Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Can we just cut out the middleman and declare this a Crowning Series of Funny?

...No? All right then.

Please list the examples in episodic order.


Season 1 Episodes

Episode 1

Kaiba: (over the phone) I kidnapped your grandpa, Yugi, and then I dueled him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself.
Yugi: Wait, who is this?

    • And also:

Joey: (after Kaiba ripped Grandpa's Blue Eyes White Dragon) What the heck did you do that for?
Kaiba: So that it could never be used against me.
Yugi: In that case, why not just tear up every card in the whole world?!
Kaiba: Shut up and duel me!

    • This one always gets me:

Kaiba: I'm here for your Blue Eyes, old man, and I won't take no for an answer. Now give it to me.
Yugi's Grandpa: No.
Kaiba: (in a bland, monotone voice) Curses. Foiled again.

    • What? No mention of this bit of gold?

Tea: Gather round everyone and I'll mark us with a special sign! (Draws a smiley face on their hands)
Joey: Hey, Tea, not for nothing, but ain't this permanent marker?
Tea: Oh...whoops...
Joey: What the heck were you carrying that thing around for anyway?
Tea: I'm a kleptomaniac, I stole it from school.
Tristan: Hey, my wallets missing!
Tea: Kaibatookit!

    • This troper thought this was the best line of the whole episode, due to a bit of Take That to the original episodes:

Grandpa: Playing a card game has somehow caused me to become severely injured!

    • "Kaiba, if you truly want to know, then TALK TO THE HAND!!!" (mind crush)

Episode 2

  • Episode 2: "You bastard ! You turned him into a mime!"

Grandpa: I just hope this isn't one of those cursed videotapes that are all the rage these days...

Pegasus: (on videotape) Seven daaaays.

Grandpa: Oh snap, I knew it!

    • Yugi looking through Joey's cards, realizing that they're much stronger than his, so he decides to steal them and says to Joey he will 'improve it. Made even funnier when he dueled Pegasus.

Yugi: Now I will defeat you with the cards I stole- I mean that Joey let me borrow.

Rex: Hey, Weevil, check it out; my dinosaur's horny. Huhuh. Geddit?

    • "Let's see how your Grandpa manages... without his soul!" To a non-Yu-Gi-Oh! fan, that's so out of nowhere, and the delivery is perfect.

Yugi: Grandpa... Grandpa!
Joey: Hey Yug, down in front!
Tristan: Yeah, we were watching that!

Episode 3

  • Episode 3: "TORRRRRRRRMEEEEEEEEEEENT!"
    • "Remind me why we're friends again."
    • "Apply the handbreak, ya dumb broad!"
    • "You're here, there's noooothing I fear..."
    • Joey: "Must.. risk.. life.. for cards!"

Episode 4

  • Episode 4: When Tristan was freaking out about evil rings and hobbits, Tea points out why any of those things would be on the island. Cue shot of Bakura's Millennium ring and little "hobbit" Yugi.
    • The Kill Bill montage, when Joey asks Yugi if he forgave him for stealing a part of his puzzle.

Yugi: Sure, Joey, sure. *cue ironside theme*

    • "Now quiver in fear, as my knight's mighty lance penetrates your moist cocoon."
    • "What are you, a virgin or something?"
    • Weevil turning into Cornholilo.

Episode 5

  • Episode 5: The "ad" at the beginning.

Yami: Yu-Gi-Oh is sponsored by Yugios. They're Yugilicious. Wait a minute, "Yugilicious?" Is that even a word?

Yugi: It lets the kids know that they're tasty!

Yami: Yes, but "Yugilicious"? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi, or something?

Yugi: Yami...

Yami: How exactly do you go about testing something like that? I mean... besides the... obvious method...

Yugi: Just. Say. The line. You amateur-

Yami: Fine. Yugios: apparently, they're Yugilicious. Okay, now where's my BEEPing paycheck?

    • "Hooray, for censorship!" *Cue 4kids logo*

Episode 6

  • Episode 6: Mokuba, (Seto's kid brother) has just stolen Yami/Yugi's star chips.

Mokuba: Stealing makes everything better.
Yami: No! Wait! Mokuba! You mustn't do this thing! Think! What would your brother say if he could see you right now?
Seto (in Mokuba's imagination): Well done, Mokuba! Now steal something from Joey, too!
Yami: Okay, but what would he say if he wasn't a complete douchebag?

    • Can't forget this one.

Yugi: Did you just throw a harpoon at me?
Mako: Um, I didn't want you to leave. And I wasn't sure how else to get your attention.
Yugi: Just ask! Just say "Hey Yugi, could you stay a little longer?" Don't lob a freaking harpoon at me! Seriously. That's like the rudest thing ever Fing Evah!

    • And this.

Henchman: (to Kaiba) Don't move a muscle or we'll shoot you with our invisible guns.

Kaiba: (jumps out window) I'm too rich to die!

Henchman: (looks out window) There's no way he could have survived that fall.

Kaiba: (from down the cliff) Actually, I seem to be OK.

Henchman: Nope, he's definitely dead.

Kaiba: You guys are idiots!

Henchman: (answering back) At least we're not dead. Like you.

    • Um... Really now?

Tristan: My voice gives me super strength!
Kemo: Yes, but my hair gives me the power to defy gravity!

    • And don't forget:

Joey: Get bent, you freaky fish guy!
Mako: I am not a freaky fish guy!
Yugi, Joey, and Tristan: (sing-song) Mako's a freaky fish guy!

    • In a flashback, Mokuba is talking to Seto:

Mokuba: What's wrong, Seto?
Seto: They wrote my character out of the show.

      • And shortly afterwards:

Seto: Just look at Bakura.
Mokuba: Who the heck is Bakura?
Seto: Precisely.

      • Then right after that:

Seto: Now, I'm going to hide in some disclosed location. You stay here and guard my multimillion dollar company while I'm gone. Kay, thanks.
Mokuba: But, Seto! What if an evil group tries to take over while you're missing?
Seto: Oh, come on, Mokuba. What are the odds of that happening?
(cut to scene of Pegasus)
Pegasus: So, let me get this straight, gentlemen. Now that Kaiba boy has gone missing, your evil group wishes to seize control of his company?
Group of men: That is correct.
Mokuba: I f**king knew it!

Episode 7

  • Episode 7's opening had this troper rolling for a good five minutes.:

Tristan: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant! And you're the father!
Yami: Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen?

    • Before that:

Téa: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Bakura's the-
Yugi: No BEEPing way.

Téa: Okay, I lied about that one.

    • From the same episode:

Yami: Does anyone believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost?
Tristan: I do!
Yami: Anyone besides Tristan?
(pause)
Tristan: I do!

    • At the end:

Tristan: That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants!

    • What about:

Yami: Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all! You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently.

    • Or

Yami: If you're a ghost then I'm straight.

    • Just Kaiba: The Kaiba Cave, his 1337 h4xxorz 5kI11z, the Blue Screen of Death...

Episode 8

  • Episode 8: The gang and (secretly evil) Bakura are each showing their favorite card.

Bakura: This is my favorite card!
(Holds up card of Sephiroth while Ominous Latin Chanting plays in the background.)

Bakura: Oops, wrong one!

    • Also from Episode 8:

Bakura: There's something else I need to tell you. (Millennium Ring activates, changing from Good!Bakura into Evil!Bakura) You're a bunch of idiots.
Yugi: This came completely out of nowhere!
Bakura: (traps the others in cards) That's what you get for hogging all of my screen time, you little bitch.

    • And lest we forget...

Joey: Wait! Don't run with those scissors!
Tristan's Voice: You're not the boss of me! *smack* Ouch!
Joey: Oh no, he's dead.

    • Tristan has run off on Joey's duel, but returns:

Tristan: Hey, Joey! I'm back to watch your card game!
Joey: Hey Tristan! I don't care!

Episode 9

  • Episode 9:

Bakura: (possessing a card) I've taken control of this woman's body in order to save you guys. And I don't mind telling you it feels bloody great!
Evil!Bakura: By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!

    • Later on ...

Bakura: I shall be a main character! Even if it takes me another two hundred bloody episodes.

    • The Zorc and Pals opening. "Who's that crazy kook destroying the world? It's Zorc - that's me! - Zorc and Pals." And the ending: "The blood of the innocent will flow without end, his name is Zorc and he's destroying the world." (Just see for yourself!
    • The entire "Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh!" opening sequence, complete with terrible subtitles.

Episode 10

"The card game's thesis/will soon be set in defense mode/with surging hot life-points/if you activate a trap card/Embracing the Swords of Revealing Light/young boy, play some card games"

Joey: Geez, this is a lousy episode. It reminds me of our spinoff show, Yu-Gi-Oh DMX.
Cue Yu-Gi-Oh GX opening with DMX's "X Gonna Give It To Ya".
Joey: Honestly, who would want to watch a bunch of rap artists playing card games?
Tristan: Hey, I like that show.
Joey: Touch me again, Tristan, and you're going home in a body bag.

    • And then there's this quote...

Yami: Bullying is just wrong. Destroying people's brains with magical powers is A-OK!

Yami: With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Dragon Champion toward your castle, shattering its flotation ring thereby causing it to collapse on top of your monsters!
Bakura: This card game is a load of bollocks!

    • At the end:

Mai: Could I have my star chips back now?
Yami: Only if you beg me. C'mon, get on your knees.
Mai: You're kidding, right?
Yami: Did I stutter or something? Bark like a dog, woman!

Episode 11

  • Episode 11: When Bakura is introduced as a new student from Britain, a generic student shouts, "Go back to Russia!"

Bakura: You blokes are a bunch of wankers.

    • When Yugi notes that Bakura's Millennium Ring has begun pointing:

Bakura: Oh, that's just my gaydar. My father had it installed in my Millennium Ring in order to protect me, because I look so bloody effeminate!

Yugi: I wonder why it's pointing towards Pegasus' castle...

Bakura: Bugger if I know.

[cut to Pegasus]

Pegasus: This tournament is simply FABULOUS! Ooh! Let's celebrate by watching the Spice Girls movie!

Croquet: Oh, not again...

    • And at the end of the episode:

Pegasus: Ooo-oo-ooh! I can sense you, Kaiba boy! And when you get here...I'm going to spice up your life. [Cut to credits as "Wannabe" plays]

    • The one, the only:

Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have green hair!

    • After Kaiba defeats Joey:

"You don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. Camp... but ruthless!

    • In Bakura's Flashback:

Bakura: (voiceover) I was watching you play card games with your mates, when my Millennium Ring started pointing towards your Millennium Puzzle! I can't imagine why.
Yami: This Millennium Puzzle is simply FABULOUS!

    • At the end of each installment, LK parodies Adult Swim's black screen and bold white text between commercial breaks, and lampshades the similarity.

[i think adult swim is gonna sue somebody]

Episode 12

  • Episode 12 has two in one scene: The Katamari Damacy parody, and "My voice gives me Super Strength!"
    • *POP* "Holy $^&% it really does!"
    • Also, "I think Bakura's scarred for life again."

Bakura: Tell my fangirls... I love them...

    • Thriller. That is all.
    • "Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand."
    • "These sunglasses sure make it hard to see in the dark. But I refuse to take them off, because I'm an American. And Americans always wear sunglasses."
    • "And now it's time for my favorite Shakespeare quote. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him. In America."
    • "Hello, did you enjoy watching me take a whiz?"

Episode 13

  • Episode 13: This dialogue:

Yugi: Hang on a second, are we rhyming too?
Joey: Don't ask me, I ain't got a clue.
Yugi: This is like something out of Dr. Seuss.
Tea: I can't stop staring at Yugi's caboose.
Bakura: Everyone seems to have gone all rhymey.
Tristan: Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!

    • This gem of a Double Entendre conversation after Yugi's Beaver Warrior is destroyed:

Joey: Let this be a lesson to ya Yug. Never, under any circumstances, leave your beaver exposed.
Yugi: You're right Joey. My beaver was on full display. Next time I'll take better care of my beaver.
Tea: I didn't know Yugi had a beaver.

