Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A: Difference between revisions
Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A (view source)
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* Instead of attempting to take over the world starting with highly developed countries, I will start my world conquest in Southern Asia and Africa (or whatever Universe I happen to be stuck in's equivalent to an area that is poor, badly defended, and has little importance on the global market.) The plan goes as follows:
** Buy lots of weapons. Key elements include RPGs, tanks, and a healthy amount of bulletproof vests and cheap, but effective rifles. The AK-47 should be good enough. All of these will allow my soldiers to have complete dominance over anything but a strike from the air, and that is unlikely in developing countries.
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*** [[Rule of Cool|And it must be sufficiently cool.]]
*** As long as it does not make me a ripoff of [[Star Wars|Darth Vader]].
**** Although a mask similar to Tuxedo Mask's would confuse the resident otaku hero, [[All According to Plan|Just As Planned]].
** If for some reason I must wear a mask, I will try to make it something that is not sinister in some manner. Things such as skulls, demons, etc. tend to unsettle subordinates, lower moral and [[Color Coded for Your Convenience|make myself a more obvious target for assassination attempts]].
*** If I must wear such a mask for whatever reason I will require all my minions to wear the same mask to confuse said possible assassin.
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**** I will at least train a phalanx of spearmen, in case the heroes' mecha reach my lair.
** I will also consider sending out infantry in light body armour with anti-tank weaponry. Surely the young boy who just [[Falling Into the Cockpit|Fell Into The Cockpit]] of the enemy's latest super robot will be reluctant to kill without the buffer a giant robot or power armour provides?
** The ultimate trick is to give myself a disadvantage. I mean, one man with a rocket launcher is pretty weak against a bipedal apocalypse, but due to my genre savvyness, I know this actually mean instant victory for the one guy. So really, against [[The Hero]]'s mecha, I will send my most pathetic troops, on foot, with no armor, maybe a toothpick as a weapon. I will also make sure that everyone feels sorry for them, as they are [[Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain
*** Best strategy. Even if you're up against an Anti Hero, as long as he's responsible for most of the collateral damage plus the murders of your lightly armed human soldiers he's sure to have his piloting license revoked. Avoid inflicting civilian casualties. If nothing else, all the bad publicity his behavior generates will result in you becoming the hero and him the villain. Never, under any circumstances, cross the [[Godzilla Threshold]]. Let him do it first, then unleash your unstoppable fleets of war machines when public outcry demands it. Be quick with the relief efforts after each confrontation.
** I will, instead of going to all the trouble of making an elaborate counter, have a mock-up shell made with a giant sword, and leave it in a field. Of mines.
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**** I will also be sure to include a few well-trained teenagers as an advanced theft force. No mentally unstable girls (Wait. Scratch that. No girls. Period.), because they will always fall in love with the Hero/Anti-Hero/Lancer. I will send a bunch of well-trained teenage eunuchs. That should take care of any pesky [[Foe Yay]] instances.
***** Instead of sending no girls, I shall send a group of attractive female pilots between the ages of fifteen and thirty. They shall all be fanatically loyal to me and shall all carry [[Crazy Prepared|a disassembled submachine gun]] concealed on their person. Their orders will be to eject from their craft at the slightest hint of danger, allow themselves to be rescued by the hero, pretend to fall in love at first sight, then [[Just Shoot Him|shoot him]] [[In the Back]] as soon as he turns away.
** Should my enemy use some powerful war machines usable by any child, I'll covertly recruit teen fans of relevant simulators in appropriate numbers, promising them a chance to pilot the real thing. My Black Ops will smuggle these volunteers into the enemy hangars in order to hijack aforementioned machines, so the enemy will face a crowd of unpredictable trigger-happy [[
*** If I care about my [[Villain with Good Publicity|approval ratings]], I need to either make sure any survivors remain under my careful surveillance and custody during the entire operation, or that they don't learn of my involvement until they're back in my custody afterward.
* Should it ever be absolutely unavoidable that I build an army of [[Humongous Mecha]], they will all be [[Super Prototype|experimental prototypes]]. If a refinement of a design is necessary, I will instead build a new prototype.
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*** Then, I will send the footage to one of those home-video television shows, whereupon I will undoubtedly win the grand-prize at the end of the season. If this fails in America, I will send it [[South of the Border]]. They love the [[Groin Attack]] there.
