Van Helsing/Funny

After Frankenstein's Monster was forced outside and into a horse carriage:

Frankenstein's Monster: By exposing me, you have condemned me! ME AND ALL OF HUMANITY!!! (Gabriel and Anna simply close the door on him)

Carl: Is that a man?

Van Helsing: Seven men, parts of them actually.

One of the brief conversations between Velken and Dracula:

Velken: I would rather die than help you!
Dracula: Oh, don't be boring. Everyone that says that dies.

A good portion of the fight scene between Van Helsing and Mr. Hyde. Y'know, when it wasn't Nightmare Fuel.
Dracula and Igor after the werewolf returns and Igor starts attacking it with an electrified prong:

Dracula: Igor?
Igor: Yes, master?
Dracula: Why do you torment that thing so?
Igor: It's what I do.

After breaking into the castle:

Van Helsing: You are taking us to Dracula.
Igor: No. I'm not.
(Van Helsing slams him against a wall, hard)
Igor: Yes. I am.

- Before this, when the heroes see Igor passing by, you can hear him complaining about his master -- "Igor do this, Igor do that!"
- Even better is the exchange immediately after Van Helsing grabs Igor.

Van Helsing: Give me one good reason not to kill you.
Igor: Well...I...uh...

A drive-by hilarious quote--after Carl tests the nitroglycerin, you can hear one of the priests in the background indignantly shouting: "What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?!"

Carl: The air is THICK with envy around here...

Van Helsing ending his Sherlock Scan of what Frankenstein's Monster looks like with this exchange:

Van Helsing: (rattling off the monster's features)...and he has three copper teeth.
Anna: How do you know he has three copper teeth? (As Frankenstein's monster is coming up behind her)

Van Helsing: (quickly) Because he's standing right behind you MOVE!

From the gag reel:

Dracula: I give you... VAN HALEN!

From the animated prologue; the amazing holy water super soaker.