    • How could we forget this?

Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba. Mommy and Daddy are talking.

    • And also:

Pegasus: I turned Mokuba into a monster card. And he doesn't have any attack or defense points.
Kaiba: You sick bastard! That makes him even more worthless than Kuriboh. Please, I'll do anything. Just don't release that card into the general public.

    • We can't forget the Paradox Brothers' famous spinning martial arts entrance... to the tune of YMCA.

Bakura: Oh my, I wonder if those are the gay people?

Para: It appears that we have run out of luck!
Dox: It's just a card game! Who gives a fu-

    • Honestly, no mention of this yet?

Para: We are villains who like to rhyme.
Dox: In fact we do it all the time.
Para: You may think it's rather crass.
Dox: But you can stick your cards right up your nose.

Para: You were supposed to say 'ass', brother. I thought we rehearsed this.

    • The Mystic Box scene:

Soundtrack: Everyone loves Magical Trevor cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever...

Para: You have tricked us with your magic box!

Dox: We invite you to suck on our c-

Bakura: Cor blimey, that was a smashing maneuver! Good show, chaps!

Tristan: Stop being so British!

    • Para and Dox summon their Gate Guardian:

Para: Against our Gate Guardian, you stand no chance.
Dox: I'm not wearing any underpants.

Para: Is that true brother, or are you just rhyming?

Dox: I didn't want to throw off our timing. (Beat) But it is true.

Episode 14

  • Episode 14 has at least three:

Yami: Yeah, well at least I'm not adopted!
Kaiba: ...what did you just say?

Yami: Sorry, did I touch a nerve? Why don't you run home and cry to mummy? Oh, that's right! You don't have one!

Kaiba: Yugi! I respect you as a duelist, but if you continue to act like a petulant child, then--

Yami: Hey, everyone! Look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba! I have a dragon fetish and I sound like Brock from Pokemon! Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!"

Kaiba: That's it, Muto, you're (bleep)ing dead!

    • And when Yami uses a card to create an army of Kuribohs:

Yami: I activate Asexual Reproduction! Prepare to be completely smothered by my giant hairy balls!

    • Additionally:

Kaiba: How the hell did you do that?
Yami: It's called cheating. Deal with it!

    • When Kaiba threatens to kill himself:

Yami: Kaiba must die!
Joey: Yugi's going to kill Kaiba. This is awesome!

    • And of course:

Yami: Oh no. Whatever would we do without you.

    • And:

Yugi: But what would Grandpa say?
Grandpa: Yugi... kill that son of a bitch!

    • After Kaiba used Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon:

Yami: Oh, poopie!

Joey: Get up on the hydra's back, Yug!

Tea: And then we got married and had two beautiful children.

Yugi: I'm pretty sure I don't remember that. Hey, Tea, do you still have that waitress uniform-?

Tristan: Hey! Stop developing your characters, we've got card games to play!

    • I dunno, but the kidnapping montage was pretty funny.
  • The following:

Yami Yugi: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just a card game.
Kaiba: (about to jump off a castle battlement) Card games are Serious Business!

Episode 15

  • Episode 15:

Kaiba: Now it's time for the ultimate cartoon showdown - Japanese cartoon animation versus American cartoon animation!
Bandit Keith: Hey! you can't use that word! It belongs to America! Only Americans are allowed to-
Kaiba: Shut the f-*beep*-k up!

Bandit Keith: * Quietly* .......In America!

    • Poor Mai.

Tea: Look! It's Skankety Slut-Slut!

    • It's been almost 5 years, and yet this troper still cracks up at the Star Wars opening with "Card Games" replacing the title.
      • And while on the Star Wars subject, Mai channeling Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Mai: Pegasus' castle. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
Kemo: Attention duelists! You are not duelists! May I please see your identification?
Tea: Me love you long time?
Mai: You don't need to see their identification.
Kemo: I don't need to see your identification.
Mai: These are not the breasts you're looking for.

Kemo: These are not the breasts I'm looking for.

Mai: Move along.

Kemo: My hair is in love!

Mai: (smacking him with her purse) Rejected!

Kemo: WAIT! My hair wants to marry you (runs into the door) OW! My hair!

Episode 16

  • Episode 16: Pegasus and his hooded cultists chanting "Hooked on a Feeling".
    • Bandit Keith jumping on the "Fanservice!" wagon.

Bandit Keith: Now, time for a little Bandit Keith fanservice! In America!

    • He's single, ladies!
    • (Arrow points to Bakura staring blankly whilst Tea and Tristan talk): Bored out of his mind.
    • Tristan finds a rope:

Tristan: Hey look, a rope! We can hang Bakura with this! Then we'll have a corpse!
Bakura: That never happened in the Goonies!
Tristan: Well it should have!

    • The line "This room is for main characters only!" always gets this troper cracking up.
    • This exchange:

Yugi: Gramps, are you okay?
Grandpa: Of course I'm not okay! You put me in a home!
Yugi: What? No I didn't.
Grandpa: Yes you did! You couldn't stand the sight of me anymore, so you had me sent away! I swear, kids these days! They have no respect for their elders!
Yugi: Grandpa, you're not in a home. You've been kidnapped.
Grandpa: What?
Yugi: Pegasus put your soul into a card, and now he's forcing me to duel him in a tournament to rescue you.
Grandpa: What?
Yugi: Grandpa, is your hearing aid switched on?
Grandpa: What? Just a second, I think my hearing aid isn't switched on.
Yugi: Urg! (punches ground) And now my hand is broken.

    • The last scene:

Bakura: Now it's time for some Bakura fanservice! (screen goes black) Oh bugger! It's the credits!

Episode 17

  • Episode 17:

Announcer: Mai Valentine is a seasoned competitor with a long list of victories. Let's take a look at her dueling history. First she faced Joey Wheeler... And lost. Then she went up against Panik... And lost. Her last match before entering the finals was against Tea Gardner, which, of course, she must have won... Oh, my mistake, she surrendered. I think I speak for everyone when I ask: What's wrong with this picture?
Bandit Keith: I pledge allegiance to your death!
Bandit Keith: (falling off cliff) AHHHHHHHHHHHH.........in America! (splash)

    • Yugi and Joey's duel is brilliant:

Joey: Alright Yugi, I'm gonna give it my all, and try my best against you!
Ýami: Like hell!
Joey: Nyeh?
Ýami: Face it Joey, you're a terrible duelist! You've only gotten this far because I've been telling you what to do! I mean, you've got Baby Dragon in your deck! Baby-freaking-Dragon! I bet you don't even remember why you entered this tournament in the first place!
Joey: Sure I do! Because uh... you told me... to?
Yami: It was your sister, you silly little man! She needs an operation!
Joey: Why, is she sick?
Yami: No, but you will be. Mind Crush!

Episode 18

  • Episode 18:

Yami: I summon LittleKuriboh impostors!

Pegasus: No! There are so many of them! I can't tell which one is the original!

Yami: Which means you'll never be able to watch the abridged series ever again!

Pegasus: No! I can't live without Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series! It's so important to me!

Yami: Don't worry, Pegasus, there's always Naruto the Abridged Series. But as everyone knows, that's just not as good!

Pegasus: Oh, NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • There's also...

Yami: Couldn't I just Mind Crush him?
Yugi: You can't fix all your problems by Mind Crushing people!
Yami: Oh, come on, just one little Mind Crush, it'll barely hurt him.
Yugi: No! Bad Pharaoh! No Mind Crush!

    • "It's like HP Lovecraft, only gay!"

Tristan: My voice gives me kung-fu!

  • Guard: (clanking sound is heard) "Did I hear something just now? Nah, must have been the wind." (clanking sound gets louder) "Yeah, that's definitely the sound that wind makes."

Episode 19

  • Episode 19:

[As an unconscious Pegasus is carried past by a guard]
Tristan: He died as he lived: draped in the arms of another man.

    • And in the flashback:

Pegasus: We fell in love instantly and decided to get married. Then when we were standing at the altar, something very unexpected happened. You exploded... Yeah, that was kinda weird.

    • And later in the episode...

Pegasus: At long last I was reunited with you, my love. I thought my dreams had finally come true. But then, you exploded. Again. You really need to stop doing that.

    • When Bakura defeats Pegasus... with ANCIENT EGYPTIAN LASER BEAMS!

Pegasus: You took out the wrong eyeball, you fool!

    • Any moment with Shadi, especially when he's in Yugi's head...

Yami: By the way, have you ever seen Labyrinth?
Shadi: No. Why?
Yami: No reason.
(cue David Bowie as Shadi stumbles through the maze)

    • "Screw my sister, I have money!"

Episode 20

  • Episode 20:

Rebecca: I'm looking for Solomon Muto!
Yugi: Who the hell is Solomon Muto?
Tea: Yugi, that's your grandpa.
Yugi: He has a NAME?!

    • Grandpa's "wisdom".

Tea: Shut up. Yugi's grandpa would never lie. He's the wisest man I've ever met.
Grandpa: Where am I? What day is it? I like pudding.

    • Grandpa explaining how he and Arthur became friends:

Grandpa: We met in Egypt, where we bonded over our mutual hatred of young people. There, Arthur shared some very radical theories with me.
Arthur: I believe that the Ancient Egyptians used to play Yu-Gi-Oh cards in their spare time.
Grandpa: Nonsense! Next you'll be telling me that the Romans played Pokémon!
Arthur: But it's true! See how this card barely resembles these hieroglyphs!
Grandpa: My god, you're right! This could be the archaeological discovery of a lifetime... somehow.

    • And later:

Arthur: Let's play a game of Duel Monsters to decide who gets to live.
Grandpa: That's the sickest thing I've ever heard of. Let's do it!

    • Rebecca's evil teddy bear. Especially the lines "Your mother plays card games in hell!" and "Touch me and DIE, unclean one!"

Episode 21

  • Episode 21:

Kaiba: (being chained up) What the hell is the point of this scene?
The Witty Phantom: It gives the fangirls a chance to see you in chains.

    • "Hey, this fairy is really annoying! Let's kill it!"
    • The group's reaction to Princess Edena, a gender flipped version of Mokuba:

Edena: Hello, I'm Princess Edena.
Joey: This is just wrong.

Mokuba: I've never been more traumatized in my entire life. Why would my brother create something so twisted?

Joey: Now do you see why we hate him so much?

Edena: Welcome to the land of Simlau. Every year my people are beset by a terrible evil. A mythic dragon descends from on high to devour the--

Yugi: Question.

Edena: Um, yes?

Yugi: Just what the hell are you anyway? Are you a boy or a girl?

Joey: Maybe it's a she-male. You know, like Bakura.

Mokuba: Whatever it is, it's going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

Edena: Excuse me, brave heroes, but I'm trying to tell you about the suffering of my people.

Yugi: I think it's pretty obvious why your people are suffering: their ruler is a transvestite.

Edena: The only way to defeat the mythical dragon is to resurrect the ancient flying machine that would--

Yugi: Why weren't you censored anyway? Guns are bad but cross-dressing princesses are A-OK?

    • Also, as they're going into the virtual world:

Joey: Bye, darling!
Tristan: Ixnay on the arlingday...

Episode 22

  • Episode 22: Joey tries to tell Tristan about the birds and the bees.

Tea: Joey, no! We mustn't let Tristan breed!

Duke: We'll play Dungeon Dice Monsters, a game of my own creation. We each take it in turns to draw dice.
Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.
Duke: Then we use those dice to summon holographic monsters to the field.
Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.
Duke: Both opponents are given three Heart Points, and when they run out, the game is-
Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.
Duke: Hey, stop it! My game is nothing like Duel Monsters!
Yami: Prove it then!
(Pause)
Duke: My game uses dice.
Tristan: Burn the witch!

    • Then later, as the battle is underway:

Duke: [Pegasus] was incredible! It was like he'd played Dungeon Dice Monsters his whole life!
Yami: That's probably because he had! Your game is exactly like Duel Monsters!