** Alternatively, the drinks are free but laced with slow-acting poison to which [[Find the Cure|only I (supposedly) have the cure]]. I will use this as leverage to force the heroes to get me a [[MacGuffin]], at which point I will break tradition and actually give the hero the cure I promised. However, the 'cure' I give will actually be a ''fast''-acting poison that kills him in half an hour.
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20100323231157/http://www.adventurers-comic.com/d/0016.html There should be no cotton candy.]
** [[Portal (series)|There will be cake.]]
** Why am I building a [[Circus of Fear]] again? Screw
*** Not to mention making me [[Affably Evil|look better]] to the kids.
** Wait, why would I want to ''build'' an amusement park? I'll just buy [[Disney Theme Parks|Disneyland]]!
*** Just buy Disney altogether. It probably rules, like, half of the world already. And then put subliminal messaging in the movies/television shows/music.
**** Except Pixar movies. We shan't be ruining those.
*** [http://jmccormick.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/lionkg2.jpg Too Late.]{{Dead link}}
** Instead of making an amusement park of doom, let's make everything funnier and far more overpriced than Disney! Ah, and it'll have anime. Heroes love anime.
* If I ever feel the need to slow down the hero's progress by placing doors that can only be opened once he has a certain number of [[Plot Coupon
** On a related note, I will not set up arbitrary puzzles to slow progress through my castle. If I really think that simply using a key/ password/ fingerprint scanner is not enough then the only way to open the door will be to follow some obscure sequence of moves that is not hinted at anywhere - anyone who is authorized to pass will know what this is.
** Plus anybody who [[Guide Dang It|has a guide]]. Note to self: kill guide publishers.
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* I will always keep in mind that nothing slows down the hero's progress quite like being dead, and remind myself not to settle for second best.
** Make this top priority. Heroes and deadness don't go together well.
*** And even if I succeed, I will not rule out the possibility of him to come [[Back
**** If he does, be prepared. Rearrange his corpse with explosives, so the minute he comes back you can just blow him up.
***** Why not just blow him up the instant his body is found? If his friends don't need the body to bring him back, it's not like wiring his corpse is going to do much good anyway.
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*** [[H.P. Lovecraft|Blowing up Pluto may be a very, very bad idea.]]
*** Don't bother destroying Saturn, it will just [[Sailor Moon|be reborn]], and that will be just plain frustrating.
* I may have a Fu Manchu mustache, but only if I am either a: [[Genre Savvy]] or b: extremely [[
** And it's still not a good idea unless I happen to be ''both''.
** I will follow the example of the original literary [[Fu Manchu]] and wear a ''false'' moustache or other obvious identifying feature while in public, thus making both anonymity and disguise easier.
** Note: this does not work well with non-Asians.
* I will never [[You Have Failed Me...|execute one of my generals]] for failing to win a single battle despite his best efforts. After all, people make mistakes, and if he didn't consistently deliver results, I wouldn't have promoted him in the first place.
** The punishment for failure in my minions shall be demotion or dismissal, not execution. As said before, people make mistakes, and killing does not inspire loyalty or encourage new recruits to join.
*** [[Career-Building Blunder|Possibly even a warning not to let it happen again.]] I will be judicious with that one, but it does inspire loyalty.
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** It is always polite to bow to your opponent. It is also very stupid as it leaves you open for attack. I will exploit this flaw as much as possible.
*** Should I feel the need to bow to my opponent in return, I will bow at the waist to a minimal degree, ensuring that my eyes remain trained upon my opponent. The slightest movement while I am doing so will result in an automatic, preemptive attack on my part.
* I will not underestimate my enemies if they turn out to be [[Little Miss Badass|little girls]], even if [[Cute Bruiser|they act sickeningly cute]] or [[Defeat Means Friendship|just want to be friends]]. Hell, ''especially'' if they [[Powerpuff Girls|act sickeningly cute]] and [[
** If they ''really'' just want to be friends, I will, with the utmost caution, take them up on their offer. Heroic cute little girls are much less likely to beat their bestest best friend to a bloody pulp than they are the big meanie who tried to [[Kill Sat]] them from orbit. Really, [[Kill Sat]] from orbit against a little girl? [[Infant Immortality|What the hell was I thinking?]]
