michael Jackson!
Unnamed Character: Destroyed campsite...two dead bodies, kids. *The opening bars to Thriller is played over the stinger*
Snob: *Grinning awkwardly* ...Perfect?

    • "I recognise those lyrics, it's from every Emo LiveJournal entry I've ever read!"
    • Parodying an Overly Long Gag in the vein of Family Guy by trying to pick up a box on his porch only to have it repeatedly fall from his grip. He eventually grabs it and throws it over the balcony.

Snob: THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

  • "I'll stick with good 1980s George Clooney movies like..." *long silence*

Nudist Colony of the Dead

  • The songs from Nudist Colony of the Dead are catchy enough to make him dance naked on his front porch.

Geek Maggot Bingo

  • The entire review of this Mind Screw of a movie (Which surprisingly has no maggots, or no bingo) is full of gems:
    • Commenting on Professor Frankenberry sounding more and more like Professor Farnsworth from Futurama near the end of the film, culminating with:

Frankenberry: YOUUUUUU FUCKING WIENER HEAD!!
Snob: Can't say I've ever heard Farnsworth say that!

Snob: You realize it would have been cheaper, just to throw a DUMMY off the cliff!

Snob: The Rawhide Kid has a bit of luck, because the monster is randomly struck by lightning! I guess because he walked longer as Mr. Hyde than he did as Dr. Jekyll!

    • And that's the end of Geek Maggot Bingo! *laughs a little* What the hell?! Where do I start? Where do I finish? What the FUCK do I even need to say about this?!
    • "Are you happy, movie? Your BADNESS killed your actor!"
    • His comment on the full title for the movie - Geek Maggot Bingo, or The Freak From Suckweasel Mountain.

Snob: Maybe the title even goes on from there! "The Freak From Suckweasel Mountain, And Love The Bomb Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood!"

    • Hell, even the tagline is hilarious

Tagline: ...what?

Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy

  • The ending to this review, where he states that the movie could have been a lot worse...which he acknowledges that it isn't much of a compliment coming from him:

Snob: When you know what E.T's asshole looks like and what the word "Conchadunga" means...yeah...it could be a LOT worse.

Alice: That's my breast. When I have a child, it will fill with milk to feed it.
Snob: (fake laughs) You see that? (Points down at his crotch) Erection, GONE!

Las Tortugas Mutantes Pinjas

Snob: For those of you who are curious the full title for the film is Las Tortugas Mutantes Pinjas, which I think stands for [shot of naked torso] EEEEEWWW!!!!

    • Also, the opening of the review.

Snob: Oh, sure! Sure! This is what I want to see. TURTLES FUCKING! Well, why don't you just pop in a Mondo Cane film? I'm sure that's got turtles fucking!

Snob: Oh, so Raphael's a voyeur now? Well that's going to cost him about ten wall flips. I can't show you what he's looking at, there's no subtitles so I don't know what she's saying, but judging by the sound of her voice... (Audio clip of woman moaning in ecstasy) Mikey, I think she likes it.... in the ass!

Snob: Fin question mark? Well of course this isn't the end, in the sequel they learn about the "Secret of The Ooze"! Here's a hint...[stage whisper] It's jism!

Night of Horror

  • At the beginning, the Snob realizes that he's about to watch another movie about zombie Confederates. He interrupts his own Theme Song to yell "FUCK!"

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man

  • Jerrid dubbing over the Snob at the end while parodying said movie's Narmful dubbing (overly describing the Snob's actions and making him sound like a Jewish sterotype)
  • Really, anytime he says "What's this?" and "What the fuck?" just makes me laugh. I just love how he delivers those lines.

Pieces

Kung Tai Ted: That's for shooting me in the kneecap last year! **walks off**

Cinema Snob: Owwwwwwwwww!

Obscurus Lupa: Ha!

A Clockwork Orgy

  • "But why am I saying this? This isn't a review of A Clockwork Orange! As if there needed to be another review. It's a classic. Watch it! And if you haven't seen it...then you're probably five years old. And if you're five years old...WATCH CLOCKWORK ORANGE! IT'S SO AWESOME!"
    • The Snob's reaction to the orgy scene in where they replace "Singin' In The Rain" with "Take Me Out To The Ballgame":

Snob: Oh yeah, Gene Kelly's second-most popular song! Let me guess, they're going to replace Beethoven with "On Top of Spaghetti"!

    • "Okay, now I think you're confusing a Clockwork Orange spoof with a Caligula spoof."
    • The Snob dubbing over the mainstream pornos during the treatment scene with clips from E.T. The Porno, Beaver And Buttface and Super Hornio Bros.
    • "Is it really such a problem in this futuristic society that citizens roam around having consensual sex with each other? This future's so bright I've got to wear Trojans!"
    • "...The hell? Did she fuck him so hard it put him in a wheelchair? Eh, worth it."
    • After making an Incredibly Lame Pun about the characters being "a street gang I could get behind... or in front of", Brad looks off camera to make sure that Jillian isn't around.

The Tormentors

He realizes that the phone number on the Nazi business card is an actual phone number. He decides to call the number, only to be greeted by a loud clip of Adolf Hitler giving a speech, causing him to drop his phone in surprise.