    • The following conversation between Yami and Duke:

Duke: If I win you must swear on the life of your grandfather that you'll never play card games ever again!
Yami: Big deal, he'll be dead by the end of the month.

    • This scene always has been laughing my ass off:

Duke (with Sexy Back playing): I owe you guys an apology. I treated you all like crap. Do you think we can still be friends in season two?
Yugi: Only if you stop using that annoying theme music.
Duke (Sexy Back still playing): What theme music?


Season 2 Episodes

Episode 23

  • Episode 23: "Super special awesome plot twist!"

Episode 24

  • Episode 24 has Kaiba saying at one point..."Hey that guy looks just like me! And he has a Blue Eyes, just like me! And he's an asshole, just like me!"
    • "OH MY GOD, A GIANT ROCK!"
      • "IT'S A ROCK AND IT'S GIANT!"
      • "OH MY GOD, ANOTHER GIANT ROCK!"
    • From the same episode:

Kaiba: Are you trying to tell me that Yugi and I are destined to play card games with each other for eternity?
Ishizu: Yes.
Kaiba: Best. Destiny. Ever.

      • "These are ancient Egyptian spoiler tags!"

Mokuba: Hey, big brother, can I watch SpongeBob?

Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba, I'm busy flagging YouTube videos to compensate for the fact that I have a extremely small penis.

Mokuba: Oh... I like Patrick.

    • The camera is swivelling around whilst Ishizu and Kaiba are talking:

Kaiba: Can we stop talking like this? I'm getting dizzy.

Episode 25

Yugi: Okay, Pharaoh, you can thank me later. And remember, no hickeys! (switches to Yami)
Yami: Huh? YUGI, YOU LITTLE (BEEP)! YOU SON OF A F(BEEP)ING (BEEP) (BEEP BEEP BEEP)! I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR (BEEP) AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP) AND THEN (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) ON YOUR (BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) WITH (BEEPBEEPBEEP) IN THE (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) AND (BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) YOUR (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO (BEEP) SIDEWAYS! (BEEP) (He finally notices Tea staring at him.) Hm? Hi there.

    • Yami tries to explain to Johnny Steps why he shouldn't go on a date with Tea: "Trust me, Johnny, you don't want that! She'll sing Disney songs and birds will randomly attack you!"
    • Yami's erm... duel with a milkshake. "Man I hate milkshakes. Die, milkshake, die. That's right milkshake you have been defeated! Now you go to milkshake prison!"
    • "Brainwashing people is fun!"
    • Tea: "This is a dream come true! I can't believe I'm on a date with the Pharaoh. I've got the play it cool. That means no friendship speeches. No matter how tempting it is I mustn't do a friendship speech. I mustn't!"

Yami: "Hey Tea, who do you think of-"
Tea: "Friendship is the best thing ever! Don't you agree?" *inwardly* "Dammit!"
Yami: "Sure, why not."

    • Téa is being attacked by Johnny Steps:

Bystander 1: Oh my god, he's attacking her!
Bystander 2: Let's just stand here and watch!

"F*cking birds!
This date is lame,
It's such a bore
I'd rather be home playing card games more and more!
If you ask me,
Téa's a whore
But thats nothing new, she was like that before"

Episode 26

  • The flashback in Episode 26:

Baby Pharaoh: (speaking in adult Pharaoh voice) Wah! Wah! Baby Pharaoh wants milk! Somebody fetch me a nipple!

    • He says the exact same thing as an adult in the next flashback.

Yami: You're just BLEEPing with me, aren't you?

Ishizu: Indeed I am.

  • Kaiba: *leaning out the helicopter and holding a finger in the air* Don't forget to register and pick up your duel disks, because in exactly one week from to-" *propeller chops off his finger* "DAAAAUUUGH! My finger! It came clean off!
  • Kaiba: I summon Boar Soldier! Hitosu-Me Giant! Maha Vailo! And... some kind of zebra-unicorn thing. Seriously, what the hell is that!? Whatever it is, I'll be seeing it in my nightmares.

Episode 27

  • Joey getting Rickroll'd in episode 27. That is all.

Joey: Does it say anything about me on your magic computer box thing?
Shopkeeper: Let's see...
Rick Astley: Never gonna give you up/Never gonna let you down...
 Joey: That bastard Kaiba Rickrolled me!

Episode 28

  • Episode 28:

Grandpa: While I'm out here sweeping the floor, Yugi's inside talking to his imaginary boyfriend.

    • And later...

Tristan: I'm sorry, Serenity can't come to the phone right now as she's about to be deflowered.

  • Does Mako Tsunami have to choke a bitch?

Episode 29

  • Episode 29:

Young Kaiba: You guys call yourselves bullies? He's not even bleeding! You're all fired, I want you out of this orphanage by tomorrow morning. You make me sick.

Episode 30

Arkana: Here's an old saying among high rollers and card sharks: "Always trust your opponent, but only after you've cut their deck".
Yami: Oh yeah, here's another saying: "Go F yourself, Arkana".

    • "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with gay clown!"
    • "No! Help! Save me from the completely harmless dark disc!"

Episode 31

  • Two Moments in episode 31...

Marik: Now be gone Mr. Tweetums, I'm trying to stalk my nemesis.

    • And...

Tristan: Yeah, I can break necks with my mind!

    • A third moment:

Grandpa: Jeff Goldblum? He's one of the most powerful cards in all of duel monsters.

Episode 32

Episode 33

  • Episode 33:
    • Marik meeting Bakura for the first time:

Marik: My name is Marik Ishtar.
Florence: I don't care.
Marik: Well that was kinda insensitive! No wonder you're so lonely!

      • Later:

Yami Bakura Florence: Face it, you're about as manly as a Square Enix character. Shall I call you Captain Basch from Dalmasca?

  • And another in Harpoonshipping.

Random Kid: Hey dad, I wanna see the freaky fish guy make the whale jump over a rock like in Free Willy *gets hit with a harpoon* Gaaaaaaah!!!
Joey: Mako!
Mako What? That could have been anybody's harpoon!

Episode 34

  • Episode 34- "Man, look at the size of that nose! It's like the animators just didn't care!"
    • The two Lunar Steves are spying on Kaiba and Yugi:

Umbra: Secretly unbeknownst to them, Steve, we are flipping them off below our cloaks!
Lumis: Yeah man! I'm doing it with both hands!

  • This one:

Mokuba: I can't believe I've gone almost an entire season without being kidnapped! Wait 'til Seto hears about this!
Steves: Surprise!
Mokuba: Oh, me and my big adorable mouth!

Episode 35

  • Episode 35 - the recap episode, and it's pretty much non-stop funny.
    • "Epic Pouting Manoeuvre" struck me as the best line.
    • I'm the goddamn Kaibaman.
    • "Oohohohooh! If I weren't so very Camp I'd probably make a credible villain!"
    • "--YUGI! If you don't let me win this duel, I'll kill myself!!" (deadpan) "Oh no, that would be terrible, whatever would we do without you."
  • The Clip Show:

Yugi: Losing a children's card game has caused me to have an existential crisis!
Tea: I have prepared a friendship speech for such an occasion!
Yugi: NevermindI'mallbetternow.

Episode 36

  • Episode 36 - Joey and Yugi singing one of the lame songs from Music To Duel By at the end.
    • Don't forget the beginning, where Kaiba and Yugi and riding in a helicopter to rescue Joey:

Kaiba: Come on, lets land on him. It would be funny.

    • Also the "friendship" drinking game and little counter in the corner.

Marik: Oh, what the (EFF) is this bullcrap?! I wanted to duel the Pharaoh, not this little dickweed! This gives me effeminate fury!

Episode 37

  • Episode 37 is dedicated to Yami Bakura Florence. From the opening segment of Zorc & Pals to the end, it was hilarious. But the clincher was at the end (Florence had summoned Pyramid Head and Zombie Boy had summoned Nemesis. The two monsters didn't exactly "duel".

Florence: Pyramid Head, stop humping Nemesis! I knew I should've had him neutered.

    • Marik visiting a sleeping Yami Bakura Florence:

Marik: Bakura... I command you to rise and shine, sleepyhead!
Yami Bakura Florence: Oh, great...now the fangirls have started invading my dreams, too...
Marik: What?! It's me, you fool! Do I look like a (EFF)ing fangirl?!

Yami Bakura Florence: You really don't want me to answer that.

      • Their exchange later in that same scene:

Yami Bakura Florence: Why don't you go buy yourself some more spray-on tan?
Marik: HEY (EFF) YOU! This tan is 100% genuine!

    • We cannot forget Yami Bakura's Dark Knight shoutout, can we?

Bakura: "You sound nervous. Is it the accent? Do you want to know how I got it? My father was a drinker; one night he went a little crazier than usual, so my mummy got the teapot to defend herself. He didn't like that, so he pours boiling hot tea all over her. Then he comes at me with a teapot and asks 'Why so British?'."

Episode 38

Mai Valentine: My breasts are not fake!
Everybody Else Except Tristan: Riiiiiight.

Tristan: I don't believe you!

  • And another couple from 38:

Mai Valentine: It finally happened! I killed a man with my breasts!

      • After her breasts make a squeaky toy sound after landing on Joey.

Jean-Claude Magnum: If you won't marry me, then I'm going to kidnap you instead, since that appears to be the default response to anything on this show!
Yami: Why is everybody in this guy's Deck a @#!*% ninja?
Naruto: Why is everyone on this show a @#!*% duelist?

Episode 39

  • Episode 39 - This troper just can't get enough of Kaiba's two German bodyguards Gruber and Hans

Hans: Do not disrespect ze Fuhrer or we shall be forced to shoot you in ze kneecaps!
Gruber: HEIL KAIBA!
Kaiba: You guys might want to tone it down a notch.
Hans and Gruber: Ja, mein Fuhrer!

    • Marik asking Odion for advice on how to be bland and uninteresting:

Marik: Odion! You're the master and being bland and uninteresting! How do you do it?
Odion: I don't know, normally I just stand here and say "Yes, Master Marik!"
Marik: By god, that is all you do!

    • Yugi talking to Marik:

Yugi: Wow, I bet you could grate cheese on those abs!
Marik: Yes, but the smell tends to linger somewhat.

    • "Hahahaha! Soon I shall destroy you all!"
    • "Over-the-top anime reaction!"
    • Ishizu showing up late had this troper in stitches for hours:

Ishizu: Sorry I'm late, I was busy predicting the future.
Hans: Then why couldn't you predict that you were going to be late!?
Ishizu: Because shut up.

Episode 40

  • Episode 40 has a few good ones (the nod to LK's AnimeNEXT cameo, Takahata101 guest starring a week after Dragon Ball Abridged finished the Saiyan Saga), but this troper cracked up at the Destiny Board message jab:

Bakura: The Ouija board is about to spell out a name so evil, so foul, that they had to censor it twice to get it past standards. Now it just says FINAL.
Yami: What did it say before?
Bakura: DISNEY.

    • Possibly one of the censors could count[1]

Or the poke at Naruto the Abridged Series.
Bakura: With this in play I can communicate with the dead.
Yami: What are you going to do, ask the Naruto Abridged fanbase to come kick my butt?
* Rimshot*
Yugi: They had a fanbase?
Yami: Touché.

    • Also the beginning:

Bakura: How come you're always making that stupid 'Nyeh' sound?
Joey: Nyeh? What stupid nyeh sound?
Bakura: The one you just made.
Joey: Nyeh? What are you talking about, nyeh?
Bakura: You're doing it right now.
Joey: I don't get it. What noise? Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... (over Bakura's next line)
Bakura: The one that's coming out of your mouth at this very moment!
Joey: But I can't hear anything. Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeh....

    • "IGNORE ME!"

Episode 41

  • What about episode 41? That episode had quite a few:
    • Zach and Cody: "Make him disappear!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!". Also, "Oh, faithful trading cards! You're the only real friends I have. Except for you Berfomet, you're kind of an asshole. What's that, Dark Magician Girl? You wanna make out?" Finally, Pegasus asking Shadi why he took him to the Tomb of the Pharaoh if he knew it could break the fourth wall, and Shadi says "I am - how you say - kind of a dick."
    • And the moment that doubles as a continuity nod: as Tristan and Duke "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" Devlin are hanging off a blimp...

