Badass Boast/Web Comics: Difference between revisions

* [[Penny Arcade|"I will open one of my six mouths,]] [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10/ and I will sing the song that ends the Earth."]

* [[Penny Arcade|"Will you face me?]] [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2003/03/10/ This tube goes by many names, some you are not worthy to hear.]<br />"The Waking-Dragon, coiled, as spring dawns. Hawk's-Harvest, seizing prey in the tall summer grass. Autumn-Razor, the patient hunter. Famine-of-Winter, that kills the babe at its mother's empty breast.<br />"So, will you face me?<br />I, who hold the very reins of the world?"

* In ''[[A Miracle of Science]]'', Benjamin delivers this boast to a difficult police sergeant: "Sergeant, I've just been to the outer solar system and back to track down a mad scientist. I've been shot at with secret weapons, destroyed robots that could take down tanks, and fallen from orbit without benefit of a re-entry vehicle. I don't need your rudeness added to my troubles, okay?" (He later shortens that last incident to "I've plunged down from orbit on ''wings of fire''".)

** "I am more than that. I am the monster your mother told you about when the GBOLs got dim. I am human. I am the zarking EARL OF E."

** Subverted [http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_337.php here], too.

* ''I'm the freaking [[Tales of the Questor|Questor of Freeman Downs]]! I have slogged through the Dire Swamps, killed a Gragum god-priest and three of his followers single-handed, and waded thru an army of shadow wights to kill a rat-king. I also happen to be the guy who just hospitalized half you big, bad gang, jackass. I have a badge, an arsenal, and a license to kill. The only reason you're still alive is that I didn't want to mess with the paperwork. So feel free to drop by any time, dillweed. I see you, or your friends within [[American Customary Measurements|a hundred miles]] of my town and I'll gut you like a trout.'' What triggers this boast can be seen [http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00309.html here].

{{quote| "''You want to know who I am? I'll tell you who I am-- '''I'm Quentyn, son of Quinn, the Questor of Freeman Downs.''' The '''Gnomes''' call me '''"Hunter of Shadows."''' The '''Gragum''' call me '''"Little God-Slayer."''' The gangs of the Tumbledowns call me '''Sir''', if they know what's '''good''' for them. I am one of '''Oberon's Untouched''' -- '''kissed''' by the '''White Stag''' and '''blessed''' by '''two ladies''' of the '''Seleighe Court'''. I have slain a '''Gragum priest-king''' and '''three''' of his followers '''singlehanded.''' I have waded through an '''army''' of '''shadow-wights''' to lay low a '''rat-king'''. I have pulled a '''house''' down around the ears of not one, but '''two''' gangs of '''thieves'''. I have slain a '''swamp kraken''', and run before the '''Wild Hunt''' -- and '''won'''. And before I leave this duchy I will add a '''dead dragon''' to that list. '''I am a Rac Cona Daimh, and I am nothing to be trifled with.''' Do you have any '''other''' questions, Your Grace?''"}}

** The spin-off, ''[[Quentyn Quinn Space Ranger]]''. also has one: when Commander Quinn tells some space pirates [http://www.rhjunior.com/QQSR/00012.html why some very nasty aliens listen to the Racconans].

{{quote|'' "You've asked many time what my name is. I have had many, but I will give you the full one I have chosen for myself.'' '''Pandora. Chaos. Raven.''' ''Refer to me as one or all. I will live up to that name. Ponder that in your newfound isolation." ''|'' "Crazy...bitch." ''}}

** Raven [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2009-06-13 chewing] the scenery and [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2009-06-18 spoon-feeding] it to [[The Apprentice|Abe]].

** Most such boasts are huge, flashy, and overt, filled with eloquent speech and burning emotion. But the truly powerful ones don't need any of that. That just makes Jones' simple statement to Coyote that [http://www.gunnerkrigg.com/archive_page.php?comicID=818 "You know I can take her if I wish."] all the more impressive. She calmly tells Coyote himself, in the heart of his own domain, that if she chose to act, ''he couldn't stop her.'' Jones doesn't rant or shout. She doesn't ''need'' to, which makes that line all the more badass.