    • His reaction to Dear Leader's accent:

Yeah, you're about as Southern as Dan Whitney.

Nightdreams

  • "Huh, the director's cut of Sucker Punch really is that different." And after that, struggling not to make Sucker Punch references... and eventually failing.
    • During one scene where the female lead finds and plays with a fetus:

Snob: ...this scene reminds me of something.
"NEWBORN! PORN! NEWBORN!"

Snob: Ha ha, no, that movie was directed by pedophiles! This one is just weird.

Night Trap: The Movie

  • The bootlegs the Snob DOES get in the mail

Snob: Brazillian Wizard of Oz? TURKISH Wizard of Oz? Oh, a classic, Strip to Kill, and... the HELL? The Charles "Tex" Watson 1990 Parole Hearing?!

Beat

What the hell am I gonna do with THAT?

Caligula II

  • The Snob begins his review of Caligula II, a sequel to a movie where the title character died at the end, by staring incredulously at the DVD case for several seconds, before finally just saying "...what?" Cut immediately to the Snob's theme music.
  • In his review of Turkish Star Wars, regarding the constant flash cuts:

See this? Tegretol. I'm epileptic, I have been since fourth grade. Turkish Star Wars is the first movie I've done on this show that is literally TRYING TO KILL ME.

Pink Flamingos

  • The Cinema Snob celebrates what looks like the end of the movie with "my usual post-review Caramello"... and then, in the film's most famous scene, Divine eats the dog turd. He stares at the film with a slack jaw... and then eats the Caramello.

Snob: What? This isn't shit, it's a candy bar. That was shit. Grow up.

    • When Edie repeatedly demands to see the eggman, the Snob goes "Goo goo g'joob."
    • "If this movie had any less of a point, it'd be a sphere!"
    • The Cannibal Holocaust theme makes another appearance, this time over Babs' trailer burning down.

Hitler: Dead or Alive

  • The actor playing Hitler does a surprisingly good job, leading the Snob to look up the actor on IMDB, curious as to the actor's place of origin. He discovers that the actor, Bobby Watson, is from Springfield, Illinois... the Snob's (and Brad's) place of residence. "That's... that's where I'm from!"
    • The Snob's own version of Douchey McNitpick shouting "Lloyd!" prompting Lloyd to appear behind the Snob.

Child Bride

Given that this a 1930s picture, I'm sure it's got some inappropriate music for the opening titles. *cheerful 1930s music plays* Classy. Nothing says "anti-pedophilia" like hijinks music.

    • Snob: WORST LITTLE RASCALS EPISODE EVER!

Preacher: If there is anyone here among you who knows of any reason why these two should not be joined together in holy wedlock, let him speak now --
Snob: She's twelve!!!!

"Well I have no standards. I'll do it."

Cannibal Holocaust

  • Jerrid as Detective Bolla:

Bolla: This tapwater tastes like cola...
Mrs. Snob: Yeah, he only has Crystal Pepsi flowing through our pipes...

Bolla: Well that's stupefyingly nostalgic.

  • Jerrid taking a jab at video commentors:

Bolla: First!
Mrs. Snob: What?
Bolla: I'm the first person to comment on this video!

The Sinful Dwarf

    • After a scene where they use a stunt dummy for Olaf's suicide via window jump:

"And there you have the first onscreen appearance by the My Buddy doll."

Maniac

"Is that little shit giving me the finger? Well, right back at you, Baby Bob!"

Bat Pussy

  • He reviews Bat Pussy while wearing a horse head.
    • Just the way he says "Holy shit, The Anal Dwarf!" after sitting through the main movie.
  • "That's it? Really!? This is the closest I've come to just simply snobbing two people fucking for an hour!"
  • "Ralphus is very well hung, by the way. This is one horse that's impressed!"

Badi (The Turkish E.T.)

  • Cinema Snob riffs not just on Badi, but on the TV pop-ups that were recorded along with it.

Snob: Why, yes, the movie does make me want to have phone sex! How did you know?

    • "Wait, was that commercial about to turn into porn?"
    • "Good thing they're flying away now, as the town looks like it's been hit by extreme radiation!"
    • The very end, where the word "SON" appears on screen (It's Turkish for END, btw.)

Snob:I am NOT your fucking son!

Nukie

  • The entirety of it, but here's some specific examples.
    • His reaction to a particularly bad scene.

Snob:...you can't convince me that George Lucas didn't write this movie!

    • His reaction to a character bringing up a previously unmentioned "Harvey" is just so goddamn earnest, it's amazing.

Snob: WHO'S HARVEY!?

    • Snob: Never thought I'd be so glad to be back in the deserts of Africa. Will something hilarious happen, please? (one of the children is struck by a cobra) HA!
    • The failed attempt to bring "Matt" to come and say his phrase. It's followed by the Snob trying to sound enthusiastic saying "Symbolism!".
    • After complaining the whole movie why Nukie just doesn't fly to America, this happens at the end:
      • Nukie: I have an idea! If we can't walk, we can fly together!
      • Snob: (dripping with hate) You don't FUCKING say!
    • Snob: Good thing I reviewed this movie on hump day, because I feel like I just got fucked!