Tristan: Duke, no matter what happens, I want you to know one thing. In another few hours, the sun will rise!

Duke: What the f*ck does that mean?!

Tristan: [Crying] I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S TRUE!!!

    • This scene:

Croquet: Yeah...everyone involved in the production of the Egyptian God Cards was killed.
Pegasus: What? Even Chad from accounting?

[Cut to man being thrown out of skyscraper window]

Croquet: Especially Chad from accounting.

    • Duke and Tristan are still hanging off the blimp:

Tristan: Hey, I can see my house from here! Hi Mum, hi Dad!
Tristan's parents, who sound exactly the same as him: Hey, Tristan!

    • Shadi rescues Duke and Tristan:

Tristan: I have a fairy godmother!
Duke: Is she a milf?
Tristan: She looks kinda like Piccolo.
Duke: Yah, that's a milf.

    • "Dirty hands! Dirty dirty hands!"
    • "This song is terrible! Don't you have any ABBA?"

Episode 42

  • The entirety of 42 was pure comedic gold.
    • Kaiba's '+ 100 dead puppies', and '+ 9001 dead puppies' captions. As well as 'Egyptian Basketball'.

Marik: Ancient Egyptian basketball sure is fun, Odion! * Gets bitten by a snake* Ahh! I just wish it didn't involve so many poisonous snakes!

Odion: I can only hope you're proud of me [mother].
Marik: She's not even your real mom, douche bag!
(Odion gets hit by lightning. The Millennium Rod shatters. Brain Damage by Pink Floyd starts.)
Pharaoh: By the gods! The Millennium Rod is made of delicious cheese!
(A vision of a young Marik is being taken away as present-day Marik looks on.)
Young!Marik: Help me! Odion!
Odion: (slowly collapsing) Forgive me, master Marik. I tried. I tried--
(Odion faceplants, and the music cuts off)
Odion: Ow, my face.
Marik: (wide-eyed) Ohhhhhh (EFF)...

    • And how could we overlook the new villain?:

Marik Melvin: Remember Team Four Star?
Yami: Yeah, they got suspended. So what?
Marik Melvin: That. Was. Me!
(The rest of the cast gives shocked looks, except for Kaiba, who is smiling, with a caption reading +9001 Dead Puppies.)

    • Marik screaming as he is dragged away for the tombkeeper initiation- while music from Beverly Hills Chihuahua plays.
    • "Man, even in my own flashbacks I'm a minor character!"
    • "I'm going to go hold this baby up to the moon! I'm-a pretty sure thaeyt's one of our ancient traditions!"
    • "Oh my god! Who's Team Four Star?!"
    • Veronica talking to Odion:

Veronica: Odion, your father does love you. He's just under a lot of stress at the moment with the redecorating.
Hank: Hey Veronica! What do you think of burgundy for the sacrificial chamber?
Veronica: Sounds good, dear.
Hank: You don't even know what burgundy is, do you Veronica?!

Episode 43

  • Episode 43:

Joey: Hey Kaiba, since Marik entered the tournament under a fake name shouldn't he be disqualified?
Kaiba: The only person who should be disqualified around here is whoever made Tristan black in this shot.
Tristan: Don't you be hatin' on mah blackface, playah!

    • Tea: I am so angry, I could walk away like a pimp!
    • "Fo shizzah ma nizza! Ma brizzas be off the hizza!"
    • "Now, using my Millenium Rod, which I keep clenched between my buttocks..."
    • "Oh no! I'm late for a children's card game! Somehow this prevents me from simply lowering the knife and stabbing him! Punctuality! My Achilles Heel!"
  • The entire opening to episode 43.

Joey: How bad is it, Dr. Feelgood?
Dr. Feelgood: He was struck by lightning. In the head. It's not looking good.
Tea: We have to help him!
Dr. Feelgood: Medical science is already doing everything it can...
Tea: Screw medical science, I'm talking about friendship!
Dr. Feelgood: I-I beg your pardon?
Tea: Friendship is the only cure for a lightning bolt to the face!
Yami: That's right! Joey was struck by lightning and now thanks to friendship, he's okay!
Joey: Yup! My brain am thinking good with stuff!
Dr. Feelgood: Look, friendship isn't going to cure this man.
Tea: Silence, non-believer! Go back to your leeches and your potions! The power of friendship and Tristan's beautiful singing voice will heal him!
Dr. Feelgood: You guys are morons. Have fun staring at a guy in a coma.
Tristan: (singing) Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend...

    • And then Kaiba's reaction to Mai getting a hold of The Winged Dragon of Ra Mega Ultra Chicken:

Mai: I use Amazon Chainmaster's special effect to take one card from your deck! And the card I choose is Mega Ultra Chicken!
Melvin: What?!
Kaiba: Summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit
Mai: And now, I'm going to summon it!
Kaiba: Finally! Geez!

Episode 44

Kaiba: It looks like the rules--(pulls out a pair of sunglasses)--just got screwed!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    • Why don't we just say the entire scene where Kaiba kicks Ishizu's ass at a children's card game is both hilarious and possibly the abriged series' best Crowning Moment of Awesome. Which makes it more hilarious because of how insane Kaiba goes.

Kaiba F(BEEB) DESTINY! I AM SETO KAIBA! I MAKE MY OWN FATE!
Ishizu: How can this be, why would you do this?
Kaiba: BECAUSE A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE TOLD ME TO!
Ishizu: ...
Kaiba: What? It's just as ridiculous as the crap that comes out of you.

  • Episode 44:

Ishizu: Our universe has grown tired and cliche. Our characters have become nothing more then vessels for lame catchphrases. For example, Joey saying, "Nyeh."
Joey: Nyeh?
Ishizu: Kaiba saying, "Screw the rules, I have money."
Kaiba: Haven't said that in years.
Ishizu: Or Tristan saying...pretty much anything...
Tristan: God damn it, Nappa!

    • From the same episode:

Tea: Yugi! What's that thing?
Yami: That's Ishizu! She's the one who told me about my ancient past, even though I kind of already knew about it. She's a mysterious character shrouded in mystery, which is just another way of saying she's boring as all get out.
Duke: I'd hit it.
Marik: Ishizu! Help me!
Melvin: Sorry Marik, but your sister's in another castle!
Marik: (trapped in hourglass) No! What is this I don't even-

  • In episode 44 when Kaiba says "You were never in my tournament, Wheeler." To which Joey responds with a confused "Ah-bah-dah-nyeah?!"
    • "Now do you understand why so many people love me even though I'm the biggest dick in this entire show? It's because I'm Seto-freaking-Kaiba. Accept no substitutes!"

Ishizu: I'm here to save my brother's soul. He has been consumed by a great evil, and I intend to rid him of it.
Melvin: Good luck with that, chucklenuts! I've been om-nom-nomming on his soul for a good ten years now, and I happen to like the taste. Mmmmm, that's good Marik soul.

Episode 45

  • Episode 45: two words; IN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • "Sorry baby. I'm a rebel, a loner if you will, and I can't Kill your family. Kill your family. Kill your family."
      • Marik: (monotone sounding voice) Must...kill...family...
        • For this troper, it was actually the shopkeeper's (played by LINKARA!) response to him: "What's the Matter Kid? You Never seen the "Kill Your Family Show" Before?"
    • Marik finding the yaoi manga. "Hey Ishizu, what's that one guy doing to that other guy? I don't know what it is but it gives me cravings."
      • "Marik don't flaunt your yaoi in public!"
    • Before they return home, and Marik is still gushing over his magazine image of a guy on a motorcycle:

Ishizu: Marik, what are you doing?
Marik: I'm riding an imaginary motorcycle; what the (EFF) does it look like I'm doing?!

    • There's also this exchange:

Ishizu: * whispering* Remember, we must be very quiet so that we don't disturb our father.
Marik: HEY ISHIZU LOOK AT THAT THING OVER THERE I WONDER WHAT IT IS!? LOUDLY DO I WONDER ABOUT IT!

    • Also had the running gag of how Odion, Marik, and Melvin all thought fluffing up a pillow on a bed was a great bluff. Ishizu plays the only sane man here and thinks they are being dumb, which makes it all the more amusing.

Odion: I fluffed a pillow... it's f*ckin FOOL PROOF.

    • Florence is sharing his body with Marik's soul. Melvin's response to this is:

I always knew you wanted me to be inside you, Bakura.

    • "Argh! The yellow-squiggly lines! They burn!"
    • "Oh no! I mustn't have seen that in the dark! Even though I've lived my entire in the dark and should therefore have no trouble seeing in it!"

Episode 46

  • Episode 46, featuring The Suite Life of Zork and Cody.
    • Bakura and Marik arguing over whether or not to hug Evil Marik Melvin.
      • "Hug?"
      • "NO HUG!"
  • This deleted scene from episode 46.


Season 3 Episodes

Episode 47

  • Episode 47:
    • The Big 5 imitating Team Rocket
    • Duke Devlin on waking up with Joey and Tristan in bed:

Duke Devlin: Ahh... waking up next to a blond and brunette. Just another day for Duke Devlin.

    • When they confront the Big 5.

Seto Kaiba: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... and you're about to be curb-stomped by Seto Kaiba!"

    • WHO THE FUCK IS FUNIMATION?!

Episode 48

  • Episode 48: Flashback to Cockney Yugi.

Yugi: For once in my life, I knew what it was like to be Bakura.

    • The Kaiba bros. at the orphanage

Mokuba: Isn't this the orphanage where we grew up?
Seto: Correction, the orphanage where I grew up. You stayed relatively the same size.

    • Gozaburo is a little confused over how chess works.

Gozaburo: Horses can't be knights. That's just silly. ...chess is stupid!

Yami Yugi: Kuriboh! Activate Super Chibi Kawaii Desu Moe Mode! * Kuriboh makes a rainbow, cue theme music* And now I activate Robot Unicorn Attack! Go mighty unicorn! Cross the rainbow bridge and attack his lifepoints directly!

    • Mokuba, about a deadpan-faced Kaiba..."And you look slightly happier than usual!"
      • "Oh my god! I'm... I'm... cute!"
      • "Is that how you address the Chess Prince?"
      • "Kneel before the Chess Master!"
    • The Internet troll stinger at the end of the episode. Actually, just the internet trolls.
    • The whole thing with Tristan and Duke. Especially the Axe bit.
    • This bit near the end:

Kuriboh: Lalalalala lalala la?
Yami: No. No, I don't love you.
Kuriboh: (sadly) Laaa.

    • Gozaburo Kaiba. Especially, the orphanland bit and sorry I tore off your ears
    • And this:

Kaiba: Checkmate.
Gozaburo: Best two out of three?
Kaiba: You lost!
Gozaburo: But I still have my horsey!
Kaiba: It's called a knight.
Gozaburo: Why is the knight a horse?
Kaiba: I'm your son now!
Gozaburo: Horses can't be knights! I mean, that's just silly! ...Chess is stupid!

    • More from the orphanage:

Kaiba: Mokie! I believe I am experiencing character development!
Mokuba: Wow, what does that feel like?
Kaiba: It kinda tingles...

    • "I feel like celebrating...INITIATE DISCO MODE!"

Episode 49

Hobson: HOBSON SMASH!

Hobson: HOBSON SORRY!

Hobson: (whispering) HOBSON NOT REALLY SORRY!

Hobson: HOBSON POLISHING!

Hobson: ONE DAY, HOBSON SMASH EVERYTHING THEN HOBSON MAKE THEM DO SILVERWARE.

--

Kaiba: Man, what a day! I don't even wanna look at a textbook.

Hobson: HOBSON HAVE TEXTBOOK FOR SETO!

Kaiba: Go f**k yourself Hobson!

(Beat)

Hobson: HOBSON DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO!

