All Take and No Give: Difference between revisions
replaced: [[Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets → [[Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (novel)|
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(replaced: [[Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets → [[Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (novel)|) |
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{{quote|''"You're like a sponge! You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion!"''|'''Columbia''', ''[[The Rocky Horror Picture Show]]''}}
In order for a relationship to stay together, each party must put some work into the relationship, and they must appreciate the results. Sometimes, one party has to put more effort in than the other, sometimes it's evenly spread. Of course, it can also become a very sick relationship when it's '''All Take
In the first variant, the Taker knows the Giver is insecure and [[Love Hungry|wants to feel needed and wanted]], so they [[Manipulative Bastard|manipulate]] and extort the Giver into [[Living Emotional Crutch|giving them what they want]] in exchange for morsels of affection. These relationships are typically led by a domineering [[Bratty Half
▲In order for a relationship to stay together, each party must put some work into the relationship, and they must appreciate the results. Sometimes, one party has to put more effort in than the other, sometimes it's evenly spread. Of course, it can also become a very sick relationship when it's All Take And No Give. This trope comes in two flavors with a middle ground.
The other variant is a bit more disturbing. Rather than the Taker being in charge, it's the Giver who is in control. It's not that they're [[Chronic Hero Syndrome|pathologically compelled]] to [[Good Samaritan|generosity]], but a deep desire to [[Control Freak|control]] and even ''own'' the Taker... so they work to make them completely psychologically and physically dependent, and may in fact cripple their ability to do some (or all) things. This is the hallmark of [[My Beloved Smother]], who may impair or retard their child's growth to keep them [[
▲In the first variant, the Taker knows the Giver is insecure and [[Love Hungry|wants to feel needed and wanted]], so they [[Manipulative Bastard|manipulate]] and extort the Giver into [[Living Emotional Crutch|giving them what they want]] in exchange for morsels of affection. These relationships are typically led by a domineering [[Bratty Half Pint]], [[Fantasy-Forbidding Father]] or [[Clingy Jealous Girl]] over an [[Extreme Doormat]].
▲The other variant is a bit more disturbing. Rather than the Taker being in charge, it's the Giver who is in control. It's not that they're [[Chronic Hero Syndrome|pathologically compelled]] to [[Good Samaritan|generosity]], but a deep desire to [[Control Freak|control]] and even ''own'' the Taker... so they work to make them completely psychologically and physically dependent, and may in fact cripple their ability to do some (or all) things. This is the hallmark of [[My Beloved Smother]], who may impair or retard their child's growth to keep them [[Mommas Boy|dependent.]] If romantic, the Giver may be a [[Stalker With a Crush]] or a [[Yandere]] who has managed to start a relationship with their target and then proceeded to demolish their self esteem in the guise of "helping" them. Expect them to say "I did it all for you", and justify alienating the Taker from past friends because "[[They Were Holding You Back]]." If the Taker should realize this and work up the resolve to break the cycle, the Giver [[Axe Crazy|will not be pleased]].
The middle ground is akin to [[The Masochism Tango]], both the Giver and the Taker are in a deeply co-dependent relationship they can't break out of. Maybe they're a Sugar Daddy and a shop happy floozy, a parent who can't stand to say "no" and an emotionally needy [[Spoiled Brat]], or an indulgent monarch raising a [[Royal Brat]]. In all variations, both participants will be unwilling or unable to leave, change or even identify the relationship.
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Compare [[Taking Advantage of Generosity]] (although that doesn't require a couple).
{{examples
== [[Anime]] & [[Manga]] ==
* ''[[Monster (
* A bit of a disturbing one from ''[[Bleach]]'' is Orihime's relationship with her undead brother. First, it started as the first type, where Orihime was the Taker, while her brother was the Giver, though it is justified, with her brother dying when she was young and she had no other family or friends. But when she became friends with Tatsuki and developed a crush on Ichigo, their roles switched and he thought Orihime didn't pay as much attention to him as she used to. He wasn't pleased at all.
** Though, his anger at this was amplified due to him becoming a [[The Heartless|Hollow]].
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* In ''[[Spirited Away]]'', we have a case of the second variant with No Face as the Giver and Chihiro as the Taker. In the beginning, No Face helped Chihiro out and Chihiro gratefully accepted his help. But once Chihiro refused to accept one of his gifts after seeing how the other bath patrons were greedily accepting his gifts of gold without question, No Face [[Axe Crazy|went a little crazy]], [[I'm a Humanitarian|ate some people]] and demanded that Chihiro be brought to him so she could accept his gifts.
** Then there's Yubaba and her gigantic baby Boh. She coddles him incessantly and he's spoiled rotten. It takes a [[Baleful Polymorph]] into a tiny animal for him to learn manners and "grow up". He gets better.
