Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock A: Difference between revisions

** Actually, if I obtain access to a [[Time Travel]] Machine, I will just cut out the Hero entirely, go further into the past and set up a tidy little Kingdom using my [[Sufficiently Advanced]] technology. The mudgrubbing peons will grovel, I will usher in a new age of prosperity with my Evil Science/Magic, and most importantly, prove to be an inspiration to my subjectively Past Self (to whom I will will the whole of my vast fortune).

*** And I'll still bring the Tranquilizer Gun, just to be safe.

* If the [[Mecha]] exist. I shall determine where my universe falls on the Sliding Scale of [[Real Robot]] and [[Super Robot]], before I do ''anything''.

*** I recommend against it, that never helps. Sabotaging the mecha is generally more effective, though temporary. Stealing the mecha entirely and then melting it down is probably the best approach. Using the mecha personally will only result in it being stolen back.

** As an alternative, if the hero starts building a Mecha I'll build a few dozen tanks for the same price. Then I'll have them shoot his ankles off... giant bipedal robots are a lot less impressive when they can't stand up.

** I will always keep in mind, however, that [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]] frequently applies to machines too, and that it is ''really'' embarrassing for your large fleet of tanks to be destroyed by a sixteen-year-old in a mecha. It makes you look weak ''and'' unimaginative.

*** I'll build one, ginormous, efficient tank. While the hero designs a complicated robot hand to hold his gun, I shall simply build the gun right into the tank, and make a killing on savings. Which I can use to build a better gun. That sort of thing.

** Wait a minute. I'm both well aware of what is [[Cool but Inefficient]] ''and'' am [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]. To that end, I'll go both ways, and construct a force of fairly smaller mecha than what the hero will be trotting around in, probably quadrupedal or even more leggy, to avoid dangers to their mobility. These smaller mecha will thus have all the advantages of the [[Rule of Cool]] inherent to mecha while at the same time avoiding many of the weaknesses of single large mechas.

*** I will also ensure that ''all'' of these mecha are individually customized, with unique paintjobs and affectations, and have (attractive female or bishounen) pilots whose names (and nicknames like "Maniac" and "Iceman") are constantly mentioned and have deep, colorful backgrounds. Also, these mecha will only operate in small groups, thus utilizing both [[Nominal Importance]] ''and'' dodging [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]]. Plus, there's the possibility one or more of my many unique mecha-pilot minions will become the target of a [[Misaimed Fandom]], making them [[Contractual Immortality|unable to die]]. I'm [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]; I might as well take advantage of it.

**** I will at least train a phalanx of spearmen, in case the heroes' mecha reach my lair.

** I will also consider sending out infantry in light body armour with anti-tank weaponry. Surely the young boy who just [[Falling Into the Cockpit|Fell Into The Cockpit]] of the enemy's latest super robot will be reluctant to kill without the buffer a giant robot or power armour provides?

*** Best strategy. Even if you're up against an Anti Hero, as long as he's responsible for most of the collateral damage plus the murders of your lightly armed human soldiers he's sure to have his piloting license revoked. Avoid inflicting civilian casualties. If nothing else, all the bad publicity his behavior generates will result in you becoming the hero and him the villain. Never, under any circumstances, cross the [[Godzilla Threshold]]. Let him do it first, then unleash your unstoppable fleets of war machines when public outcry demands it. Be quick with the relief efforts after each confrontation.

** I will, instead of going to all the trouble of making an elaborate counter, have a mock-up shell made with a giant sword, and leave it in a field. Of mines.

**** Who needs explosives when mecha run on ultra-destructive engine cores? Just put in a meltdown setting you can activate by remote.

*** Or, you could be REALLY savvy and create your ultimate mecha with the ''intention'' of it being stolen. And rig the cockpit with multiple deathtraps, and the engine with a remote control shutdown.

