The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything/Quotes

You say you're nasty pirates
Scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers?
From what I've seen I tell you

You're not pirates! You're just slackers!

—A Pirate I Was Meant To Be, The Curse of Monkey Island

Sci-fi Greg: Uh, Cheerleader, shouldn't you be out, ehhhhh, leading cheers?

Cheerleader: No, I'm more a cheerleader in the way I dress, and in the way I treat other girls.

—Four Gregs, Homestar Runner

(Singing)
Larry, Pa Grape, and Mr. Lunt: We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you...
Larry: We don't do anything!

Pa Grape: Well, I've never been to Greenland,
and I've never been to Denver,
and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul!
And I've never been to Moscow,
and I've never been to Tampa,
and I've never been to Boston in the fall!

Larry, Pa Grape, and Mr. Lunt: 'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you...
Mr. Lunt: We don't do anything!

Mr. Lunt: And I've never hoist the mainstay,
and I never swabbed the poop deck,
and I never veered to starboard 'cuz I never sail at all!
And I've never walked a gangplank,
and I've never owned a parrot,

and I've never been to Boston in the fall!

Larry, Pa Grape, and Mr. Lunt: (singing) 'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"

Larry: Well, I've never plucked a rooster,

and I'm not too good at ping-pong,

and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against a wall!

And I've never kissed a chipmunk,

and I've never gotten head lice,

and I've never been to Boston in the fall!

(Speaking)
Pa Grape: Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?!
Mr. Lunt: Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about piratey things!
Larry: Oh.
Pa Grape: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?
Mr. Lunt: I think you look like Cap'n Crunch.
Pa Grape: Huh? No I don't.
Mr. Lunt: Do too.
Pa Grape: Do not.
Mr. Lunt: You're making me hungry.
Pa Grape: That's it, you're walking the plank.
Mr. Lunt: Says who?
Pa Grape: Says the Cap'n, that's who!
Mr. Lunt: Oh yeah? Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch! Hehehe!
Pa Grape: Aarrrrrgh!
Mr. Lunt: Yikes!

Larry: (Singing) And I've never licked a spark plug,
and I've never sniffed a stink bug,
and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball!
And I've never bathed in yogurt,
and I don't look good in leggings...
Pa Grape: (Speaking) You just don't get it.

Larry, Pa Grape, and Mr. Lunt: (singing) ...And we've never been to Boston in the fall!

—Veggie Tales, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

On Mondays, I never go to work
On Tuesdays, I stay at home
On Wednesdays, I never feel inclined
Work is the last thing on my mind
On Thursdays, it's a holiday!
And Fridays I detest
Oh it's much too late on a Saturday

And Sunday is the day of rest

—They Might Be Giants, "Seven Days of the Week (I Never Go to Work)"

Whatever happened to "we rape, we pillage"?

—Jason, The Ice Pirates