VeggieTales/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Where's God When I'm S-Scared?

Junior Asparagus: Ah. Who are you?
Bob the Tomato: I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help.
(Junior's toy chest starts rattling)
Junior: There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- (Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head) ... baby pickle?
Bob: It's a cucumber.
Bob the Tomato: Look up at that window. What do you see?
Junior Asparagus: My curtains.
Bob: No! Out the window, up in the sky.
Junior: I see lots of stars.
Larry the Cucumber: God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, (razzes), and there they were.
(The Scallion Wise Men have thrown Daniel, portrayed by Larry, into the lions' den)
Scallion #2: Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"!
Scallion #3: Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you!
Scallion #2: (to Scallion #3) Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him!
Scallion #3: Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating-
Scallion #2: Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. (seals the den up)
Bob the Tomato: God made you special, and He loves you very much. (closing line of most episodes)

Veggie Tales: Rack, Shack & Benny

(Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate)
Mr. Nezzer: Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up.
Mr. Lunt: Actually, boss, I think that tomato is sitting.
Rack, Bob the Tomato: I'm standing!
Mr. Lunt: Sitting
Rack, Bob the Tomato: Look! This is sitting and this is standing. I'm standing.
Mr. Lunt: Okay, he's standing.
(Having finished singing his bunny-worshipping song, Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback)
Rack, Bob the Tomato: Um, what would happen. Say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they didn't, um... didn't sing it. What would happen?
Mr. Nezzer: What's that over there?
Shack, Junior Asparagus : That's the furnace.
Mr. Nezzer: What's it for?
Benny, Larry the Cucumber: Well, that's where the bad bunnies go.
Mr. Nezzer: Let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny.
Rack, Bob the Tomato: You don't mean?
Mr. Nezzer: But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there.
Rack, Bob the Tomato': Okay! No more bunnies. I'm doing it for my mom!
Benny, Larry the Cucumber': Me too!

(Shack looked at the clock and it's 11:50, so all the workers ate and ate and ate the chocolate, then suddenly at 11:55, they stopped eating chocolate and they had stomachaches on their bellies.)


Laura Carrot: Sorry, sir, can't let you cook my buddies.
Mr. Nezzer: Guards, get them.
Laura Carrot: Hang on, guys.

Dave And the Giant Pickle

(The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield)
Jean-Claude: Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Philippe: Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers.
Jean-Claude: Yes, and iron our trousers!
Philippe: Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses.
Jean-Claude: Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! (no response from the Israelites) Don't you have anything to say?
Jimmy Gourd: Um... do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken.
Jerry Gourd: Yeah, me too!
Jean-Claude: (to Philippe) This is going to be easier than we thought.
Goliath: Who will fight me!?
Dave (Junior Asparagus): I will fight you, Goliath!
Goliath: (sees Dave) Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks?
(Philistines laugh)
Dave: I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you!
Goliath: We will see who defeats who! Now we fight!
Jean-Claude: It's showtime!

The Toy That Saved Christmas

(The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays)
Wally P. Nezzer: (dressed as Santa Claus) Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie!
(camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw)
Mr. Nezzer: Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meaning of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... (presses the Louie's nose)
Buzzsaw Louie: Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys!
Mr. Nezzer: Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door.
Announcer: Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge.
Mr. Nezzer: So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper.
Mr Lunt: (wearing pointed ears and hat) Look at me, I'm an elf!
Mr. Nezzer: You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw and the true meaning of Christmas.
Buzzsaw Louie: Billy has more toys than you.
(commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys)
(Bob is lying upside down in a snowpile after crashing in Junior's sled)
Larry: Bob, Bob! Are you okay!?
Bob: Mouse Trap!
Larry: Huh?
Bob: I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt.
Rollend Asparagus': (exploding) We're right here!
Mr. Nezzer': Huh? (The family are mean)
Rollend Asparagus': (Yelling) We care much about the true meaning of christmas Mr. Nezzer!
Josh Carrot': (angrily) That's what we came in-that's what you deserve! (They growls loudly)
Nathalie Pea': You see? It does not work!
Baird Pea': This is so frustrating!
Steve': Yeah! It's frustrating. Hey! When we get frustrated, what do you do? Stop, Breathe, and Think. Frustrated?
Rollend Asparagus': Yes!
Steve': Hey! When you get frustrated? You? Stop, Breathe, and think.
Rollend Asparagus': [screams]
Josh Carrot': Steve! There's only room for one toy.
Holly Asparagus': We gotta packing up all the toys for christmas.
Ilsa Carrot': This is so frustrating!

