The Shocker: Legit

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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"The "normal" life. So that's what I was living; subsisting on Doritos, self-hatred and a keg-can of Heineken. That's the normal life. Blasting cops with level threes while they're just trying to help people is the normal life. Knowing I'll never really get anywhere, be anybody, do anything - That's the normal life."

The Shocker: Legit is a Spider-Man fanfic by Max Landis (son of director John Landis), and is about the Shocker (Herman Schultz) trying to go legit. Big surprise, huh? There's also a lot of Marvel references, appearances by a handful of other superheroes and supervillains, an expansive conspiracy theory, the Shocker's interactions with his best friend, The Rhino, who is a bit of a ditz, and the superb narration told in the voice of The Shocker. It also fleshes out both The Shocker and the Rhino as friends (in some pretty heartwarming scenes). The fanfic itself is highly quotable. The Shocker kind of turns into a Marty Stu by the end, but overall it's definitely worth a look.

Can be found here

Tropes used in The Shocker: Legit include:

"This guy is one of the most dangerous mercs out there. But he made a mistake I've found to be my greatest strength in my limited time as a superhero - these idiots are used to fighting heroes. I don't fight like a hero."

Think of metahuman combat as a debate:

ME: “I want this money.”
SUPERHERO: “You cannot have this money. It is against the law to take this money.”
ME: “I shall take this money regardless of the law, because I want it.”
SUPERHERO: “That is aberrant behavior. We shall fight.”
ME: “Have at thee!”

Granted, I always lose. But with Spider-Man it works something like this:

ME: “I want this money.”
SPIDERMAN: “YOU GOT A STUPID HEAD!”
ME: “What?”
SPIDERMAN: “I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU A LOT!”
ME: “What?”
SPIDERMAN: “HERE COMES THE PAIN FISTS POO-BRAINS!”
ME: “Wha–?”
POW!
SPIDERMAN: “HAHA I HIT YOU STUPID GUY YOU GO TO JAIL NOW!”

Shocker: Here’s a quick one for you: A woman is giving birth. The doctor picks up the baby and slaps its ass to start it crying, but it stays quiet. The doctor lets out this crazy scream, and starts punching the baby in the face, and then picking it up and smashing it against the wall, and then just throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. The mother is screaming and screaming, but in her condition, she can’t really do anything. The doctor lets out this great last war-cry, and then hurls the bloody lump of baby through the window, sending it tumbling four stories to the ground below. He laughs, calming down, and turns to the mother. “Just kidding, miss; it was dead when it came out.” ... The moral is this: Things are never as bad as they seem. Usually, they’re worse.

The Hebrew Hellion. The sad thing is, in this world, I’m sure there’s someone out there who calls himself that and thinks it’s the baddest shit on the planet.

This gets another cheer, and again, I understand; seeing a six-foot-tall guy knocking back an nine-foot-tall guy with an uppercut is just goddamn cool.

  • Song Fic: There's a radio playing "Saturday Night's Alright" by Elton John in one chapter, and the lyrics are interspersed throughout the chapter.
  • You Bastard: At multiple points, Shocker takes shots at the audience for their (he assumes) dismissive attitudes towards various super-villains

Shocker: You’d be surprised how many of my friends, at one time or another, have worked in a freak show. ...Actually, you probably wouldn’t be surprised. You’d probably smile smugly and say something droll. You fucking prick.