Yu-Gi-Oh GX the Abridged Series/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Episode 1:

  • "But what I have doesn't need to be in my Deck! For I have the power of George Michael!" Cue "Flawless (Go to the City)".
  • This Exchange:

Alexis: Hey, that duel reminded me of my first period! Wanna hear about it?
Zane: And that's where I get outta here!

Crowler: (to Jaden, who is standing in a rabbit-like pose) Will you PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNNY?!
Jaden: Make me!
gun cocks

Episode 2

  • This:

Captain (over pa system): This is your captain. If you look to your left you'll see your home for the next four years, filled with shadow riders, a white dorm, alternate universes and the main character turning inexplicably evil.
Syrus: Did that guy just ruin 4 whole seasons?
Captain: Shut up and enjoy the view! And if you look to the right you'll see the bar my wife is a stripper at.
Guy: Ruined four what now?

  • Meanwhile at the tool shed...
  • The Blind Guy Conversation:

Syrus: That's the last time we take directions from a blind guy.
Jaden: Blind guy? I thought he was wearing those sunglasses to look cool.
Syrus: He had a guide dog!
Jaden: I thought it was his duel spirit.
Syrus: No! What the hell is wrong with you?

  • Chazz not complimenting Jaden:

Chazz: I'll admit that you turned it around, but don't take this as a compliment on your skills, but you were absolutely flawless.
BGM: Absolutely Flawless...
Chazz: Why does it do that every time I say "flawless?"
BGM: Absolutely-
Chazz: SHUT UP!

  • Dinner Time Conversation:

Obelisk Blue: So, anyway, I got him in a vicelock and killed the bastard!
Others: Elite-sounding laughter
Ra Yellow: So, anyway, me and an Obelisk Blue got in a fight with a Slifer Red and we killed the guy!
Others: "Yeah!" "Awesome!" "High Five!"
Slifer Red: So we got in a fight today and my friend got killed!
Others: "Ahhh..." "That sucks." "Did someone take my beans?"

  • Computer: Choosing battle music. (Barbie Girl plays and then stops) I apologize, that isn't my music. I don't know how it got there. My sister came over on the weekend and uploaded her songs into my database. Sincere apologies. I swear to God, I don't listen to that stuff. I like Foo Fighters. They're cool. Choosing new battle music.
  • Hell Bastard and his constant moaning about his father...
    • Which is followed up by his dad's appearance: "Has anyone seen my son around here? Whiny little putz."

Episode 3:

  • The scene in the classroom.
    • "Syrus, sit down, and I definitely did not put a whoopee cushion there."
  • This:

Guy: We've got a new substitute teacher and she's hot.
Jerry: The wanna play card games with her kind of hot?
Guy: The very same.
Jerry: By card games I mean sex.

Guy: Shut up Jerry.

  • Syrus. Just Syrus:
  • Meanwhile in the tool shed... At Night!
  • Crowler singing along to the Mission Impossible theme.

"Breaking this padlock, I'm so sneaky. I'm the bad guy of this series."

Jaden: How the hell did I find a boat so fast?
Crowler: How the hell did he find a boat so fast?

  • Narrator: And so after a ridiculously short duel the Alexis and Syrus shipping began.

Episode 4:

  • Jaden: Get bent Chazz you no good egocentric big tempered money loving Ojama humping butt munching asshole!

Jaden: You got any other obvious things you wanna point out?
Syrus: You're a dick.

  • This:

Crowler: Didya see that Chanceller? Didya? Didya? Didya?
Chazz: Didya see that Jaden? Didya? Didya? Didya?
Jaden: I'm dueling you, you fruit cake!

Episode 5:

  • "I'm a Syrus fangirl! Let's pair you up with Chumley!"
  • After Professor Banner nonchalantly reveals he's married to a cat:

Banner: You don't have a problem with a man and a cat being together do you Syrus?
Syrus: Of course not. How could I because... I'm gay. Yeah. With Jaden.
Jaden: Shut up.
Banner: Good, because I was kidding.
Syrus: Bastard...

  • "Syrus, we can play state the obvious later..."
  • Shortly, after getting the hell out of there...
  • Jaden tries marijuana:

Jaden: WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CHEETOS?!

Episode 6:

Squad Commander: I think you both should be suspended.

Jaden: I think you should shut the hell up.

  • And Later:

Crowler: You're free to choose any partner you wish to help you.
Jaden: Okay, just so long as it's not Syrus.

Crowler: Good suggestion! Syrus it is!

Jaden: NO! I don't want him!

Syrus: You sound like my mother!

  • After an unnecessarily long story about dissecting a worm:

Beat
Crowler: Why the hell did we even accept you?
Syrus: Fuck you! That's why!