(Asparagus pea and carrot are crying)

Junior': Steve! Joe! I need more toys!
Percy': Billy has more toys than me!
Baird Pea': Who's Billy?
Percy': I dunno but he has more toys than me!
Laura': (whines loudly) I want a Buzz-Saw Louie!
Lenny': I want ten Buzz-Saw Louies!
Laura and Lenny': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! (crying)
Steve': Does Asparagus pea and Carrot cry?
Dad Carrot': Do you think they all cry?
Joe': Yes! That's when the veggie children cry when they need something.

Very Silly Songs

Larry: Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant, Jimmy, turn off the water to the kitchen.
Jimmy: Oh... you meant the kitchen sink, I thought this was bathrooms and decks.
Larry: Bob!
Larry: What? Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down.
Bob: You did what?

LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space

(Larry and Alfred are playing Candy Land), stomach growling.
Larry: I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred.
Alfred (Archibald): Right, let's see. (draws a card) Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn.
Larry: (draws a card) Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am.
(Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up)
Larry: Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed.
LarryBoy: I am going to die!
Alfred: Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell. Yellow!
LarryBoy: No really, It's quite a bitter, Alfred!
Alfred: I'm getting a reading!
LarryBoy: Alfred!
Alfred: It's looks like...! It's looks like...!
Alfred: AAAAAAAHH!!! AAAAAAAHH!!!
LarryBoy: Alfred?! What's happening?
Alfred: AAAAAAAHH!!! AAAAAAAHH!!!
Alfred: Boot! you transistorized tormentor! BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!
LarryBoy: Good bye, Bumblyburg!
Junior: I did it! I broke the plate!
LarryBoy: I am that hero!

Josh And the Big Wall

(Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Veggie Israelites discuss plans over a campfire)
Pa Grape: This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. (everybody looks at him in disbelief) Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise!
Tom Grape: We were in slavery.
Pa Grape: Nothing is perfect.
Tom Grape: How are we clapping?
Pa Grape: I have no idea.
Tom: Well Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids?
Pa: Oh, I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho!
Israelites: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
[The Jericho Peas laugh, the wall dropped against the French Peas on the floor, and the loudest rumbling.]
Peas: AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Madame Blueberry

Bob: Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy?
Larry: I don't know. How much stuff is there?
Madame Blueberry: I am not leaving until I have everything I need to be happy!
[Bob and Larry are crying]
Bob: Oh that was beautiful!
Larry: Hold me Bob!
Bob: I would if I could, man!
Jean Claude: Pull yourselves together!
Phillipe: Yes, you have a show to wrap up!
Bob: Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?
Larry: [sniffling] Madame Blueberry..!
Bob and Larry: [crying]
Jean Claude: All right! That does it! Cue the music!
Phillipe: Unless, of course, you have any objections...

The End of Silliness

Larry: [sobbing] Bye Silly Songs! Nice knowing ya! (sleeps and snores)
Jimmy: Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on?
Archibald: I'll tell you what's going on!
Archibald: Perhaps this will clear things up.
Larry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Jimmy: [gasping] You don't mean.
Archibald: Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame!
Archibald: No! Quite the contrary! Silliness has just begun!

