Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon

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Beautfiul Destroyer Sailor Moon is a Sailor Moon Deconstruction Fic written by The Sage of Toads. It is a parallel fanfic to The Sage of Toads' Ranma One Half fic, The Key To A Successful Interview Is A Good First Impression!, focusing on the events in Juuban as Usagi Tsukino and her friends fight evil by moonlight, only in a more Crazy Awesome manner that results in property damage.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• Actor Allusion: When Naru picks a name for her disguise in chapter 4, she uses the name Shino, which happens to be the first name of her seiyuu.
• Affably Evil: Queen Beryl. The first time we see her, she's messing with a tablet PC dressed like it's Casual Friday at the office, talking about running the Dark Kingdom like it's a business conglomerate. She's not even very disagreeable about how Jadeite's operation in Japan has been royally screwed over so much. Immediately after her meeting with Jadeite she remembers she hasn't had sex in forever, then decides to go out for the night and get laid after prodding her Youma court for a bit of encouragement.
• Aliens Made Them Do It: Chapter 10 is BDSM's take on Jadeite's cruise plot, where this time, the energy is drawn from the passengers having sex. As part of the plot, all the food and drink were spiked to ensure that. Mamoru, Rei, and Ami partake in the spiked food, eventually leading them to have a threesome after the battle is over. Word of God said that Usagi and Makoto did partake of the food and drink after the battle, but what happened after that will not be known.
• All There in the Manual: The Spacebattles thread for this fic reveals many things that aren't stated in the fic proper yet.
• And Knowing Is Half the Battle: Starting from Chapter 2, the fic does it take on the Sailor Moon Says segments from the original DiC dub, often tied into the events of the episode. Lessons range from Ami's "No talking in exams" to Jadeite's Youma's "Be a Benevolent Boss".
• Appropriated Appellation: Makoto's crime fighter persona was soon named Mifune by her fans, after the actor known for playing a ronin.
• Aside Glance: Usagi gives a few of these.
• Badass Teacher: Usagi's teacher sent three people to the emergency room in order to get Ami into her class.
• Berserk Button: Makoto beats down on Usagi after Usagi calls her "Miss Tokyo Tower." Also, although Usagi is a Heroic Comedic Sociopath, do not insult her friends.
  • Rei won't tolerate someone harming or insulting her crows. The crows are very much aware of that.
• Big Eater: Surprisingly Ami. And she manages to do so in a neat and tidy manner.
• Bi the Way: As of chapter 5, Usagi and Naru are this.
• Blatant Lies: No matter what the youma Ramua says, the iPhone does not take SD cards... well not without an external accessory.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Usagi does this at the end of chapter 6 to explain how she figured out Ami was a Senshi.
• Brick Joke: Usagi's parents talk about being in a swinger's party as where Shingo was conceived. They then appear in Chapter 10 as being among the horny passengers.
• Catch Phrase: "This is what Kamen Raider has taught me!" as well as various other absurd, yet strangely logical sayings uttered by Usagi throughout the story.
• Composite Character: Yuuichirou Kumada is actually a disguise of Jadeite's.
• Canon Welding: Well, Victim of the Week Mikan Shiratori was made the sister of Ranma 1/2's Azusa Shiratori. Considering even their Kanji for their family name is the same...
• Continuity Nod: More of an in-universe nod occurs in chapter 2, as the radio show "The Depths of Strange" reports Akane and Ranma's victory over the Golden Pair in chapter 10 of "Interview". Also, Usagi is nicknamed "Minato's Akane Tendo" due to her nature (Minato being the name of the ward of Tokyo in which Juuban district lies).
• Covert Pervert: Usagi says this is the true nature of Japanese society.
  • This version of Jadeite's Midnight Zero radio show how right Usagi is in Chapter 2.5. Usagi's teacher has fantasies of her male students using her body anyway they want. An office lady dreams of being taken by tentacles.
• Crazy Crow Miko: Well, she doesn't seem to hoard crows, as the crows actually flocked to her. Nevertheless, having at least a hundred crows at your beck and call isn't exactly seen as normal.
• Death By Origin Story: Makoto's parents. In this fic, it is revealed they got caught in crossfire of a man Driven to Suicide after his debts to the Yakuza were unbearable. Thus began her war on the Yakuza.
• Deconstruction Fic
• Desperately Looking for A Purpose In Life: Usagi and Naru's discussion in the first chapter, as they try to find an explanation why Usagi acts out so much.
• Destructive Savior: Sailor Moon's first appearance wrecks the OSA-P Jewelry store.
  • And when she stops Jadeite's Midnight Zero plan, the entire radio station is destroyed. Though, she DID try to learn her limits to prevent this.
  • When she ruins Jadeite's gym plot, she tosses an I-beam into the gym, wrecking it to kingdom come! This is becoming a common theme.
  • Continued in chapter 7:

Mercury: You threw a fucking train. Moon: I wanted to be thorough.