*** On the other hand, fangirls have about as much control over most shows' content as they do over the laws of physics. If anything, they often bug the creators so much that I'll probably get killed in an especially painful way just to spite them. Instead I will rely on a mix of humor and Badassitude to garner the sympathy of the general fanbase and specifically do whatever the writers/director/producer think is really cool.

**** I will set out to be the most awesomely manly and humorous character since Kamina from [[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]], and in so doing aim for the Sephiroth Factor: There is no such thing as a [[Moral Event Horizon]] if you're cool enough. At worst, I'll come up roses with some delicious [[Joker Immunity]].

*** Prevention is the easiest plan here; If I find the hero is building a mecha, I will destroy it while it is unfinished. Note that unfinished means "has not yet been outfitted with weapons" or "has no legs", not "is still in the prototype stage". If they have already completed the [[Super Prototype]], I will not attack them until they actually start mass-producing the mecha. Mass-produced versions of anything usually suck, and the [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]] will be on my side. While their mecha army is attacking my (fake) base, I will send my most competent group of minions to retrieve the prototype, which was put into storage as soon as mass production began and is probably not guarded very well. Then my [[Mad Scientist]] will upgrade the prototype, which I will now use as my own personal mecha. Unless I decide to iron out the flaws and build myself an even better one. If this is the case, [[The Dragon]] gets the original prototype, which will be outfitted with a bomb if anything goes wrong.

** No, I think that your going about the mecha thing all wrong, most mecha heroes are fighting to eliminate war right? all I do is say that you decided to become peaceful, enter into negotiations with him, and while he is negotiating with me, a highly trained team of techies sabotages his giant mecha, then I simply shoot him, if he happens to escape my guns? he boards a mecha that will automatically blow in his face as soon as he turns it on.

*** If you absolutely must fight, remember that you're up against a cocky teenager with a heroism complex. Send a Dragon or other trusted (and competent) subordinate to fight them, without a mecha of their own. Instruct this person to demand that the hero "fight like a man" and wait for the wannabe-ace to dismount. Then, your man either flattens them or-better yet-''hijacks their mecha'' and flattens them. In the event that the hero is [[Genre Savvy]] enough not to fall for this, know beforehand so you don't sacrifice a key underling for no return.

**** It doesn't have to be the Dragon, honestly. Any red shirt will do. And who knows, you might find out he's actually a competent subordinate waiting for a chance to prove himself. Maybe he wins the fight and you don't even HAVE to backstab anyone.

*** And there will be a maze that the hero will have to navigate in order to reach them.

*** And there will be fines for inadequate hand-washing. Fines generate cash, and catching dysentery off the [[Idiot Hero]] is not how I plan to end my reign of terror.

*** Which will always have loose wires leading to self-contained solar-powered electric cells, because no deaths are funnier than frying via the old urethra. Especially when replayed several times.

*** Then, I will send the footage to one of those home-video television shows, whereupon I will undoubtedly win the grand-prize at the end of the season. If this fails in America, I will send it [[South of the Border]]. They love the [[Groin Attack]] there.

*** Good show! And while we're at it, i really hate that Uranus pun... let's go ahead and blow that up too.

*** I also never liked Venus being both the Morning and Evening Star. That just pisses me off.

*** Don't bother destroying Saturn, it will just [[Sailor Moon|be reborn]], and that will be just plain frustrating.

* I may have a Fu Manchu mustache, but only if I am either a: [[Genre Savvy]] or b: extremely [[Camp|campy]].

** Speakers kill the mood, I will have all data transferred to me by E-mail, which I will check after I'm finished.

** Ahem... Some of you seem to be forgetting one of the original list's rules: basically, it boiled down to "Do not ignore the messenger. Do not ''kill'' the messenger"

** This works especially well if [[You Killed My Father|I killed his father]] myself. The irony makes me happy.

*** Why not just kill the kid, too?

** [[Cloning Blues|NO CLONES]], and mecha have been known to side with hero. See above.

* If there is a literal [[Idiot Ball]] in my world, I will pretend it's my one weakness. Of course being an idiot is a weakness, but the heroes will carry it around this way.