Larry Boy and the Rumor Weed

The Weed: [sings] I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed!
Larry Boy: Alfred, I'm... I'm still alive!
Alfred: I'm not a robot, I'm... British!
Alfred: But-- I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! [Alfred looks frightened, The Mother Weed is kind of a dragon, Alfred is menacing on head] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Dad Asparagus: Laura, Junior, what's going on? What does thing has Alfred?
Crowd: What a nice man!
Alfred: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Mr. Nezzer: We didn't even ask you if it was true!
Alfred: Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all!

King George and the Ducky

King George (Larry): We did it! Oh now now now I'm happy!
King George: Whats that?
Melvin (Pa Grape): Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate.
George and Louis (Bob): Ooh! Flannelgraph!

Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen

The King (Mr. Nezzer): Make me a sandwich!
Haman (Mr. Lunt): You get in the wagon! You, bow to me!
Mordecai (Pa Grape): Uh, no!
Haman: Bow!
Mordecai: No!
Haman: BOW!
Mordecai: I bow to no one except my God and my king!
Teresh (Phillipe): You don't mean...
Bigthen (Jean Claude): ...the island where you are tickled day and night...
Teresh: ...night and day...
Bigthen: ...without stop...
Teresh: ...not even if you say "pretty please?!"
Teresh and Bigthen: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (The royal executioner Grim Tickler who is wearing a robe with a feather sticking out the left arm, comes and tickles the Peoni brothers out of the throne room.)
Teresh and Bigthen: No! (They start giggling uncontrollably.)
The King: For your punishment Haman, you ought to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen and her family!
(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, taking Haman.)
Haman: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! He he he, stop me, No! Ha ha ha, Whoa! You're killing me. NO!

Lyle the Kindly Viking

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd): But soft, 'tis Ophelia. (no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis) But soft! Tis Ophelia!
Mr. Lunt: (from off-stage, wearing a pink dress) But I don't wanna do it! It's embarassing!
Arcibald Asparagus: You have to. It's tradition. In Shakespeare's day, all the women roles were played by men. (shoves Lunt out onto the stage)
Mr. Lunt: I think we're gonna get letters about this... (in character) 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia.
Percy Pea: You guess where my ships are.
Omelet (Jimmy Gourd): 2B?
Percy Pea: Not 2B.
Omelet: Drat. Uh your turn.
Omelet: To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. And to take "Tums" against a sea of indigestion. To eat, perchance to get a tummy ache! Aye, there's the rub.
Sven (Larry): [sings] I need to go to the bathroom!
Otar (Bob): Uh Sven, you can stop singing now.
Pea Monk: Right there.
Pa Monk: Hang on, Lyle! Help is on the way!

The Star of Christmas

Millward (Larry): It's Moyer the Destroyer!
Cavis (Bob): Run Millward!
Cavis: Millward, just climbing!
Millward: It's gonna close, Cavis.
Cavis: Millward!
Cavis and Millward: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Millward: Seymour, remember how you promised me I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime?
Seymour (Pa Grape): Uh ya.
Millward: It's time!

The Ballad of Little Joe

Little Joe (Larry): Okay. No, I still don't see anything.
Jude (Jean Claude): Well then, how about... NOW!?!
Little Joe: [gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft] WHOA!!!! ----
Little Joe (Larry): Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! [muffling] ----
Jude (Jean Claude): Happy trails, dreamer! [all the peas laughing] ----
Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd): [mumbling in sleep, screaming] ----
Banker (Archibald Asparagus): Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately!
Slave Master (Scallion 1): And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! [he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrified, then all exits the scene] ----
Mayor (Mr. Nezzer): [mumbling in sleep, screaming] It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!
Banker: Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- Mayor: But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! ----
Mayor: [sings] Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. I was thinking about a BBQ. Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. ----
Mayor: You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! ----
Little Joe (Larry): Yeah...

An Easter Carol

Mr. Nezzer: Its a bug! A big bug!
Hope: Do I look like a bug to you?
Mr. Nezzer: (after looking at the clock) Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....(snores)
Mr. Nezzer: Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2... Hit it!
Cavis (Bob): AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Mr. Nezzer and Cavis: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Mr. Nezzer: Whew! We made it!

A Snoodles Tale

Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot): Your special just the way God made you.
God: And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly son, I want you to soar!

Sumo of the Opera

Larry: [singing] Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot.
St. Patrick: So you see, God is like a shamrock.
People: Oh great shamrock, you are powerful
St. Patrick: No no no! This is simply a metaphor.
People: Oh great metaphor....
St. Patrick: No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons.
[Telephone busy signal sound effect coming from Bob's phone]
Woman's voice on recording: If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator.
Bob: Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters.

Duke and the Great Pie War

Petunia: Whoops, [laughs] missed the door.
Duke (Larry): Bye, I got my hat now.
Otis: You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time!
Duke: No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love!
Otis: That's crazy!
Otis: Ahh! I can't see! [Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.] Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]
Duke: We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever.
Petunia: [giggles] Family? Forever?

Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush

Gordian: Aw this is lame. I don't even like this old playground. I'm going home to play video games.
Martian (Bob): God says "We should love our enemies".
Cuke (Larry): Love our enemies!?
Cuke: One chocolate Malta.
Julia (Petunia): Malt.
Cuke: Ya, chocolate.
Julia: No, it's malt. Malt is a desert, Malta is an island.

Lord of the Beans

Ahem (Mr. Lunt): Its mine I tell you its mine! Give it to me! Give it back!
Scaryman: Ah! Too late! [evil laughter]
Billboy (Archibald): You're wrong, Scaryman!
Scaryman: Sporks! Save me!
Spork: Cookie man say no!
Scaryman: Oh bother.
Billboy (Archibald): Today is my twelvety twoth birthday. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you.
Toto (Junior): I want to fix this land.

Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler

Trout (Mr. Nezzer): Move along!
Spud (Mr. Lunt): Nothing to see here.

LarryBoy and the Bad Apple

LarryBoy: There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you.
Petunia: I know! I want out!


LarryBoy: Remember kid (Junior), with great chocolate comes great responsibility.

Gideon: Tuba Warrior

Gideon (Larry): I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK!
Angle (Pa Grape): To tell you the truth, so am I.
Gideon: [in high-pitched voice] I scream like a girl.


Bob: Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV.
Pea: So do you tomato!

Moe and the Big Exit

Moe (Larry): High ho sliver away!
Aaron (Archibald): Let my people go!
Narrator: Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry.
Bill (Sheriff's Guards): Heh, Yeah right...
Moe (Larry): I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable!
Bill (Sheriff's Guards): Oof! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! [groans; coughs]

The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's

Tin man (Larry): Ohians, and fifers.
Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt): And mares!
Darby (Junior): Oh my!
Lion (Pa Grape): ROAR! Woof!

[Scarecrow, Tin man and Darby running around screaming]

Tin man: It's an Ohian!
Lion: Uh no, thats "lion".
Tin man: Oh, lion. Lion!? AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Lion: Oh stop! I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just hungry!
Tin man: A hungry lion!? AAAAAHHH!!!
Lion: No no! I'm not going to eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored.

Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue

Little Jimmy: [looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"] Mama!
Tom (Bob): That's your mama?
Little Jimmy: And me! Little Jimmy!
Huck (Larry): That's you?

[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]

Little Jimmy: I grew.
Huck: Beware the babies!
Tom: Who's that guy?
Huck: I think it was Colonel Sanders.
Mr. Lunt: Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor.

Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't

Carrot: Oh hello cricket!
Khalil: I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar!
Carrot: Silly cricket.
Pistachio (Junior): Huh? Cricket!?
Khalil: I AM NOT A...Pistachio! You are alive!
Duckling: Quack?
Madame Blueberry: No, I never played )Monopoly, but I'll give it a go.
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