View source for The Onion

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[[File:the-onion-logo_2521.jpg|thumb|350px]]

{{quote|''[[Pretentious Latin Motto|Tu Stultus Es]]''<ref>"You are stupid"</ref>}}

A [[Satire|satirical]] newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on [[This Very Wiki]]. Started in 1988 as a print newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin (by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin), it has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the [[CNN|Onion News Network]].

Some people [[Too Dumb to Live|mistakenly think]] ''The Onion'' [[Poe's Law|is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [https://web.archive.org/web/20100225041131/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter] to the [http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.] Others are aware of its parody nature.

''The Onion'' also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called [http://www.avclub.com/ the AV Club], which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer is [[Nathan Rabin]]. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with ''The Onion'', mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like ''The Onion''.

'''The Onion''' has in the past extended into a (critically derided, even by its own AV Club) movie, and most recently two TV series — ''Onion Sportsdome'' on [[Comedy Central]] and ''Onion News Network'' on IFC. There have also been two original Onion books - ''[[Our Dumb Century]]'', a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, and ''[[Our Dumb World]]'', a [[Hollywood Atlas]] filled with stereotypes and [[Dead Baby Comedy]].

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{{tropenamer|Parody Newspaper Names Following Trope:}}
* [[Bulungi]]

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{{tropelist|Area Man Embodies And Parodies Following Tropes:}}
* [[Aborted Arc]]: The [http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-announces-dark-horse-candid,2141/ mysterious congressman's presidential campaign] initially seemed like just another funny article, but it was then followed up by [http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidat,2245/ him challenging the other candidates to a debate at dawn]. Since then, nothing.
* [[Absent-Minded Professor]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100227040345/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']".
* [[A Day in the Limelight]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131016125306/http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-is-pundit-duncan-birch-a-worthless-idi,18591/ Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot?]"
* [[Adventurer Archaeologist]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100224005002/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680 Archaeologist Tired of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils]".
* [[After the End]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood.
* [[Aint No Rule]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100316044830/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/kentucky_violated_ncaa_rules Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washedup-air-bud-signs-with-greek-pro-team,27510/ Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team]".
* [[Air Vent Passageway]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219130713/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28978 Clinton Escapes Through Air Vent]".
* [[The Alleged Car]]: Jim Anchower's [[Running Gag|perpetually abused Ford Festiva.]]
* [[All Girls Want Bad Boys]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100315172732/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28748 Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven]".
* [[All Men Are Perverts]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams]".
* [[Alpha Bitch]]: ''Fact Zone'' host Brooke Alvarez.
* [[Alternate History]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alternateuniverse-scifi-channel-show-asks-what-wou,2846/ Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]"
* [[Americans Hate Soccer]] / [[Acceptable Hobby Targets]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay]".
**  [https://web.archive.org/web/20130621022207/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/ In the Onion Sports Network's main page], if you look at the list of sports categories, "[[Soccer]]" is lumped in the same category as "Women's Sports".
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20111217055642/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/suffering-cleveland-bans-all-professional-sports%2C19701/ Suffering Cleveland Bans All Professional Sports]".
* [[Anachronism Stew]] / [[Timey-Wimey Ball]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/historical-archives-civil-war-preenactors-have-sta,6356/ Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd Battle Of Bull Run]".
* [[And I Must Scream]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-hearing-loved-ones-voice-induces-excru,27035/ Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients]".
* [[Animal Wrongs Group]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314110708/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39180 Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit]".
* [[Animated Adaptation]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304131859/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/aaron_sorkin_announces_new_west Aaron Sorkin Announces New 'West Wing' Animated Series At SorCon]".
* [[Antiquated Linguistics]]: The book ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20111128200419/http://store.theonion.com/product/our-dumb-century-paperback%2C17/ Our Dumb Century]'' loves these.
* [[Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-only-there-were-some-way-i-could-watch-premium,17805/ If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home]".
* [[Artifact of Attraction]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219035916/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45795 Wool Blanket Destroys Commune]".
* [[Artifact of Doom]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131001152400/http://www.theonion.com/video/ashton-moves-on-from-demi-dating-evil-black-disc,26880/ Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc]".
* [[Artifact Title]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219072232/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/steeler_defense_renamed_mid Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh]".
* [[Artistic License Animal Care]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/as-much-as-i-hated-putting-my-dog-to-sleep-i-know,11522/ As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up]".
* [[As Long as It Sounds Foreign]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226184035/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33632 I Bet I Can Speak Spanish]".
* [[Asshole Victim]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teen-with-cancer-vows-it-wont-keep-her-from-being,18176 Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit]".
* [[As Long as There Is Evil]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/osama-bin-laden-found-inside-each-of-us,1131/ Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each of Us]".
* [[Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/update-giant-bin-laden-destroys-new-york-washingto,20536/ Giant Bin Laden Destroys New York, Washington]".
* [[Author Tract]]/[[Writer on Board]]: Many of their recent entries.
* [[Awesomeness By Analysis]]: Inverted with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-doesnt-look-that-cold-out-reports-man-who-doesn,19082/ It Doesn't Look That Cold Out, Reports Man Who Doesn't Have Thermo-Sensing Eyes]".
* [[Ax Crazy]]/[[Cute and Psycho]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/a-vote-for-my-husband-is-a-vote-for-me-not-breakin,11427/ A Vote For My Husband Is A Vote For Me Not Breaking Your Fucking Neck]".
* [[Babies Make Everything Better]]: Subverted hard: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/autistic-child-ruins-marriage-he-was-born-to-save,16914/ Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save]".
* [[Bankruptcy Barrel]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219063153/http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/why_am_i_the_only_homeless_man Why Am I The Only Homeless Man Still Wearing Pickle Barrels?]"
* [[Basement Dweller]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-cuts-funding-for-26yearold-stepson,19965/ Congress Cuts Funding For 26-Year-Old Stepson]".
* [[Best Years of Your Life]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-years-of-area-mans-life-apparently-never-goin,94/ Best Years Of Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen] brutally mocks this trope.
* [[Big Bad]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ Dept. of Evil: All of You Must Die]".
* [[Bilingual Bonus]]: The so-called founder's last name is Zwiebel, German for "Onion".
* [[Black Comedy]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223094236/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43212 More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/university-implicated-in-checksfordegrees-scheme,1193/ University Implicated In Checks-For-Degrees Scheme]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/ Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students]".
* [[Black Comedy Rape]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20120305211717/http://members.fortunecity.com/mtracey/christy.htm Black Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper]". Notable for being one of the few articles [[Dude, Not Funny|removed from the main site]]. A subversion, as the article's clownish treatment of the horrific subject matter was itself the joke.
** From ''Our Dumb Century'', "January 30, 1969 - U.S. TROOPS PULL OUT OF VIETNAMESE PEASANT GIRL; 27th Infantry Division ordered to fully withdraw from Sia Nguyen, 14. 'That's enough for now, boys' says captain."
* [[Blatant Lies]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/ Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters]".
* [[Boom! Headshot!]]: ''Close Range'', "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100317101510/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists The Game That Consists Of Nothing But Shooting People In The Face]".
* [[Bothering by the Book]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/regulation-spitefully-obeyed-to-the-letter,430/ Regulation Spitefully Obeyed To The Letter]".
* [[Bottled Cool]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219054838/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27642 Area Man Buying Not So Much A Soft Drink As An Image]".
