Zero Shock/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

  • How Jack defeated Guiche.

"Now you shall know pain, insect!"

Wait... insect?

The splicer began to laugh. It started as a chuckle, then rose into a loud, booming sound that chilled the atmosphere as surely as a blast of ice. His augmented voicebox flexed and hummed as the man laughed, the unnatural sound freezing his opponent into place.

"Wh-what's so funny, huh?" Demanded Guiche, stomping on the ground.

The splicer raised his arm. "Insect?"

Jack pumped his fist again, instantly remembering why he hated using this plasmid. Holes opened up in his arms, each wide enough to fit a finger in. He grunted from the pain, even more so as he began to feel his flesh being re-formed to create the bees that now crawled from the newly made orifices. There were gasps of surprise, disgust. Jack ignored them as he watched the golems. A mop of blond hair was just barely visible.


  • The entirety of the 'interrogation' chapter, where Osmond, Colbert and Longueville are trying to puzzle out Jack's past, identity and status.

“According to this, headmaster, this all began in a commotion over in the Alviss Dining hall.” She began. “'Guiche da Gramont was involved with a disagreement with two of the other students, a first year and a second year student by the names of Katherine de Trastámara and Montmorency Margarita la Fere de Montmorency, one of the serving staff, a maid by the name of... Siesta, it seems, as well as Mister Jack'... apparently da Gramont was struck by Mister Jack, and proceeded to challenge him to a duel. The rest... is... well, property damage.”

  • Jack, who has been living off what is probably sub-par food for the past few months, eating freshly baked bread. Then the girls' reaction to this When He Smiles and thanks Siesta for the food. Seriously, this is plays out like the final episode of Haruhi Suzumiya's first season, with the mundane becoming hilarious. The writer has made Jack eating bread epically funny. Let me once more reiterate: Jack. Eating. Bread.
  • Sinclair gets one, when asked to bring back Jack Ryan, he shakes his head, casually saying that "We're looking into it, Doc, but it ain't as simple as just bringing someone back from the dead. Someone's gone and poof'd him off someplace else.". In fact, Sinclair is full of these when interacting with the other Rapturians.
    • Salvatore gets one when he offers Sinclair a drink... from the puddle in a corner of his office. Which he admits gave someone bowel problems last time they drank from it.
  • Kirche vs Louise. Every time.

Louise: "Oh, you're just full of it, aren't you, Kirche? Always prancing around, jiggling like some demented pudding!"

  • The author released a series of limericks themed towards the Bioshock main characters. Eleanor's is just plain hilarious and awesome: