Track of the Moon Beast
"Your movie this week stars nobody and features nothing. I hope you gag on it."
Track of the Moon Beast is yet another transformation movie where radiation from a meteorite strike causes a professor to be turned into a murderous monster. This time the bland, uninteresting white scientist is some guy named Paul; beyond that, no one knows anything about him, including the screenwriter. There's also a bland, uninteresting Love Interest dressed in terrycloth named Kathy. Their bland, uninteresting romance is hampered by Paul's refusal to just stop transmogrifying into a killer lizard, meaning the intrepid, stew-making shaman Johnny
Longbone Longbow has to step in and move the plot along.
Tropes present in Track of the Moon Beast:[edit | hide | hide all]
- Artistic License: Biology: The picture of the T. Rex in the biologists office wouldn't convince a 4 year old.
- Artistic License Nuclear Physics: Everything surrounding the "explanation" of the radiation from the meteor, mixed in with some Artistic License Astronomy.
- Basement Dweller: Paul still lives with his mom in what appear to be his early thirties, and Kathy feels he's a very lonely man.
- Early thirties? Not quite. According to the APB that plays on the radio in the Wheat Penny & Glock shop that Paul visits to buy a shotgun, "Here's a description of the man being sought. His name is Paul Gene Carlson. He's 24 years old, Caucasian, about six feet tall, weighing 160, brown hair, blue eyes."
- Better To Die Than To Be A Bipedal Lizardman
- Dawson Casting: Kathy's actress is probably about ten years older then her character, although the film is so washed out and faded it's hard to tell.
- Dull Surprise: "Moon rock? Oh, wow." See also: every other line Kathy says.
- Also, the "prank." Drawn out into the open and brought down by multiple packs of hound/dingo crossbreeds with baseball bats by the long, convoluted and completely unnecessary apology because of his "reaction."
- Dumb Blonde: Kathy, in spades. This was probably not what they were going for at all.
- Failed a Spot Check: A pair of cops obligingly just keep staring in the exact opposite direction from where Paul is sneaking up on them.
- Fan Disservice: The movie for features a good look at the drunken bowler's asscheeks.
- Fan Service: Say what you want about Paul, but he's got a great body. He spends 1/3 of his screentime topless.
- Fashion Dissonance: Everything Kathy wears.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Paul would presumably have become one if not stopped in time.
- He Also Did: Writer William Finger? Co-creator of Batman. If you're wondering what he was doing writing lame movies, Bob Kane conned him out of the royalties for the character.
- I Love Nuclear Power: And radioactive meteorites.
- Imagine Spot: Paul has a fantasy of getting into the mountain lift and jumping out of it while it's in the air.
- Large Ham: Johnny is maybe slightly softer-spoken than your average ham, but he still has his occasional moments of Chewing the Scenery.
- Leitmotif: The stereotypical theme for Johnny Longbow.
- Magical Native American: Johnny Longbow.
- Notable Original Music: "California Lady"
- The Seventies: Make it stop.
- Sex Equals Love
- Shoot the Dog
- Our Werebeasts Are Different: Were-lizardman!
- What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: The prank and Johnny Longbow's stew, made with corn, chicken, green peppers, chilis, *sigh* onions... Hair...
- Actually, try Johnny's recipe. It's delicious. The hair is best left out, but can be added to your tastes.