Anti-Christmas Song: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

What the [[Anti-Love Song]] is to [[Silly Love Songs]], this is to [[Christmas Songs]] -- [[Satire, Parody, Pastiche|parodying, satirizing]] or [[Subverted Trope|subverting]] the tropes and messages of conventional holiday tunes. Often involves mockery of the holiday's religious elements, criticism of its [[Merchandise-Driven]] commercialization, depiction of the social or familial dysfunction frequently cloaked (or exacerbated) by the seasonal ideal of "togetherness", and imagery of horror and violence in contrast to the usually peaceful tone of the holiday season. In short, the song form of [[Crappy Holidays]]. [[Bad Santa]] might be invoked. Sometimes there's overlap with [[Protest Song]] if the Anti Christmas Song is serious and political enough.

 

{{examples}}

* An exceptionally gruesome one from ''[[Scrubs]]'', about the experience of being on-call in the emergency room on Christmas eve:

 

== [[Music]] ==

* [[Older Than Steam]]: The "[https://web.archive.org/web/20140328205436/http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/c/o/coventry.htm Coventry Carol]" features a mother singing her baby to sleep... shortly before he becomes one of the ''many'' children slaughtered in Herod's attempt to kill the newborn king. Not anti-Christmas, just a bit of [[Values Dissonance]], since most people nowadays don't bring up the darker parts of the Christian mythology on this cheeriest day of the year. There are also carols which talk about how the baby Messiah will grow up to be crucified, the most visible example being the "myrrh" verse of "We Three Kings", which some bowdlerised versions cut.

* Erich Kästner (best known as a children's author) wrote "Weihnachtslied, chemisch gereinigt" ("Christmas song, chemically cleaned") in 1927, discussing the gap between poor and rich to the tune of a song ("Morgen, Kinder, wird's was geben") that eagerly anticipates presents to be brought by Santa Claus. The first verse goes like this:

 

::: and

::: Not surprisingly, Judy Garland absolutely refused to perform the song until the lyrics were changed to something that wouldn't make her seem like a total monster.

* [[The Three Stooges]], during their television age popularity, recorded "I Got a Cold for Christmas", singing:

* "Nuttin' for Christmas" (1955) is sung by a little brat who not only revels in his wicked deeds, but also cheerfully lets a burglar into the house in exchange for a cut of the profits. [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|They sing the last reprise of the chorus together.]]

** The original version didn't have that ending, instead ending with the standard [[Aesop]] warning the listener to be good. The version with the burglar is performed by [[Stan Freberg]], and it is much, much funnier.

** Robert Lund's "Nuttin' But Spam" (2003), in turn, is a takeoff on "Nuttin' for Christmas".

** Given that Stan made his name in advertising, this becomes a particularly focused [[Take That]].

* [[Tom Lehrer]]'s "A Christmas Carol" (1959):

** It reaches the peak of brilliance when it starts deconstructing actual Christmas carols:

* "Merry Christmas, You Suckers" (1962) by Paddy Roberts.

* Allan Sherman's "The Twelve Gifts of Christmas" (1963) replaces the traditional calling birds, turtledoves, etc. with various schlocky items (pair of teakwood shower clogs, indoor plastic birdbath, etc).

* "Pretty Paper", from Roy Orbison (1965) and Willie Nelson (1979), should be mentioned here, as it's about someone who's clearly not having a good time amid the celebration.

* "Standing in the Rain" (1965) by Sydney ("Lord of the Dance") Carter:

* "Seven O'Clock News/Silent Night" (1966) by [[Simon and Garfunkel]] starts fairly straight, as an ''a cappella'' rendition of the traditional song, but in the middle a CBS newsreader giving bulletins about downbeat news stories such as the Vietnam War, and eventually dominates.

** Years later, Paul Simon and [[Steve Martin]] did something similar for ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'', with Simon singing "Silver Bells" as Martin gives a depraved monologue about the increasingly dysfunctional and appalling meaning Christmas has for him.

* German singer-songwriter Reinhard Mey has one of these: "Abscheuliches Lied für abscheuliche Leute" (abhorrent song for abhorrent people), released in 1968, deals specifically with the fact that a large part of Christmas sales is made with toy military equipment, ending in these beautiful lines:

 

* [[Joni Mitchell|Joni Mitchell's]] "River" (1971) is the [[Tear Jerker]] version of this: it's Christmas and everyone's happy, except the singer, who had an awful breakup and just wants it all to go away.