* If I ''really'' want to ''guarantee'' my success in all my diabolical endeavours, I will take three steps to guarantee that the Forces Of Good will [[Villain Protagonist|cheer me on]]:

** I will only select targets who are [[Eviler Than Thou|considerably more villainous or corrupt than I am.]] This lets me battle a variety of [[Acceptable Targets]] and [[Always Chaotic Evil]] monsters while still allowing me to get my therapeutic Evil Overlord kicks.

** I shall select only sympathetic, funny, and genuinely likable individuals for my lieutenants and trusted underlings.

*** I will at least ''try'' not to kill them.

**** [[Madness Mantra|Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!]]

***** [[Tempting Fate|Make Me.]]

*** Or, I could use all the resources that would have gone to the crumbling fortress and spend them on something useful, like [[Villain With Good Publicity|an orphanage or something]].

* There is no such thing as a fair fight. If I come across my nemesis while he is disarmed, then that is his problem, not mine.

* No matter what its detrimental effects may be on my war machine, I will be eco-friendly. [[Omnicidal Maniac|Killing the planet]] never ends well. I may awaken ancient nature spirits who give the hero power, or set all the animals in the forest after my blood, or simply [[Gaias Vengeance|have Mother Earth all up in my grille faster than you can say "gas-guzzling SUV"]], and no-one wants that. Instead, not only will I be environmentally friendly, I will actively seek out and befriend said nature spirits and animals, and send them after the hero.

** In fact I will cultivate rumors that specific actions designed to antagonize said spirits will weaken me, or otherwise interfere with my plans. This will prevent the spirits from giving [[The Hero]] power, and may turn them towards me to stop him.

** I'll offer them the ability to clone their race to rebuild their kind. That'll bring loyalty.

* If I am [[Nigh Invulnerability|immune to the hero's attacks]], I will make sure that I am also immune to my own. If I cannot ensure this, I will avoid using any attack that could possibly be [[Playing Tennis With the Boss|redirected to hit me]].

* If a trained monkey can do it, I will let said trained monkey do it so that my minions can do something more important.

** I will make darn sure not to overestimate the strength, reliability, skill, or competency of a monkey. Training human minions is probably more efficient than training comparatively short-lived and unreliable primates, so monkey use is likely to be limited.

* I will assume that all of my enemies are [[I Am Not Left Handed|not left handed]], and plan accordingly.

** I will not rule out the possibility that some of them ''are'' left-handed after all. Holding back when someone else isn't? That's just ''asking'' for trouble.

* I will hire an advisor whose sole job will be to criticize my plans and point out their flaws. I will listen to him.

** If said advisor claims that my plan is flawless, I will execute him, solely so that the person who gets the job after him can be forced to watch the execution, eyelids held open with duct tape.

** I will ''always'' include one very obvious flaw in plans I make myself. Should the advisor not catch it, even if he is useful in finding out not-so-obvious flaws in my grand plan, he is to be executed on the spot, as one has to look at the big picture, not just small details that might slip through the cracks. The flaw should be easy to catch and occasionally very hard to catch every few times a specific advisor is used, so that I can accurately gauge their effectiveness in finding them.

** Wasn't this already covered in the original list?

**** Because by then, a new plan will have been drafted and sent through the advisory process. Therefore, any "tactics" and "information" they bring to the hero will be null. And even then, the advisors are fitted with a small explosive inside their chest cavity that is just powerful enough to destroy the heart, but not so much as to destroy anything else. Of course, the detonators will be on my person and only my person at all times. That way, if they do get any smart ideas, the heroes will initially think he died of a heart attack, or some other ailment, and won't be related back to me until they perform an autopsy, IF they perform one. I'm supposed to be [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]], so why not make damn sure that you can kill your advisors without it being known that you killed them.