* [[Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-think-mcdonoughs-auto-repair-you-think-cr,17998/ When You Think McDonough's Auto Repair, You Think Craftsmanship, Murder, And Pride]".
** An autistic reporter covering a [https://web.archive.org/web/20131019044037/http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ train accident]: "Before the train came to a complete stop, it ran over three trash bags, a piece of gum, a Snickers wrapper, a man, and a glove."
* [[Bulungi]]: The [[Trope Namer]] originated in [http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article].
* [[Buried Alive]]/[[Complete Monster]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]".
* [[Butt Monkey]]:
** There's a ''lot'' of articles that involve dreadful things happening to former U.S. President [[George W. Bush]].
** Madison Daly and Tucker Hope are treated poorly by Brooke Alvarez.
* [[But You Screw One Goat!]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219124305/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33600 I Think I'm Going About This Cat-Breeding Thing All Wrong]".
* [[Call Back]]: One article makes reference to an online voting system that allows millions of masturbators to take part in the voting process. Two days later, the article "Nonvoter Knew It Would Turn Out This Way" ends with the nonvoter admitting he might start voting if the online voting for masturbators was up by 2012.
* [[The Cameo]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20130615065821/http://www.theonion.com/video/psa-ben-stiller-speaks-out-against-shaken-manchild,19732/ Ben Stiller], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjmW_20-iYA Rachel Maddow], and Mike Huckabee were all on the TV show. The last two were on the same episode.
* [[Canada, Eh?]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perky-canada-has-own-government-laws,19927/ Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws]".
** From the cartoons, "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/editorial-cartoon-november-12-2007,12321/ The THREAT Across the OTHER Border]".
* [[Canon Discontinuity]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mans-life-riddled-with-continuity-errors,20492/ Man's Life Riddled With Continuity Errors]".
* [[Canon Welding]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/disney-reveals-that-every-disney-movie-takes-place,28141/ Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe]".
* [[Captain Space, Defender of Earth!]]: Crash Comet, Space Commander from the Year 2000, the recurring enemy of [[Evil Overlord]] columnist [https://web.archive.org/web/20120131154307/http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty].
* [[Captain Obvious Aesop]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/third-amendment-rights-group-celebrates-another-su,2296/ Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year]".
*  [[Casanova]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090927052105/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/7_million_people_direct?utm_source=c-section 7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor]".
* [[Casanova Wannabe]]: How they portray U.S. Vice President Joe Biden.
* [[Caustic Critic]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226182838/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/awful_man_offers_witty_acerbic Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees]".
* [[Chekhov's Gun]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gun-goes-off-during-lifes-third-act,17286/ Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act]".
* [[The Chew Toy]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/universe-admits-to-wronging-area-man-his-entire-li,18556/ Universe Admits To Wronging Area Man His Entire Life]".
* [[Children Are a Waste]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]".
* [[China Takes Over the World]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100218222333/http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/well_ive_sold_the_paper_to Well, I've Sold The Paper To The Chinese]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-china-to-overtake-us-as-worlds-biggest-assh,17277/ Report: China To Overtake U.S. As World's Biggest Asshole By 2020]".
** From the week which featured the header article, "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/china-strong,2756/ China Strong]".
* [[Church of Happyology]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090115091433/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006 Scientology Losing Ground To New Fictionology]".
* [[Circles of Hell]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223092402/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898 Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly-Growing Hell]".
* [[Clap Your Hands If You Believe]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314112055/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_warns_he_may_cease_to Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him]".
* [[Cliché Storm]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perfectly-marketed-tv-show-somehow-fails,2333/ Perfectly Marketed TV Show Somehow Fails]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/ Report: Massive Wildfires, Geopolitical Crises, AIDS, Human Rights Violations, Deadly Shootings, Africa, Trapped Travelers, Ethical And Moral Issues, Child Labor, Drug Wars]"
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-to-bet-the-farm-on-one-last-big-bill,21192/ Congress To Bet The Farm On One Last Big Bill]".
* [[Cloudcuckoolander]]: Several of the columnists, but particularly flaky stoner dude Jim Anchower.
** Jean Teasdale is a vicious and tragic deconstruction, as she's almost (but not entirely) oblivious to the living hell that is her life. This is [[Played for Laughs]].
* [[Cluster F-Bomb]]: Oy.
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100305070747/http://zorak.best.vwh.net/toc/fuckingmoon.html Holy Shit: Man Walks On Fucking Moon]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314110501/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-upholds-freedom-of-speech-in-obsceni,17372/ Supreme Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling]".
** The whole week of articles directly after [[The War on Terror|9/11]] was called "The Holy Fucking Shit Edition".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131031030823/http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who,17966/ Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?]"
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/where-the-fuck-is-diane-with-my-fairtrade-coffee,11085/ Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?]"
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]".
** From ''Our Dumb Century'': "Last Night's Fireside Chat Just A Stream of Cuss Words."
* [[Comically Missing the Point]]: Uses this humor a LOT, especially their [http://www.youtube.com/show/todaynow Today Now!] and [http://www.youtube.com/show/intheknow In The Know] segments.
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100308043158/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43014 CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighter All These Years]".
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc9JzvuvNkA Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?]"
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131019044037/http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]".
* [[The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219065924/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hawaii_wins_little_league_world Hawaii Wins Little League World Series]".
* [[Concept Album]]:
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131018072029/http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-launches-david-bowie-concept-mission,2907/ NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bruce-springsteen-releases-new-scifi-concept-album,21358/ Bruce Springsteen Releases New Sci-Fi Concept Album About Struggles of Poor Miners Working On Mars]".
* [[Conspiracy Theorist]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/construction-complete-on-911-truther-memorial,18034/ Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-has-elaborate-explanation-for,1917/ Conspiracy Theorist Has Elaborate Explanation For Why He's Single]".
* [[Content Warnings]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219104808/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28047 Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family]".
* [[Continuity Creep]]: The show on IFC has some recurring stories, such as the one involving time travelers trying to kill Suri Cruise and the FDA official yelling for everyone to start eating healthier.
* [[Continuity Nod]]:
** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John McCain during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.
** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.
* [[Conviction by Contradiction]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219102847/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective 'Encyclopedia' Brown Found Dead In Library Dumpster]".
* [[Cousin Oliver]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219121535/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency]".
* [[Cowboy Cop]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219141941/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30550 Lone Wolf Ashcroft Given Rookie Partner]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/entire-precinct-made-up-of-loose-cannons,2306/ Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons]".
* [[Covered in Gunge]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223085254/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30578 Ex-Nickelodeon Stars Relate Horrors Of Green Slime Syndrome]".
* [[Crap Saccharine World]]: The world seen in ''Today Now!''
* [[Crapsack World]]:
**  "[[Grand Theft Auto IV|Liberty City]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20100225045354/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liberty_city_police_face Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality]".
** The world as a whole. ''In The Know'''s world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... [[Rule of Funny]] produces some hilariously-horrific things.
* [[Crazy Cat Lady]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20130728065953/http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put the spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]."
* [[Crazy Enough to Work]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225045816/http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_idea_so_crazy_it_just_0 Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work]".
* [[Creator Breakdown]]: "Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create ]".
* [[Crosses the Line Twice]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]", a perfect example of crossing the line '''way''' more than twice.
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/look-are-we-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-this-board,17871/ Look, Are We Going To Spend The Rest Of This Board Meeting Talking About Why I'm Covered In Blood And Feces Or Are We Going To Talk Business?]"