* "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono, from 1971, plays with this a bit; it's not strictly speaking ''Anti'' Christmas since the singer is wishing the listener a sincere Merry Christmas—however, the song is also nevertheless taking pains to remind them that the world is far from perfect, there's still a lot of war, misery and fear out there, and that the new year is an opportunity to make things better for next Christmas.

* Jethro Tull's "A Christmas Song" (1972) is a bitter rant about how people use the season as an excuse to get merry, whilst forgetting its true meaning.

** Then there's "Ring Out, Solstice Bells" (1976), which reminds us that the merrymaking long predates Christianity anyhow.

* "Advent", a 1973 poem by [[Loriot]], tells us the grisly tale of a forest warden being murdered by his wife on Christmas eve.

* Greg Lake's "I Believe in Father Christmas" (1974) is a bitter, cynical tune about finding that the pomp and myth of Christmas never lives up to the promise. It shifts back to a (somewhat) hopeful note at the end, though:

* Sparks's "Thank God It's Not Christmas" (1974) is both this and an [[Anti-Love Song]]: It's about a man who dreads Christmas because everything in town closes for the holidays, leaving him with no choice but to spend all day with his wife.

* John Denver had a tender country ballad called "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" (1975), later covered by Alan Jackson.

* "Father Christmas" (1977) by [[The Kinks]]. It's about a gang of bitter poor children who mug a guy playing Santa, demanding not toys but money ("Give all the toys to the little rich boys").

** Also:

* There's [[PDQ Bach]]'s "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYLPfUnzhLg Throw the Yule Log On Uncle John]" (1977), which is more satirical than anything, and involves an infamously drunk relative who always manages to ruin Christmas dinner.

* [[Stan Rogers]]'s "First Christmas" (1978) depicts the holiday as spent by three different people (a college student working through his winter break, a teenager who's run away from her abusive father, an old man in a nursing home), each of whom is spending his "first Christmas away from home". Not an ''anti''-Christmas song, per se, but a damned depressing one anyhow.

** And there is his humorous "At Last I'm Ready for Christmas" (1982), about the last minute rush. "At last I'm ready for Christmas / and only two hours to go."

* "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis" (1978) by [[Tom Waits]].

* "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" (1979) originally was intended as this, but nowadays it is increasingly accepted as a standard, if humorous, Christmas song. It even has spawned [[Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer|an animated Christmas special]].

* Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne" (1980) has the singer running into an old girlfriend at the grocery store on Christmas Eve. They share a few beers while going over old times, and it becomes clear that both of them have regrets about the way things have turned out (she's married to a man she doesn't really love; he's experiencing the lonely life of a traveling musician), and then it's time for them to say their goodbyes:

* The last song on Fear's ''The Record'' (1982) is titled "Fuck Christmas", with good reason.

** [[Monty Python|Eric Idle]] released a song also called "Fuck Christmas" (2006). Among the recipients of said action are [[Cluster F-Bomb|holly, ivy, and Santa's reindeer (including Rudolph)]].

* [[Randy Newman]]'s "Christmas in Cape Town" (1983) is sung from the viewpoint of a bitter Afrikaner racist in South Africa's apartheid era.

* Band-Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (1984) is frighteningly depressing:

** Don't forget the cheerful line (sung by [[U2|Bono]]):

* Prince's "Another Lonely Christmas" (1984) -- a song about a lover who died on Christmas Day.

* Brazilian band Garotos Podres has the song "Papai Noel Filho da Puta" ("Santa Claus, Son of a Bitch") (1985).

* Da Yoopers' "Rusty Chevrolet" (1987) (a spoof of "Jingle Bells") and "I Want a Rinky-Dinky-Doodad for Christmas" (1997) (making fun of the Tickle Me Elmo craze).

* The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" (1987): He's a bum, she's dying, and he ends the song realizing he won't survive without her. "I pray God it's our last", indeed. In [[Real Life]], lot of people are ''miserable'' around Christmastime; the song throws a bone their way, so it probably comforts some people to know they aren't alone in their misery.