*** There's also the ''other'' problem. Dead Japanese schoolgirls tend to become obscenely powerful and angry ghosts who ''will'' mess you up.
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*** We're playing at their expectations to lure them into a false sense of security.
*** Anyone who uses the phrase "false sense of security" will be shot. If he's smart, the hero won't buy it anyway. [[Idiot Hero|If he's not]], there are much more effective ways to kill him.
* When I've read the [[Evil Overlord List]] I will familiarize myself with [[The Universal Genre Savvy Guide
** I will remember that [[Dangerously Genre Savvy|very competent]] opponents will [[I Know You Know I Know|likely be doing the same thing in reverse]].
** I will, however, note that not everyone goes into fiction that well and just hope they are [[Genre Blind]] idiots.
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*** If virginity is really that important, I will select a homely child and carefully screen the minions responsible for the abduction so as to eliminate any with a known attraction to the child's gender or age.
** And I will also keep in mind that [[Infant Immortality|it will fail anyway]].
** If I am concerned over my [[Villain with Good Publicity|approval ratings]], want to avoid [[Moral Event Horizon|doing something that'll ensure]] my [[Karmic Death]] or am simply [[Even Evil Has Standards|not evil enough]], then I'll ask for a volunteer and/or find a loophole that will allow a [[Back
** I will always check the bare requirements for a Virgin Sacrifice, if possible I will use a eunuch cult member volunteer from my own cult or similar.
** Since I plan to have orphans, I'll just one of my own.
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* No matter what its detrimental effects may be on my war machine, I will be eco-friendly. [[Omnicidal Maniac|Killing the planet]] never ends well. I may awaken ancient nature spirits who give the hero power, or set all the animals in the forest after my blood, or simply [[Gaia's Vengeance|have Mother Earth all up in my grille faster than you can say "gas-guzzling SUV"]], and no-one wants that. Instead, not only will I be environmentally friendly, I will actively seek out and befriend said nature spirits and animals, and send them after the hero.
** In fact I will cultivate rumors that specific actions designed to antagonize said spirits will weaken me, or otherwise interfere with my plans. This will prevent the spirits from giving [[The Hero]] power, and may turn them towards me to stop him.
* If I discover a species of [[Proud Warrior Race Guy
** I'll offer them the ability to clone their race to rebuild their kind. That'll bring loyalty.
* If I am [[Nigh Invulnerability|immune to the hero's attacks]], I will make sure that I am also immune to my own. If I cannot ensure this, I will avoid using any attack that could possibly be [[Playing Tennis With the Boss|redirected to hit me]].
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** Forget that. A [[Genre Savvy|Genre Savviness]] arms race could be dangerous, but being [[Genre Blind]] when my opponents aren't would be deadly. Instead, I will study any such list I come across (plus all "Vows for Heroes" lists) and if my enemies study the same lists, all the better for me. If that happens, [[I Know You Know I Know|I'll be able to predict their responses and confound them by doing something they'd never expect]]. [[Batman Gambit|Or doing exactly what they'd expect]].
*** I will also [[Mind Screw|randomly switch between these, so as to further confuse my adversary]].
*** And I will keep in mind that use of said publicly available list of advice leaves all manner of possibility for the use of [[Xanatos Gambit
** Even if my enemies know everything that I do, I'll still come out on top because of [[Evil Is Cool|one simple reason]].
**** The decision stands. I will post this argument in the towns and watch the hero go mad.
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*** Wow. [[Even Evil Has Standards|I really AM evil.]]
** In fact, I'll find out about this flaw ''before'' purchasing and thus avoid having funds tied up in a useless venture. I will instead use the money to have fanatically loyal followers [[Magic Plastic Surgery|surgically altered]] to resemble me.
** I will avoid purchasing technology from Doctor Doom, as he ''always'' puts an override that he alone can access into ''everything'' he
*** Remembering I have an advanced team of gizmo-working mooks, they can outdo Doom's tricks.
* If I find out about an evil being with power greater than my own, I will ''not'' attempt to take its power for myself. I will instead make sure the heroes find out about it, and I will do anything I can to help the heroes defeat my rival, short of actually joining the party. Then, when the heroes have defeated this being, the moment I can be sure the coast is clear, I will kill the heroes before they have a chance to recover, in the quickest manner possible. Once that's taken care of, if it is still possible to absorb the super being's power, and if I can be sure it won't [[Grand Theft Me|take over my body]], kill me, or [[This Is Your Brain on Evil|drive me any more insane]], I will do so.