    • After Crump... descriptively describes Tea:

Crump: Tea Gardner--age 16; sneaker 6; bra size F; I challenge you to a children's card game!
Tea: Wait, how did you get all that information about me?
Crump: The penguins told me.
Tea: How the hell do the penguins know my bra size?!
Crump: The penguins know everything!

    • Tea's first encounter with one of Crump's penguin minions:

Tea: Awwww, what a cute little penguin!
Penguin (squawking translated to subtitles): I will pluck out your eyeballs and feed them to my kin!

Yugi: We have WRITERS!?

Yugi: The door just bitch-slapped me!

Yugi: (repeatedly, over and over again, even in the background, despite all previous evidence to the contrary) [Téa]'s NEVER played Duel Monsters!

    • And Crump's...passions.

Crump: I looovve penguins!
Tea: Eww!

Crump: Platonically...

Tea: Oh.

Crump: And physically!

Tea: EWWW!!!

    • Tristan and Serenity vs. a Mad Sword Beast.

Serenity: (running for her life) GAH! SOMEBODY GET THIS F*CKING DINOSAUR AWAY FROM ME!
 Tristan: What a majestic beast. I MUST DESTROY IT! (jumps off the tower) Here I come, Serenity! (lands roughly on its back) Oww, my scroat! This is for killing Littlefoot's mom, you jerk!

Duke: (taking Serenity by the arm) Hey baby, mind if I take your top off real quick?

Tristan: Look, Serenity! I'm finally becoming a (Mad Sword Beast dives into the river) maaaaaaaan!

(The beast does not resurface. Tristan, on the other hand, does.)

Tristan: It wasn't a meteor that killed the dinosaurs--it was Tristan Timothy Taylor!

Caption: Tristan Timothy Taylor. That's his name now.

    • This exchange:

Duke: Where are all the hot babes?
Tristan: Hm, I don't know, maybe they were all scared off by your CONSTANT BITCHING, DUKE.

    • Kaiba telling Mokuba to steal Chibi-Kaiba's Blues eyes that Chibi-Mokuba made for him

Episode 50

  • Pretty much all of Joey's trial in Episode 50.
    • "Wahh wahh Baby Pharaoh no like blonde man. And someone fetch me a nipple."
    • "He stole my catchphrase. In America."
    • Joey making Al and Frank angry by calling them by descriptions of them instead of names
    • Crump's horrible attempts to seduce Yugi in Tea's body.

"Tea": Damn it, Yugi, touch my boobs!!!

    • What would Tristan do in a situation like this?:

Tristan: I'm gonna touch your boobs!
Duke: (Beat) Why?

    • When Yugi says that Joey is 'the nicest guy he knows' and 'that he'd never hurt anyone,' we get a flashback to a picnic they had recently, and Joey is looking for his sandwich.

Yami Yugi: I'm sorry Joey... but I believe I ate your sandwich!
Joey: *grabs Yami Yugi* Nyeh, give me back my sandwich, you bastard! *punches Yami Yugi in the face, flashback ends*
Yugi: Mmmmost of the time.

    • When Joey encounters Johnson as Mai Valentine:

Johnson!Mai: Hello, Joseph. I've been waiting for you.
Joey: Mai Valentine, you sound like a man! That is completely normal for this series, but what the hell?!
Johnson!Mai: I'm sorry, is it putting you off?
Joey: No, I still find you very attractive. Ney!
[Mai transforms into Johnson with sound effect]

Johnson: It is I, Johnson. Third member of the Big Five and head of the 4Kids legal department.

Joey: Okay...

Johnson: You still find me attractive, don't you?

Joey: A little bit. Ney!

Episode 51

Serenity: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Nesbitt: The rocket-powered fist! (Hits Serenity with the fist)

    • Serenity first opening the door, under the belief that there's ponies behind it.

Zuul: ZUUL, MOTHAF**KA, ZUUL!

Serenity: (closes the door) That didn't sound like no pony.

Door: You must have startled it.

Random Jawa: Watini!

      • Kaiba deciding not to shut down the lab... instead blowing it up.

Kaiba: I'm shutting down your reasearch lab, Nesbitt.
Nesbitt: Mister Kaiba, I beg you to reconsider!
Kaiba: Kay.
(shot of lab being blown to smithereens)
Nesbitt: But you said you'd reconsider!
Kaiba: I did. I was going to have the building renovated after I shut it down.
Nesbitt: Then why did you-
Kaiba: I reconsidered.

Episode 52

  • Episode 52: "Grabbing a pipe--" Kaiba grabs a pipe and brandishes it like a sword. "--Come at me bro."
  • Episode 52: Lector demonstrates Jinzo's ability to destroy internet memes.

Lecter: Let's say we had your motorcycle, Mr. Kaiba. And for the sake of argument, imagine we were both dueling while riding said motorcycle. How would you describe that situation?
Kaiba: Uhh, I dunno, card games on motorcycles?
Jack: CARD GAMES ON MOTOR--WHAT THE AAAAAAGH (gets blown up by Jinzo's laser beam eyes)

    • Kaiba's 'Like a BOSS' montage, basically summing up his entire character in just a few seconds.
      • Impressed by rocks! (Like a BOSS!)
      • Be an asshole! (like a boss.)
    • This:

Kaiba: (Possessed!Tristan is standing on a roof) Hey, that's that funny guy that says the funny things! Hey, funny guy! Say some funny things!
Possessed!Tristan: (Leaps off building) I'M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUU!
Kaiba: (Jumps out of the way of Tristan) Hahahahaha, that's classic!

    • Once again, everything involving Hobson:

Hobson: HOBSON RECOMMEND INVESTING IN INTERNET STOCK.
[...]
Hobson: HOBSON REGRET NOTHING!
[...]
Kaiba: My first order of business: build the ultimate theme park! All I need is a name.
Hobson: HOBSONLAND!.
Kaiba: ...yeah, I'll think about it.
Hobson: YAY!

    • Kaiba mugging the dreamworks executives for money
    • "When did this show become amazing?"
    • Mokuba taking advantage of his kidnapping:
    • "Chibi Little Man"

Episode 53

  • Episode 53:
    • Melvin's repeated attempts to guess the password to open a door
      • "A locked door?! Impossible!! Wait, no, it's totally possible. What am I talking about?"

Melvin: Behold, Door! I shall now defeat you with my superior mental mind powers! Grant me access, I command youuu!
Keypad: Please enter access code.
Melvin: Staaab... (He enters "STAB")
Keypad: Access denied.
Melvin: Kiiill... (He enters "KILL")
Keypad: Access denied.
Melvin: Mutilate- (Enteres "MUTI") Aww damnit! There's not enough spaces. Okay, umm... Paiiin... (He enters "PAIN")
Keypad: Access denied.
Melvin: Why are these the only words I know?!

    • Mokuba: Seto! You're really here!

Robokaiba: Error error error error--
Mokuba: Wait, that's not Seto! He's way too expressive!
Noah: Hold on a sec.
Robokaiba: Rebooting...
Noah: Here we go.
Robokaiba: Hello, insert name of sibling.
Mokuba: He remembers my name!

    • Friendship Pile Driver! :D
    • This little gem:

Noah It's me, your biological son.
Gozaburo (Deep booming voice) I HAVE NO SON!Beat (Lightheartedly) Oh wait, yes I do, I just adopted one. (Holds up photo of Kaiba) Isn't he adorable? Now get back to swabbing.
Noah But father...
Gozaburo SWABBING I SAY!

    • Yugi in a tutu. That is all.
    • The stingers for the episode - first off being the synching of the Space Core to Astral. Followed by Melvin still trying to crack the password for the door:

Melvin: 1111! *Access denied!* 1112! *Access denied!* 1113! *Access denied!* 1114! *Access denied!* THIS DOOR IS A BITCH!!!

  • When Kaiba falls into Noah's room from the sky he shouts "Dirt rich!" upon impact with the floor.
    • These three gems, starting with:

Noah: Seito, how unexpected. And by unexpected, I mean totally expected.
Kaiba: Can it with the Phineas and Ferb jokes, you tiny shorts wearing freak!

      • Followed by:

Kaiba: Noah's my stepbrother? This is totally unexpected! And by unexpected, I mean totally expected.

    • And capped off with the end song being "Gitchie Gitchie Goo".
    • It's also kinda funny that Seto instantly recognizes a P&F reference, yet was completely clueless about SpongeBob SquarePants.

Seto: (sings tunelessly) "Spongepants... Squarebob... he's a friendly little... guy... (speaks) Is that it? Am I close?"
Noah: No.
Seto: Damn it!

      • Speaking of SpongeBob, Joey randomly singing the exact same song.
    • Seto tries to distinguish himself from Noah...and fails:

Noah: It seems you and I aren't so different after all

Seto: You're nothing like me! You're a self-centered, heartless bastard!

Noah: Hello, Pot. My name is Kettle. You're black.

Seto: Your hair is green! My hair is brown!

Mokuba: Can I have another donut?

Seto and Noah: SHUT UP, MOKUBA!

(Seto and Noah stare at one another in shock.)

Seto: ...that was weird.

Yugi: Don't worry Kaiba, you can ride with us!
Joey: I hope you like sing alongs, Kaiba!
Kaiba: (running away) Runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunning...
Joey: ...Kaiba?
Kaiba: (still running) Must... get... away... from dweebs... specifically Joey... Hate... so intense... Makes me faster...

Episode 54

  • Yugi's explanation on how the evil Tristan isn't the real Tristan.

Evil!Tristan: Muhahahaha!
Yugi: It's Tristan! The evil version.
Joey: How can you tell?
Yugi: This one isn't drooling all over your sister.
Evil!Tristan: Yes, it's me, evil Tristan. And this time, I didn't come alone.
Gansley appears as an image over Tristan's body
Gansley: With all five of us controlling Tristan's body, there's no way we can lose.
Inside Tristan's head
Crump: Hey, Gansley. Dibs on the blond guy's sister.
Gansley: You can't just call dibs on someone's body.
Crump: Hmm. I'm afraid I just did.
Back outside
Crump!Tristan: I like redheads almost as much as I like penguins. *Smacks lips repeatedly*
Joey: ...Are we sure that's not the regular Tristan?

    • The final fates of the Big Five is to be trapped in "the five darkest corners of the Internet".

Gansley: (on Megaupload) Helloooo? Ish anybody there? Why ish this place sho empty?
Johnson: (on The Dangerous Box) In all my years on the stand, I can honestly say I've never seen so much slander.

Naruto: (on Chatroulette) ARE YOU A NAKED GIRL?

Nesbitt: Negative. I am a robot.

Naruto: A NAKED ROBOT?

Nesbitt: Robots have no need for clothes.

Naruto: SO WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED?

Lecter: (on Fanfiction.net) Oh Sweet Lawd of the South, I don't know what's worse: the grammar, the porn, or all the un-American Jap-an-i-ma-nay. Huh, I wonder what happened to Krump...
—Krump: (on 4chan with numerous penguin pictures) PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS...
  • Kaiba learning that Noah was run over... by Serenity.

Kaiba: Did I just watch a snuff film?

  • Melvin finally succeeding in getting through the passkey-guarded door... Only to find another behind it. Doubly funny when you consider Marik's luck with doors in his Let's Play.
  • The planned division of the bodies among Team Four Kids:

Evil Tristan: Yugi's body will belong to Gansley.
Yugi: Ugh, that freaky fish guy?
Gansley: I am not a freaky fish guy!

Evil Tristan: Joey's body will belong to Lector.

Joey: Neyh!

Evil Tristan: Nesbitt will take Tristan.

Monkey Tristan: Bananas!

Evil Tristan: Crump will take Serenity's body. [Makes slurping noise]

Serenity: Meep.

Evil Tristan: And Johnson will take Duke.

Duke: This is the only time I'm ever going to say this to anybody... but I would never let you have my body.

Tea: Wait, I didn't hear my name.

Evil Tristan: Yeah, uh, you're free to go.

Tea: Why don't any of you want my body?

Yugi: I want your body.