* [[Cult]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-call-this-a-doomsday-cult,10783/?utm_source=related/ You Call This A Doomsday Cult?]"
** [[The Moral Substitute]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219074035/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29745 Former Cult Members Find New Life In Christ]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]".
* [[The Danza]]: Tracy Toth, aka ''Today Now'''s Tracy Gill.
* [[A Date with Rosie Palms]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ho-ho-ho-i-saw-you-masturbating,2107/ Ho Ho Ho, I Saw you Masturbating!]" Also an example of [[Squick]] and [[You Suck]].
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20111208153305/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/13year-old-nearing-record-for-most-masturbations-i%2C18828/ 13-Year-Old Nearing Record For Most Masturbations In One Day]".
*  [[Deconstruction]]:
** With regard to the idea of realistic video games, "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314110839/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]".
** Several articles are deconstructions, often by having something frequently portrayed in media happen to real people and showing what it would really be like, such as "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]".
* [[The Deep South]]: Repeatedly.
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219070006/http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/supreme_court_rules Supreme Court Rules Tennesseans are Sentient Beings]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100301035548/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28559 South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-visits-southcarolinaravaged-south-carolina,26114/ Obama Visits South-Carolina-Ravaged South Carolina]."
*  [[Defictionalization]]: [http://www.closerangegame.com/ Play the demo of "Close Range".]
* [[Development Hell]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/script-has-been-floating-around-hollywood-for-75-y,18172/?utm_source=recentnews Script Has Been Floating Around Hollywood For 75 Years]".
* [[Delicious Fruit Pies]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219060554/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32002 Spiderman Distracts Dr. Octopus With Delicious Hostess Fruit Pies]".
* [[Did You Die?]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/candidate-may-have-lied-about-heroic-death-in-viet,17600/ Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam]".
[[Digital Piracy is Evil]]: [https://www.theonion.com/kid-rock-starves-to-death-1819565599 “Kid Rock Starves to Death”]
* [[Dinner Order Flub]]: In ''Our Dumb World'''s entry on Burkina Faso, there's a joke about the very low literacy rate of that country when one of their diplomats tries to order a notice that an extra gratuity may be charged for large groups.
* [[Disproportionate Retribution]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4&feature=channel Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar]".
* [[Does This Remind You of Anything?]]: Constantly; one is "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219035047/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister]".
* [[Do They Know It's Christmas Time?]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219090917/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43960 Important Christmas Lessons Already Forgotten]".
* [[Doorstopper]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223085234/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27769 Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20]".
* [[Downer Ending]]: See [[Mood Whiplash]] example below.
* [[Dumb Is Good]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304132346/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28779 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]".
* [[Dysfunctional Family]]: Pretty much the whole point of Jean Teasdale's regular column, and strongly implied in Roger Dudek's.
*  [[Eagle Land]]:
** Both types at once, in "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-public-actually-kind-of-endearing-in-some,18277/ American Public Actually Kind Of Endearing In Some Ways]"
** Type 2: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7c_OMWp21g Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?]"
* [[Early-Bird Cameo]]: In "[https://web.archive.org/web/20140103122803/http://www.theonion.com/video/biden-criticized-for-appearing-in-hennessy-ads,14392/ Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads]", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on ''Fact Zone'', which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos.
* [[8.8]]: [[In-Universe]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pitchfork-gives-music-68,2278/ Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8]".
* [[Everything Is Big in Texas]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090920203013/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=a-section Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans]".
* [[Everything's Deader with Zombies]]
** [[Brain Food]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223083933/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38541 Zombie Nutritionist Recommends All-Brain Diet]".
** [[Zombie Apocalypse]]:
***  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100309231716/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676 Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack]".
***  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/low-voter-turnout-blamed-on-electionday-zombie-att,1102/ Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks]".
* [[Everything's Worse with Bears]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314004046/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34147 Whoooooo! Bears! vs. Aaaaaggh! Bears!]"
* [[Evil-Detecting Dog]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100218232704/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31229 Family Dog Barking At Evil]".
* [[Evil Power Vacuum]] / [[Jerk Jock]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]".
* [[Evil Old Folks]]: T. Herman Zweibel, the fictional Editor of the ''Onion'' since 1888, is the epitome of this Trope.
* [[Executive Meddling]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/network-executive-cancels-show-after-ruining-it-in,3334/ Network Executive Cancels Show After Ruining It In Development]".
* [[Exponential Plot Delay]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0& Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]".
* [[Fag Hag]] / [[Pet Homosexual]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219104952/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_man_unattractive_woman_form Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond]".
* [[Fan Dumb]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jon-hamm-to-overenthusiastic-fan-youre-ruining-me,19443/ Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone']".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-dont-they-make-a-second-godfather-movie,11434/ Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?]"
* [[Ferris Wheel of Doom]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-40000-people-died-on-ferris-wheels-this-sum,26414/ Report: 40,000 People Died On Ferris Wheels This Summer]".
* [[Finishing Move]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nhl-to-allow-finishing-moves-in-fights-this-season,18189/ NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season]", with an obligatory [[Shout-Out]] to ''[[Mortal Kombat]]''.
* [[Firemen Are Hot]] / [[Even the Guys Want Him]] / [[Black Comedy]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrsLMcJn_cA Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze]".
* [[First Contact Math]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219062623/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30246 Earth Contacted By Extraterrestrial Nerds]".
* [[Five-Token Band]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219102459/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39035 Graphic Artist Carefully Assigns Ethnicities To Anthropomorphic Recyclables]".
* [[Flock of Wolves]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100308043432/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27823 Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters]".
* [[Flyover Country]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131112215415/http://www.theonion.com/articles/indianapolis-announces-really-embarrassing-bid-for,26149/ Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics]".
* [[Funny Aneurysm Moment]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-outraged-catholic-priest-did-that-thing-e,17184/ Everyone Outraged Catholic Priest Did That Thing Everyone Jokes About]".
* [[Funny Background Event]]: The news ticker at the bottom of Newsroom videos.
** Also, some screenshots of websites have headlines as funny as the news ticker's.
* [[Foe Yay]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314214350/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27830 Sexual Tension Between Arafat, Sharon Reaches Breaking Point]".
** Mentioned in "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massachusetts-supreme-court-orders-all-citizens-to,1135/ Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry]".
* [[Former Child Star]] / [[Future Loser]] / [[Green Aesop]] / [[Contractual Purity]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100309020804/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]".
*  [[Funk]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-on-iraq,787/ Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb on Iraq]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-funk-congress-deadlocked-on-get-upget-dow,625/ National Funk Congress Deadlocked on Get Up/Get Down Issue]".
* [[Franchise Zombie]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131117161418/http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minutes-of-last-harry-potter-movie-to-be-spl,20528/ Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]".
* [[Future Badass]]/[[Evil Overlord]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital]".
* [[Game Within a Game]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft]".
* [[Gang of Critters]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219103243/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38926 Woodland Pals Hold Impromptu Oompah-Band Jamboree]".
* [[Gentleman Thief]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314111208/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Daring Jewel Heist]".
* [[Get a Load of That Square]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219082248/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38778 Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something]".