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** If something is stronger than me, I will just ignore and it will go away.
** If I feel that I must pursue this evil being with power greater than my own, I will do everything necessary [[Evil Overlord List|(within reason)]] to allow me to obtain it, and THEN I WILL STOP pursuing the (more) evil power. By that point, I should have far more power than necessary to deal with whatever little, [[Puny Earthlings|puny obstacles]] are opposing me.
* The front door of my fortress (or any other building I need guarded) will have ''three''
** Additionally, ten guards will be appointed to the largest, most important-looking door in my fortress. That door will lead to the incinerator.
*** And I will have one new recruit guarding a shoddy, rusting door. That door will be the hallway leading to my office/throne room. The hallway will be guarded by my best troops and monsters, who know how to operate as a group, and will mob any hero that comes in.
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* I will hire an advisor whose sole job will be to criticize my plans and point out their flaws. I will listen to him.
** If said advisor claims that my plan is flawless, I will execute him, solely so that the person who gets the job after him can be forced to watch the execution, eyelids held open with duct tape.
** If I, on a whim, decide to execute my plan anyway, and it really ''is'' flawless, then I'll [[Back
** I will ''always'' include one very obvious flaw in plans I make myself. Should the advisor not catch it, even if he is useful in finding out not-so-obvious flaws in my grand plan, he is to be executed on the spot, as one has to look at the big picture, not just small details that might slip through the cracks. The flaw should be easy to catch and occasionally very hard to catch every few times a specific advisor is used, so that I can accurately gauge their effectiveness in finding them.
** Wasn't this already covered in the original list?
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** In order to get the Grappling Hook, the hero will need the Double Jump. In order to get the Double Jump, the hero will need the Grappling Hook. Think about it.
** Better yet, to insure against [[Sequence Breaking]] - In order to get the Grappling Hook, the hero will need the Grappling Hook. In order to get the Double Jump, the hero will need the Double Jump.
** Best yet, I will take possession of the Grappling Hook and Double Jump, thus powering up ''myself'' rather than the hero. If I cannot do so, I will destroy them. Heroes are resourceful buggers and will find a way to get every powerup
*** Why use such an entry method at all? If getting into a lair requires such methods, I will ''find another lair''.
** Back to the vents. If I really do need wide ventilation shafts for some reason, they will be kept superheated, and full of spikes, various [[Death Trap
*** On second thought superheating the ''ventilation'' ducts ''might'' interfere with the airconditioning. Oh and the ventilation.
** All of the dinosaurs will have their histories checked. Nothing is worse than finding out that your dinosaurs [[Gladiator Games|refuse to eat the hero]] because [[Androcles' Lion|he once removed a thorn from their foot]]. Except maybe finding out that the cool spiky ones [[Somewhere a Palaeontologist Is Crying|are actually herbivores]].
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** If I am forced into a position where such a thing becomes necessary, I will ensure that I first take a Masters course in robotics and computer programming, as well as full A+ and C++ certification; being a digital god means nothing if you don't have the proper firewalls, anti-viral programs and encryptions, after all.
** I will also make a backup copy if possible. I will also take many steps to make sure that the backup only exists on a locked network, and will not be transferred out of it unless the original is deleted. I don't want a [[Cloning Blues|digital clone]] trying to kill me or anything.
*** Alternatively, if I am ''certain'' that the copies will behave exactly as I would, I will make ''many'' of them, knowing that I am the only person they can be trusted not to betray. Also, [[Yaoi Fangirl
*** Wait scrap that, if I am ''certain'' they'll behave exactly as myself I will only ever have one or two clones of myself at max. I will still have the [[Contractual Immortality]] from the [[Yaoi Fangirl
*** No, no, no! No clones! Full stop. [[Back To The Drawing Board]].
* If and when I finally become lord of my desired domain, and I wish to expand my empire, I will ''not'' randomly pick out a country and attack it blindly; instead, I will study each of my options carefully, learning everything about them as I can, then pick out the ones that would most benefit me in its subjugation and open up diplomatic and trade negotiations with them. Once I have used those negotiations to undermine their economy and political standing, and make them dependent on my exports to live, I will quietly annex them into the empire.
