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Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A: Difference between revisions
Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A (view source)
Revision as of 02:15, 5 October 2014
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** Attack. First village, everybody dies except the women and children, soldiers get second pick of the women. The children are raised fairly, so that I will have a new generation of loyal troops once I create my empire. Alternatively, kill the children if you believe your universe is the type where an orphaned child will wind up becoming an absurdly kickass teenager who has the skills to kill your entire army.
** Third village, you should have most people just begging to join. Let them.
** Now, here comes the diplomatic part. You establish yourself as a fairly strict, but not totally intolerant, state of a certain religion. It doesn't matter what, it just can't be something the world's superpowers don't like. Make sure that you are AGAINST the religion the world's superpowers don't like. Essentially, if you were to carve up SW Asia, establish yourself as Jewish, or some tribal religion, or Christian. It doesn't really matter (just don't kill Israel.) Ask for government funding from the US. Now, you should be getting millions of (ill-spent) taxpayer money with which to fund your army.
** Continue to preform attacks on more villages, and expand your empire. Attempt to take all areas that are good for farming, so that you don't have to worry as much about food for your army. If you feel like starting a war and conquering a nation, now is probably the time to do so. Just make sure that you are not attempting to conquer somebody strongly allied with whoever is giving you funding, or strongly allied with somebody who could hurt you.
** Alternatively, kick back and relax. You now control a sizable portion of land that is useless, have first pick of all the women you conquered (you are evil, after all. Just have them reeducated in the dungeons for a week, and they will be begging to service you), and have enough money to afford all modern conveniences (hell, be nice and give those conveniences to your troops.) If you want to go with this route and still conquer, you can do so. Just try not to make too many enemies, and try to only attack targets you can defeat with the sheer presence of your army, instead of actually having to lose men (if somebody resists, morale could drop, and in an empire like this you do NOT want your soldiers thinking "maybe this guy isn't so good of a leader after all.")
** Sounds more like generic African warlord then evil overlord to me. Yes, your chances of survival are higher, but it's not the real deal is it?
*** A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!
** It's easier than that actually. You just topple the government and make sure everybody gets education, healthcare and basic services and the whole population will accept you as they overlord since they're better off with you.
* I will consider all rules and vows carefully, but will treat them only as guidelines, not absolute laws. [[Subverted Trope|If fiction has taught me anything]], an inflexible evil overlord is a dead evil overlord.
** Addendum: I will also realize that certain Evil Overlord rules will change with the times. For example, Evil Overlord rule 84 ("I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.") should, in our (somewhat) more accepting times should read "I will not have captives of one sex guarded by any henchmen attracted to that sex." As technology, tolerance, and other factors of society advance, I should keep my personal Evil Overlord list updated. Villains who can't change with the times become the crazy old hobos who keep going on about "them newfangled automobiles" well into the 21st century.
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** If for some reason I must wear a mask, I will try to make it something that is not sinister in some manner. Things such as skulls, demons, etc. tend to unsettle subordinates, lower moral and [[Color Coded for Your Convenience|make myself a more obvious target for assassination attempts]].
*** If I must wear such a mask for whatever reason I will require all my minions to wear the same mask to confuse said possible assassin.
**** After, of course, making another way to identify it is me, so no one can pull off a mutiny by mask alone.
* And no [[Stripperiffic|leather dress/catsuit]] with an insane amount of cleavage. It will confuse the hero if the villainess is demurely dressed. If she really ''wants'' to dress like that, fine, but I'll advise against it.
** Keeping in mind the [[Most Common Superpower|usually positive cleavage-to-skill correlation]] in most femme fatale outfits, I will design the most [[Stripperiffic]] costume possible, and give it to my lowest ranked minions. Increases in rank will bring attendant changes in uniform to something less revealing and more practical. In addition to screwing with the hero's expectations, this will give the minions something to work for, and it's good to have ambitious minions.
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** But first I will make sure that any minion who gets said power is, first and foremost, fanatically LOYAL to me personally, to the point of being cheerfully willing to die for me. Even then I will take no chances and have a small explosive discreetly implanted in their brain during a "routine" medical procedure, after first making sure that the power in question will not in any way interfere with the activation mechanism.
** If something is stronger than me, I will just ignore and it will go away.
** If I feel that I must pursue this evil being with power greater than my own, I will do everything necessary [[Evil Overlord List|(within reason)]] to allow me to obtain it, and THEN I WILL STOP pursuing the (more) evil power. By that point, I should have far more power than necessary to deal with whatever little, [[Puny Earthlings|puny obstacles]] are opposing me.
* The front door of my fortress (or any other building I need guarded) will have ''three'' guards--one standing on each side, and one hiding within visible range whose sole job is to send out an alert if anything happens to the first two (or if they even just have to leave the post for something). Resources permitting, all doors worth guarding will have three guards.
** Additionally, ten guards will be appointed to the largest, most important-looking door in my fortress. That door will lead to the incinerator.
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** As a third option, perhaps I should consider small, nonvenomous snakes. Good for evil cred, actually kinda cute, far less likely to hold a grudge than a pit bull, and the average [[Friend to All Living Things]] won't touch 'em.
*** However, I will still look into having a pet cat or dog, just in case that crafty hero's pet is a mongoose.
** An Orangutan could be a worthwhile investment- I can train it to use sign language and how to perform simple tasks, making it useful for surveillance, any mooks that feed it a banana will appear more sympathetic and therefore are less likely to be killed by the hero, it has a lot more strength, reach and dexterity than any human heroes, so it can be trained to attack them, and if they do kill it, I can accuse them of [[Hero with Bad Publicity|murdering an endangered species]]. A chimpanzee would also function for most of these purposes, although slightly less well.
** With so many things that can go wrong, better to avoid pets entirely. Mooks will respond better to cash bonuses than kitties anyway.
* I will do the whole "'''[[This Cannot Be!]]!'''" after the heroes have defeated my ''penultimate'' boss form. That way, when I [[One-Winged Angel|sprout a wing]] or [[Bishonen Line|grow really long hair]], they will be completely unprepared for my next attack.
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** If the resident [[Mad Artist]] also composes music when he's not busy splattering entrails across a canvas, then I'll ask him to create [[Leitmotif|something original designed especially for me]].
** If I dislike what he composes, I'll either learn to live with it or shoot him immediately.
** If it's [[Dead Horse Music Genre|Disco]], then I'll figure out something worse than shooting. I will figure it out ''quickly'', mind you.
*** And if it's country, I will waste no time torturing him by making him listen to his own song for however long I decide.
* Instead of [[You Have Outlived Your Usefulness|killing minions when they're so successful I don't have anything left for them to do]], I will either give them some vacation time or come up with some busy work for them, and call on them again later. After all, I know these guys can get results, so why not keep 'em around a bit?
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