Homoti (The Other Turkish E.T.)

  • Upon seeing a random animation scene of Homoti: "They're trying to make the credits for Casino Royale!" Cue "You Know My Name" over the CG.
    • Ed Glaser's attempt at giving the history of the film. "It was directed by... Turk Turkman"
    • Snob's numerous jokes about Homoti's huge ass.

Extra Terrestrial Visitors

  • His realization that Extra Terrestrial Visitors is just another title for Pod People
    • The Snob's recap of E.T. Week.

Snob: "We've come to the end of E.T. Week. *chuckles briefly* Thank fucking GOD!!! At this point I really don't fucking care. I've seen enough Turkish aliens, double-penied E.T.s, and NUKIE to make me wanna blast off to my own planet where no human's interpretations of extra terrestrials can ever hurt me again!"

  • "Welcome to 2011! Where the word "Centipede" takes on a whole new set of connotations..."

Blood Rage

  • His review for Blood Rage, made funnier by that his voice keeps cracking throughout the review.
    • On a clip of two of the characters playing a computer game

Snob: "Did I just watch the original Let's Play?"

    • He does a brief comparison between this film and Home Sweet Home, which he reviewed a year previous.

Snob: The only difference between these two movies is that in Blood Rage, I don't get to see Body By Jake acting like a fucking nutbar!

    • Upon a character having their hand chopped off

Snob: Hey! He just did you a favor - he stopped you from drinking a whole thing of Old Style!

    • And when a female character is shown in the shower...

Snob: Hmm...not as gorgeous as my luscious breasts!

Corpse Grinders

  • At the start, Lloyd is seen sitting in the Snob's chair. As the camera zooms in, Lloyd perks up and meows, causing the Snob to back off.
    • Then The Reveal that Lloyd had a role in the movie. (Doing pretty good for a 40-year-old cat! Heh.)

Elves

Cannibal Ferox

  • Calling the main villain and his friend Trey Parker & Matt Stone. Extra funny since the villain really does look like Trey Parker.

Snob: Apparently, they caught him before he could put on his Orgazmo costume.

    • Bubble Tape!

Snob: Well that was a delicious fifty-cent joke!

    • The Snob noting the overuse of the word "twat". By the third time he's reduced to nervous giggles.
    • After hearing the villain call one of the women a "hot-pussied little whore", he goes to see if that line really works. It does!
    • The cameo from Detective Bolla from the Cannibal Holocaust review.

Snob: I'M NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD!

Anthropophagus

  • The return of the snotty letter-writing fan:

Fan: Dear Cinema Snob; I'm writing to express my concern about telling your audience to call their girlfriends a "Hot-pussied little whore." I tried it out on my girlfriend, to which she promptly stuck a broom up my ass, and forced me to sweep the kitchen floor.
Snob: Oh well there's your problem; you gotta pay them before you call them a "hot-pussied little whore"!
Fan: P.S. Giovanni Lombardo Radice is awesome!
Snob: That he is, my friend. After all, he was in Gangs of New York, and that was a Martin Scorsese film.

  • "This movie even comes with subtitles! Proper subtitles, rather; so I can't add in my smart-ass fake ones. Pah!"

Subtitle: 'Bugger!'

  • "Okay gentlemen, you can finish filming your Sacha Baron Cohen film later. This movie has places to go, and fast!"
  • Fresh Campbell's Coca-Cola soup!
  • "Oh I fucking knew it! I knew the soundtrack was written by a cat on a piano!"
    • [later] "Maybe if the producer would stop playing his ColecoVision, something could get done!"
  • Snob meets the 'Anthropophagus':

Snob: "He looks like if Gallagher turned into one of his watermelons, and then smashed himself!"

  • "Joe D'Amato! The Ed Gein of filmmakers!"
  • In response to the killer's death:

Snob: "Enh, sorry... all out of Bubble-Tape."

  • "I just ate a fucking fetus!"

Zombie 6: Monster Hunter

  • "What the hell? When did this movie's dick get so small it looks like it just came out of the swimming pool?"

Guyana: Cult of the Damned

  • The entirety of the skit about some (tortured) kids from the cult meeting up as adults.
  • Brad's delivery of this line makes it hilarious:

Snob: Is it time to get sleazy again? Ho, ho! I can already smell the dick sweat.

  • The scene where two male cult members are ordered to have sex.

Snob: I hope his ass likes classic television, 'cause that guy's gonna MASH it!"

The Helter-Skelter Murders

  • Snob actually manages to make Charles Manson (the actual Charles Manson) seem funny by splicing in courtroom footage at random points throughout the review.
  • The return of The Tormentors's Messiah, reading from "The Book of Mungo Jerry"

Snob: Seriously?! Do they have to play in my backyard?

Rape Squad

Jillian: This doesn't look like John Travolta and Lily Tomlin about to have sex...
Snob: Well thank God for that, but seriously: the fuck?

  • Jillian: It's Valentine's Day, how did a movie called Rape Squad get a higher priority? Snob: Have you seen my show for the last five years? We're lucky they didn't send an actual rape squad.
  • Cinema Snob shares the male pain.

