The Magic of Torchwood/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The Fork. And it's many appearances.
  • Jack using a stinging hex...on Bellatrix...on her arse. This is after he notes that at the Time Agency she would have been just his type. Coupled with this line:

Jack: Come on, then. Let's dance!

  • Jack messing with Bellatrix further: "Aww, calm down, crazy kitty. Maybe you and I should go somewhere quiet and work out a few of your anger issues."
  • Ianto constantly snarking, and when he finally learns the Silencio spell, much to Owen's discomfort.
  • Jack complaining to Draco and Harry that they're acting like a pair of jealous girlfriends about him. Also his various insinuations of UST between the two.
  • Jack and Gwen manipulating Skeeter into being fired by talking about a lot of false gossip such as Harry and Snape getting together and other hilarious things.
  • Ianto snarking (interaction paraphrased):

Hufflepuff Firstie: *about two slytherins acting strangely about her* Dunno. Two big tough kids. All muscle and no brains.
Ianto: You just described their entire Quidditch team.

  • In chapter 56, Jack and Ianto are playing around with the Room of Requirement and Jack wishes for Umbridge's clothes, letting her keep her underwear. Cut to:

Dinner in the Great Hall had suddenly become a great deal more interesting.

  • Owen and Ianto's Quidditch Commentary. All of it.

Owen: And on the Slytherin side, we've got Ogden, Stroulger, Urquhart, Travers, Crabbe, Goyle and Harper. So... that's five and a half mountain trolls, and a name-thief.

  • Harry goes to ask Jack for help getting a date that isn't psycho. Cue offers of poisoning, Nott having an "understanding" with Luna that would allow her to date Nott and go out as friends with Harry, and a discussion of Owen poisoning Wizarding minds by teaching them dirty Muggle words and everyone blaming Owen for everything.

Zabini: That understanding being that she's crazy and in three months' time you'll technically be a paedophile?

  • When Snape uses the word 'master':

Draco: We don't use that word in the dungeons anymore, Professor. Jack maims people for it.

  • This exchange in Chapter 80 is pure gold:

Draco: So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!
Snape: You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things.
Draco: You'd better stop telling me to come to your office then. People might get the wrong idea.
Snape: You've been spending far too much time with that Harkness boy.

  • Owen's methods of psychological torture.
  • The first half of Chapter 94. Particularly the Polyjuice section and Jack's smirking.
Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/The_Magic_of_Torchwood/Funny?oldid=1072326"