* I will make my [[Doomsday Device]] look like [[Happy Fun Ball|a stuffed animal]]. Not only will nobody try to stop me from holding my stuffed bear, but should I be stopped it will be given to a hero's child, who will then hug it and cause [[The End of the World As We Know It|The End Of The World As We Know It]].

** Screw that. I'll just let him kill the heroes by himself, then kill him and [[Fake Ultimate Hero|claim the credit]].

** ...Or I'll just let him take the credit anyway, so when people come to avenge the heroes, they'll thank me rather than killing me.

* If I must [[Strange Bedfellows|team up with the heroes to defeat a greater threat]], I won't attempt to backstab them during the battle. Instead, I will [[Heel Face Mole|fake a change of heart]] and earn the trust of the good guys, in order to [[The Mole|discover their secret weaknesses and destroy them from within]].

** I may also invest in becoming a falconer; birds are much harder to hit, can be used for scouting missions, and are decent in causing my enemies grief in battle.

** In no way, though, will I have an exotic animal (of any kind) or [[Biological Mashup]] as a pet; although incredibly deadly and appropriately awe-inspiring, they are still wild animals, and thus, unable to be fully trained and [[The Dog Bites Back|trusted not to eat me at the first chance they get]].

** With any pet I choose to get, I will not abuse it or cosset it too extravagantly, and I will take it through a thorough obedience course.

*** Not only will they relieve stress among the mooks, but among intruders. Having free roam around the base, they can easily [[Cuteness Proximity|distract them]], and they might pause when they see the mook they were about to snipe [[Pet the Dog|bend down and pet the cat]] - of course, becoming ''consumed'' by playing with the cats will only be tolerated when off duty.

** Wait, that damn [[Friend to All Living Things]] will still have an out. Okay, along with the cats, I'll get a pit bull. Solves the cat problem, and a pit bull is nobody's friend. I will keep him chained, but well-fed. I know he won't be my friend, but I don't want him killing me first.

** An Orangutan could be a worthwhile investment- I can train it to use sign language and how to perform simple tasks, making it useful for surveillance, any mooks that feed it a banana will appear more sympathetic and therefore are less likely to be killed by the hero, it has a lot more strength, reach and dexterity than any human heroes, so it can be trained to attack them, and if they do kill it, I can accuse them of [[Hero With Bad Publicity|murdering an endangered species]]. A chimpanzee would also function for most of these purposes, although slightly less well.

** With so many things that can go wrong, better to avoid pets entirely. Mooks will respond better to cash bonuses than kitties anyway.

** Adding a "Psyche!" before I crush the throat of the nearest good guy is optional.

** Or...maybe it would be best to just cut my losses and quietly sneak away while they think they've killed me. Beating my first and second forms shows they are pretty good at fighting, and while getting First Strike or even causing a [[Heroic Sacrifice]] is nice, I'll heal up and then slam them at the beginning of the sequel after they've [[Bag of Spilling|given up all their levels and powerups]].

** Back to the vents. If I really do need wide ventilation shafts for some reason, they will be kept superheated, and full of spikes, various [[Death Trap|Death Traps]], and lava guns. Also, all exit points from the vent will be located just above the pit full of dinosaurs.

*** On second thought superheating the ''ventilation'' ducts ''might'' interfere with the airconditioning. Oh and the ventilation.

*** Though [[Did Not Do the Research|many herbivores can be violently agressive]].

** I will also build all the vents out of an extremely conductive metal, and constantly run extremely high voltage through them. They will be insulated from the outside, and if maintenance is required, those doing the work must first submit a request to the control center to temporarily disable the current while the work is being done. Anyone who doesn't do so is [[Too Dumb to Live]].

*** Note that the above [[Always Male|only works]] if [[The Hero]] is male. If otherwise, swap "wedding chapel" with [[Amazingly Embarrassing Parents|"Banquet With Her Parents"]]. Ensure that [[The Hero]]'s [[Overprotective Dad]] and [[Evil Matriarch]] are present. Bonus points if you can get the [[Love Interest]] to notice [[The Hero]]'s [[Hot Shounen Mom]]. GENIUS! [[Evil Laugh|BWAHAHAHA!!!]]