Terror Of Tiny Town

  • All his complaints about them using a regular sized set.
  • After seeing a minor character sing in a rather deep voice:

"What the Hell was that? I thought I was the shortest person with a sexy voice."

  • "I may not know the characters' names, but judging by what they're riding on, they look like they're at least Bronies!"
    • Funnier in that his wife Jillian is a Pegasister (the Distaff Counterpart to Bronies); she wears a Pinkie Pie shirt during an episode of Brad Tries.
  • The Snob replacing the music playing during the fist fight between The Hero and The Villain with music from the Rudy Larriva-directed Road Runner cartoons.

The Last House on the Left

  • His increasingly irritated reactions to the jumbling of tones in the movie, particularly the shenanigans the two cops keep getting into.
  • "The next time someone gives me bad news, I'm going to react with madcap comedy!" Then Jillian walks into the room and tells him that her great-grandma died. The Snob's response? Dance on his front porch completely naked while the goofy kazoo music from the film plays.

Guinea Pig - The Devil's Experiment

  • The Snob calls in a cop to take a look at the film. At first you think he's reenacting how Charlie Sheen mistook one of the Guinea Pig films for a legitimate Snuff Film... then you find out he called in the cops because he thinks it's the laziest filmmaking he's ever seen.

Gums

  • This porno spoof of Jaws provides plenty of jokes.
    • Porno spoof Quint is a Nazi!
    • A bizarre scene with Hooper talking to... a dog. The Snob even compares it to Nukie.

Mother's Day (2010)

Sleepaway Camp

  • He's in full Snob mode in this review, dripping with sarcasm when it comes to his opinion on films like this. "Nightmare On Elm Street and Black Christmas? Totally the same movie."
  • "Muppet Babies I can understand, but Jersey Shore Babies? Something bad needs to happen to them so we can set things right in the future!"
  • On the mother's acting: "Joan Crawford's tampon doesn't overact this much!"
  • The pedophile's introduction.

Artie: Back where I come from, we called 'em "Baldies."
Snob: "Baldies?" They've got plenty of hair on top...I mean, maybe not down - oh, fuck me, he's a diddler.

They Saved Hitler's Brain

  • Snob reacts to a bizarre silhouette:

Snob: *blink blink* What the fuck?
[The silhouette turns out to be two Nazi officers]
Snob: Y'know, it's a movie called 'They Saved Hitler's Brain'; it wasn't so preposterous of me to think that was a three-armed, three-legged Nazi!

  • Steve Day:

Day: You killed my son!
Snob: You Klingon bastard!

  • The chase scenes being set to music from The Blues Brothers.
  • After Hitler's head is taken out:

Snob: "Horseshit! Everyone knows that Hitler was killed when he was shot 100 times in the face by Eli Roth. And what is with these severed heads never giving a shit whenever they're set on fire? Completely unrealistic!"

Brad Tries

  • Brad Tries Birds Nest, in which he tries a drink that was given to him by a couple that were too afraid to try it themselves. The funniest part about it is that after trying it again, he likes it!

Brad: It's chunky! Oh, I did not see that coming! It's fucking chunky and clumpy!

  • From Brad Tries Beaver:

Brad: In case you forgot it's Canadian, it has the word "Canadian" on it, and pictures of hockey players... a maple leaf... picture of Phelous on the side -- wait, what?!

  • "Brad Tries Pizza Beer".

Brad: Pizza beer: if it doesn't get you drunk in twenty minutes, it's free!

    • Half an hour of Brad, Doug and Rob trying things and being disgusted and hilarious. Watch for yourself.

Rob: *downs a glass of something that has left Brad and Doug half-senseless and hysterical* That's not that bad chugged! [beat] *Drops his glass on the floor without changing his expression*
Doug: It hit you, didn't it?
Rob: *choking* It's fine!

    • Culminating with Jillian giving it a try at the end:

Jillian: *downs it without any reaction* You guys are pussies.

  • From Brad Tries Dick Stick.

Brian: No, kitty, don't eat that, it's terrible.

  • From Brad Tries Moxie, his reaction to Malta Hatuey.

Brad: *Takes sip* Oh... fuck me. Yeah, it tastes like V8 if someone fucked all the vegetables first.

  • In "Brad Tries Sperm" Brad's cat sniffs at the bottle.

Brad: No kitty, that would make this video all kinds of illegal.

    • The tagline for the video also qualifies:

It's not what you think! I can explain!

  • The premiere of Flaming Brian's Kitchen has Brad and Brian try out Buffalo Wild Wings hottest sauce. Hilarity Ensues.

Brad: Welcome to the spinoff series-cause why not? Flaming Brian's Kitchen! [starts laughing]
Brian: Is that seriously the only reason you're doing this? You don't even give a damn about hot sauce!
Brad: Ha!

  • Brad's joy of finding a drink that looks and tastes exactly like Crystal Pepsi only dampened by the fact it's called Not See Cola

Brad: Well it's better than calling it Kristallnacht.