{{quote| "I am capable of manipulating matter and energy on a subatomic level by speaking. A mere flick of my finger is sufficient to alter the gravitational pull of the planet. I shelve physics texts under 'Fiction' in the library, I consider the laws of thermodynamics loose guidelines at best. In short, I am grasping the reins of the universe's carriage, and every morning I wake up, look to the heavens, and shout, 'Giddy up, boy!' You many never grasp the complexities of what I do, but at least have the common courtesy to feign something other than slack-jawed oblivion in my presence. I, sir, am a wizard, and I break more natural laws before breakfast than of which you are even aware." <ref>All while casually snapping the table in half with magic, and all without the use of more than one exclamation point.</ref>}}

** In one of the early strips, Vaarsuvius presents a similar boast to a gang of goblin mooks. However, [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0010.html the boast itself] knocks out the mooks before [[Ambiguous Gender|s/he]] can back it up with actual magic.

'''Redcloak:''' Your city? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought somebody would have told you by now. See, this is MY city now, paladin! I figure you owe me one village plus 35 years of interest, so this is a good start! }}

** [[Big Bad|Xykon]] has a nice habit of combining this with [[Hannibal Lecture]] and [[No-Holds-Barred Beatdown]].

'''Xykon to Redcloak in [[Start of Darkness]]:''' What I said there to Dourkan about overwhelming force? That's only part of Colonel Xykon's secret recipe of winning. It's not just about power, it's also about [[Moral Event Horizon|how far you're willing to debase yourself before feeling bad]]. And me? [[Our Liches Are Different|I ripped off my own living flesh so that I wouldn't have to admit weakness.]] [[Eviler Than Thou|You're strictly little league compared to that]]. That right there? That's the difference between bonafide [[Card-Carrying Villain|true Evil]] and your whiny [[The End Justifies the Means|"evil, but for a good cause"]] crap. One gets to be the butch and one gets to be the bitch. [[This Is for Emphasis, Bitch|Bitch]].<br />

'''Xykon to (an invisible) Vaarsuvius:''' You seem to have an interest in power, so let me educate you a little while I search for you. It's sort of this thing I like to do sometimes, especially for learned wizards such as yourself. Power, it isn't something that you put on or take off like a jacket. It's something you just ARE. If you can lose it by blowing two Will saves, you never really had any power in the first place, see what I'm saying? Hell, the idiot paladin understands better than you do, 'cause he got every one of those hit points I burned off of him the hard way: he earned them. 'Course now he's also earned an upgrade to Prisoner First Class for daring to touch my pretty little bauble. It's sort of the same as how we've already been treating him, only now we get serious about it. Anyhoo, where was I? Oh, right. Your soul shenanigans are real flashy, but they had one weakness: they were shackled to your lame mid-level ass! I used to think spells equaled power, too, back when I was alive. I've learned a lot since then. You know what does equal power? Power. Power equals power. Crazy, huh? But the type of power? Doesn't matter as much as you'd think. It turns out, everything is oddly balanced. Weird, but true. For example: ...Right now, power takes the form of a +8 racial bonus to Listen skill checks. ''[He grabs V by the throat]'' So, Uncle Xykon, what's the moral of the story? A big pile of spells isn't enough when the other guy has a big pile of spells AND the strength to crush your windpipe with his bare phalanges. And they died happily ever after. The End. }}

'''Black Mage:''' ...is that a yes? }}

** [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2004/08/26/episode-455-self-fulfilling-stupidity/ "Yeah, I sweat wisdom for breakfast."]