Tea: Why doesn't anyone want my body?!

Evil Tristan: Well, nobody really wants Crump's sloppy seconds. Not even Crump.

Tea: Also we have THESE!
Kaiba: (With adorably uncharacteristic awkwardness) Umm...th-those are very nice...but I'm not interested. I'm going after Noah. On my own terms.

Tea: BUT DOES NOAH HAVE THESE!?

Kaiba: God I hope not.

  • Kaiba's entire rant about stairs.

Episode 55

  • Yami's reaction to Noah turning everyone to stone.

Noah: First, Duke!
Duke: *Muffled version of Sexy Back plays while petrified*
Yami: Huh.
Noah: Then, Serenity.
Serenity: Ahhhhhhhh!
Joey: No, Serenity! Great, now I gotta win another tournament to fix this.
Noah: Then, Joey.
Joey: Nyeeeeeh!
Yami: And nothing of value was lost.
Noah: Then, Tea.
Tea: Aaaaah! Pharaoh, I...love...you...
Yami: Wonder who that was.
Noah: And finally, the robot monkey.
Yami: No! Not the robot monkey! Oh, manly fainting noises. *faints*

Kaiba: (towards Yami) What do you think, Mokuba?
Yami: I'm not Mokuba.
Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba!

  • After Yami sees all of his friends in a vision, they give him their cards.

Joey: Yugi, take my card!
Tea: And my card!
Tristan: I'm just here for the food!
Serenity: Take my card, Yugi!
Duke: And my card.
Gimli: AND MY AXE!

Yami: Hey, Joey! Watapon! Am I right?
Joey: Heh, what a n00b!
Kaiba: *hrrrmpf*

Kaiba: Oh God, what's wrong with his face? Are you guys seeing this? What the hell is wrong with his face?

Joey: *Has an Off-Model face* I fail to see the problem.

Kaiba: What the hell's wrong with everybody's face?!

  • Kaiba's halloween costume

Kaiba: *Tied up to a cross* Can you guess who I am?
Witty Phantom: Uh...
Kaiba: I'm Jesus!


Cr@psule Monsters and Season Zero

Cr@psule Monsters

  • My favorite is from Cr@psule Monsters:

Tristan: Hey, look, it's an Indian!
Yugi: Tristan, that's not an Indian.
Tristan: Oh, right. I meant to say "Native American".

    • Also:

Brisbane: Hello, I'm Dr. Alex Brisbane, and I'm Most Definitely Not a Villain.

    • Nah, the finest Cr@psule line is:

Tristan: Pocahontas kidnapped Joey!
Tea: That bitch!

    • I heartily disagree. The best part was when Yami was looking on at the burning tree's saying "Yes, that's right burn. The rainforest can kiss my pasty Egyptian butt."
    • "So you're stepping on the map, then?"
    • Everything is Pocahantas' fault in Crapsule Monsters.

Joey: (after landing crotch-first on a tree branch) Right on the little Joey! Curse you, Pocahontas...

    • When Yami Yugi is attacked by tree monsters that he finds "strangely arousing":

Yugi: Look out, Pharaoh! There are millions of fangirls taking screencaps of this scene!
Yami: The fiends!

    • Tristan thinking the Capsule Monsters are his and Tea's children.

Tristan: Perhaps we reproduced without our knowledge?

    • "What a digital dummy!"
    • Yami's "invisible bicycle" from Cr@psule Monsters 2.
      • "Dammit, he knows my secret!"

Season Zero

Tea: Come on, Yugi. You know I love hanging out at your creepy grandpa's game shop.
Yugi: There's nothing creepy about my grandpa!
Grandpa: I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Yugi: Okay, kinda see where you're coming from now.

    • Grandpa's listing off every synonym for Tea's breasts.
    • Aside from the Incredibly Lame Pun involved here:

Ushio: The Elite Beat Agents don't come cheap. This beating will cost you 20,000 yen.
Yugi: 20,000 yen?! That's like a whole dollar!!

    • This:

Yami: I hope you like giant man-eating worms!
Ushio: Huh, I wonder what he meant by that-OH MY GOD, THAT IS WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT!

    • Yugi wishing for Tristan and Joey to get beaten up.
    • Yugi runs back to the school:

Ushio: Yugi.
Yugi: Ahh! What the hell? Have you just been standing here this whole time hoping that I'd randomly show up?
Ushio: Look, do you have the money or not?

    • Yami and Ushio's fight.

Yami: Wanna play a game?
Ushio: What sort of game-
Yami: First one to die loses!
Ushio: ...
Yami: Look! the Queen of Spades!
Ushio: What does that do-
Yami: You lose!
Ushio: *falls* UAHHHHHHHHH!

Yugi: (In thought) God, those eyebrows are huge! I can't stop staring at them! It's like if Martin Scorcese and Jennifer Connolly had a baby! Aaand now I'm picturing Martin Scorcese having sex with Jennifer Connolly... Why do I keep doing that?
Ushio: Is something wrong?
Yugi: I AM EXTREMELY AROUSED!
beat
Ushio: You have problems, man.

  • The second Season Zero Abridged Episode: They turned Kaiba into a overly friendly, calm and reasonable figure. He even says he would do anything for his little brother. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
    • Emperor Mokuba. That is all.
    • The best part would be subverting the SCREW THE RULES I HAVE MONEY joke by playing on Anti-Humor.
    • Yami laughing uncontrollably when he realises Kaiba was playing the game for fun.
      • And then, Kaiba joining in on the laughter.

Kaiba: (laughing) Oh, it feels so good to laugh.
Yami: (laughing) I'm going to kill you in your sleep.


The Movie

  • The Movie: Pegasus shouting: "Hurry! Get to da choppah!" in his refined voice.
    • Don'tlookathispenisdon'tlookkathispenisdon'tlookathispenisAaaaaah! ...I looked.
    • Yugi running from the zombies, with a speech bubble above him reading "lol, yugi", and several of the zombies having "lol, brains", whilst "Running in the 90's'" plays in the background, as inspired by a Memetic Mutation from YTMND.
    • Joey: Wow; an action sequence that doesn't involve a children's card game.
    • Tristan (after punching straight through a zombie): "HOLY SH** ON A SH** SANDWICH!!"
      • Joey (running from another zombie): THIS SCENE'S SURPRISINGLY VIOLENT!!
        • Tristan (breaks his arm free by ripping his zombie in half): Did you see that?! I just tore that guy's f*** ing arm clean off! This is the BEST MOVIE EVER!
      • "Spining Bird Kick!"
      • Yugi: "Here goes nothing! (Throws dagger and fails) ....Damn I suck!"
    • There's also the moments in the beginning where Holo-Yugi and Kaiba are dueling. Kaiba jumps on top of his Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon with a "Wheeeee!" and then they have difficulty hearing one another until Kaiba pulls a split screen.
    • Pegasus flirting with Kaiba.
  • "There's a man in my head that tells me to burn things."


Bonds Beyond Time Abridged Movie

  • The opening riffs off of the Let's All Go To The Lobby parody from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, with Yugi, Joey, Tea and Tristan singing in the first half and TEAM SATISFACTION playing through second half.
  • The BBT abridged movie is hilarious. But my favorite part is Yusei's nightmare.

Jack: C'mon Crow. Let's go play a card game, while standing completely still. On. The. GROUND.
Yusei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    • Don't forget the goddamn Doctor Who theme tune kicking in, complete with parody opening.
    • There's also this line from Jaden:

Yusei... I see dead people.

    • And then there's:

Yusei: I'm the serious one with the voice that makes the fangirls swoon.

Jaden: I'm the cute, hyperactive one that people want to choke in his sleep!

Yusei: Who's Yubel?
Jaden: The demon that lives inside my head!
Beat
Yusei: Wonderful!

    • Jaden's pre-battle cry:
    • As always Jack Atlas is pure shouty comic gold

Yusei: (Looking at a picture and seeing Paradox) Wait, I found him!
Jack: YOU FOUND WALDO?

Yusei: The guy who stole my card.

Jack: WALDO STOLE YOUR CARD?

Yusei: *annoyed*Jack.

Jack: YUSEI!

Yusei: No.

Jack: 'KAY.

    • Jaden creates a Time Crash at the end of the movie when he tells Yugi what happens to the Pharaoh at the end of his series. He, Yami, and Yusei are stuck within a white void as another joins them...
    • The Stinger; explaining any further would kill the joke.
    • Yami and Yusei getting their Ho Yay on. Complete with Sexophone

Yusei: You can be my wingman anytime, Yugi.
Yami: No Yusei, you can be mine.
*romantic music; cue eyesex*
Yusei: No Homo, right?

Yami: ALL OF THE HOMO!

    • * The time when Yugi explains about the Shadow Realm to Yusei and Jaden and doesn't take it well:

Yugi: You know, the Shadow Realm. The big, purpley cloud place you go to when something really bad happens to you.
Jaden: I think you're talking about Hell!
Yugi: No, it's the Shadow Realm. Y-You know, when people fall from a really tall building, or they get stabbed in the chest... They go straight to the Shadow Realm! What, you guys don't have the Shadow Realm in your future?
Yusei: I don't think that's a real thing.
Yugi: So wait... Is my grandpa... really dead?
Jaden: 'Fraid so, brosef.
Yugi: I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie!

Yami: Oh god no...

Yusei: Jaden...

Jaden: What's up?

Yusei: If we survive this, I'm going back in time, to slap myself for taking you along on this adventure.

  • This line from Jaden to Paradox, "Then What The Hell Man?! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!"
  • Jaden goes freestyle...much to the dismay to Yami and Yusei.

Yusei: Oh please tell me he's not going to rap!

  • This bit...

Yusei: Paradox, you got some explaining to do!
Jaden: YEAH! Like why the hell were you in Venice!
Yusei: Look, this isn't important...
Jaden: I disagree-
Yusei: Shut up.

Paradox: Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come from Duel Monsters have evolve far beyond your understanding. Compared to me you are just a learner.
Yami: That may be the case in your timeline, Paradox. But then we're not in your timeline, are we?
Paradox: Um-

Yami: And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the Hell out of it!

  • When Yusei saves Jaden from Paradox...

Jaden: Dang son! That is one awesome motorbike you have-

Yusei: You're not riding it.

Jaden: Worth a shot.

  • This gem...

Jaden: Can I ride your bike?
Yusei: I already told you no!
Jaden: Oh come on, it'll be fun!
Yusei: I'll let you ride my bike if you can tell me one thing.
Jaden: Sure, ask away.
Yusei: Why are we in Venice?

*beat*

Jaden: F*ck it...you win!

Yusei: Always do...

  • Yusei and Jaden save Yugi from Paradox, and time travel to when before everyone in Domino City died...leading too.

Jaden: WHOOOOOOA!...I thought you said you weren't going to let me ride it?
Yusei: Everybody gets one.

  • "It's not a spoiler if it's obvious."
  • And this gem too...

Jaden: Check it out dawgs! My Neos card came back! It must be because we went back in time!
Yusei: That is not how time travel works.
Jaden: Well how else do you explain it?
Yusei: Obviously this movie has its head up its own anus.
Yugi: Well that answers pretty much every question I had.

  • Yugi decides to join Jaden and Yusei on their quest to defeat Paradox.

Jaden: Aw yeah! Looks like we chillin' with the King Of Games biotches! This shit be ballin'!

Yugi: ...What?

Yusei: He said he's happy to have you on board.

Yugi: Oooh.

Paradox: I am here for the one who destwoyed the futuwe.
Jaden: Look there must be some kind of mistake I'm Jaden Yuki.
Paradox: Yes that is wight.
Jaden: But I'm harmless! I couldn't destroy anything!
Paradox: Cowwection! I think that you'll find that you destwoyed Yugioh's cwedibility!

LittleKuriboh: We at Yugioh Abridged like to apologize for the lack of 3D content in this movie, however we like to think this is totally justified since 3D is bullsh*t and adds absolutely nothing to the cinema experience. So please, enjoy your 2D movie. Because it's cheaper and much less obnoxious.