    • Not to mention his claim that the soda is an apology for World War II.
      • And revealing that he owns an early-90's Crystal Pepsi delivery driver's jacket.
  • From Brad Tries Coca Cola Blak, after a third try of Manhattan Special Espresso Coffee Soda:

Brad: This thing is smushing my face. The taste is giving me unwanted plastic surgery on my face....I don't like this.

Brad and Phelous are lying next to each other in the bed.
Brad: That was just awkward.

Brad: From what I understand, this is a fairly old drink, like this has been around since the 50s. Maybe not this particular bottle, but...whatever, I'd still drink it.

  • Brad Tries Billy Beer. No, seriously, Brad Tries Billy Beer. It goes down about as well as one can expect a rusty, 30-year-old can of shitty beer can...
  • Drunk Max Force Tries Cookie Dough Vodka. For some reason he's wearing a penguin suit. You really can't top that.


Brad and Jerrid

  • Brad and Jerrid watch The Room.
    • All of the sections where Brad and Jerrid act out scenes from The Room and even more so, the bit where they slip into a reenactment of The Happening.
    • From the same video:

Brad: I am not fucking your belly button.
Jerrid: C'mon, dude, we've got to reenact this scene!
Brad: I am not fucking your belly button!
Jerrid: I got the tub of butter right here, it'll go in real easy!

    • And also, Jerrid saying "Hi, doggy" to a cat.
    • This exchange:

Brad: Who created this movie anyway?
Jerrid: I don't know *both stare at the camera* I can't remember his name.

  • This exchange from "Brad and Jerrid Play Warcraft":

Brad: Do you even know what a fortnight is?
Jerrid: Yeah, it's like a baker's dozen but with time.

Jillian: Oh ha ha fucking ha!


Crossovers

  • Pretty much the entirety of his crossover with Film Brain.
  • At the end of a cross over vid with Obscurus Lupa, he responds to her question of whether he would want to watch another movie with her by punching her in the face. The post credits gag is a second take of that scene where he accidentally fails to pull his punch and genuinely hits Lupa in the face; he spends about 30 seconds apologizing for it while Lupa comments that he "hits really hard". Could double as a crowning moment of heartwarming since it's scenes like that that really show how much of an extended family the TGWTG team really is to each other.
    • The Snob keeps getting confused during Lupa's "slow motion dramatic music zoom-in" running gag. The second time she does it, during the zoom, you can see him give her a bewildered look.
    • Also, this exchange at the beginning:

Lupa: Wanna review a movie with me?
Snob: NO!
Lupa: Too late! I already put it in!
Snob: FUCK!

  • The Bimboes B.C. review with Linkara involves 90s Kid and 80s Dan meeting and deciding to trade Coke 2 for New Coke, the Ninja-Style Dancer engaging Kung Tai Ted in a dance battle, Harvey Finevoice and Vic agreeing to sing a Tony Bennett song, and ends with this exchange:

Linkara: Ever think the characters on our shows are kinda weird?
Snob: Yes.

    • After the video 'ends', The Snob has literally made up a character for the expressed purpose of creating a crossover counterpart to Linkara's Unfraggable Ensign Munroe. Complete with quite possibly the crappiest costume the Snob has ever thrown together:

Linkara: "Space Lancer Steve?"
Snob: "What're you looking at me for? He was your fucking idea..."

    • Also, after the character "Doc" in the film mentions how scientists exploited the common people during a nuclear war, Doctor Insano appears to gloat... until Linkara and Snob drive him off by throwing comics at him.

Insano: Ugh... why do people always want to hit me? Aaaah!(Gets hit by a comic thrown by the Snob)
Snob: I feel power that I've never felt before...

  • The Snob posted Part 1 of Suburban Knights on his website - but with the following plot synopsis:

"When two insurance company employees are invited to their boss's beach house for the weekend, the two are in for quite a surprise when they find their boss dead, and must keep his body a secret from the rest of the party goers."

    • And it continues with the other parts.

Part 2: A tough cop is given his most difficult assignment: masquerade as a a kindergarten teacher in order to find a drug dealer.

Part 3: When a boy wishes to be big at a magic wish machine, he wakes up the next morning and finds himself in an adult body overnight.

Part 4: A large Halloween mask-making company has plans to kill millions of American children with something sinister hidden in Halloween masks.

Part 5: A mentally unstable Vietnam vet begins a one man war against a small town police force.

Part 6: A slightly disturbed and painfully shy young girl is sent away to summer camp with her cousin. Not long after their arrival, things start to go horribly wrong as campers turn up murdered in grisly fashions.

Part 7: A socially awkward health club employee falls into a barrel of toxic waste at the hands of psychopathic bullies, then grows super human strength to become the Avenger his small town has been praying for.


