Too Dumb to Live/Fan Works

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • In Tiberium Wars, the Brotherhood of Nod considers sexual assault to be an "offense against the Messiah" and therefore a capital crime. At least one Nod soldier apparently didn't read up on the rules, because he attempts to rape a GDI prisoner while one of the Black Hand is in the next room. An epic ass-beating ensues.
  • In Kyon: Big Damn Hero, Haruhi thinks this of Taniguchi after learning about his ratings. Kyon calling him a 'living perv-wiki' probably didn't help.
  • Arnold of Soulless Shell falls for Leif's ruse and says that he'll "never do it again" when threatened with execution for rape, prompting Leif to conclude that he has the evidence necessary to confirm his guilt. He breaks out of prison, and not only is dumb enough to want to kill Leif in revenge, but tries to rape a young girl first, pushing Leif's Berserk Button and earning him a messy death at the hands of his One-Winged Angel form. Apparently, he didn't even think to bring the guards he recruited with him, although given how easily Leif dispatches them soon afterward, they wouldn't have done much good.
  • Played for Laughs with the narrator in Bruinhilda's Galaxy Rangers story "The Trouble With Tortuna". He voluntarily ships off to the worst Wretched Hive in the galaxy, one where humans are banned because it's controlled by The Queen's forces. Any human caught by the Crown will have their Life Energy stripped from them and turned into a Slaverlord. The reporter goes there, gets ridiculously intoxicated, then interferes several times when the Rangers show up and try to bail his ass out.
  • In the Death Note fan comic Kira Hates Sues, a Parody Sue girl goes up to Light and lists all her qualifications to be his girlfriend, including being smarter than anyone else at Wammy's House. She then asks him to write down her name, and he does... in the Death Note.
  • In one Naruto fanfic, the Kyuubi released a powerful pheromone when it was sealed that basically made everyone into sex maniacs the moment they hit puberty (extreme horniness is a perfectly acceptable reason to be excused from class and it's considered extremely rude to reject someone if they want to have sex). When he first uses his Sexy no Jutsu, he's flat out told that turning into a naked woman, especially in public, will get him raped. When he says he'd just change back and laugh, he's warned that his attackers probably won't care what gender he is at that point. Naruto promptly vows to never use it again, unless it's really funny.
  • Blaine's naivety in Hunting the Unicorn seems to have crossed into this. Not only would he help anyone without even questioning, but he's so oblivious he completely fails to notice his Stalker with a Crush. On a less drastic note, being so trusting and honorable has resulted in fuckloads of heartache.
  • Vulture and Greyback, two griffin soldiers in Ace Combat: The Equestrian War. The former is outmaneuvered by Firebolt and killed upon crashing onto a column during the battle of Cloudsdale. The latter is fried by The Burning Talon's laser because he too focused on trying to kill Lightning Bolt.
  • Dave in Dave Stdider Pokémon Traner. Jake England the evil poacher wheels a ray gun specifically called the "Dave Kill Lazer" past Dave & co. while laughing maniacally. Dave nonchalantly acknowledges this fact and then just ignores the fact that an evil villain has a laser SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO KILL HIM. Also he's fooled by Jack and Karkat's false mustaches in Chapter 8, despite the fact that a nameless character (The Ticket Taker Man) notices like, a sentence before.
  • The Celebrity Deathmatch Fic, Final Stand of Death, it's best never to anger any member of Fusion Gundam.
    • Episode 2: Blink-182 were lucky to escape after making this mistake with Spur by making chainsaw noises.
  • Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Elder Sect, a Harry Potter/Bewitched crossover by "Clell65619". When faced with the immortal, godlike witches and warlocks of Bewitched, Dumbledore is arrogant enough to think he can manipulate and outsmart them. He's quite wrong. Fortunately for him they're forgiving.