  • "Because that's what friends do, we take advantage of your weakness, and then exploit it to make ourselves feel better. And then, we have the self-confidence to say, "Hey. Syrus. I'm better than you."
  • Jaden's stunned reaction to Syrus traumatizing childhood
  • After their duel:

Jaden: Who knows? One day you might just thank me.
Syrus: Thank you?! For what?!
Jaden: I don't know, but you might just thank me one day.

Episode 7:

  • Jaden: Man I hate these submission forms. Hmm...reasons I want to duel Zane... He's a Douche...and I bet he smells bad too.
  • Syrus hearing Jaden's voice in his head, and including the time Jaden got drunk and thrown out of a bar.
  • Jaden: He's down here, Chumley! The invisible floating hairball that came from my ass just told me so!
  • Zane: Standing on this pier and watching the sunset makes my fangirls think I have a sensitive side.
  • Brotherly Love:

Zane: Syrus? You droppin' out?
Syrus: Yup.
Zane: Sucks to be you.

    • It Sucks to Be You... THE SONG!!!
  • Jaden's lengthy rant at Zane

Jaden: I'm going to beat you, Zane. Not just for me, not just for Syrus, but for all of the little people who've had their confidence ruined by people like you. You don't care who you walk on. To you, everyone is just an obstacle. Well, you're wrong. It's people like us that have helped you get where you are right now. If it wasn't for us, you would be nothing, and I think it's time that you showed a little respect. And that's what this duel is all about. And another thing - !"
Zane: Yeah, you lose.
Jaden: I what?
BOOM

  • After Crowler reads Jaden's letter...

Crowler: Why this sounds like a marvelous idea! I'll get this through right away!
Jaden: Really?
Crowler: FUCK NO!(rips up the letter)
Jaden: Oh god why?

Episode 8:

Jaden: Ow my pancreas!
Syrus: Take that you friggin' looney!

Episode 9:

  • After Chazz asks to be in the tag duel:

Crowler: That sounds like a marvelous idea, of course I'll put you in the tag duel!
Chazz: ...Really?
Crowler: FUCK NO!

  • Crowler singing to the tune of "Staying Alive".
  • The Paradox brothers... out of practice
  • Queen's song "Bicycle" playing when Syrus summons Cycroid.
  • Alexis getting Bastion's name wrong calling him, in order: Batman, Bathtime, Bastard and John

Alexis: Hey Bastion, look! The episode's over!
Bastion: Yes it... wait, what?

  • Crowler: {Actual 4Kids Dialogue} Poor little Syrus. He'd be the weakest link on a plate of sausages. Wait...what?
  • Syrus's epic rapping... and Jaden's not so epic rapping.
  • This:

Zane: Well, Syrus. Time to see if it really does suck to be you.

Episode 10:

  • Bastion is late

Coach: What are you, a virgin?
Bastion: No, I'm British! But I guess it's kind of the same thing.

  • "Okay, who's getting a Crowler bitchslap?!"
  • "WE LOVE EAVESDROPPING!"
  • "Okay! I get it! You have a boner for math!"
  • After Chazz says he's the best:

Guy: Duh, you're not the best!
Chazz: Who said that? Who the fuck said that?
(An arrow points the guy out)
Guy: Duh it was me.
Chazz:You're lucky this is a freeze frame, or I'd come down there and kick your ass!

  • After Syrus knocks Jaden off his paint platform:

Jaden: Syrus! You got paint all over my favorite jacket!
Syrus: What do you mean, your favorite? It's the only one you wear!

Jaden: It's still my jacket, asshole!

Bastion: 'Ello, 'ello! What's all this abou' then?

Jaden: You stay out of this, limey.

Bastion: Limey?! How dare you! *punches Jaden*

Jaden: Ah! Ok. Mild racism. Got it.

  • One Trip to the Hospital Later...
  • Bastion comes up with 3 points to explain why Alexis throwing his deck in the ocean to clean it makes absolutely no sense.

1. "When I said I wanted a clean deck, I meant a new deck of new cards."
2. "Why, why the hell would you clean paper cards with water?"
3. "Even if you made points 1 and 2 somehow plausible, why, oh God why, would you clean them in the freaking ocean?"

    • And her response?:

Alexis: Tee hee you have a funny voice!
Bastion: That's it, I can't take it any more!(reveals dynamite strapped to his chest and explodes.)

  • After another trip to the hospitaltoolshed...

DAMN IT!

  • "Water water everywhere bitch!
  • Hell Bastard... and brothers! "We don't have fatherrrrrs!"
  • After the duel

Crowler: Congratulations Bastion you beat Chazz. You're promoted to Obelisk Blue!
Bastion: Wow! Really?
Crowler: FUCK NO!

Bastion: You know that's really getting old.

Crowler: Well... It sucks to be you!

Zane: Hey!