* ''[[Prétear
* Kagetora and Naoe's relationship in ''[[
* ''[[
* Unsui and Agon of ''[[Eyeshield 21]]'' have this undertone to their relationship. Unsui tends to act like a surrogate parent to his brother (it's implied their real parents spoil him), puts his brother's needs before his own, and constantly apologizes for his brother's actions. This is due to Unsui's need to have a purpose after the painful realization that he'll always be a mediocre person without his brother.
* Ui and Yui of ''K-On!'' play this for laughs. Despite being older, Yui has a child-like dependence on her little sister who acts like a doting mother to her immature sister.
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== [[Comic Books]] ==
* [[Disney Ducks Comic Universe|Donald Duck]] is [[Depending
== [[Film]] ==
* ''[[Charlie and
* ''[[Coraline (
** But then again, the relationship could switch around with the Other Mother as the taker, needing love and the souls from the children, who would give it to her unwillingly or unknowingly.
* ''[[Mirror Mask]]'' has the dark counterparts to Helena and her mom, the Princess and Queen of Shadows. The princess was all take, a needy and rebellious girl who ran away, stole [[Cosmic Keystone|the mirror mask]] and started destroying the paper world. The Queen was all give, controlling, smothering, and at one point even brainwashing Helena into acting like a <s>[[Extreme Doormat|doll]]</s> daughter. [[Neil Gaiman]] may have a thing for this trope.
* In ''[[Repo!
* Columbia to Frank in ''[[The Rocky Horror Picture Show]]''. In the end, though, {{spoiler|she does finally call him out on his behavior and ultimately refuses to cooperate with him in the film's [[Stealth Pun|climax]]}}.
* [[Lifetime Movie of the Week|Lifetime Movies]] often portray marriage that way with a selfish, abusive and ungrateful husband and a loving, faithful, ever-suffering wife who just endures the selfishness and [[Jerkass
== [[Literature]] ==
* This is basically ''[[
* In [[Stephen King]]'s ''[[The Stand]]'', his own mother calls Larry Underwood a "taker", which comes back to haunt him many times.
** To put it in the words of his friend Wayne Stukey, there's "something in [Larry] that's like biting on tinfoil."
* And another [[Stephen King]] example: In ''[[IT]]'', Eddie and his mother (in the past) and Eddie and his wife (in the book's present) both come off as the second variety of
* In ''[[Atlas Shrugged]]'', Hank Rearden's idle family live off his success and insult him for it at the same time. An even more explicit version of the second type is railroad executive James Taggart's marriage to Cherryl Brooks; his lifting her out of her life as a dime-store worker left her as a [[Fish Out of Water]] unable to cope in her husband's social circle and dependent on him for
* In one lesser-known story by German author [[
* In ''[[Harry Potter and
** Of course, it goes the other way as well. {{spoiler|As Ginny eagerly poured out her heart and soul to Tom Riddle, he fed off of it to the point where he had sucked nearly all of the life out of her.}}
* [[
** In ''[[The Four Loves]]'', he cites Mrs. Fidget, whose endless housework on behalf of her family left them miserable, and how some women live their lives up to the verge of old age in endless service to a maternal vampire.
** In ''[[The Great Divorce]]'', one damned soul is a woman who wants to give everything to her son as long as he's under her control, and another damned soul is not happy as long as his wife could be happy without him.
** In ''[[The Screwtape Letters]]'', the last letter, after Wormwood's failure, is addressed in the most affectionate terms, looking forward to devouring him.
** In ''[[Till We Have Faces]]'', Orual wants Psyche to be
* In Alma Katsu's ''The Taker'', Lanny is the Giver and Jonathan is the Taker. A sort of mix between the two types: Lanny will do anything for Jonathan, no matter the cost or risk to herself - including [[Poisonous Friend|a few things he would not have wanted her to do for him, had she bothered to ask him.]]
== [[Live
* In the second season of ''[[True Blood]]'', the maenad Maryann functions as the giver to the alcoholic, emotionally fragile Tara. She invites Tara to live in her mansion where she's pampered around the clock, under the guise of trying to help the girl turn her life around. {{spoiler|In reality, Maryann is trying to drive a wedge between Tara and her abusive mother so that she can control Tara's life herself, [[Emotion Eater|feeding off her anguish and rage]].}}
* In an episode of ''[[Seinfeld]]'', Jerry refers to himself as a Taker and another character as a Giver, and argues that a relationship between a Giver and Taker is the ideal.
** Kramer and George are both all take and no give in most episodes.
* Al Bundy's family is like this on ''[[Married...
