Andy Parsons:(Re: Countdown) "I think Dictionary Corner would be quite happy to be unionised, because it is in fact a nine letter word".
Spinning The News
(Frankie on gay rights)
"(Concerning gay adoption) I'd have loved to have had a gay dad. You know how in the playgrounds it's always 'my dad could beat up your dad', or 'my dad could outrun your dad'? 'Hey! My dad could shag your dad!... And your dad would enjoy it!"
(Stuart Francis on schooling)
"You are looking at a very proud Canadian, who is very proud of the education system in Canadia... I was horrible in school, I failed math so many times that I can't even count... I preferred French over Chemistry, because the Chemistry teacher and I just didn't have any, eh... rapport... One teacher told me I'd be a better student if I didn't spend so much time flirting, I immediately jumped off his lap... One teacher used to always say I wasn't very observant, but you know what? That was his or her opinion... I was going to join the debating team, but someone talked me out of it... In high school I was voted Most Likely To... Reminisce..." *trails off*
(Ed on piracy)
"Ooh this music's so funky it makes me want to obey the law."
Frankie: "We had only been there a day, but for us it felt like fifteen years... that's Birmingham."
Russel: "He stole it from me, my Precious, m- Oh, it's in me pocket..."
Greg Davies: "Hey, John. How's it going? All right? Yeah. How're the kids? All right. See you later."
(on "Unlikely Lines from a Thriller")
Hugh: "Get me the Pentagon... and then the triangle and then the square..."
Andy: "Ah, Pussy Galore, Bond here... I've been told by my doctors that I need to contact all previous partners..."
(on "Ill Advised Things to Say in Court")
Andy: "How could she have seen my face?! I was wearing a balaclava!"
Frankie: "So, to summarise, there's no evidence, but he does look a bit rapey."
Mark Watson: "Well, if stabbing a man makes me guilty, I'm guilty!"
Frankie: "I would like to present my own defence, through the medium of dance!"
(the letters are P.T.F.C.) Milton Jones: "Performers Try Find Caption?" Russell Howard (upon discovering it relates to the MP's expenses scandal): "Payback The Fucking Cash!"