Episode 11:

Jaden: Hey, he's got a duel disk! Either that or a really funny-looking banana.
Syrus: ...Jaden? Why do I hang out with you?

  • "That's the Magic of TV Convenience!"
  • Jaden: This is exactly the card I need to spank that monkey! Hehehehe.
  • Wheeler's punishment: Playing "Party in the USA" causing him to shriek in terror.
  • Jaden: Talk about bestiality! Heheheh.
  • Jaden: Now give Back Jasmine before I assert my dominance! (Beat) Giggity.
  • "Does Banner need to pop a bitch?"

Episode 12:

  • The sparks coming off of Jaden's head when he gets confused.

Banner: Jaden, shut up. Now, tell everything to my crotch.
Tory: Well you see... look, this is reeeeally uncomfortable...
Banner: Talk to my crotch!

  • This bit:

Jaden: Give Tory back, Jinzo!
Jinzo: No.
Jaden: Well, I'm out of ideas.

  • Jinzo accidentally staying on the boat.
    • "Martini, sir?" "Oh, yes please."
  • The forest bit, where Jaden keeps going off screen.

Jaden: I'll run faster that that time I was invited to Crowler's birthday party and everyone got out the... (Goes off screen) ...and it was rumored that Chazz and Bastion had a gay relationship and no-one believed him because... (Goes off screen) ...and Syrus was convinced he was pregnant and made us go to the emergency room where... Where the hell are we?

  • Jaden thinking Tori is dead.
  • This:

Jaden: If you need a sacrifice, take me instead!
Jinzo: Uhhh, okay. (Picks up chainsaw and revs it)
Jaden: On second thought let's have a duel.
Jinzo: Awww.
Syrus: Awww. Kick his ass Jinzo!
Jaden: Why are we friends again?
Syrus: Who said we were friends?

  • ECTOPLASMA!
  • This:

Jaden: Fine, I end my turn. You big dick.
Jinzo: Funny, that's your momma's nickname for me!
Syrus: Oh no he di'nt!

  • "Electricity makes me visible! ...somehow."

Syrus: Professor Banner! How is Jinzo doing that?
Banner: Really? You are asking me that? Syrus, I do not have a goddamn CLUE how he is doing that! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that you have blue hair!
Syrus: What?

Episode 13:

Harrington: But I'm not done! I activate the Magic card, Smack in the Face!
Jaden: What does that- (smack) Owwwwww...

  • Harrington meets Alexis:

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! I can feel my heart swelling and getting bigger! And by my heart, I mean my penis..."

  • Jaden's reaction to Harrington's deck theme, and Harrington's fitting response:

Harrington: First, I play the magic card, Service Ace!
Jaden: Stop!
Harrington: What?
Jaden: *Sighs* Your deck is full of tennis cards, isn't it?
Harrington: Well, of course! Tennis is my favourite thing! Why wouldn't I?
Jaden: Because making a deck out of your favourite thing is dumb and stupid!

Harrington: Really? Tell me, how's the superhero business going, mister Elemental Hero?

  • beat*

Jaden: ...So what does Service Ace do?

  • Service Ace's effect lets Jaden guess which card type one of Harrington's cards is; if he gets it wrong, he takes 1500 points of direct damage. Jaden spends the entire time switching between Magic and Trap (including "Magical Traps" at one point, and also trying to "pass" the question). Harrington proceeds to interrupt his increasingly confused ramble with "It's a monster!"

Jaden: Aww, that was my next guess!

  • Jaden trying to guess if the card is a magic or a trap card.
  • This scene.

Harrington: You'd like me to believe you're a good guy! But, oh, I don't believe you! I don't believe anything you say!
Jaden: You're awesome.
Harrington: You're full of shit, Jaden!

Episode 14

  • This exchange:

Obelisk Blue: Oh look, it's the Slifer Slackers.
Jaden: What? Wanna say that again?! You wanna repeat that?! You fucking prick?! Huh?! You wanna start something?! C'mon, let's go, three on three, Red versus Blue, no camp kills, we'll fuck you up!
Ted: J-just calm down, guys -
Jaden: Shut the fuck up, Ted! We're all pumped! We're ready to fucking go! Let's do this!
Chumley: *Grrr*
Jaden: That's right, prison rules. Syrus hasn't eaten in days.
Syrus: I want the one in the middle...
Jaden: Me too.

  • Jaden's ongoing arguments with Winged Kuriboh, culminating in:

Kuriboh: *Kuriiiii*
Jaden: What the fuck do you want from me?!

    • The fact that he freely throws it at the giant's face and ends up getting it back.
  • Trying to get Beauregard to admit to being the duel giant:

Jaden: DUEL! YOU! ME! NOW! TRIANGLES!

  • And right before that after Jaden voices his suspicions:

Bastion: But seriously, he's no duelist. I know him. We play chess.

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