What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?/Quotes

"My power is so ridiculous."

—Bubble Man, Promise of Redemption

"And Meltman! With the power to... (Dramatic Pause) MELT!"

—Action League NOW!

Eros' superpower, besides achieving a preternatural douchebag look that is envied by Lacoste-shirt-wearing, collar-popping frat boys all over the world, is the ability to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. Yes, his name is Eros, and he gives you pleasure. That's the kind of things you only read on a male prostitute's business card.

—Cracked

Chicken: You know the chickens are always ready to help you any way we can. But as you know...
Squeezit: What can chickens do?

Chicken: Precisely.

—Forbidden Zone

"We once summoned Captain Planet without heart... that guy was a dick."

—Dellombra, the World of Warcraft Off-Topic Forums

"I couldn't believe it when I figured out your powers. I mean, could they be any more pathetic?"

—Yana Savari, Fingerprints

"She has the power to turn people bald?! That is rubbish - (points dramatically) Bald! Bald! Bald!"

—Nathan, Misfits

"I can only make Japanese snacks. I am a bullshit magician."

—Junichi, in the Da Capo Visual Novel.

"...Which might explain the intensity that she brings to her position as Sailor Mercury, mistress of bubbles. She certainly seems to enjoy the work more viscerally than the others do. It makes her smile. Unfortunately, she has to date been delegated to a support role, due to lack of power output. I mean, really, bubbles?"

Octopus: The Pain. His special ability was being covered in bees.

Wolf: Zat's a special ability?

Octopus: I sure can't do it.

—The Last Days of Foxhound

"IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU SAVED YOUR RECEIPT FROM THIS TRANSACTION? PLEASE IMMEDIATELY RETURN YOUR VAMPIRISM BECAUSE THAT IS THE WORST SUPERPOWER OF ALL FUCKING TIME."

—Mark Reads Twilight

Useless Attack Blast!

—Sailor Mercury, Sailor Moon Abridged

bluhbluhthisisgarbage asked: "What do Heart powers do?"

"Maybe we’ll find out later?????? For now, let’s say they make you extremely likely to get beaten to death by a rowdy Juggalo."

—Andrew Hussie, via Tumblr, on what exactly Nepeta's Heart powers were supposed to entail