Badass Boast/Real Life: Difference between revisions

* [[Josip Broz Tito|Josip Broz "Tito"]] once sent [[Josef Stalin|Stalin]] a telegram which read:

{{quote|"Stop sending men to try and kill me. If you don't, I will send one to kill you. I will not need to send another."}}

{{quote|"Tell the King of France that the Lioness of Brittany is coming for him."}}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZsa-4nh040&feature=related Brian] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eajnO_O5UO8&feature=player_embedded Dawkins].

** Warned nothing, one of his ships (The monitor Tecumpseh) had just struck one and sunk. This caused the ship in front of his to stop, right under the guns of a fort. The historical quote is properly two separate quotes: "Damn the Torpedoes!" to the Captain of the Brooklyn (the guy who had stopped), and "Four bells" (which was the naval order for maximum power) to the Captain of the ship tied alongside, the Hartford. The Captain then took the Hartford right past the Brooklyn and into the mine field.

* General Pedro María Anaya to the general asking him where his ammo was after the Battle of Churubusco ended: "Si yo hubiera tenido parque, usted no estaría aquí (If I had any ammunition left, you would not be here)".

* Invoked and possibly parodied by the [http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/classic/classics/The-Brag.html Church of the Subgenius]. It's highly entertaining either way.

* "From youth my heart has been inclined toward the Way of strategy. My first duel was when I was thirteen, I struck down a strategist of the Shinto school, one Arima Kihei. When I was sixteen I struck down an able strategist, Tadashima Akiyama. When I was twenty-one I went up to the capital and met all manner of strategists, never once failing to win in many contests. After that I went from province to province dueling with strategists of various schools, and not once failed to win even though I had as many as sixty encounters. This was between the ages of thirteen and twenty-eight or twenty-nine." From ''The Book Of Five Rings'' by Miyamoto Musashi.

''Of Kurdistan and Luristan, and of the countries of Rumelia and Anatolia and Karaman and Wallachia and Moldavia and Hungary all together, and of many more worthy kingdoms of countries.''

''Sultan and Padishah.'' }}

* Atahualpa, the final sovereign emperor of the Inca empire, had such a (possibly ahistorical) boast to the Spanish when they told him his land had been granted to them by the Pope:

{{quote|''"Your emperor may be a great prince; I do not doubt it, seeing that he has sent his subjects so far across the waters; and I am willing to treat him as a brother. As for your pope of whom you speak, he must be mad to speak of giving away countries that do not belong to him. As for my faith, I will not change it. Your own God, as you tell me, was put to death by the very men He created. But my God still looks down on His children."''}}

* Muhammad Ali. That man only ''spoke'' in [[Badass Boast]].

** "He's a tramp, a bum and a cripple, not worth training for. I'll take him in five." Said before his fight with Henry Cooper. He did just that, although Cooper at one point laid Ali on the canvas with a punch.

** Ali actually lost against Joe Frazier in 1970, but nevertheless had a poetic [[Badass Boast]] beforehand: "Now this may shock and amaze ya/But I'm gonna retire Joe Frazier."

** Awesomely, when he was interviewed after he was fully afflicted with Parkinson's disease, unable to talk above a whisper and uncontrollably shaking, he ''continued'' to speak in [[Badass Boast]].

** Somewhat [[Subverted Trope|subverted]] in that he surrendered anyway.

* From the same era, we have Marshal Lefebvre, who had risen from the ranks to become one of Napoleon's senior generals. One of his dinner guests supposedly expressed envy of his wealth. Lefebvre's response was to offer to take him outside and take twenty shots at him from thirty paces; if the guest survived it would all be his. Unsurprisingly, he declined. "I had a thousand bullets fired at me from much closer range before I got this," said Lefebre. Most other French generals could have said the same.

* One time Ghenghis Khan had his horse shot under him during a clan war. After the fighting he assembled the prisoners and asked who had done that. One of the prisoners said, "It was I."

** After that Ghenghis Khan rewarded him. He may have been a monster sometimes but he did have [[Magnificent Bastard|style]] at other times.

* [[Lawrence of Arabia|General Allenby]] made a Badass ''Antiboast''. By tradition only a conqueror gets to ride into Jerusalem on a horse. Allenby of course ''was'' a conqueror . But what he did was dismount and ''Walk'' in saying, "I will not ride where Christ has walked."

** The next conqueror of course was [[Badass Israeli|Moshe]] [[Eyepatch of Power|Dayan]]. He didn't ride in, but he didn't stop to remind people that he was not riding in the way Allenby did, which is really too bad. Perhaps he hadn't heard of the custom or wished the credit to go to the IDF.

{{quote|Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.}}

::It worked. He got into college, the essay won a contest, and Gallagher is now a successful novelist.

* [[Brian Blessed]] reportedly kept [[Oliver Reed]] from making trouble during the filming of ''[[Prisoner Of Honor]]'' with one of these, to the point that Reed was sober the whole time for fear of starting a fight that Brian had said he would end.

