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* [[Fashion Victim Villain|"I wonder how many gay cheetahs had to die to make that jacket?"]]
* One of Heck's greatest lines ever:
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** Some of Michael's email replies to Heck are hysterical. During one of Heck's longwinded [[Conspiracy Kitchen Sink]] emails, one response Michael can give is:
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*** You can also reply by quoting Time Cube at him. Gives ''double'' positive influence, too.
* The NSA listening post in Rome. Mike's facial expressions in this scene are pure comedy gold. You'll know it when you see it.
* One of Mike's possible responses when Deng orders him to get into a maintenance closet at gunpoint:
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* If Mike is a veteran, while traveling through the catacombs of the ruins in Rome he'll start to hum something called "Sinister Music" by the subtitles. Mike actually sings the tune in time with the flickering lights.
* If Mike agrees to let SIE...release him...and is agreeing to destroy Alpha Protocol, Westridge has some ''hilarious'' things to say about it afterwards.
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* Mike getting fed up with Grigori and beating the crap out of him. It starts off as a bit shocking, but then turns [[Comedic Sociopathy|darkly humorous]] from Mike's commentary.
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** Could be a hilarious [[Shout-Out]] to ''[[Deus Ex]]''. ("I spill my drink!")
* Mina's "Advanced Shooting Range": sneaking up on [[Jerkass|Darcy]] and tranqing him in the melon. While he scoffs about how easy the shooting range is.
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** It's even better when [[Groin Attack|you shoot him in the balls]]. Mina is especially pleased.
** By choosing to accept Mina's "challenge," you will then hear Darcy badmouthing Mike's performance on the course.
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* Sparing Brayko results one of the funniest news broadcasts in the game:
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* If you have Heck as your Handler during the endgame, you got this conversation when your chopper gets blown up.
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'''Mike''': And the good news?
'''Heck''': I paid extra on the insurance package. }}
* If you agree to let Albatross be your handler for the mission at the US Embassy in Moscow, and choose the Suave response:
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'''Albatross''': This is no time to joke.
'''Mike''': If you're too cheap to bring the hotdogs, just say so. Guess those G22 resources aren't all they're cracked up to be. }}
* Aggressive!Mike is an endless font of misanthropic hilarity.
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'''Mike''': Mostly I figured I'd punch somebody until answers came out. }}
* Then:
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'''Mike''': No, because I killed all my therapists. }}
* Mina and SIE's sniping at each other. These two women ''really'' don't like each other.
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