* [[The Ghost]]: Clifford Banes, the [[Informed Ability|supposed host]] of ''In The Know''. The various reasons given are Troperiffic:
{{quote|"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally [[Unperson|erased]]."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a [[Evil Tower of Ominousness|clock tower]]."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is regaling the interns with [[The Storyteller|tales of his days at sea]]."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who [[Jumped Off the Slippery Slope|messed with the wrong people and got involved in some]] [[Sophisticated As Hell|serious shit]]."
"[[Blatant Lies|I'm Clifford Banes]], wearing a perfect latex Juliana McKannis mask." }}
* [[Giant Enemy Crab]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090625183211/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/experts_agree_giant_razor_clawed?utm_source=a-section Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat]".
* [[Girlfriend in Canada]]: Appears in "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225045500/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]".
* [[Girls Have Cooties]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/10yearold-denies-girlliking-allegations,3909/ 10-Year-Old Denies Girl-Liking Allegations]".
* [[Glorious Leader]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]," complete with [[Commissar Cap]] and [[Chest of Medals]]
*  [[Glurge]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304133026/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27621 Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad]".
* [[Gone Horribly Wrong]] / [[My God, What Have I Done?]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219033716/http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_powdered_chocolate What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon The World?]"
* [[Good Cop, Bad Cop]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-avidstampcollector-cop-routine-not-workin,6088/ Good Cop, Avid-Stamp-Collector Cop Routine Not Working]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-bad-cop-both-racist,1702/ Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist]".
* [[Gretzky Has the Ball]]: Inverted with "[https://web.archive.org/web/20091120041344/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/even_british_able_to_see?utm_source=slate_rss_1 Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneer's Defence]".
* [[The Grim Reaper]]: Frequently appears in the cartoons.
* [[Hand Puppet]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219124333/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30192 Local Puppet Ignores Repeated Audience Dragon Warnings]".
* [[Harmful to Minors]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223085304/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30883 U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially-Exposed Breast On TV]".
* [[Heavy Metal Umlaut]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/united-states-toughens-image-with-umlauts,4230/ Ünited Stätes Toughens Image with Umlauts]".
* [[Heroes Want Redheads]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100224011528/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33324 I'm Certain That Sex With A Redhead Will Be More Fulfilling Than Other Sex]".
* [[Historical Beauty Update]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226013012/http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_would_have_been_considered I Would Have Been Considered Very Attractive In The Middle Ages]".
* [[Hive Mind]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collect,27668/ "Residents of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness".]
* [[Ho Yay]]:  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-power-brokers-hold-annual-summit-where-they,18474/ World's Power Brokers Hold Annual Summit Where They Show Each Other Their Penises]".
* [[Hollywood Atlas]]: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of [[Dead Baby Comedy]] here and there.
* [[Hollywood Psych]]: Michael Falk is an autistic reporter in "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131019044037/http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]"
** And "[https://web.archive.org/web/20140122230111/http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-michael-falk-enchanted-by-prison,26712/ Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine]."
* [[Hollywood Science]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20131027151750/http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-coal-lobby-warns-wind-farms-may-blow-e,20876/ Coal Lobby warns Wind Farms may blow Earth off-orbit].
* [[Hulk Speak]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100301041014/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 Why No One Want Make] [[wikipedia:Hulk (film)|Hulk]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20100301041014/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 2?]"
* [[Humanoid Abomination]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-r,1303/ Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse of Real Michael Jackson]"
* [[Humans Are the Real Monsters]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/deaths-of-20000-japanese-afford-planet-solid-15-mi,19785/?utm_source=recentnews Deaths Of 20,000 Japanese Afford Planet Solid 15 Minutes In Which Everyone Acts Like A Human Being]".
* [[Hunting the Most Dangerous Game]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219025343/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44462 Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected]".
* [[Hype Aversion]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131031022513/http://www.theonion.com/video/new-apple-friend-bar-gives-customers-someone-to-ta,17693/ New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products]".

* [[I'm a Humanitarian]]: Implied in [https://www.theonion.com/kid-rock-starves-to-death-1819565599 “Kid Rock Starves to Death”] with the quote “According to post-autopsy analysis of Kid Rock's stomach contents by the L.A. County coroner's office, his last meal consisted of newspapers, cigar butts, old CD liner notes, and the partial remains of sidekick Joe C., who had been missing since May 15.”. 
* [[I Don't Want to Ruin Our Friendship]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/ But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them]".
* [[If It Bleeds, It Leads]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131007121815/http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]".
* [[I Have This Friend]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219045259/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_asks_advice_for_this Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq]".
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20131105050942/http://www.theonion.com/video/political-talk-show-host-suddenly-very-interested,14340/ "Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes"]
* [[I Know Madden Kombat]]: "LBJ Deploys Green Bay Packers to Vietnam".
* [[I Love Nuclear Power]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100311021917/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46035 We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We're To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants]".
** Parodied by ''Our Dumb Century''; one of the 1963 articles is about a 17-year-old boy named [[Spider-Man|Peter Parker]] who dies from leukemia caused by a radioactive spider bite. The article goes on to mention other radiation-induced deaths that month, including [[Fantastic Four|the four-man crew of an experimental rocket]] and [[Incredible Hulk|a scientist bombarded with gamma rays from the bomb he was testing]].
* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]: Roger Dudek's regular column is basically just a [[Hurricane of Puns|nonstop barrage of the most horrible puns imaginable]].
* [[Indian Burial Ground]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20131003142017/http://www.theonion.com/video/report-economy-failing-because-us-built-on-ancient,20638/ "Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds"]
* [[Innocent Inaccurate]]: A blend of this and ''The Onion'''s usual style is ''heartwrenching''.
* [[The Internet Is for Porn]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100228035658/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_picture_gains Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet]". ([[NSFW]])
* [[It Is Beyond Saving]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AEarudEdI "FDA Commissioner: I Give up On You Pigs"]
* [[It's Popular, Now It Sucks]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090925073447/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film?utm_source=a-section Trekkies Bash New 'Star Trek' Film As 'Fun, Watchable']".
* [[I Want My Jetpack]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/ I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now]".
* [[Japandering]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-earns-money-for-us-by-appearing-in-japanese,21292/ Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial]"
* [[Jiggle Physics]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090610073019/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology?utm_source=c-section New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts]".
* [[Jurisdiction Friction]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219090416/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over]".
* [["Just Joking" Justification]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/come-on-lighten-up-im-just-being-a-total-asshole,11456/ Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole]".
* [[Killed Off for Real]]:
** [http://www.theonion.com/articles/whiteonwhite-violence-claims-life-of-accounts-rece,5683 Herbert Kornfeld.]
** Averted with [https://web.archive.org/web/20140122232739/http://www.theonion.com/video/extremely-wired-tim-duncan-explodes-for-50-points,27866/ Doc and Kenny], who [https://web.archive.org/web/20120610034159/http://www.theonion.com/video/insecure-miami-heat-cant-figure-out-who-garnett-ca,28450/ came back] a couple months later with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages.
* [[Knight in Sour Armor]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays Three Deaths]
* [[If You Know What I Mean]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-mannings-wife-tired-of-his-constant-audible,5043 Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage']".
* [[Lethal Diagnosis]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219063740/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27808 Lackluster Marriage Enlivened By Cancer Scare]".
* [[Let's See You Do Better]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219080026/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/well_you_try_to_reconstruct_iraq 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.]"
* [[Lifetime Movie of the Week]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314112545/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33436 Oh, My God - The Baby!]"
