The Last Samurai/Funny

On the first day of new recruit training, we get this little gem from Billy Connoly's character:

Gant: RIGHT, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU WILL STAND UP STRAIGHT OR I WILL PERSONALLY SHIT-KICK EVERY FAR EASTERN BUTTOCK THAT APPEARS BEFORE MY EYES!!!
(the recruits fearfully stand up straight, despite the fact that Gant was speaking in English)
Algren: Well done, sergeant.
Gant: When you understand the language, sir, everything falls into place.

Algren and his one-sided conversation with the samurai assigned to guard him.

I just realized, I've been remiss. Forgive me, I forgot to thank you for looking out for me yesterday. That is your job, correct? Protecting me. Well done 'Bob.' You don't mind if I call you Bob, do you? I knew a Bob once; God, he was ugly as a mule. Are you a ladies man, Bob?

Simon Graham (Timothy Spall) getting past security by pretending that Algren is the United States President.
- Come to personally lead Omura's army into battle, no less.

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