* [[House (TV series)|House]] and Wilson are almost a subversion of this, since their relationship, while strange and disturbing, actually seems to ''work'' for both of them - House's selfishness has prevented him from having any other friends, and while Wilson keeps embracing vulnerable people and nursing them towards health and self-confidence, he invariably loses all interest in them once they no longer need him to take care of them. The only person who could put up with the ultimate Giver in the long run is the ultimate Taker, and vice versa.
* ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]''
** This may be [[Laser
* On ''[[The Sarah Silverman Program]]'' Sarah is The "Taker" to her Sister, Laura. Sarah refuses to work. All her money and her apartment is provided to her by her sister, for which Laura receives zero gratitude.
* Fans of ''[[Gossip Girl]]'' often complain about how Nate and Chuck's friendship is like this, ironically with [[Chronic Hero Syndrome|Nate]] being the taker and [[Jerkass|Chuck]] the giver. Chuck will always bend over backwards to help Nate while Nate had to be forced by Blair to help get Chuck off the barstool and attend his father's funeral. And that's still one of Nate's best displays of friendship.
** Nate is also the Taker to Blair's Giver when they're together.
* On ''[[Veronica Mars]]'', the titular character often slips into this, particularly with respect to her friend Wallace. Veronica falls into the Type 1 version, as the "Taker", with Wallace being the "Giver." It gets to the point where [[What the Hell, Hero?|she gets rightfully called out on it.]]
* Pretty much the relationship between the Winchesters and Castiel, from ''[[Supernatural (TV series)|Supernatural]]'', with the latter being the Giver. While Cas has done an endless list of things for Sam and Dean (usually at the cost of his own well being), if he asked something from the Winchesters twice, that's more than this troper can remember. However, although he doesn't usually gets as much as a "thanks" in return, what has really been irking some fans is that, on the one time Cas actually needed the Winchesters to support him, they failed to do so. {{spoiler|It's arguable that the whole Leviathan business could have been avoided if only Sam and Dean had listened to Cas, instead of turning on him for making a deal with a demon... something the Winchesters themselves do on a daily basis.}}
* Arguably, initially [[Sherlock]] and John. John is extremely tolerant of Sherlock, who makes no efforts to be either easy to live with or particularly accommodating, allowing John to even be arrested while helping him, and both killing for Sherlock and putting his life on the line. Ultimately averted, however, when {{spoiler|Sherlock allows the world to believe he is a fake and fakes his death so John and his other friends won't get hurt.}}
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* The narrator of ''Let Me Be Your Armor'' by Assemblage 23 is a very possessive Giver.
* ''Grenade'' by [[Bruno Mars]] specifically mentions this trope:
{{quote|
''Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give.'' }}
* ''Let Me Live'' by [[Queen]]
{{quote|
''Baby, why don't you give me a chance to live'' }}
* ''Everything She Wants'' by [[Wham]]. The whole song really, but especially:
{{quote|
''Well you've shown me you can take, you've got some giving to do'' }}
* [[Dolly Parton]] describes working '9 to 5' as this.
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* Elly Patterson of ''[[For Better or For Worse]]'' is an interesting example. She considers herself to be the victim of the first variant, ''slaving'' away for an unappreciative family who never offer any help or support whatsoever to their poor, put-upon mother. However, it's [[Alternative Character Interpretation|just as easy]] to view her as a self-absorbed shrew with a martyr complex who wants to 'own the horses' by manipulating her children and raising them to remain [[My Beloved Smother|hopelessly reliant on her]] or an Elly-approved spouse.
** It doesn't help the writer's reboot makes the husband an over-the-top horrible man (who was based on her [[Real Life]] husband before that relationship went sour. So... yeah.
* Carol, the secretary to [[Dilbert]]'s [[Pointy
* Roxanne of ''[[Candorville]]'' expects Lemont to bend entirely to her will, with no sense of compromise. There are indications that this is how she handles any relationship, sexual or otherwise.
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== Visual Novels ==
* Howard and Angelica's relationship functions as an all give and no take relationship in ''[[
== Web Comics ==
* ''[[Something
== [[Web Original]] ==
* [[
** Subverted in that The Chick actually pays Nella to put up with her.
* [[Ask That Guy With
== [[Western Animation]] ==
* In ''[[South Park]]'', this is the relationship Eric Cartman and his mother have.
* Bloo in ''[[
* One line from a song in ''[[Donkey Kong Country]]'' pretty much says it all.
{{quote|
* Mr. Burns is like this to Smithers on ''[[The Simpsons (
* This is the main [[Aesop]] of the ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
== [[Real Life]] ==
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{{reflist}}
[[Category:Characterization Tropes]]
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