Current Movie Reviews

  • Brad reviews "Guys Gone Wild: Spring Break Young and Hung" - "...Wow. That's the biggest penis I've seen since... I don't know. What movie did I do on the Cinema Snob last week?"
    • "You have naked guys. You have a teddy bear. Make them fuck the bear! At least that would be hilarious!" (gets a very thoughtful expression) "But probably not for the bear..."
  • As part of his Vlog series on midnight screenings of films, Brad sent his friends Jake and Boyd to watch The Smurfs. Their review consisted of a tremendously hilarious Freak-Out.
    • When "Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes" is brought up, Jake makes a hilarious point: "SHOOT THE FUCKING MONKEYS!!!"
    • Brad sends the two out again in December to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. The resulting Freak-Out is quite possibly even funnier than The Smurfs.
  • David Cronenberg's Crash of the Planet of the Apes.
  • Brad sends Jerrid and Jillian to see The Change Up. To say Jillian looked like she wanted to kill Jerrid would be an understatement.
  • The entire "ass-burgers" discussion from the review of Glee 3D.
  • Jake's rage across Brad's Midnight Screening reviews was always entertaining, and he stole the show in the wrap-up show, where Brad and his friends discussed their favorite and least movies from the summer.

Jake: I don't know, I hated damn near everything I saw this summer. My absolute worst, I'm gonna say the group of friends that I have, for making me see all of that shit.

  • In Brad and Jake's review of Spy Kids 4 for his Midnight Screenings vlog, after mentioning the preview for Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill, Brad mentions how he thinks Al Pacino decided to take a part in the movie:

Brad (as Al Pacino): Hey Bobby! I bet I can make a worse movie than Little Fockers!!

"You know how this is supposed to be a review of penguins and now it's a review of fucking?"

    • When Jake was asked if the woman was hot, without missing a beat, he immediately replied "No, no". His deadpan delivery of that one line is priceless.
    • Brad (who went to see Green Lantern) had this to say:

"I am so glad I paid money so you could watch some fucking porn! I had to watch Green Lantern! You had much better fucking 3D than I did!"

  • Reb Brown as Hal Jordan...just let the idea simmer.
  • Jillian reviews Breaking Dawn Part 1 while Brad & Brian have some fun. It truly starts when Brad and Brian throw milk and cookies on her and gets better.
    • It is also a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Jillian. Seriously, she has to be a good sport to allow herself to be messy and humiliated like that.
    • Not to mention getting her payback by shooting Brad straight-on.
  • The review of the third Alvin and the Chipmunks film, pure rage all the way through. Starting with the opening scene featuring the chipmunks winding their way through people's legs going onto the cruise ship, and they were hoping someone would step on them.
  • Brad and Jerrid sit through The Devil Inside, which has a disclaimer saying it is not endorsed by the Vatican, and Jerrid imagines the Pope sitting in a movie theatre with a bucket of popcorn, endorsing the movie.
  • Jerrid questions Selene's ability to survive a headshot which Brad accepts as it is not a commonly accepted method of killing vampires. Which leads to the following lines:

"It's like getting mad at Superman because he flies. What?! Real people can't do that! Psh, look, all I'm saying is that Superman should not be super. He should get shot like the rest of us. Fucking Superman, who the fuck does he think he is?"

  • Brad, Jillian, Max Force, and Ryan see The Phantom Menace. When the topic of the Luke and Leia kiss from Empire Strikes Back is briefly raised, Brad has a response:

Brad: Well, that was hot. Caligula's my favorite movie, think I'm gonna have a problem with incest in Star Wars?

Brad: I've seen some bad movies this fucking summer: Priest, Pirates 4. This makes those movies look like Super 8. This movie sucks big, floppy, venereal-diseased, fucking DICK! Oh my fucking GOD, is this a piece of shit! Now I know what it was like, Jerrid, when you went to go see Judy Moody, because this movie is for someone who's fucking FIVE! (beat) But what did you guys think?

    • The increasingly Oh Crap face on Jerrid's face as he realises just how pissed Brad really is.
  • During the review of Battleship, Brad notes that the dumb character looks exactly like Chris Bores. Leading to this.

Brad: (doing an impression of Bores) When I was a kid, Battleship was a timeless classic. We had battleships, submarines, life boats, sailing boats. Face it, Battleship is ruined!

    • This exchange near the end:

Brad: My final thought is, uh... (chuckles) I don't know if I'll see anything worse this summer. Not saying there won't be worse, but whatever is worse... Jake and Irving will probably be at.
Irving: (across the parking lot) Fuck you!


Eighties Dan

  • 80's Dan: MCDLT
    • "Why do you hate me lord, is it because I was built by man and not your steady hands?"
    • Dan happening to have a tape about the MCDLT
    • ROB hitting on Mrs.Crabtree throughout the episode.
    • Everyones reactions to Dan's MCDLT, in additon to Dan being completely unphased by it being covered with green moldy gunk.
      • Dolly: "I"m Pretty sure this is how Invasion of the Body Snatchers started."
      • Dolly: "Dan I've seen Creepshow, this dosen't end well for you."
      • Travis: "I'm, pretty sure I saw one of those puss bubbles winking at me, I'm not sure how I feel about it"
    • The Opening with Dan scaring the crap out of his freind and ROB's joy about him messing himself on the floor "It was worth it"
    • Dan shruging off ROB telling him that while he came along because he can save him, he won't and just want's the irony to sink in.
    • After Dan throws up the MCDLT:

Travis:Today, was a good day.