* [[Lighter and Softer]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-david-simon-project-to-investigate-happy-upper,17426/ New David Simon Project To Investigate Happy, Upper-Middle-Class Streets Of Wilmette, IL.]"
* [[Literal-Minded]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]".
* [[Lonely at the Top]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rich-guy-feeling-left-out-of-recession,17181/ Rich Guy Feeling Left Out Of Recession]".
* [[Look on My Works Ye Mighty and Despair]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-chuck-e-cheese-restaurant-forged-in-iron-and-b,905/ New Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant Forged In Iron And Blood]".
* [[Love Hotels]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100221013335/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37469 Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway']".
* [[Lowest Common Denominator]]: [[In-Universe]]-- "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmCjJ0VBjjU Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall]".
* [[Mad Scientist]]:http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223091257/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38877 Corpse-Reanimation Technology Still 10 Years Off, Say MIT Mad Scientists]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219102451/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29346 Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted by Budget Cuts]".
* [[The Magazine Rule]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/star-wars-gamer-magazine-boldly-claims-to-be-the-l,3698/ Star Wars Gamer Magazine Boldly Claims To Be The Leading Magazine For Star Wars Gamers]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pompous-asshole-magazine-to-compete-with-cigar,4208/ New Pompous Asshole Magazine To Compete With Cigar Aficionado]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-demography-today-magazine-targets-demographer,3908/ New Demography Today Magazine Targets Demographer Demographic]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/ Rat Fancy Magazine Fails To Catch On]".
* [[Magical Negro]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/maya-angelou-honored-for-courage-blackness,1643/ Maya Angelou Honored For Courage, Blackness]".
* [[Malevolent Architecture]] / [[No OSHA Compliance]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100307022221/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28338 Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly-Placed Swinging Blades]".
* [[The Man]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100315172743/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29703 The ONION's 1997 Man Of The Year]".
* [[Man Child]]: Inverted, "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-down-to-last-hundred-grownups,20491 Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups]".
* [[Manic Pixie Dream Girl]]: [[Trope Namer]].
* [[Medium Awareness]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314214536/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]".
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]".
* [[Mind Screw]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]".
* [[Missing White Woman Syndrome]] / [[Beauty Equals Goodness]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090619235439/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30112 Ugly Girl Killed]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131007121815/http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]".
* [[Mistaken Nationality]]
** [[Spexico]] "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219065641/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38654 Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican]".
* [[Money, Dear Boy]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nobel-fever-grips-research-community-as-prize-swel,306/ Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million]"
* [[Mood Whiplash]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-bipartisan-law-would-make-dog-neckerchiefs-man,26301/ New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory]". Everyone gushes about how cute they all are, and then you get to paragraph 15: "As of press time, an estimated 800,000 dogs had been euthanized for failing to comply with the new law."
** [http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"] swings wildly between "D'awww, look at his cute widdle fingers" and "...which he will form into an iron fist and crush all who dare to oppose him".
* [[MSTing]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-in-audience-shouts-out-perfect-thing,19938 Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing]".
* [[Multiple Demographic Appeal]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8&feature=youtube_gdata Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]".
* [[Mundane Utility]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219051808/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 NASA Chief Under Fire For Personal Shuttle Use]".
* [[Murder Simulators]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219093533/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28732 Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219093949/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39131 Study Finds Cable-TV Violence Leads To Network-TV Violence]".
* [[Musical Spoiler]] / [[Genre Savvy]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20091223055937/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u?utm_source=a-section Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]".
* [[Must Have Nicotine]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090611043810/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29141 Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa]".
* [[My Greatest Failure]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mall-justice-is-swift-and-harsh,10892 Mall Justice Is Swift And Harsh]".
{{quote|"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that." }}
* [[Narm]]: [[Invoked]] with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]'').
* [[Network Decay]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219074031/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39135 Learning Channel Switches to All-Gilligan Format]".
* [[Never My Fault]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/shitty-human-being-blames-decreased-daylight-this,18290/ Shitty Human Being Blames Decreased Daylight This Time]".
* [[Never Live It Down]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131125155906/http://www.theonion.com/video/man-who-shit-pants-in-grade-school-awarded-purple,19332/ Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart]".
* [[New Technology Is Evil]]: The cartoons often mock/demonize teenagers using these, referring to the devices as "gizmos".
* [[Nietzsche Wannabe]]:
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1feEqgRZQI Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]".
* [[Nightmare Fuel Coloring Book]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday]".
* [[Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hurriphoonado-cuts-swath-of-destruction-across-eas,2629/ Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres]".
* [[No Celebrities Were Harmed]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-once-again-comes-under-sway-of-pinkfaced-ha,18076/ Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit]".
* [[No Indoor Voice]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-enjoy-yelling-things,10821/ I Enjoy Yelling Things]".
* [[Not Listening to Me, Are You?]]: The AV Club reposted a wildly popular shot of two female leads from ''[[Community]]'' re-enacting a famous picture by [[Bettie Page]]. About halfway through [http://www.avclub.com/articles/fine-here-is-that-picture-of-alison-brie-and-gilli,59026/ the one paragraph article], they conclude [[Just Here for Godzilla|no one is there to actually read it]] and just start listing random factoids.
* [[Off to See the Wizard]] / [[It's a Wonderful Plot]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]".
* [[Off with His Head]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-jester-beheaded-for-making-fun-of-soar,17495/ White House Jester Beheaded For Making Fun Of Soaring National Debt]".
* [[Old Shame]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219041549/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29964 Energy Secretary Just Assumed Cabinet Knew He Did Porn Films In The '80s]".
* [[Only Six Faces]]: The ''American Voices'' feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst).
** Ambiguously used in the similar sports feature ''Fan on the Street'', which always shows the same three photos with [[No Name Given|no names or occupations given]]. Lampshaded [http://www.theonion.com/articles/on-tiger-woods-victory-at-bay-hill,27808/ here].
* [[Opinion Myopia]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-enjoys-thing-informed-he-is-wrong,7057/ Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong]".
* [[Organic Technology]]:
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8du60e0ANuE&feature=channel Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot May Hold Clues To The Crash]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-gro,19111/ Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]".
* [[Our Slogan Is Terrible]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-small-n-flaccid-ad-campaign-least-successful-e,968/ New 'Small 'n' Flaccid' Ad Campaign Least Successful Ever]".
* [[Overprotective Dad]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/underprotective-father-demands-daughter-arrive-hom,6257/ Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.]"
* [[Panty Thief]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219113632/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30461 Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid]".
* [[Paranoia Fuel]] / [[You Suck]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/ Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else]".
* [[Parental Obliviousness]] / [[Drugs Are Bad]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-hope-my-baby-doesnt-come-out-all-fuckedup-and-sh,10917/ I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit]".
* [[Parenting the Husband]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-boyfriend-achieve-perfect-motherso,2714/ Area Girlfriend, Boyfriend Achieve Perfect Mother-Son Relationship].
* [[Periphery Demographic]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20070711085209/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28009 Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In 'Harry Potter' Craze]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20091225082021/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/man_not_belonging_to_movies?utm_source=a-section Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials]".
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8 Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]".
* [[Perverse Sexual Lust]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmmAdbDF1xA FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan]".
* [[Please Wake Up]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223081026/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daddy_put_in_bye_bye_box Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box]".
* [[Poe's Law]]: Many, many times some articles have been mistaken for legitimate ones. "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/republicans-vote-to-repeal-obamabacked-bill-that-w,19025/ Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth]" actually provoked [http://volokh.com/2011/02/15/asteroid-defense-and-libertarianism/ a Libertarian blogger] to agree.