• • And again in Chapter 11; and of COURSE the Tokyo Tower gets smahed up in the brawl that follows. This is the last straw as far as the cops are concerned, and now the Senshi are wanted for causing property damage.
• Death By Adaptation: It seems like Jadeite died earlier than his 'death' in the anime, until it is realized that Mars' first appearance in the manga resulted in his death. Then in Chapter 9 it turns out he was saved at the last second by Nephrite via teleportation.
• Didn't See That Coming: Beryl acknowledges that they were expecting the Senshi to appear in other parts of the world where there are Dark Kingdom operations. They couldn't plan for four of the Senshi to be reborn where only the weakest, not combat trained, youma operated.
• Divide and Conquer: The Dark Kingdom's plan in Chapter 8.
• Early-Bird Cameo: Makoto appears early in Chapter 2 as a new student in Usagi's karate class; Usagi bites off more than she can chew baiting her, and gets rocked hard. Makoto doesn't awaken as Jupiter until Chapter 8.
  • Rei appears at the end of Chapter 6, undoing the enchantment on the Crystal Seminar victims.
  • Sailor Pluto briefly appears in Chapter 7, destroying a youma robot to stop its pilot from screwing with Time.
  • In Chapter 5, a short haired woman watches the report on Sailor Moon. In chapter 11, it is revealed she has a roommate with green wavy hair who also plays the violin. Most likely the unnamed duo is Haruka and Michiru.
• Even Evil Has Standards: The Youma in chapter 7 teleports the innocent bystanders away, as not to anger the Senshi.
• Faking the Dead: The crows faked being killed by Jadeite in order to to have Rei awaken her powers through rage.
  • In chapter 10, Jadeite fakes being grievously injured by the senshi, and Murid fakes her own death - as well as the deaths of Thetis and Jadeite's remaining Youma - to trick the Dark Kingdom.
• Flash Step: Fittingly enough, Mercury seems to have this trick.
• Flat What: Makoto delivers one when the iRobot shows up.
• Flung Disguise: How Usagi reveals herself in Chapters 3 and 5.
• Fun With Acronyms: Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon. The reason this wasn't called a The Key To A Successful something or another.
  • The fanclub formed in Chapter 11 is called We Are Fanatical Fans Enthusiastically Needing Sailor Senshi. They even have armbands. This is of course, lampshaded, soon after regarding the unfortunate acronym.
• Genius Ditz: Usagi is this, as she manages to put together a plan which reveals Jadeite's role in the Midnight Zero affair, and figures out the connection between those affected.
• Gender Bender: Usagi uses the Disguise Pen to turn into a male rapper named G-Money USA in Chapter 3.
  • And again in several other chapters, when Naru uses the pen to become a boy to have sex with Usagi.
• Genre Savvy: Once Usagi, realizes that Luna is really a talking Mau, she quickly cuts to the chase and asks what her mission is.
  • Unluckily, Beryl seems to be much smarter than in canon as well. When the cops try to arrest the Senshi, she is glad for this, as she's realized that public opinion is now against the Senshi.
• Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: Mamoru was uspet that Ami and Rei didn't kiss, until Rei explained she wanted her first kiss with a boy.
• Good Old Fisticuffs: Usagi, and by extension, Sailor Moon's primary form of combat, despite taking classes at a third rate dojo.
• Heroic Sacrifice: Naru seems to end up doing this in chapter 11, but she bailed out on her Valkyrie at the last second.
• Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Usagi, if you catch her on a bad day. The rest of the time she's just Chaotic Neutral.
• Humiliation Conga: What happens to Makoto on her last day as Mifune. She is betrayed by her friend Yukio, the latter forced to by Balalaika. She is then partially stripped of her clothes, and then forced to personally remove her undergarments. Her identity is exposed to Yukio, who befriended Makoto at school but didn't know Makoto and Mifune were the same. And then she gets blackmailed to stop her attacks or she will be exposed. Then she gets arrested for incident exposure after failing to find replacement clothes going home, causing her to be kicked out of an expensive school (although it meant she wouldn't be seeing Yukio again, no big loss), six months in juvie, probation until she is twenty, and a pervert for a probation officer.
• I Fight for The Strongest Side: Jadeite's remaining youma want to defect only because they don't want to be killed by the Sailor Senshi.
• I Need to Iron My Dog: In Chapter 10, Just about they were to enter a room for some privacy, both Mamoru and his would be lovers Ami and Rei find themselves in need of an excuse to be away from each other in order to participate in the battle. Mamoru finds one in asking if anyone had condoms. Ami quickly says no, and asks Mamoru to get some. Mamoru quickly dashs off while Ami and Rei enter their room to transforms. After the battle, Mamoru realizes he forgot the condoms, but it turns out Ami had some anyway.
• In the Name of The Moon: Well, DUH.
  • Naru's attempt is interrupted.
• Large Ham Radio: "The Depths of Strange," a show on the same station as Midnight Zero, is this.
• Mood Whiplash: Chapter 9. Makoto's backstory is not funny one bit. But considering it involves Yukio Washimine and Balalaika, it cannot be played for laughs.