** Even better, if the Hero has a [[Hot Shounen Mom]], and his father is dead, I will hook up with his mother. If he's really a hero he'll obey his stepfather.

* Even if it grants me great power and freedom, I will ''not'' [[Digitized Hacker|build or use a device that can digitize my brain and let me loose in cyberspace/transfer me to a robot]].

** If I am forced into a position where such a thing becomes necessary, I will ensure that I first take a Masters course in robotics and computer programming, as well as full A+ and C++ certification; being a digital god means nothing if you don't have the proper firewalls, anti-viral programs and encryptions, after all.

** I will still include the benefits of being a [[Villain With Good Publicity]] into any cost-benefit calculations I make, though.

** I'll also keep in mind that my enemies and rivals will still most likely be bound by PR, and will use that to my advantage whenever possible, unless such exploitation will disrupt my schemes or undermine any PR benefits I might get.

* Any giant robot I send after the heroes will have a [[For Massive Damage|giant red eye]] on the part of its body furthest from any kind of critical system.

** Alternatively, the robot and anything else I want to look ominous wil be ''[[Body Motifs|covered]]'' in [[Glowing Eyes of Doom]], with [[Eye Beams]] optional. Said eyes will [[Mismatched Eyes|be a mix of colors.]] That oughta be good for a [[Mind Screw]] or two.

** I will remember than any God amenable to the idea of giving ''me'' power is probably about as far away from trustworthy as you can get. I will instead devote my resources to figuring out how to [[A God Am I|ascend on my own merits]].

* I will never possess someone, especially not the hero's best friend. It always ends poorly.

** If I'm picking who to possess, someone who's already evil is a good choice.

** But I'll make sure he's not [[Eviler Than Thou|Eviler Than Me]].

* If I have the hero cornered, I will not hesitate to [[Just Between You and Me|tell him or her the exact and complete details of my evil plan]], up to and including pointing to a door behind which the most important and delicate part of my plan lies. Let's face it; with today's spy technology, computer hackers, and sneaky heroes, it's almost certain that they're going to be aware of the general gist of the situation. I will, however, neglect to tell them that the most important and delicate part of my plan includes the team of heroes vaporizing themselves when they try to turn off or destroy my <s>oversized lava lamp</s> "force field generator".

* All ceremonies celebrating my [[A God Am I|ascent to godhood]], marriage to the brainwashed princess, or assumption of a powerful magical artifact will take place ''after'' I've actually done so. Preferably by several months.

* Most teenage heroes; no matter what they claim; (especially if Japanese) will follow the dictates of their family, school, and society. I am a villain. I can ''manipulate'' those dictates. Upon learning that a legendary band of teenagers can defeat me, I will make sure their parents suddenly get great paying jobs in other cities. Also, I will take full advantage of the apparent fact that teenage heroes find it mandatory to follow society and go their own ways after graduating High School. Again, I'll make sure they get jobs far, far away from each other and the original location so none of that pesky "mentor" business.

** Even better, once I take control of a country, I'll make all children/teenagers "wards of the state" (read: trapped in school) up to age 21. It may wipe out my budget, but at least I won't have to worry about [[Kid Hero|those meddling kids]] showing up and ruining my plans.

** I'll make up the ensuing budget deficit by tying all healthcare plans to employment, so that any [[Older and Wiser|retired heroes]], [[Kid Hero|jobless teenage protagonists]], or [[The Drifter|mysterious hobos]] won't be able to heal their injuries after a fight.

*** As an added bonus, this will prevent my minions from [[Heel Face Turn|switching sides]]. Who's going to join the Hero when they don't have medical coverage for the (several thousand) injuries they're going to suffer?