** The most famous example, arguably, is the Chinese newspaper falling for the story about Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless a better building was built. The one about Harry Potter sparking a rise in witchcraft, as well as the video about the boy bankrupting the Make-A-Wish Foundation with infinite wishes, have shown up in some email forwards.
** [http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/ This site archives Facebook reactions treating the articles as real.]
* [[Political Cartoons]]: A series of over-the-top conservative cartoons.
* [[Poor Communication Kills]]: In ''Our Dumb Century'', [[World War I]] ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.
* [[Popularity Polynomial]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090806171032/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28763 Lava Lamps Revert From Passé Retro Kitsch Back To Novel Retro Camp]".
* [[Precision F-Strike]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]".
* [[Pretty Fly for a White Guy]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20131031014826/http://www.theonion.com/personalities/herbert-kornfeld,1019/ Herbert Kornfeld], Accounts Receivable.
{{quote|'''Kornfeld''': 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a [[Lee Van Cleef]] on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''.}}
** Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of [[Chicago (band)|Chicago]].
* [[Product Placement]] / [[Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]"
* [[Professional Wrestling]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100224013221/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28666 Vince McMahon's X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage]".
** [[Heel Face Turn]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304134653/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28125 Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes the Error of His Ways]".
** [[Pro Wrestling Is Real]]: Deconstructed. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x83M3_RdbJY It's the fan's that are fake], not necessarily the wrestlers.
* [[Public Medium Ignorance]] / [[Snark Bait]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2OcW_Hwkg NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast]".
* [[Raised by Wolves]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]".
* [[The Rashomon]]: Point/Counterpoint, particularly "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/european-men-are-so-much-more-romantic-than-americ,11552/ European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy]".
* [[Real Dreams Are Weirder]]:
**  "MLK: I Had A Really Weird Dream Last Night", from ''Our Dumb Century''.
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg0nYhUB7CA Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelette' That Came To Him In A Dream]".
* [[Really Gets Around]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20130729054357/http://www.theonion.com/video/towns-teenpregnancy-spike-due-to-one-impressive-yo,19275/ Town's Teen Pregnancy Spike Due To One Impressive Youth]".
* [[Reckless Gun Usage]]: In [http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/ this] article, an 8-year-old boy who accidentally shot himself in the thigh wins praise from [[Strawman Political]]s for having exercised his constitutional rights.
* [[Red Scare]]/[[Evil Only Has to Win Once]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ussr-wins-space-race-as-us-shuts-down-shuttle-prog,21007/ USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program]".
* [[Refuge in Audacity]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mexico-killed-in-drug-deal,18109/ Mexico Killed In Drug Deal]".
* [[Released to Elsewhere]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219103255/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34174 We Gave Rex To A Nice Farm Family vs. They Had Me Put To Sleep At The Vet]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304131909/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/packers_tell_fans_they_gave_favre Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre to a Nice Farm Family]".
** Subversion: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fire-consumes-big-happy-farm-where-families-send-s,20641/ Fire Consumes Big Happy Farm Where Families Send Sick Dogs To Run Free And Play]"
* [[Religion Tropes]]
** [[God Is Flawed]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-diagnosed-with-bipolar-disorder,348/ God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder]".
** [[Gravity Is Only a Theory]]: The article "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/ Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory]", where fundamentalist Christians are no longer content to get equal time with biology to preach theology in biology class. They now also want equal time in the physics class, demanding that the theories of Newton and Einstein step back in favor of the theory that the universe is held together by Jesus' love.
** [[Jesus Was Crazy]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-converts-to-islam,754/ Christ Converts To Islam]"
** [[Activist Fundamentalist Antics]]: Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself".
** [[Thou Shalt Not Kill]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/ God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule]".
* [[Repurposed Pop Song]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304134125/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38780 Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank]".
* [[Retraux]]: All of ''Our Dumb Century''.
* [[Rubber Forehead Aliens]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223083833/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32439 Star Trek Introduces Alien Character With Totally Different Forehead Wrinkles]".
* [[Rule of Cool]]:
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-demands-tax-dollars-only-be-wasted-on-stuff,17704/ Nation Demands Tax Dollars Only Be Wasted On Stuff That's Awesome]".
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyph_DZa_GQ Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass']".
* [[Running Gag]]: Many.
** When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also [[It Makes Sense in Context|appears in context]] during "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314110222/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere Blood...Blood Everywhere]").
** Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is.
** Clifford Banes has [[The Ghost|never actually appeared]] in his self-titled panel-discussion series ''In the Know with Clifford Banes''; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives a reason, often completely absurd, for Banes' absence.
** The Statue of Liberty crying appears in many Kelly cartoons.
** According to ''Our Dumb World'', every single African country has at least one resident named [[Name's the Same|Mtumbe]] [[Planet of Steves|Ngoube]].
** All the [[George W. Bush]] injury articles (see [[Butt Monkey]] and [[Take That]]) end with "Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital."
* [[Sampling]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-rappers-down-to-last-two-samples,793/ Nation's Rappers Down to Last Two Samples]".
* [[Samus Is a Girl]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219135230/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31739 Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status]".
* [[Sapient Cetaceans]]: Parodied this with the article "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100317092159/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315 Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity]". The article is then filled with stories of the Dolphins' incredibly rapid technology development, and marine biologists committing suicide or preparing to serve the Dolphin overlords.
* [[Sarcasm Failure]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]", filled with legit facts and news due to being so unbelievable at the time.
* [[Save Our Students]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219120656/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39341 Naive Teacher Believes in Her Students]".
* [[Saw Star Wars 27 Times]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ One article] written during the [[Bill Clinton|Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''[[The Phantom Menace]]'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule.
* [[Scare'Em Straight]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219105437/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38588 Driver's Ed Class Finally Gets To See Legendary Safety Film]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20120108235018/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/kids-in-scaredstraight-program-visit-horrifying-cl,19156/ Kids In Scared Straight Program Visit Horrifying Cleveland Cavaliers Practice]".
* [[Scenery Porn]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-parks-closed-for-annual-remajestification,17484 National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification]".
* [[Schmuck Bait]]: During ''Fact Zone'''s intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a TinyURL address. It leads to a [[Rickroll]].
* [[Screwed by the Network]]: [[In-Universe]]. On the season finale of the show on IFC, ''The Cressbeckler Stance'' was canned so the network could introduce a new program about motorcycles {{spoiler|in the spirit of the new American Dream}}.
* [[Screw the Rules, I Have Money]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304131425/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wealthy_teen_nearly_experiences Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]".
* [[Screw the Rules, I'm Beautiful]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-okay-im-attractive,11436/ It's Okay, I'm Attractive]".
* [[Screw This, I'm Outta Here]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219064010/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_troops_draw_up_own_exit U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy]".
* [[Second Person Narration]]: The paper's preferred method to point out [[This Loser Is You]], such as "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]".
*  [[Sequelitis]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vindictive-movie-studio-threatens-to-make-coyote-u,2719/ Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel]".
* [[Serious Business]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219004432/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/modern_day_martin_luther_nails_95 Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door]".