** There's also the unreleased 1987 single "We Just Go Nuts at Christmastime", all about trying (and failing) to avoid arguing with relatives.

** There's also "Careless Santa" (1995) by Mono Puff, John Flansburgh's side project, concerning a bank robbery gone awry because of an idiot partner dressed as Santa.

** Finally, there's "Feast of Lights" (1999), best described as "We Just Go Nuts At Christmastime" for Jewish people.

** The aforementioned song should not be confused with "I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas" (1949) by Yorgi Yorgensson, another song about arguing relatives, this one with a Swedish accent.

* [http://www.cthulhulives.org The HP Lovecraft Historical Society] created a songbook in 1988 and recorded the albums ''A Very Scary Solstice'' and ''An Even Scarier Solstice'', which contain [[Cthulhu Mythos]]-themed Christmas songs, including such classics as "I Saw Mommy Kissing Yog-Sothoth", "Awake Ye Scary Great Old Ones", "Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice", and "[http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=1ftld7Ohojg The Carol of the Old Ones]".

* There's a 1989 compilation of anti-Christmas songs, ''Bummed Out Christmas'', featuring songs ranging from goofy novelties to serious songs (The Staple Singers' "Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas"), plus ''two'' songs about spending Christmas behind bars, and another serious contender for most depressing Christmas song ever, The Everly Brothers' "Christmas Eve Can Kill You."

** ''Santa Claus'' featured "The Warrior of Christmas".

* How can we forget "The Rebel Jesus" (1991), one of the best Christmas carols ever?

* "The St. Stephen's Day Murders" (1991), by the Chieftains with vocals and lyrical input from [[Elvis Costello]]. How do they handle the Christmas swarm of annoying relatives? {{spoiler|Poison their food!}}

* Denis Leary gave us "Merry Fucking Christmas" (1992), named after the comedy special of the same name. It's a sarcastic ballad about how wonderful Christmas is despite how bleak and dreary society around it is. It ends with Denis himself punching out Santa.

* Porn Orchard's "This Holiday Season" (1992), which is an anti-Christmas song [[In the Style Of]] [[Tom Waits]] collaborating with Peter Murphy of [[Bauhaus]], and accordingly often gets [[Misattributed Song|misattributed as exactly that]].

* [[Spinal Tap]] has a rather fun ditty entitled "Christmas with the Devil":

* "Suddenly It's Christmas" (1993), by Loudon Wainwright III, is a well-aimed [[Take That]] to the modern retail-led push to rush into the Christmas season immediately after Halloween.

* ''Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas'' (1994) is a whole album of these, credited to the Cryptkeeper of ''[[Tales from the Crypt]]'' fame.

* "Christmas is for Mugs" (1994), by Graham Parker.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA Jeff Foxworthy's 12 days of Christmas] (1995).

* [[Kevin Bloody Wilson]]'s "Hey Santa!" (1996):

** Just to hammer it home, that's the ''clean'' version. The opening line of the uncensored version is the uncompromising "Hey Santa Claus you C**t".

* Type O Negative's "Red Water (Christmas Mourning)" (1996), which may just be the single most depressing Christmas song ever.

** And "Happy Holidays, You Bastard" (2001).

* Brian Beathard's country and western-flavored "Damn It, I'm Vixen!" (1997), in which the titular reindeer finally gets fed up with all the press Rudolph's been getting the last few years at the expense of the other members of Santa's team:

* Most of the content on Ray Stevens ''Christmas Through a Different Window'' album (1997), such as "I Won't Be Home for Christmas" and "Xerox Xmas Letter".

* [[Joe Pesci]]'s "If It Doesn't Snow on Christmas" (1998) takes a cheery old Gene Autry song and adopts it into his [[Cluster F-Bomb|characteristically profane style]], complete with an ending tirade against the "fuckin' reform-school brats" who "stole all the fuckin' candy canes".

* Lou and Peter Berryman's "Uncle Dave's Grace" (1999) is an Anti-''Thanksgiving'' Song, in which the titular uncle ("Who reads ''The Progressive'', and it makes him depressed") is asked to say grace at dinner and uses the occasion to declaim on all the ways in which the holiday is a product of exploitation and ecological devastation.