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** I will also keep in mind the power of propaganda, and have the state-run media smear my intended target for as long as it takes until the people are ''begging'' me to conquer them.
* I will invest in natural, renewable resources to power my evil factories and machines. Smoke-billowing industrial wastelands may be thematically appropriate, but even I'm not immune to the health hazards their pollution causes, and it's far easier to just build another set of solar batteries or wind generators than to find another source of plutonium or coal.
** Obviously, this does not apply if my armies and I [[The Undead|aren't alive anymore]]. Then I can cover the entire planet in a cloud of smoke and ashes, killing all life on the surface, without being affected myself. And if I need more living for [[Virgin Sacrifice
** In that case, I'll set up several "meat farms" to regulate the fleshies we'll need for those purposes; no telling what kind of techniques other societies outside my circle have to take out the undead.
** That said, I will make sure the farms limit the number of meat-bags alive at any given time, are properly supervised, and are divided into small groups (in as much as possible). This is just asking for a noble hero to rise up and start a rebellion among the oppressed. Perhaps I'll just develop some kind of cloning/rapid maturation process instead. No rule says that a human in a vegetative state can't be sacrificed.
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*** On second thought, I will have it teleport the intruder into the Dungeon. That way, if [[The Hero]] DOES hack it, I won't die a painful death, my loyal mooks will get me out of there and reboot the entire surveillance system. [[Mook Face Turn|If they don't]], I'll free myself using the cell key that I carry with me at all time and have them executed.
* I will never try to steal the power of a god.
** I might reconsider if I am in a [[Dungeons
** Leasing, renting or bartering for the power of a God, on the other hand, are all viable options, assuming I can find a trustworthy God amenable to the idea.
** I will remember than any God amenable to the idea of giving ''me'' power is probably about as far away from trustworthy as you can get. I will instead devote my resources to figuring out how to [[A God Am I|ascend on my own merits]].
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** On the off chance I find a ''good'' genie, I will free him. That way he won't be available for the heroes.
** Before I free him, I will wish for him to never directly or indirectly help anyone harm or defeat me, ever. Only with that in place (in writing, I think) will I then free him.
** If I find a truly evil genie (as opposed to a [[Literal Genie]] or one who is good but forced to obey), I will find a random cave with no [[Death Trap
** In any situation where a number of wishes are granted for me, I will use all the wishes immediately, so as to avoid making accidental wishes with negative consequences. In the event that I have fewer wishes prepared than the number offered, I will make my wishes and then say "I wish for this statement to be a wish" repeatedly until my wishes are expended.
** My first wish will be "I wish I knew what to wish for", thus neatly solving any and all problems that could arise in the wishing.
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** Also, if my significant other insists on [[Theme Naming]], I'll make sure [[Odd Name Out|they're all included]].
* If I have a lieutenant who is completely loyal to me, believing me to be on the good side despite the heroes' assurances that I am actually evil, I will ''not'' decide it is a good idea to notify them of the fact that I have secretly hated them for as long as I've known them.
** I will also begin seducing the lieutenant into turning evil himself, so that I can quit with the "I'm really good" act. If this fails, I will just kill the
* I will not attempt to "steal Christmas". Or Easter, Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, Boxing Day, Setsubun or any other holiday widely observed by the people. There is no way it can end well. I will instead make myself well known for [[Bread and Circuses|doing highly generous, festive and visible acts]] in addition to paying proper respect to all socio-religious celebrations.
** Likewise, I will encourage people to celebrate pseudo-holidays such as Valentine's Day, Flag Day, Hero Appreciation Day... okay, well, maybe not that last one, but having the populace bicker over which holidays are better than which other holidays is more helpful to me than seeing them organize themselves over complete repression of said holidays.
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** There are [[Blatant Lies|only two]] detonation triggers: my personal escape pod and the aforementioned button. In case my personal escape pod is boarded by the heroes (which I would have to disobey the original list to allow in any case) I will have a third detonation trigger for the escape pod given to my most trusted lieutenant. And even that will only work [[Taking You with Me|after I'm already dead]], so no assassination attempts.
{{Evil Overlord Lists}}
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Evil Tropes]]
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