** Anything by Larry Groznic, such as "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-mills-star-wars-episode-ii-cereal-gets-it,10706/ General Mills' 'Star Wars: Episode II' Cereal Gets It All Wrong]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/americans-bravely-go-to-polls-despite-threat-of-el,18394/ Americans Bravely Go To Polls Despite Threat Of Electing Congress]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-scramble-two-with-bacon-when-the-muse-move,10691/ I Shall Scramble Two With Bacon When The Muse Moves Me]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/helvetica-bold-oblique-sweeps-fontys,263/ Helvetica Bold Oblique Sweeps Fontys]"
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-foolhardy-mortal-thinks-he-can-shelve-faster,10960/ What Foolhardy Mortal Thinks He Can Shelve Faster Than I?]"
** In many other stories, the event itself is entirely plausible; the joke is simply that anyone would consider it newsworthy:
***  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whaler-sandwich-not-sitting-too-good-with-area-man,987/ Whaler Sandwich 'Not Sitting Too Good' with Area Man]".
***  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-struggles-to-understand-why-area-pie-didnt,18587/ Nation Struggles To Understand Why Area Pie Didn't Come Out Right]".
***  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/ Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole Supermarket]".
* [[Setting Update]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/unconventional-director-sets-shakespeare-play-in-t,2214/ Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended]".
* [[Seven Deadly Sins]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100221011431/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28001 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale]".
* [[Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-forgives-molested-children,101/ One article] commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation.
* [[Sex Sells]]/[[All Men Are Perverts]]/[[Distracted by the Sexy]]/[[Girl-On-Girl Is Hot]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ Poll Finds Majority Of Male Voters Would Have Elected Naked Woman]". ([[NSFW]])
* [[Shaped Like Itself]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100218224734/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]".
* [[Shaving Is Science]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304134037/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28385 Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks']".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219002713/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/brookstone_scientists_10_years Brookstone Scientists 10 Years Away from Towel Alarm Clock]".
* [[She Cleans Up Nicely]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bearded-lady-cleans-up-real-nice,17342/ Bearded Lady Cleans Up Real Nice]".
* [[Shoddy Knockoff Product]] / [[The Theme Park Version]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yellowstone-national-park-concerned-about-competin,20675/ Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street]"
* [[Shout-Out]]: An allusion to ''The Emperor's New Clothes'' in "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100308042608/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_claims_new_iphone_only Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers]".
* [[Side Effects Include]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219023637/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28349 Pfizer Launches 'Zoloft for Everything' Ad Campaign]".
* [[Silly Rabbit, Idealism Is for Kids]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/ Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy]".
* [[Single Tear]]: The editorial cartoonist is fond of depicting the Statue of Liberty shedding this.
* [[So Bad It's Horrible/Music|So Bad It's Horrible - Music]]: [[In-Universe]] with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/ Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard]" and "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]".
* [[Small Name, Big Ego]]: [[In-Universe]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/ Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me]".
* [[Sophisticated As Hell]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20131103083235/http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B.]
{{quote|'''Smoove B''': Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.''}}
* [[So Unfunny It's Funny]]:
** The entire point of Roger Dudek's "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131110131947/http://www.theonion.com/personalities/roger-dudek,1027/ Write On The Funny!]"
** Also present in [https://web.archive.org/web/20131018202255/http://www.theonion.com/personalities/jean-teasdale,1021/ Jean Teasdale's column] (with lines like "Osama bin Laden should take a chocolate pill!") and some of the cartoons (when they're not full of [[Patriotic Fervor]] and [[You Can Panic Now]]).
* [[So What Do We Do Now?]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']".
*  [[Spoiler]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20080110080422/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/final_harry_potter_book Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers]".
* [[Stalking Is Love]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223092422/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29546 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]".
* [[Start of Darkness]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzyI6cIbek Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide to Create Role]".
* [[Stealth Cigarette Commercial]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100311021234/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56014 Philip Morris: 'Please Talk to Your Cooler Children About Cigarettes']".
* [[Stepford Smiler]]: The hosts of ''Today Now!'' are Type B, although [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW0XApwZpt0 it's possible Tracy Gill is Type A.]
* [[Stoners Are Funny]]:
** [[The Stoner]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20100221013041/http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/anchower Jim Anchower.]
** [[Everybody Must Get Stoned]]:
*** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-top-scientists-ponder-what-if-the-whole-uni,712/ World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?]"
***  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225053810/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/everyone_involved_in_pizzas Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High]".
* [[Story Arc]]: In July 2009, T. Herman Zweibel [[China Takes Over the World|sold the Onion]] to [https://web.archive.org/web/20150524073613/http://www.yuwanmei.com/ a Chinese salvage fishery], and the publication was quickly filled with pro-China propaganda and ads for fish byproducts. However, after a few days, the Chinese realized the collapse of the newspaper industry made their purchase worthless and gave the ''Onion'' back to its original management. This did not affect the AV Club, although they did let worried readers know that the company was indeed ''not'' sold to the Chinese.
** In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted ''The Onion'' as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a [http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-now-exact-my-final-revenge-upon-that-jacka,20832/ Zweibel editorial] stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A [https://web.archive.org/web/20131023152101/http://afajp.tumblr.com/ lobby group] was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in [[YouTube]] videos promoting the campaign.
* [[Strawman Political]]: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.
* [[Student Teacher Romance]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lonely-teacher-outcast-student-begin-somewhat-ende,21153/ Lonely Teacher, Outcast Student Begin Somewhat Endearing Sexual Relationship]". Also includes [[Shipper on Deck]].
* [[Stupid Sexy Flanders]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20110830154810/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/running-backs-buttocks-undulate-hypnotically-in-se,3711/ Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay]".
* [[Strictly Formula]]: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles.
* [[Suddenly Sexuality]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100301042717/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/newly_out_gay_man_overdoing_it Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It]".
* [[Super Serum]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-injected-with-highly-unstable-experimental,686/ Clinton Injected With Highly-Unstable Experimental Growth Serum]".
* [[Suspiciously Specific Denial]]:
** Inverted with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/google-responds-to-privacy-concerns-with-unsettlin,16891/ Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology]".
** Played straight with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-i-have-kids-im-not-going-to-drown-them,10692/ When I Have Kids, I'm Not Going To Drown Them]".
** [http://www.theonion.com/articles/attempt-to-recreate-incredible-night-out-from-yout,20319/?utm_source=recentnews This one, maybe.]
* [[Sword of Plot Advancement]] / [[Reforged Blade]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-sets-sail-in-search-of-fabled-sword-of-bi,18250/ Congress Sets Sail In Search Of Fabled Sword Of Bipartisanship]".
* [[Take That]]:
** Against [[Rush Limbaugh]], with "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100317213916/http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive I Don't Even Want to Be Alive Anymore]".
** The closing months of 2008 saw weekly stories about outgoing President [[George W. Bush]] getting increasingly-bizarre and horrendous injuries.
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-honors-911-first-capitalizers,18856 Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers, Recognizes Those Who Rushed To Cash In On Tragedy]".
**  ''Today Now'' [https://web.archive.org/web/20131026154014/http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/ interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of] ''[[The Fast and the Furious|Fast Five]]''.
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-cheney-memoir-reveals-hes-going-to-live-full-s,21262/ New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It]".
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100315055801/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]".
** Against [[Oprah Winfrey]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-just-want-to-say-that-i-hated-every-moment-of-th,20683/ I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show]".
* [[The Generic Guy]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20120109223310/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/tim-duncan-announces-shoe-deal-with-florsheim,18718/ Tim Duncan Announces Shoe Deal With Florsheim]".