* ''[[No Need for Bushido]]'' -- Parodied:

{{quote| '''Yorikiro:''' Call me Yorikiro, Master of Martial arts and wielder of a secret knowledge of fighting style so mystical and great it has no name for all those who witness is perish before they can grasp the immense power before them!!!!<br />

'''Ina:''' How about I just call you Yori?<br />

'''Yorikiro:''' That�ll work. }}

{{quote| '''Slick:''' You see that? Nobody defies my orders twice! My blood runs through the cracked table! My family is why Arel's flags bear crimson hands! I have come for my freedom and nobody, mortal or otherwise, will stop me! I am Slick Mordecai Giovanni, Don of Third Jerusalem! All evidence to the contrary will be dead once I escape! And I will escape, because this... is my [[Title Drop|last resort]]!}}

{{quote| '''Dr. McNinja:''' Do you think I run around with a '''12-year-old boy''' because I like his inferior grasp of girls and higher level math? Do you think I left him with my psychotic parents because I wanted him to '''die'''? No, you undead pale ponce! Gordito is the effing [[Badass|Badass Kid!]] So go ahead and finish up your masterful scheme to make me let you kill me, because Gordito's going to slap around whatever ghost lackey you have like he was a pinata on the mexican day of the dead!}}

* [[Dominic Deegan]] spells it out for Celesto at the climax of the Storm of Souls story arc:

* Shogun from ''[[Harkovast]]'', on his own, speaking to an army of the Nameless:

{{quote| [http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p{{=}}480568 "Fight me or flee; it makes no difference now. All of you are going to die!"]}}

{{quote| "I am Commander Kevyn Andreyasn. I have shaped the destinies of worlds, of nations, of galaxies. I have created and destroyed. I have followed and I have led. I have known love and it has known me back. I flirt with Death for a living and I have cheated the Reaper ''[[Nigh Invulnerable|a lot of]]'' times."}}

** Another vicarious one, played for laughs:

** And another, which basically states what Sid's ultimate goal is from that moment in the comic onward:

{{quote| {{spoiler|For Mika, I will KILL A GOD.}}}}

{{quote| [http://l-empire.smackjeeves.com/comics/559585/mission-improbable-pt-31/ I am Dimentio, master of dimensions, pleaser of crowds, blaster of intro users!]}}

{{quote| '''Lightbringer:''' My name is Carter Granholme. I live in Pharos City. Pharos City has been corrupted. Evil has taken hold of it. Criminals no longer fear conducting their business in the right. [http://lightbringer.comicgenesis.com/d/20060327.html I will make them afraid of it again.]}}

{{quote| I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. [[Screw Destiny|No one can tell me our fate can't be repaired.]]}}

** [[Came Back Strong|Aradia Megido]] gets an extremely [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|heartwarming one]] {{spoiler|after returning from the dead}}.

{{quote| {{spoiler|You're done with dying.}}}}

** From [[Famous Ancestor|Mindfang]]'s journal:

** At the end of the Doc Scratch intermission, Lord English gets one that crosses into horrifying:

{{quote| DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BEFORE I ARRIVE? <br />

** Of course, she gave this as explanation for her homewrecking ways, so YMMV.

* Subverted in ''[[Our Little Adventure]]'' when an Elven Ranger bounty hunter named [http://danielscreations.com/ola/comics/ep0122.html Keppra Gemflower] introduces herself this way to Umbria. Umbria wins initiative in that combat, immediately casts hold person and [[Combat Pragmatist|rushes over and kills the Elf]] via coup de grace.

{{quote| "The moment their arms spun freely in our air, they were doomed -- for Man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, [http://xkcd.com/556/ by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane.]"}}

* ''[[The Last Days of Foxhound|"(Liquid)'s my son. I eat F-16s for breakfast. Any of this getting through to you?"]]''

* Near the climax of book 1 of ''[[Erfworld]]'', [[Necromancer|Wanda]] leads her undead airforce into battle against Ansom with the following chant (if anything made somewhat ''more'' menacing by her recent trauma-induced stutter):

{{quote| '''Wanda:''' Rejoice. Despair. Fate does n-not care. Each knotted mmind entwined. Each sso...soul, another's bind. And blind... though we are led, in time, we d-...do know when '''to cut a thread!'''}}

* [[Goblins]] gives one to Dies Horribly of all people

{{quote| '''Demon:''' I'm going to rip you apart.<br />

'''Dies Horribly:''' You've already done that. It didn't work. }}

* [[Zebra Girl]]: [http://zebragirl.net/?date=2009-06-08 Sandra goes off on a rant about how she's in charge], only for it to be interrupted:

{{quote| '''Jack:'''Sandra... doesn't it worry you how I'm not worried?<br />