    • The laugh track going on during ROB's incredibly morbid statments about the McDonald's Transformers.
  • 80's Dan: Automan
    • The Constant lampshade hanging about the various parts of the show that it has in common with 80's Dan( Having an out of place nonhuman sidekick, not explaining how Dan got where he was, slowly introducing charicters... etc.)
    • "Is it too late to name you 80's douchebag?"
    • "You remember my lecture on Manimal?" "Yeah, because you started masturbating in the middle of it."
      • What makes it even funnier is Brad's own obessesion with Manimal.
    • "How could you sell out like this Cursor? I saw you do Shakespeare."
    • "Rape is what happens."
      • "Not if your Automan."
    • "I can turn Gyros and Stack Circles. Screw you Dan. Screw you." (Laugh Track)
    • Dan constantly acting like Dolly knows nothing about the 80's
    • Rob interrupting Automan with Phantasm
    • Dan attempting to kiss Dolly... only to get a punch in the face.
    • "He dosen't need to scream, he's got Automan."
    • "I sincelry believe that his dreamy good looks killed that man."
    • This exchange after a street light with a lady's voice let's Automan pass:

Dolly:Does this mean he had sex with that street light?
Dan: That streetlight had a womans voice, that clearly means it has a vagina.

    • "I'm not intrested in your gang bang video's Travis"
  • 80's Dan: World Games
    • The Opening with ROB confident that his letter will be one of many Mrs.Cratree get's, thus keeping her husband from getting suspicous.... only for Dan of all people to point out she dosen't act and that his peeping dosen't count.
    • "Theres only one time to get excited about the Olympics... while watching Cool Runnings."
    • After ROB sees them playing the NES

ROB: What are you doing with my sex box?
Dolly: Dammit ROB is that why it smells like battery acid?
Dan: It's okay Dolly. Belive it or not ROB's sex juice is the only thing that can get it started on the first try.
ROB: Her name is Nessie... and can we quietly change the subject?"

    • "Techincally I'm 47."
    • "You Actually expect one of those add-on's to work?", "You and me, pistols. Tommorow. At noon."
    • "As long as all the athletes are white, that can't possibly be racist"
    • "The first 80's cokehead joke of this new series is brought to you by the MCDLT"
    • Any time Dan slaps his knee and laughs way too loug.
    • "Can I ski now?", "Sure let's watch you die."
    • "You need some classic 80's ski music"
    • Dan and Dolly doing nothing until they notice the commecial is over.
    • "I used to hang out in alot of bathhouses in the seventies. I'm kind of afriad of large men in diapers."
  • 80's Dan: Hot To Trot
    • During Travis griping about Dan and R.O.B.

Travis: I don't like the way that robot looks at you. I think he has X-Ray Vision.
(cut to R.O.B.)
R.O.B.: I can also hear upstairs.

Travis: That figures
Dan: And just what do you have against Onigo Boingo?
Travis:Nothing I guess, they were good in Back to School
Dan:That's what I thought

    • Dolly on Bobcat Goldwaits voice:

Dolly: "Most of the time he was on screen I kept wondering if he forgot to take a dump before they started rolling"

    • After R.O.B. takes a dump... which comes out as a battery, Dan goes into a fit of knee-slapping laughter:

Travis:See Dan? Your reaction there? That's why you like Hot To Trot.

    • The discussion of the villan's teeth
    • "The only reason I'm embarrassed is because I'm around people who don't' like Hot To Trot"
    • ROB's story about a man stuffing thousands of Micro Machines up his ass... and then using ROB's gyros to clean it out it in a sepia toned flashback.

R.O.B. I still have nightmares about what he did to Polly Pocket

    • R.O.B.: "Why did he have to sneak a horse around in the first place? He was rich and it was The 80's. It was his god given right to own a horse.
    • R.O.B's indecison on the ending of his fan-script for Hot To Trot 2: Stable Condition

R.O.B.: I'm not sure weather Don should win the medal of freedom for saving the president from a buffalo stampede or die in a mine shaft explosion.

      • And his reason for writing it: He wants to occupy his time doing something no one else could conceivably be doing.
    • "Your thinking too hard about it, they just wanted Burgess Meridith as a fly."
    • The Reveal that They've been talking about Hot To Trot for 8 hours.
    • "I'd stick petrified dog turds in my eyes just to make you feel uncomfortable"
  • In the 80s Dan review of Halloween III: Season of the Witch, the gang is visited by the Ghostbusters of Chicago, who proceed to rob them blind. While ecstatic Dan does nothing have fangasms over meeting the "real" ghostbusters saying lines from Ghostbusters II.
    • Dolly lamenting why Dan hasn't complemented her costume. Prompting Dan to say that it's the best Donald Duck crossdressing he's ever seen. The Death Glare Dolly gives Dan is simply priceless.
    • Dan's constant grumbling about the film... for the sole reason of not having Micheal Meyers.
      • Dan finally warming up to the film at the end... only to reveal he's done some coke while they weren't looking.
      • Dan's justifacation for why he didin't watch the Halloween III trailer pointing out it was a sepreate universe from the previous films:

Dan:No one watched trailers in the 80's! We were too busy getting handy j's from the girl peddling Jolt Cola in the lobby.
Travis: If by "we" you mean you. I don't think everyone had the same experinces in the 80's as you did.
Dan:Look in the glassy stares in your parents eyes next time you see them. Trust me we all snorted from the same mirrors.