* [[The Talk]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223094214/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38548 Daughter Thinks It's Time To Have Sex Talk With Parents]".
* [[Teens Are Monsters]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/15yearold-girl-viciously-torn-apart-by-rabid-pack,20962/ 15-Year-Old Girl Viciously Torn Apart By Rabid Pack Of Peers]"
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131028054332/http://www.theonion.com/video/braindead-teen-only-capable-of-rolling-eyes-and-te,27225/ Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized]".
* [[Testosterone Poisoning]] / [[Real Men Wear Pink]] "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]"
* [[There Is No Kill Like Overkill]]: “[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nypd-apologizes-for-accidental-shootingclubbingsta,739/ NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing(-Choking-Impaling-Electrocution-Lethal-injection) Death]” - with officers accidentally shooting a man about 275 times at point-blank range, blowing him up with grenades, lighting him up with shotguns, then stabbing him, blowing up his severed head, skewering the remaining part of the body and administering a lethal injection.
* [[They Changed It, Now It Sucks]]: [[In-Universe]].
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7mekhFTrXM NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line]".
** Inverted with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sun-chips-abandons-biodegradable-bag,18237/ Sun Chips Abandons Biodegradable Bag]".
* [[Three-Month-Old Newborn]]: "Woman on TV Gives Birth to Four-Month-Old Baby".
* [[Throw It In]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219114028/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27759 Police Interruption Hastily Written Into Student Film]".
* [[Token Minority]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100221014341/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38641 Black Guy Photoshopped In]". As [http://www.11points.com/Misc/11_Photos_Where_Black_People_Were_Awkwardly_Photoshopped_In_or_Out 11points demonstrates], this is [[Truth in Television]].
* [[Too Hot for TV]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100307021206/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39114 C-SPAN Releases 'Too Hot For C-SPAN!' Video]".
* [[Too Soon]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219061535/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27638 'Beltway Sniper' Video-Game Release Delayed Out Of Respect For Victims]".
** In a [[Real Life]] version, "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226183632/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298 Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying]" wasn't printed in the [[Denver]] edition.
* [[Trailers Always Spoil]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBM3j7x4Lcw&NR=1 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film]".
* [[Transforming Mecha]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223092336/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27590 Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot]".
** [[Hey, It's That Guy!|Hey, It's That Robot!]]: Sharp-eyed anime fans may recognize Kim's robot body as the [[Chars Counterattack|Nu Gundam]].<ref>Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure</ref>
* [[Transparent Closet]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225045500/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219112659/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_experimenting_with Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years]".
* [[Trope Name]]: Used in perhaps the most spot-on parody of 24-hour cable news ever, "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo& Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere]".
* [[True Art Is Incomprehensible]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]".
* [[Underdogs Never Lose]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100317074122/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032 Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]".
* [[Understatement]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8nrdiQqFAs Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia]".
* [[Unexpected Successor]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-remaining-politician-must-rebuild-entire-gove,18384/ Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election In American History]".
* [[Unstoppable Rage]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/twelve-customers-gunned-down-in-conveniencestore-c,339/ Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination]".
* [[Updated Rerelease]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/classic-movie-avatar-updated-for-todays-audiences,18052/ Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences]".
* [[Video Game Settings]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neighborhood-would-make-a-great-video-game-level,18196/ Neighborhood Would Make A Great Video Game Level]".
* [[Viewers Are Goldfish]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-all-programming-to-be-broadcast-in-adhdtv-by-2,1841/ FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007]".
* [[Viewers are Morons]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/microsoft-word-now-includes-squiggly-blue-line-to,19739/ Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience]".
* [[Villain Has a Point]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]"
{{quote|Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.}}
* [[Villain with Good Publicity]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr-firm-kills-innocent-child,20226/ PR Firm Kills Innocent Child]".
* [[Visual Pun]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]".
* [[Wacky Fratboy Hijinx]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219133522/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30685 Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity]".
* [[Walking Techbane]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-computer-totally-hates-me-vs-god-do-i-hate-that,11538/ My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch]".
* [[Wall of Text]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100317214503/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-obama-sends-nation-rambling-75000word-e,18516/ Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail]".
* [[Wham! Line]]: The very last line of the aforementioned "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]" article. {{spoiler|"This whole argument will be moot in six days when we board up the windows and [[Man On Fire|burn ourselves alive."]]}}
* [[What Could Have Been]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/97yearold-dies-unaware-of-being-violin-prodigy,18194/ 97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy]".
* [[What Could Possibly Go Wrong?]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-10-million-killed-annually-by-stepping-out,17949/ Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones]".
* [[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?]] / [[Calling Your Attacks]]:
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100221011314/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/excited_red_sox_fans_eagerly_await Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion']", complete with an "[[Dragonball Z|Over Nine Thousand]]" reference.
**  "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU2SWgP9qao Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer]".
**  "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yard-sign-with-candidates-name-on-it-electrifies-c,18321/ Yard Sign With Candidate's Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race]".
* [[What Do You Mean It's Not Didactic?]]: [[In-Universe]]
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100224123311/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25742 I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You]".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219050358/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39205 Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About 'Silas Marner']".
**  "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225050652/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27794 Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu]".
** [[Real Life]] example: An article was used for the 2005 English Language and Composition Advanced Placement exam...meaning that there was actually something to analyze in that article.
* [[What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FuGpGlRFw USDA Official Takes Brave Stand Against Interstate Potato Pricing]".
* [[When All You Have Is a Hammer]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-had-one-piece-of-advice-for-todays-youth-it-w,18438/ If I Had One Piece Of Advice For Today's Youth, It Would Be To Throw A Baseball Really, Really Well]".
* [[Where Everybody Knows Your Flame]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-bar-comes-out-as-gay,2447/ Local Bar Comes Out As Gay]".
* [[Wild Child]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]".
* [[A Wizard Did It]] / [[Techno Babble]] / [[Quantum Mechanics Can Do Anything]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20091223025942/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']".
* [[Word Salad Philosophy]] / [[Talkative Loon]] / [[Techno Babble]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]".
* [[Worst News Judgment Ever]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226184842/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28660 No Jennifer Lopez News Today]".
* [[Xtreme Kool Letterz]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100227084958/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alphabet_updated_with_15_exciting Alphabet Updated With 15 Exciting New Replacement Letters]".
* [[You Bastard]]: #2 in "The People Who Mattered in 2010" was "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooki-just-try-not-to-think-about-who-should-real,18634/ Snooki - Just Try Not To Think About Who Should Really Be In This Spot]".
* [[You Can't Fight Fate]]: Most of the [https://web.archive.org/web/20131103183650/http://www.theonion.com/features/horoscope/ horoscope entries], although [http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-18-2011,18855/ this list's Scorpio] is probably the most blunt example.
* [[You Look Familiar]]: Todd Alan Crain (Tucker Hope) and Suzanne Sena (Brooke Alvarez) both were news anchors on the web clips as Jeff Tate and Ana Gentry, respectively.
* [[You Make Me Sic]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226013700/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30157 Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly-Written Teen Suicide Notes]".
* [[You Should Have Died Instead]]:
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100315055801/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/firefighter-died-to-save-unimpressive-teen,18967/ Firefighter Died To Save Unimpressive Teen]".
* [[Zero Wing]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219063636/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31812 Congress Adds 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' Amendment To Bankruptcy Bill]".

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