* If any of my underlings proposes their own plan to destroy the heroes/conquer the planet/etc., they will be instructed to take their proposal to a crack R&D team; that team in turn will be instructed only to outright reject proposals that, after all reasonable fine-tuning to them has been exhausted, are simply too costly or unreliable compared to the possible advantage gained. I will of course have the final say on which proposals will be accepted or not, but creativity and refinement will be emphasized with all plans submitted. At the very least, the illusion given that I actually care about my minions' little pet projects will keep them from turning against me in an attempt to prove "it'll really work, honest".

** If one of these schemes is good enough to implement, the minion behind it will be right there by my side while it's carried out, and receive full credit for their idea. Not only will it encourage further innovation among the ranks, but it'll paint ''him'' as the target instead of me when someone comes to thwart the scheme and keep me from looking like a [[General Failure]] if the plan goes to hell in a hand-basket.

* Rather than [[Enemy Civil War|fostering dissension in the ranks]] to distract a minion who might try to dispose of me, I will encourage a strong sense of camaraderie amongst my legions of terror, especially my [[Quirky Miniboss Squad]]. Won't the heroes be surprised when a posse ten thousand strong puts [[The Power of Friendship]] on ''my'' side?

** I will, however, remember that although eternal love and devotion are nice, they are not the same as eternal ''loyalty.''

** [[Manipulative Bastard|Unless you do it right.]]

* If I need to thwart the hero's progress, I will place before him obstacles which are inherently obstacle-like. If I have the power to turn soup cans into an effective barrier to the hero's progress, frankly, I'm wasting my talents. And besides, do I really want to be the kind of villain who thwarts the hero's progress with a [[Solve the Soup Cans]] puzzle?

** Alternatively, I'll use obstacles that are bafflingly un-obstacle-like when possible. They'll thwart the hero's progress longer if he can't ''tell'' they're thwarting his progress.

** Obviously, this loyalty and competence will extend to all branches of [[The Government|government]], [[Corrupt Corporate Executive|business]], [[Mad Scientist|science]], [[The Syndicate|organized crime]] and [[Villain With Good Publicity|media]].

* I will remember that [[New Media Are Evil|new media is not (inherently) evil.]]

* Caution, Death likes cats, <small>DO NOT ANGER DEATH</small>.

** Also [[Image Board|4chan]] likes cats. [[Even Evil Has Standards|Even 4chan Has Standards]].

** Likewise, I will mandate that all groups for all purposes be of either three or five. Including all groups that fight monsters in the name of some other empire. For exactly the same reason.

** In fact, I will publicly decree that any group of four in my empire will be punished by death or imprisonment, depending on my mood that day. (I will make only token attempts to enforce this law, just enough that it remains public knowledge.) [[The Hero]] will instantly assume I have some kind of [[Weaksauce Weakness]] to the number and deliberately form a four-man party. At ''worst'', this will set him apart as a potential enemy. At best, well, [[Four Is Death]], and dead heroes can't do a lot to stop me.

** I will ''never'' promise to uphold my end of the deal before the other party upholds theirs. Just because I want repeat customers doesn't mean I can trust everyone else. (I will ensure this at the promise-''making'' point of the deal.)

** I will also remember that I am doing this out of pragmatism as opposed to a sense of honour, and will not consider this rule binding. If breaking the contract would result in the instantaneous death of the hero and my ascent to godhood, my word will most certainly not be my bond.

* When adding to an [[Evil Overlord List]], I will make simple flaws in my suggestions. Those [[Genre Savvy]] enough to spot the mistake and edit it will either be chosen for addition to my forces or killed immediately. See rule 4.4 near the top of this list for an example of this.

** [[Completely Missing the Point|There is no rule 4.4]]

* If I ''absolutely, positively, undeniably'' MUST have a self destruct system aboard my ship, I will ensure that it has the following features.

** Step 1: Blast doors enclose the room the self-destruct button is in.

** Step 3: [[Bullet Hell|Guns will follow the same procedure]] after a thirty-second wait to allow any survivors to leave cover.

** Step 4: The room will flood with Novichok nerve gas.