Disclaimer: This chapter contains thirty percent less hilarity and a hundred percent more Black Lagoon.

• Mythology Gag: In Chapter 4, Mamoru and Shingo are playing Ninja Ninja Revolution. This is a gag to the universe of this fic, as Scott himself meets Ranma in Nerima later on in this fic's universe.
  • In Chapter 8, it is revealed that Balalaika is the one who stopped Makoto's war on Yakuza crime, furthering the Black Lagoon references in TKTASI
    • In Chapter 11, Kim Pine and Natalie Adams arrive..in time to watch the epic brawl that occurs. In chapter 14, Kim Pine is the victim of the Monster of the Week.
• Noodle Incident: The host of The Depths of Strange refers to some sort of event where darkness was inflicted in Japan forty years ago, and that current conflict with the Dark Kingdom is a repeat of those events.
• Not-So-Harmless Villain: It's seems Jadeite's energy gathering plots are the only ones that are non-lethal. The plots of the other generals, on the other hand, have left casualties that can be passed of as part the local troubles. This is in contrast to the anime where the Victim of the Week do stay alive.
  • This shows in chapter 12, as canon Victim of the Week Rui Saionji loses her arm due to an overpowered serve from the actual target of Nephrite's first attack. Guess Nephirite doesn't care about collateral.
• Nothing Can Stop Us Now: Ramua in chapter 7, right before Pluto pwns her.
  • Makoto felt nothing could stop her war on organized crime, until she was betrayed by one who she thought she could call friend.
• Odd Friendship: Mamoru and Shingo are friends in this fic.
• One of Us: In the same fashion as Ranma and Akane in TKTASI. To wit -
  • Ami Mizuno is an Otaku. She was seen attending the Eva marathon in TKTASI. In fact, Word of God states that this cameo was what began the discussion that led to this fic being created.
  • Mamoru Chiba bought figures of Nanoha and Fate.
  • As for Usagi herself, she's a fan of the 30 year old Kamen Raider Toku series, and takes themes of the series by heart when fighting as Sailor Moon.
• Paper-Thin Disguise: Averted in Chapter 4; Usagi more than easily sees through Jadeite's disguise at the gym. This becomes a Running Gag as of chapter 5, as he never changes up his disguise much. He does wise up in Chapter 8 taking on the idenity of Yuuichirou Kumada. Then he goes back to a paper thin disguise for Chapter 10, knowing that Sailor Moon will see through it. She does, and Usagi realizes that Jadeite wants to talk to her.
• Pretty Fly for a White Girl: Usagi's rapper disguise in Chapter 3
• Primal Scene: Sailor Moon was pretty much unfazed by all the sex that occured on the cruise ship, until she stumbled onto her father in just boxer shorts, asking people to join him, her mother, and her teacher. She then declares that this is karma for her loud sexual awakening with Naru after the Gym plot.
• Secret Keeper: Naru Osaka, who figures it out after Sailor Moon said something Usagi spoke of earlier before.
  • In chapter 7, it is implied that Motoki is the same in regards to Mamoru's Tuxedo Kamen identity. Confirmed in chapter 8, alongside with Motoki's fiancee Reika. Then in chapter 11, it confirms that Shingo Tsukino is in the know.
• Setting Update: Sailor Moon was the product of the 90s, meaning some things were changed to reflect the almost twenty years of cultural and technological changes.
  • For one, the use of smartphones and Twitter. The iPhone plot below was actually an adaptation of a plot involving clocks. The Mercury Computer is also takes form of a smartphone.
  • The draining plot that officially introduced Sailor Mercury used floppy disks. Those disks have been replaced by USB flash drives.
• Shout-Out: In the first chapter, Sailor Moon performs a suitably dramatic entrance, and when asked to identify herself by her opponent, declares "You don't deserve to know my name!"
  • In Chapter 3, one of the two hosts of "The Depths of Strange" just got a revolver. He quotes Revolver Ocelot's famous speech about the revolver.
  • Naru and Usagi sing Uncle Fucker.
  • Ami knows Danny Choo. Also, in that chapter, Usagi asks if Ami's mother is Tony Stark's doctor. She was being serious.
  • In Chapter 10, Kyrene and Murid tease Jadeite about singing I'm On A Boat with Nephrite while they're making preparations for the mission.
  • Also, the chapter ends with Luna wearing a Pashmina Afghan and singing "Shawty. Shawty. Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
  • Jupiter and Moon do a Fastball Special in Chapter 11.
  • Naru uses the Disguise Pen to turna a plane into a VALKYRIE.
  • The band Natalie Adams and Kim Pine are in is called Heroes of Gunstar.
  • At Chapter 13's beginning, Rei, Ami, and Usagi are dressed up as Reimu Hakurei, Cirno, and Yukari Yakumo, respectively.
• Sophisticated As Hell: A minor example. In the first chapter, one of the kids picking on Luna takes a moment to point out that, no, the cat is not wearing a Band-Aid. "Band-Aid" is an American brand name, and the actual name of the item is an adhesive bandage. He then picks up a rock to throw at the Mau, saying "Fuck those mouth-breathing Americans."
• Spared By the Adaptation: Not a Sailor Moon character, but potentially for a pair of Black Lagoon characters. Yukio and her loyal bodyguard can now leave the Yakuza life after Sailor Jupiter busts the Washimine clan.
• Stupid Evil: Youma Derella in chapter 5, who decided to have some fun wrecking the career of the girl she was impersonating. She went totally overboard in doing so, tipping of Usagi and Naru of evil happenings.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: In chapter 10...