* General McAuliffe, at the Battle of the Bulge, was presented with a surrender ultimatum by the Germans. To which he said: "Nuts"

{{quote|'''York:''' I [[Funetik Aksent|jes]] couldn't miss a German's head or body at that distance. [[Boom! Headshot!|And I didn't.]] [[Crowning Moment of Awesome|Besides, it weren't no time to miss nohow.]]}}

** When the German major who surrendered to York realized York had no other troops but a handful of terrified privates to corral his 132 prisoners:

* The USA, during the invasion of Afghanistan, flooded the airwaves with the following message to demoralize and intimidate the Taliban: "Attention. You are condemned. Did you know that? The instant the terrorists you support took over our planes, you sentenced yourselves to death. You will be attacked by land, sea and air. Resistance is futile."

* During a siege of Quebec in 1690, the English Admiral Phips sent an ambassador into the city to offer terms for its surrender. Governor Frontenac said to him "my only reply to your general will be from the mouth of my cannons!"

* Allegedly when the U.S. military entered World War I a group of soldiers in France went to the tomb of Lafayette, the French noble who was responsible for much of the French assistance in the American Revolution and said "Lafayette, we have come" or "Lafayette, we are here."

* While [[Jesus]] (see also: [[The Bible]]) never personally gave a [[Badass Boast]], the late S.M. Lockridge gave [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upGCMl_b0n4 a pretty good one describing him], in accordance to the Christian doctrine of "boasting in Christ."

* The US Army has a Military Occupational Specialty known as "13F". Officially this is what is known as a Fire Support Specialist; colloquially as a [[wikipedia:Forward observer|Forward Observer]]. As do many specialties in the US Army, Forward Observers have an unofficial prayer: ''"Yea, tho I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I will fear no evil; for I command the biggest damn guns in the valley."''

** This may be more along the lines of Truth in Advertising, as Forward Observers in the US Army are trained to direct fire for 4.2" mortars, 105mm & 155mm Howitzers, 8" Howitzers, Multiple Launch Rocket Systems, helicopter gunships, all forms of close air support including AC-130 Spectre Gunships, Naval gunfire up to 16" Battleship main guns, and if "released" by the President; Tactical Nuclear Weapons. This may be why during the Cold War the unofficial US Army estimate of a Forward Observer's life expectancy upon contact with Soviet forces was approximately 13 seconds.

** Clearly cribbed from Green Beret prayer: ''"Yea, tho I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I will fear no evil; for I am the baddest mother****** in the valley."''

* A boast about the US Navy, if not actually by them: Enemy targets continue to exist within the strike radius of an American carrier task force at the discretion of the task force commander.

{{quote|''"They are going to get their chance, one by one."''}}

** Keep in mind that Jason Terry [[Badass Boast|had the Larry O'Brien trophy tattooed on him before the 2010-11 season!]]

* [[Ancient Rome|Roman]] dictator Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix' epitaph. The exact wording is lost, and it may have been either Greek or Latin, but one version reads: "No better friend...no ''worse enemy''."

* The American Civil War had a few:

{{quote|'''Gen. William T. Sherman''': ''You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out...you might as well appeal against the thunder-storm...''}}

** Another was from Captain Philip Sheridan, a Union officer whose entry took place at the Battle of Missionary Ridge. It would normally be enough that he stood in plain view of the Confederate position on the ridge, took out a flask, and raised it towards them and toasted, "Here's at you." But in anger at the mocking display, the Confederates fired a volley at Sheridan and his entrenched troops, missing him but disrupting his drink. [[Berserk Button|A mistake, as it turned out.]]

{{quote|'''Captain Philip Sheridan''': ''That was ungenerous. I'll take your guns for that!''}}

* This [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhahiQJhfTo Royal Marines Commando advert]: "I am your worse nightmare. I have conquered fear. I have come to terms with terror, and pain is my best friend. I am a Royal Marines Commando. I will come from the sea. I will disappear without trace. My brothers will lay down their lives for me, as I will for them."

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTHyVWCoJdg This] video by [[YouTube]] user "TheThinkingAtheist" in response to Pastor Mike Stahl, who compared atheists to ex-convicts, sex offenders, and the KKK, and [[Idiot Plot|suggested they should be registered on a list]], [[Jerkass|so that they could be shunned and avoided]], [[What an Idiot!|and their businesses boycotted]]. Needless to say, TheThinkingAtheist was most displeased, leading to a [[Badass Boast]] demonstrating the sheer size of the atheist demographic today and yesterday.

* Khalid Bin Walid, named the Sword Of Allah by Muhammad himself, gave one on his deathbed: "I fought in so many battles seeking martyrdom that there is no place in my body but having a stabbing mark by a spear, a sword or a dagger, and yet here I am, dying on my bed like an old camel dies. May the eyes of cowards never sleep."

* In late 2011, a guy named Paul Christoforo [http://venturebeat.com/2011/12/27/ocean-marketing-how-to-self-destruct-your-company-with-just-a-few-measly-emails/ was acting like a dick to one of his company's customers] and it came to the attention of one Mike Krahulik. Christoforo began insulting Krahulik as well, until he realized that Krahulik is better known as Gabe from ''[[Penny Arcade]]''. [[Oh Crap|Realizing the catastrophic shitstorm he had just brought down on himself]], Christoforo began alternately begging for mercy and threatening legal action. Gabe posted on his blog in reply: "When these assholes threaten me or ''[[Penny Arcade]]'' I just laugh. I will personally burn everything I've made to the fucking ground if I think I can catch them in the flames."

 

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