    • After learning what film their watching next:

Dan: Huh, Vampire's Kiss. I'm going to have to call my contact and get us 20 more kilos of the fun stuff.
R.O.B.: It's me you idiot, i'm your contact!

    • Dan's disapointment at the fairly quiet night the gang's having instead of the wild drugs and sex parties he had in the 80's:


Kung Tai Ted

  • At the end of the review of Tiger Love:

Kung Tai Ted: That's all the time we have on the show today. This is Kung Tai Ted saying... I think I watched a snuff film. (Beat) Figured the Cinema Snob would be the first person that would happen to...

    • From his review of The Return of Street Fighter:

This one's called the Tex Avery Wolf. *mimes panting like a dog*


DVD-R Hell

Winnie-the-Pooh: You're right Piglet. People you see everyday might want to... touch you.

Brad: *laughs* Yeah, and... wait, what.

    • Which is followed by a song on the subject matter, prompting bewildered reaction shots from Brad, Jillian, one of his cats, Mr. Bill, and a R.O.B.
    • Brad labelling Tigger as an 'unhinged, coke-head tiger'.
    • "I certainly learned a lot from Tigger and Roo!"

Brad: But unfortunately, Pooh learned nothing about eavesdropping!

    • During a stranger danger example:

Man: Hey kid, come here a second. I seem to have lost my dog somewhere around here and I was wondering if you might help me try to find him?
Boy: No, sorry, I can't do that. [rides away on his bike]
Brad: Or you could tell him that you haven't seen his dog and then run away, you rude, ginger, little shit!

Brad: Thank you, magic rabbit who dresses like Jack the Ripper!

    • The scene where Owl lets Tigger in:

Brad: Haha, so obviously not only is a piglet costume okay, but a tiger costume as well. I hope you pervs are taking notes!

    • Followed by...

Brad: Thanks, guy in a bear suit whose name is another word for feces!

  • His DVD-R Hell review of Heil Honey I'm Home. "If you're trying to get me to like Hitler...it's not working."
    • Brad's horrified looks during the review's entirety seal the deal.
  • From his DVD-R Hell review of Poochinski:
    • "You know, H.R. Pufnstuff's dick would be less terrifying than this dog."
    • He plays the "Can't shoot a kid, can you, fucker?" bit from RoboCop 2 when it turns out Poochinski can, in fact, threaten a kid who pulls a knife on him with his gun. So Poochinski is a tougher cop than Robocop?!
  • At the end of the Rock: It's Your Decision review, Brad declares that the main character likely committed suicide ten years after the film. He gives a cheesy smile... and with perfect timing, Lloyd jumps on his couch.
    • The youth pastor claims Jeff could use the same scripture against soap operas that his mother uses against rock:

Brad: Again, very true. My love for Tears for Fears did stem from my mother's love of Patch and Kayla. Then again, I loved Patch and Kayla too... Hey, Days of Our Lives was awesome in the Eighties! That's when it had Nick the Pimp!

    • When Jeff called The Captain and Tennille (of all things) a bad influence:

Brad: The Captain and Tennille is a sin now too? Calling The Captain and Tennille a sin is a sin against the word sin.

  • From How Can I Tell If I'm Really in Love?

Professor: You can fall in love with a part of a person!
Brad: [In a sinister tone] I love your scalp!

    • Shortly afterward...

Professor: You can't have a conversation with an ass!
Brad: Really? I have conversations with Jerrod all the time!
Jerrod: Dude!

    • Later, the professor claims that you don't fight as much when you're in a "mature relationship".

Brad: Oh, yeah? [Calls off-screen] Hey, honey.
Jill: Fuck you, prick!
Brad: [Grins]

  • In Be Somebody Or Be Somebody's Fool, Brad points out that a sketch ends just at the point he wanted to see - Mr. T, in short shorts and gold chains, sucking another man's toes in an elementary school classroom.
  • From Bibleman:
    • His constant pointing out of the kid-unfriendly scenes in The Bible (incest, sword fighting, decapitation, etc.).
    • "Don't get too mad at these kids, though. They had to fill in at the last minute for Norman Greenbaum."
    • "I tried walking on water, it doesn't work, no matter how much weight I've lost.
    • Kid sings about how he goes to the bible for politics
      • "Ugh, Thought that kid looked familar, nice to know what Rick Santorum was doing in his youth."
    • In a flashback, Bibleman fights a cackling, goggles-wearing mad scientist named "Doctor Decepto". At the end of the video, cue the Doctor Insano cameo.
    • This troper loved Brad's delivery of this line.

Brad: "Whattaya say, kids? Isn't Bibleman cooooool?"


Movies in 5 Seconds


V Logs


Other

  • In early 2012, a Blip commercial for a TV show called "It's a Brad Brad World" started playing before videos. Brad Jones noted on Twitter that if he had a show called that, it wouldn't be on Bravo.
    • Similarly, Spoony saw a commercial for "Brad Brad World" before watching The Cinema Snob's review of Cannibal Ferox, calling it Brad-ception
Back to The Cinema Snob
Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/The_Cinema_Snob/Funny?oldid=1888664"