  • An unexpected cameo...

Yusei: Jack look out!
Jack: CROW LOOK OUT!
Crow: Wario look out!

*Wario comes in behind everyone on his motorcycle*

Wario: Imma gonna win!

  • Jaden and Yusei search the Internet.

Jaden: Oh my God!
Yusei: Is that woman doing what I think she's doing?

Jaden: I forgot I bookmarked 2 Dark Magician Girls, 1 Pot of Greed.

  • Jack telling Yusei to summon his junk warrior on Paradox.

Jack: YUSEI! WHIP OUT YOUR JUNK!
Yusei: What??

Jack: WARRIOR! YOUR JUNK WARRIOR!

*A few seconds later*

Jack: GOOD! NOW WHIP OUT YOUR JUNK AND WAVE IT AT HIM!

Yusei:What????

Jack: WARRIOR!

  • "I'm Batman!"-Jaden
  • Can we just say the entire intro to the movie?
    • Oh HELLS yes. The first four minutes—beginning with the original Yugioh cast doing an old-timey "let's go down to the lobby" style jingle, getting interrupted by the 5Ds cast doing a Death Metal extravaganza, half of which consists of threatening the audience should they commit disorderly conduct while the other half is them gloating over how they now have your money, and then moving into Yusei's nightmare (see the first entry under the film for details) may be the funniest opening four minutes to any comedy movie, EVER.
    • To give credit where credit is due, this sequence is basically a copy of the opening sequence to Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters. Doesn't make it any less hilarious to see Yusei telling the audience that Satan will rain hot acid down their throats if they videotape the movie they are about to see.
      • Don't forget if you sell this movie on ebay...Yusei will BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND TEAR YOUR WIFE IN HALF!!!!
  • Yugi very slowly telling Yusei that they are going to play a card game on the ground and not on a motorcycle. Then goes on to say that he doesn't want Yusei to try and ride his duel disk.

Yami: Now Yusei, I should point out that this card game is not going to take place on a motorcycle. I hope you understand that. I don't want you to try to- ride on your duel disk or something. We're just going to be standing firmly on the ground-
Yusei: I know how to duel.
Yami: Well okay then.

  • Yusei's reaction whenever Paradox cuts out on him.

Yusei: I totally won that duel back there.

  • Paradox telling the Pwwotangonists about his intentions:

Yusei: Paradox. Why are you trying to destroy the world?
Paradox: I'm not trying to destroy the world. I'm trying to save it.
Yusei: NOT IF WE CAN STOP YOU-- wait, what?
Paradox: In the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Humanity's ignorance has made the world become wavvaged, and wifeless.
Yami: 'Wavvaged' and 'Wifeless'?
Jaden: But how? Was it global warming?
Yusei: Nuclear war?
Paradox: No, none of those things happened. What destroyed the world was.... caaaaarrrrdddd gaaaaammmmeeeessss.
Yusei: What?

Paradox: That riiigghhttt. Caaardddd gaaammmesss.

Yusei: You're serious.

Paradox: Yesssss. Veerrryyy.

Yusei: How?

Paradox: What?

Yusei: How did Card Games destroy the world?

Paradox: Well, I wasn't actually there, but I heard that someone played a card game and then BOOM! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Card Game- BOOM! Everyone dead.

  • Yami's and Yusei's reaction to finding out that they would either have to lose Card Games or the Entire world:

Paradox: It's either I destroy the card game, or the entire world destroys itself. It is as simple as that.
Yami: Hmmm... The entire world... or card games. Tough choice.
Yusei: There is no choice. Without card games, this world isn't worth living in.

  • Jaden's introduction.

Jaden: My name's Jaden Yuki, and I'm absolutely flawless.
*Absolutely Flawless
Yusei: Stop being happy.
Jaden: Aint no one in the world as fly as me.
Yusei: I'm serious. Stop it.
Jaden: Bitches line up just to get a glimpse at my sweet moves.
Yusei: I'm going to tear the happy right out of your soul.

Jaden: Come on homie, don't be a playa hater.

Yusei: I'm not a player hater. I just hate you.

    • Jaden then goes on to troll Yusei about having not grown up on the streets like Yusei.

Jaden: I go to a kickass school that teaches us how to play trading cards! We get to sleep on warm comfortable beds and get served food whenever we want... awww it's a good life!
Yusei: Well just look at all the f*cks I give!

  • When Yusei and his friends first encounter Paradox.

Paradox: PWOTAGONISTS!
Yusei: Wait, who's that?
Jack: I don't know but his hair is beautiful!

  • And while the delivery is what makes this line absolutely beautiful, Jack's reaction to the theft of Yusei's card bears quoting;

Jack: That guy stole your Stardust Dragon card! What a dick! I mean I know I did that in season one, but...he's a dick!

  • Yami after Jaden's Rap.

Yami: Wow Jaden! Way to get your lame on!
Jaden: Actually, it's get your gam-
Yami: I know what it is.

  • Yusei confronts Paradox in Venice and makes some Brick Jokes.

Yusei: Paradox.
Paradox: Pwotagonist?!
Yusei: I came--
Paradox: What?!
Yusei: --to the past.
Paradox: Oh.
Yusei: But I also had an orgasm.
Paradox: Ewww!
Jaden: Ha! Nice!

  • Pegasus' song:

Welcome, all you foolish nerds/To the gayest spectacle in the world/I'm making a cameo in this movie/I'm much more fabulous in 3D...

  • After Paradox has been defeated:

Yami Yugi: Huh... I think we may have just killed a man...
Yusei: If anyone asks, Jaden did it!
Jaden: Yeah--Wait, what?!


Music Videos

Joey: Okay Kaiba, this time I'm really gonna beat ya, and there's nothing you ca do about it!
Kaiba: Please, Wheeler, I could defeat you with my hands tied behind my back. What makes you think you can win this time?

  • music kicks in*

Joey: Well, I'm glad you asked.
Kaiba: O...kay, where the hell is that music coming from?
Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...
Kaiba: ...Please tell me you're not going to sing.
Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...
Kaiba: *quickly* Look, I'll pay you any amount of money right now if you don't sing.
Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...*launches into song*

Jaden: Yugi! It's time...(music cues up) to spit some rhymes!
Yugi: Bring it on, Ja--wait, what? Oh, you have got to be f----ng kidding me...

    • After the first "round"

Jaden: (chuckle) That was a'ight. But lemme lay somethin' fresh on ya!

Yugi: Uh, Jaden? You're not black.

  • The full version of Little Kuriboh's take on Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance".
    • Especially the "Why am I speaking French?" part.

Marik: "Plus, we're both hot! Hot, hot, hot! We are quite sexy!
Florence: "Marik, that doesn't rhyme."
Marik: "Shut up, I am Lady Gaga!"

    • "I like the silly noises!"
    • "I'm an evil bitch, baby!"
    • "Okay Marik, though I have to say I had no idea you were this keen to get into the Pharaoh's pants."
  • Literal Pants. That is all.
    • Chibi Little Man!
    • ASS!
    • "Fire fire fire, he's highly flammable"
    • "Hello Marik I'm right behind you." "AND NOW I'M YELLING AT YOU!"
    • "Fat, fat, fat, this guy is fat."
      • "I'm very fat."
    • "Crouching, looking dapper, this song has gone down the crapper! Guest appearance by Ghost Nappa!
  • Hey I JUST MET YOU, AND THIS IS CRAZY, BUT I'M ESPA ROBA! WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY?!


Evil Council

  • The four times Marik held his Evil Council Of Doom.
    • And the one time Melvin held it.
  • Evil Council 3:
    • Florence, Steve Luna, Steve Umbris, Zork and Rebecca's possessed teddy bear discussing Lost before Marik comes in...

Marik: [Enter] SILENCE!
Steve Umbris: Yes, silence! Everybody bow down to your digital ruler!

Steve Luna: Bow down, muchachos!

Marik: HEY! What part of "Silence!" don't you people understand?!

Steve Umbris: The part where you apologize to us for having such a horrible attitude.

Steve Luna: That part!

Marik: Oh. Well...in that case, I'm...very sorry.

Steve Umbris: That's much better. Please continue with your lame speech.

Marik: Right, yes. Well, as I was saying...SILENCE!

Florence: ...Marik, nobody was saying anything.

Marik: It was a preemptive silence!

Florence: Oh. So...you silence the silence. Good job.

Marik: Yes! That silence didn't know what hit it!

    • Then, when Dartz and his minions set their scheme in motion:

Dartz: Mah fwiends, dere is only one way to defeat that dooshbag...we will du?? him!
(Uncomfortable silence)
Rafael: ...um, did you say "do him"?
Dartz: I said DU?? HIM! What part of 'du?? him' doncha understand, dooshbag!? We're gonna du?? him! Toogeda! All foh of us, we gonna du?? him. du?? him hard and thowowowy. We will du?? him so hard dat he will feel it in the mo'ning when he wakes up!
Alister: Um, boss? Are you serious?
Dartz: Yes, you ayzhole! What, you want me to du?? you, too?
Alister: No sir!

Dartz: Then keep yo' mouth shut, mayn! Okay, mayn?! Yeah. So we're gonna du?? him...on motuhcycles!

Valon: Won't that be kind of...uncomfortable?

Dartz: (legitimately confused) What the (EFF) are you talking about, mayn?

Rafael: Yeah, I...I don't wanna do anybody on a motorbike--

Dartz: Duuu??!

Rafael: ...are you saying "do" or "duel"?

Dartz: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU??!!!

Rafael: ...so, you want us to do Marik?

Dartz: Yes! And I will stand here and watch you du?? him!

(Beat)

Alister: Well, okay then...let's go...do...Marik...I guess...

Dartz: Du?? him, dooshbags! THOWOWOWY!

      • It comes back as a Brick Joke at the end of the video:

Marik: GAAAAH! I AM 100% STRAIGHT! HONESTLY!
Alister: ...so, can we do you now?
Marik: GET OUT OF MY HOTEL ROOM!

Steve Luna: Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care, Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care, Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care~
Florence: Well if you don't care then please stop bloody telling us about it!
Steve Luna: Man, don't be ruining my flow!
Florence: Your flow is of no concern to me! I simply wish for you to shut your mouth hole before I nail it shut!

    • Zorc singing 'Destroy the World' to the tune of A Whole New World from Aladdin.
    • Dartz is going after...something else...

Dartz: Here's what we're gunnah do, mayn. We're gonna find Yuu-gay Mowtoe, and we're gunnah take his d?ck.
(Uncomfortable silence ensues.)

Rafael: What.

Dartz: His d?ck! You know mayn, his d?ck. We awl got d?cks. You got a d?ck, I got a d?ck, Hell, I could whip out my d?ck right now and show you!

Rafael: NO, NO, NO. Please don't, I'll just trust that it's there.

Zombie Boy: Uh... is he saying deck or (bleep)?

Valon: Eh, sometimes it's best not to ask.

Dartz: Now it’s crucial that you guys don’t (EFF) this up. So I want you to cwose yoh eyes and imagine that yoh standing in front of Yu-gay Moh-toe.

Rafael: (kneeling) Okay, now what?

Dartz: Now, reach out and gwab his d?ck.

Rafael: Oh, no.

Dartz: And pull it towards you.

Rafael: Oh, this can‘t be happening.

Dartz: Then I want you to cut his d?ck into three pieces!

Rafael: Mother of God!

Dartz: And each of you will take One Piece of his d?ck and twavel to a different part of the planet. And then his d?ck will belong to us!

Rafael: Uh, is...is that it? Can we open our eyes now?

Dartz: No, man. There’s one more part to the pwan.

Rafael: Of course there is.

Dartz: Next, we gonna take Mai Vawentine’s d?ck!

(Raphael vomits)

Yugi: (answering the phone) Hello? Yes, this is Yugi Moto. ...you wanna take my what?! No! That's disgusting! ...what do you mean "Does Mai Valentine have one"?!