* Mitch Benn's "Christmas Single" (1999) is a parody of, well, [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|Christmas singles]]:

** "We Pretty Much Broke the Bank for You This Christmas" is about the horrible realization when the bills arrive.

** "Thank God It Isn't Christmas Every Day" (2008) isn't exactly anti-Christmas, but seriously deconstructs Wizzard.

* Canadian folk singer James Gordon sings "There Is No Silent Night" (2000). "''How can you rest, you merry gentlemen? How can you not be dismayed, by the number of poor souls who are so cold on Christmas Day?''" In an interview, he states that he has never before or since had such an immediate and varied response to any of his songs.

* Weezer's "Christmas Celebration" (2000), which is largely about bemoaning the commercialism of Christmas ("Carolers are singing/ registers ka-ching-ing"). Its A-side "The Christmas Song" is really just a [[Break Up Song]] that happens to take place at Christmas.

* In "Stanta" (a parody of [[Eminem]]'s "Stan") by Chris Moyles (2000), the narrator calls out Santa Claus for never leaving him Christmas presents, and threatens to convert to Judaism.

* Ben Folds's song "Lonely Christmas Eve" (2000) describes Christmas from the point of view of ''[[How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (novel)|the Grinch]]''. And his "Bizarre Christmas Incident" is about a naked Santa getting stuck in the chimney and suffocating (and the most prominent line in the chorus is "Santa is a big fat fuck", which is probably why it has a [[Non-Appearing Title]]).

* Symphonic metal band [[Within Temptation]] gives us "Gothic Christmas" (2002), additionally serving as an affectionate parody of European metal's self-consciously dark image:

* "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass'' (2002) by the Arrogant Worms.

** Another one of theirs is "Christmas is Here" — which starts with strained smiles on all the relations, until a drunk one admits his wife has been cheating on him. It ends with an implied massacre of the whole family.

* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LEWGMl9Prw Ex-Miss]" (2003), by New Found Glory, decrying the overrated sappiness of the yuletide and the fact that the singer's girlfriend left him.

{{quote|''This holiday

* "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" (2003) by [[Fall Out Boy]]

* "Elf's Lament" (2004) by [[Barenaked Ladies]]. Not as nasty as some of these, but it focuses on the plight of Santa's elves as they try to unionize in order to improve their working conditions.

** From the same Christmas album, "Green Christmas"...which, appropriately enough, was originally written by them for the Jim Carrey version of ''[[How the Grinch Stole Christmas (film)|How the Grinch Stole Christmas]]''.

* "Christmas Is Canceled" (2004) by The Long Blondes.

* "What is Christmas", by [[Trans-Siberian Orchestra]] on their album ''The Lost Christmas Eve'' (2004), is a [[Villain Song]] from the point of view of the album's Scrooge-like antagonist.

* "Seasonal Depression" (2005), the first Christmas song from [[Harry Potter (novel)|Wizard Rock]] band The Whomping Willows, is a really sad tune about how the aforementioned tree is all alone on Christmas.

{{quote|''It's Christmas again, and I'm here alone.

* [[Sufjan Stevens]] has "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!" (2006), which is based loosely on Sufjan's own childhood: the stress of the holidays would cause his parents to argue, and these arguments would generally end with mom grabbing a present at random from under the tree and throwing it into the fire. The song ends with the repeated lyrics "Silent night / nothing feels right."

** His song "Did I Make You Cry On Christmas? (Well You Deserved It!)" (2005) is, in spite of its goofy title, an even more somber tune.

** "Sister Winter" (2006) could be a subversion. The lyrics of the song seem to be about seasonal depression, and the song starts off suitably somber, but then the song [[Bolero Effect|goes all Bolero]] and manages to end on a somewhat hopeful note.

* "Christmas in Lancashire" (2006) by The Lancashire Hotpots:

* [[Jonathan Coulton]]'s "Chiron Beta Prime" (2006) — possibly the only Christmas song about killer robots.

** "Christmas Is Interesting" (2003) is another, much darker Coulton Christmas song.

* [[The Killers]] have "Don't Shoot Me Santa" (2007), wherein Old St. Nick is a serial killer who lives in a trailer in the Mojave desert and plans to kill Brandon Flowers for being naughty.

* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqgtxDt_71M Killing Myself for Christmas]" (2007), by Sick Puppies. It was intended to be a dark yet funny and humorous song about [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|killing oneself for the holiday season]] out of sheer spite for everything and everyone.

''(But I don’t wanna die this year, that was last year..)'' }}

* Tripod regularly does Christmas shows with a range of semi-anti-Christmas comedy songs, including; [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRf55LUtgeI I Hate Your Family], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnVBnP9uXGU&playnext=1&list=PL9FB1215BC9917C80 The Homophobic Christmas Tree], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp0sv7AiOeE I Was The Only Shepherd] about the only shepherd that saw the angel and stayed with his flock rather than go see the baby Jesus, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB4tQLncmaw Fabian] which is about a bastard reindeer...

* "Slower Than Christmas" (2008), by Billy Bob Thornton's neo-rockabilly group the Boxmasters, is all about how the singer hates Christmas because it forces him to spend time with a dysfunctional family he can't stand to be around.

* The Schoolyard Heroes song "I Want Your Soul for Christmas" (2008) has a tune quite fitting for a Christmas song, but the lyrics... not so much.

* On ''[[The Colbert Report]]'s [[Christmas Special|A Colbert Christmas]]'' (2008), Toby Keith sings a song about how the all-American holiday of Christmas is under attack by [[Hollywood Atheist|atheists]] and [[Strawman Political|activist judges]], and real Americans are fighting back, prepared to wreak violent retribution on anti-Christmas forces. The result is an [[Refuge in Audacity|over-the-top]] mixture of holiday cheer with [[Patriotic Fervor]] and plenty of [[Stuff Blowing Up]].

** There's also [[Feist]]'s song in the same special, based on "Angels We Have Heard on High," which she sings in the style of a busy customer service call center responding to Stephen's prayer.

* "It's Christmas and I Hate You" (2008) by Paloma Faith and Josh Weller is sung from the point of view of a couple who, well, hate each other. Complete with the chorus:

* [[Tim Minchin]]'s "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iwfLN4K1hA White Wine in the Sun]" (2008) is an [[Playing with a Trope|interesting example]] - the first couple of verses are basically a list of reasons why it's understandable not to like Christmas (dislike of religion, dislike of commercialization), while the chorus is [[Reconstruction|why Tim likes the holiday anyway.]]

* Jay Brannan's "Christmas Really Sucks" (2009) and "Dear Santa" (2011).

* [http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1365 "Snowman"] (2010) by TV's Kyle, which is about how despite being associated with jollity, a snowman actually has a short, futile existence:

* [[Coldplay]]'s "Christmas Lights" (2010): The speaker breaks up with his girlfriend after they have a huge fight on Christmas Eve, and he spends the night depressed, unable to join in with the joyful revelers on the streets. But it still manages to end on an upbeat note, as the sight of the Christmas lights lifts his spirits and gives him hope that he'll be able to move on.

* "XM@$" (2010) by [[Slipknot|Corey Taylor]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=od7GUy9XS7c has to be heard to be believed].

* Cuban comedian Álvarez Guedes song "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF7uazEKOe8 Cada vez que pienso en ti]" begins as a typical salsa song about a man missing his former lover on Christmastime (a frequent theme in Hispanic Christmas songs). Once the song comes to the chorus, however... well there is a reason the song is erroneously called "Me cago en el año viejo":

(repeat)

 

 

== [[Video Games]] ==

* Three Dog Stevens would like to sing for you [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZ4_RAx2OUE "The 12 Days of Christmas"].

* [http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/sheepiesxmas "Sheepie's Christmas"]

* [http://www.catsprn.com/twelve_sti_xmas.htm "The Twelve STIs of Christmas"] ([[NSFW]] and may break your dial-up) is about a person whose "true love" gave him something much worse than a bunch of birds. It doubles as a PSA.

* As publicized by Jimmy Kimmel, one little girl, whether she meant to or not, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShbEeMdlygQ frightfully butchered "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town].

* Bad Gods' [http://www.covermesongs.com/2010/12/nothing-says-christmas-like-nine-inch-nails.html Nine Inch Noel] sings [[Nine Inch Nails]] lyrics to the tune of Christmas songs. It is just as wrong as it sounds.

 

== [[Western Animation]] ==