Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A: Difference between revisions

** I will always keep in mind, however, that [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]] frequently applies to machines too, and that it is ''really'' embarrassing for your large fleet of tanks to be destroyed by a sixteen-year-old in a mecha. It makes you look weak ''and'' unimaginative.

*** I'll build one, ginormous, efficient tank. While the hero designs a complicated robot hand to hold his gun, I shall simply build the gun right into the tank, and make a killing on savings. Which I can use to build a better gun. That sort of thing.

** Wait a minute. I'm both well aware of what is [[Cool but Inefficient]] ''and'' am [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]. To that end, I'll go both ways, and construct a force of fairly smaller mecha than what the hero will be trotting around in, probably quadrupedal or even more leggy, to avoid dangers to their mobility. These smaller mecha will thus have all the advantages of the [[Rule of Cool]] inherent to mecha while at the same time avoiding many of the weaknesses of single large mechas.

*** I will also ensure that ''all'' of these mecha are individually customized, with unique paintjobs and affectations, and have (attractive female or bishounen) pilots whose names (and nicknames like "Maniac" and "Iceman") are constantly mentioned and have deep, colorful backgrounds. Also, these mecha will only operate in small groups, thus utilizing both [[Nominal Importance]] ''and'' dodging [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]]. Plus, there's the possibility one or more of my many unique mecha-pilot minions will become the target of a [[Misaimed Fandom]], making them [[Contractual Immortality|unable to die]]. I'm [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]; I might as well take advantage of it.

*** And if I have already taken over the world, I will start a plan of economic improvement in the area likely to be the Hero's base. Important parts of the plan will include buying up old warehouses (and using or demolishing them) and increasing the number of cool-but-time-consuming jobs available for unskilled labor. (Particularly teenagers with piloting skills.)

**** I will calmly ask the hero WHY he's out to get me. If he thinks I'm a tyrant, I'll blame my underlings and feign innocence. Fight the "unnoticed" corruption in my government. Create a charity called "Puppies for Orphans" or something like that. Given enough good publicity, I might even be able to [[More Than Mind Control]] that idiot and gain an unstoppable new lieutenant in the process! All I have to do is demonstrate how my conquest of all creation is for the greater good.

** I'd just skip all these preparations and when the Hero comes out with his highly-technological Mecha, I'd simply deploy an EMP. With his (or her) mecha disabled, all killing the Hero would entail is about the same effort as killing someone in a giant metal cage... that doesn't move. Of course, I will likely blast the damn thing into oblivion before he or she can get out ANYWAY, but that's just a precaution.

*** And if, by some small chance the Hero thought to make the mecha so it is unaffected by EMP blasts, repeated bombardment via dozens of cruise missiles will just have to do. Don't think I'd send the troops in to fight a Mecha unless necessary.

* I will never [[You Have Failed Me|execute one of my generals]] for failing to win a single battle despite his best efforts. After all, people make mistakes, and if he didn't consistently deliver results, I wouldn't have promoted him in the first place.

** The punishment for failure in my minions shall be demotion or dismissal, not execution. As said before, people make mistakes, and killing does not inspire loyalty or encourage new recruits to join.

** In a similar vein, my minions shall receive: a good pension plan, health benefits, two weeks of paid vacation time per year, and a good salary. This inspires loyalty and it encourages people to join if the job is a good one.

** Sometimes a bit of psychological stuff works, let's see the general fail after [[Cool and Unusual Punishment|a bit of Paris Hilton music]]! Mwa hahahaha!

**** Screw it. I'll just sacrifice the [[Alpha Bitch]]. Nobody will miss her.

***** "[[Alpha Bitch]]" and "virgin" should never go in the same sentence.

** When I require a virgin sacrifice, I will also set myself up to become a demilich at the same time, and will sacrifice myself (provided I am a virgin) AND become unkillable at the same time. If I am not a virgin, I will perform the lich ritual first, then [[Loophole Abuse|sacrifice my new body]] and rez. My phylactery will also be a nine-hundred pound boulder kept secure in my base, disguised as a random bit of rubble off to the side and out of the way of everything important. It will also be placed on a small rail setup so that it can be moved out of the way- too many heroes will blow it up [[The Legend of Zelda (Franchise)|to find a hidden secret below.]]

* Slavery is mayhem waiting to happen. Slavery does not loyal citizens make. However, if I offer a small wage and basic heath care plus care for the injured and elderly it will not cost much more but will buy loyalty.

** If I do need them alive, they will be imprisoned in a room in the center of my guards' quarters. Said room will have walls of sturdy metal grille rather than vision-blocking cement, stone or cinder block, so that nothing the prisoner does will be unseen. The best modern surveillance equipment will also surround said cell. The prisoner will be kept sedated, and bound.

** I will look into a island or space prison.

** In fact I will cultivate rumors that specific actions designed to antagonize said spirits will weaken me, or otherwise interfere with my plans. This will prevent the spirits from giving [[The Hero]] power, and may turn them towards me to stop him.

* If I discover a species of [[Proud Warrior Race Guy|Proud Warrior Race Guys]] threatened by extinction, I will not wipe out what's left of them in order to gain access to their technology and weapons. This would just prompt a [[Last of His Kind|lone survivor]] to swear [[Roaring Rampage of Revenge|vengeance against me]]. Instead, I will help them unconditionally in the hopes that they will swear undying loyalty to me. If they repay this calculated kindness by proclaiming me a weakling and declaring war on me, then I will show them that I [[The Worf Effect|am stronger]] and [[Eviler Than Thou|more ruthless]] than they are. If they still refuse to follow me then I'll subjugate them with force or wipe them out. At this point it's okay to do so, because they've proven to be [[Always Chaotic Evil]], and [[What Measure Is a Non-Human?|no one ever really cares about those]].

** I will make darn sure not to overestimate the strength, reliability, skill, or competency of a monkey. Training human minions is probably more efficient than training comparatively short-lived and unreliable primates, so monkey use is likely to be limited.

** But remember, [[Everything's Better With Monkeys]]!

** I will not rule out the possibility that some of them ''are'' left-handed after all. Holding back when someone else isn't? That's just ''asking'' for trouble.

** I will train myself to use my left hand as far as practicable, in case I am unable to use my right hand for some reason. However, I will not pretend to be left-handed in any potentially dangerous situation.

** That'll happen on its own.

** Also, I will keep a blog to share my personal opinions on matters. It's [[Villain With Good Publicity|good for PR]].

** Note to self: vilify (or at least discredit) those without blogs for being "behind the times."

* I will periodically send my assassins to kill random conspiracy nuts in suspicious-looking ways. There is little danger that they will find out about my plans and no one would have believed them anyway, but the heroes will be [[Revealing Coverup|convinced that they were killed for what they knew]] and will get so wrapped up in trying to foil my diabolical plan to give all trees epilepsy that my real plans will go unchallenged. Plus it gives my assassins something to do.

[[Category:Evil Tropes]]

[[Category:Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A]]