  • This part from the third Evil Council video:

Marik: I'm not gay! [Bakura laughs] What? What's so funny?
Bakura: Come on, Marik, we all know!
Marik: Know what?
Rex: Uh, heheh, yeah, we know.
Weevil: Heheh, yeah, we know.
Pegasus: I definitely know!
Marik: Know what? What the hell does everybody know?
Bakura: Marik, I believe it's time you came out of the closet.
Marik: Oh, what, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately and hang around with another extremely attractive man and read yaoi and flaunt his gorgeous abs and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?!
Bakura: ...Kinda.
Marik: You're all pricks!
Bakura: Well no wonder you like us so much!

  • Marik: "There are no women in Yu-Gi-Oh! There are only extremely girly men! And I am the girliest of them all!"
    • Pegasus: "Keeeep, telling yourself that!"
  • Evil Council 5 in it's entirety, when it's not being a Tear Jerker that is:

Pegasus: (breaking up an argument between Marik and Bakura) Girls, girls, you're both very pretty... But try as you might, you'll never be as pretty as me.


Unsorted

Little Kuriboh: It's nice to know that Joey is loved in various areas. (Beat) Wait a second--

Wayne Grayson: That's what she said!

  • The first Christmas special was absolutely hilarious.

Kaiba: Happy Hannukah.

  • Zorc and Pals:

Bakura: What sort of time do you call this?
Zorc: ...time to DESTROY THE WORLD!
(Uproarious canned laughter from audience)

  • The entirety of the episode "What Would Yugi Do?"
  • The anime convention episode. Especially with the mentions of hopscotch and badgers.

Yugi: Rule #5: You must be registered and have a badge to enter main events and rooms. This will be enforced by the staff members and badgers.
Tristan: Holy (bleep) on a (bleep) sandwich! This convention is run by badgers!

Joey: That explains everything!

Tristan: Give us back our hopscotch, you evil badgers!

  • Tristan: "Who's smexy now, bitch?"
  • Joey and Kaiba's "smexy" argument.
  • Tea: (thinking) "I wonder if I should get a haircut that doesn't make my head look like a cardboard box with features."
    • * while wrapped in a blanket Tea thinks to herself* Soon I'll be a beautiful butterfly, and then Yugi will love me.
  • "Joey Vs. Door: Round 2".
    • Also:

Joey: Go yiff yourself, Kaiba!
Kaiba: *walks off* Whatever that means.
Joey: Nyeh, Google Image it, ya jerk!

  • Yami: *while looking at Kaiba's nose he thinks to himself* "Look at the size of that nose! It's like the animators didn't even care!"
  • Duke: *while hanging off the side of Kaiba's blimp* Oh my god I'm gonna die! I can't believe I'm gonna die on a show about f*cking card games!
  • BROOKLYN RAGE! BROOKLYN RAAAAGGG-AH!
  • This troper simply adores Joey's "Nyeh!" and Tristan's Barney sounding voice.
  • REJECTED!
  • "Because... shut up."
  • Screw the rules, I have green hair!
  • The opening of the other abrigded movie.

"Corn on my mouth, Moe's soup machine..."

    • Yugi running away from (apparently) Kemo with Gary Stu: "I really gotta quit smoking."
  • Whenever the Dark Magician makes an appearance, one of the "Magical Trevor" songs is played.[2]
  • When they're being chased by the giant boulder, comparing it with the 4KiDS dialogue makes it a lot funnier.
    • 4KiDS version:

Yugi: It got Bakura!
Téa: Oh no!

    • Abridged Series version:

Yugi: It got Bakura!
Téa: GOOD!

Yusei: Jack.
Jack: WHAT IS IT YUSEI?!!
Yusei: I came....
Jack: ...
Yusei: (laughs)

Jack: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!

Bakura: Zorc, what's wrong? You haven't destroyed the world today!
Zorc: I have a terminal disease!
Bakura: No! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her?
Zorc: She also has a terminal disease!

  • From the "Silent Night" video, Joey punching Tristan complete with a "SHORYUKEN!" sound effect.
  • Before Cerebus Syndrome set in, completely killing the joke:

"We are the Rare Hunters! My name is Steve! These are my associates! They are also called Steve!

  • LK's review of the first volume of the Yu-Gi-Oh Manga. All of it.
  • The conclusion of the identity of Kaiba's father. Featuring Frieza.
  • The ending of the Inception trailer parody:

Kaiba: I've got my ego under control.
Cut to Kaiba jumping down from his dragon shaped jet onto a crowded stadium wearing a jetpack
Joey: ...I'd hate to see it out of control.

  • The Deleted Scenes Montage is pure win in this tropette's opinion.
    • Agreed, I especially enjoyed the part where we're shown Joey's thought process, even though it doesn't really do him anything good the first time.
    • And also the part where Tristan found the remote to Duke's theme music.

Tristan: (The Pokemon theme plays) I don't even know what that is!

    • The Eff Hole:

Bakura: Kiss my arse, Marik!
Marik: But there's poop down there!

Yugi: Tristan, we don't take too kindly to references to abridged series not made by Littlekuriboh around here. People who do tend to mysteriously have their kneecaps broken.
Yugi: With a wrench.
Yugi: Specifically, this wrench! *holds up large wrench*

    • Then, later, after Tristan makes yet another reference:

Yugi: Omigosh! Who could have broken Tristan's kneecaps?
Yugi: With a wrench.
Yugi: Specifically, this wrench! *holds up large wrench*

Slenderman: Hey, Bakura, how's it hangin'?
Marik: Wait, wait. You two know eachother?
Bakura: Unfortunately...
Slenderman: We were college roommates.
Bakura: Yes. We used to get crunk and pick up chicks, as the saying goes.
{Cut to Bakura and Slenderman in a dance club, while the song Twenty Dollars plays}

    • "Uh Gay Elephant Noise?"
  • Most of the "Ishtar Family Christmas" video. Including the Take That at card games on motorcycles.

Jack Atlas: I GOT HIM A MOTORCYCLE, SO THAT ONE DAY HE CAN PLAY CARD GAMES ON IT!

Joseph: Card games on motor-

Yami: Don't.

    • Slendy's cameo. "Excuse me, is this the Jesus residence?"
    • The ending:

Hank: Okay Billy, time to open your present.
Malik: Let's see...oh, I wonder what's in this long, snake-shaped one?
Hank: Did you try rattling it?
Malik: Yes, but it just started hissing at me...rather like a snake.
Hank: Maybe it's the Buzz Lightyear you always wanted.
Malik: Oh boy! I always wanted Buzz Ligtye AAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S NOT BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! IT'S A SNAKE!
Hank: Say hello to Cornileous the Secooooooooooooond!

  • From the third Naruto Abridged parody video:

"Shhh, I'm trying hear the nudity."

  • From the Snot Him video. Not so much the video itself, but the comments about it. A lot of fans were surprised to discover that the Hair Guy has a name!
  • EPIC SMUG FACE
  • The entirety of his newest video, Neko Porno. It crosses the line so many times that there isn't even a line anymore, but I'll be damned if it isn't one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Specifically though:
    • Marik reading the suggestion for the video in a monotone
    • Bakura and Marik having the conversation about what happened the last time Bakura's email was given out in public. "The fanart" indeed.
    • The random scene changes. "Stick it right in my-" "BEAVER WARRIOR!"
    • Marik saying "Oh no I di'int" to Kaiba.
    • The fanfiction police officer, Ushio.
    • "This is the best fake sex I've never not had!"
    • Kaiba and Yugi meet "Akefia" in the OOC-prison.

Akefia: Shall I compare thee to a summer's duel?

  • Marik Plays Bloodlines. All of it.
    • His reason for playing the game, because Bakura is a bitch.

Bakura: Shut your buggering face!

  • Kaiba's Winning.
  • Meet the Kaiba
    • Yugi and Yami get Heavy's voice while Kaiba gets Scout's, in a reference to one episode's Stinger. Unfortunately Kaiba doesn't reprise "BONK! I broke your stupid crap!", but they recuperate that:

Yami: WHAT'S THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL?! (whips out Exodia) GOOD IDEA!
Kaiba: OH GEEZ!

Mokuba: Can you feel ze Schadenfreude?

Tea: You have failed me... with your friendships!

      • Then, a few seconds later:

Tea: Kill him! Slaughter him like a dog!

    • Tristan is "voiced" by Pyro.
    • When Yami shows up, we get this:

Kaiba: Hey look! You shapeshifted into a dead guy!

    • The ending. Just the ending

Pegasus's Henchman (As Soldier): That was an amazing killing spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!!
Pegasus (As Demoman): I'm drunk!

  • YGO 5Ds One Shot
    • Akiza assuming Yusei's suggestive comments are about her (spoiler alert: it's about his bike).
    • The Sound Check

Yusei: One night we were set to preform in front of the entire world, but then, we experienced some... technical difficulties...
(Two Years Ago, A Cityscape is seen)

Yusei: Okay! Mic Check! Testing, testing, one two three! Jack, you wanna check your mic?

Jack Atlas: OKAY! TESTING TESTING ONE TWO (Massive Pillar of Light destroys city) THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Pillar of Light is now shooting off into space)

(Present Day)

Yusei: The Strange Part was that his microphone wasn't even plugged in. It was the worst night of our lives.

Rally: Because the city was destro--

Yusei: Because none of us got laid! Nobody wanted to sleep with us because they were all too busy burning to death!

      • It happens again.

Announcer: (on television) And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man who ruined all other men for you...JACK ATLAS!

Jack Atlas: (on television) TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREEEEEEEEE--(TV explodes)

Yusei: You guys owe me a new TV.

Tank: But that was our TV--

Yusei: I don't care!

    • The one-man production of Hamlet on a motorcycle. Starring Jack Atlas.

Jack: TO BE, OR NOT TO BE--ON A MOTORCYCLE! THAT IS THE QUESTION!

No moogles here man.

Melvin: If you're done fighting with your girlfriend, we have a card game to finish!
Florence: He's not my girlfriend!
Marik: You tell him, honey!

  • "Mokuba was supposed to be there with me, but he had been kidnapped for the fiftieth time that week so his seat was empty."
    • Little Kuriboh even saw fit to put together a montage of a few scenes in which he was kidnapped.

Kaiba [thinking]: Hmm. Perhaps I should consider keeping him on a leash.

  • NyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEH! ... The Audience is from Brooklyn.
  • Kemo's famous line: "Attention, duelists! My hair is assaulting you!"
    • And when Kemo and bandit Keith meet:

Keith: I have ten star chips! In America!
Kimo: My hair is inviting you to enter!
Keith: Man, that guy sure likes talking about his hair.
Kimo: Man, that guy sure likes talking about America.

Gendo: (to Shinji): Who the devil are you?
Shinji: I want a robot!
Gendo: Smithers! Release the hounds!
Fuyutsuki/Smithers: Sir! This is your son!
Gendo: Oh, of course it is! How foolish of me...ha ha I must be getting old! Now where was I? Smithers! Release the hounds!

  • Melvin's "hugs".

Melvin: Now, who wants a hug?
Tristan: I do!
Yami: Tristan, no! He's just going to stab you or something!
Melvin: Don't listen to him, Tristan. He just wants all the hugs to himself.

GLaDOS: Oh, it's you.
Marik: Who the frig are you?
GLaDOS: I'm Your Worst Nightmare.
Marik: You're me without a fabulous bottom?

GLaDOS: Okay, I'm your second worst nightmare.

Marik: You're a buffalo?

GLaDOS: Never mind.

    • BE LESS BRITISH!
  • Episode 54: They Saved Tristan's Brain.
    • Tea asking Kaiba if Noah has boobs and Kaiba goes "God, I hope not..."
    • And then there's:

Possessed Tristan: Since I'm the evil Tristan I'm going to do the one thing that regular Tristan never could.
Yami: You're going to get us to like you?!

  1. ↑ DISNEY is six letters
  2. ↑ For the record, this has happened in Episodes 13 (against the Paradox Brothers), 22 (against Duke Devlin), and 35 (flashback-- against Arcana)
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