Rei:It was entirely platonic and most definitely did not involve hours of torrid, headboard-grabbing, bed-shaking, knee-weakening sex.

• Sword Cane: Tuxedo Kamen has one of these, as shown in chapter 6.
• Take That: In chapter 6, Ami draws a picture of the red-haired girl she'd met a few weeks ago (Ranma-chan, to be exact) in a Sailor Senshi fuku, but rolls it up, and says that's stupid.
  • Chapter 7 seems to be a big Take That against non-Android phones. The Dark Kingdom's plot involves selling tainted iPhones. The phone that Usagi stole and later failed on her runs on Symbian. Ami and Naru's phones are still functional and are Linux-based. Although it may be also a form of Author Appeal as Ranma in TKTASI also has an Android based phone.
• Techno Wizard: Luna knows how to use computers and Twitter. Ya wouldn't think that, considering she's all paws.
  • Lampshaded in chapter 9 by Rei, who wonders how a cat can use a phone when Luna calls them.
  • Lampshaded AGAIN, by Rei, in chapter 10 - when Luna manages to steer an entire CRUISE SHIP.
• Time Stands Still: Ramua's ability in chapter 7. Surprisingly, no Za Warudo gag is done, though there's plenty of Jojo Abridged shoutouts.
• Took a Level In Badass: Usagi, oh so much. But basically everyone. The Senshi are now mid to high level superhumans that can throw around trains and remain unharmed from being dipped in molten concrete for over a minute. Mamoru can fly, and has a sword cane, and his friends are apparantly spies with military training. And Naru gets to keep the disguise pen which gives her borderline Cutey Honey level transformations, topping off with turning a fighter jet into a mecha.
• True Companions: This could be applied to the relationship Jadeite and his youma (and Thetis) have with each other.
• Uranus Is Showing: In chapter 6, while Usagi, Ami, Luna, and Naru are talking about the planet theme of the Senshi, Naru can't resist this gag.
• Villains Act, Heroes React: Discussed at the end of chapter 6, when Usagi says that the heroes need to be more proactive than reactive against the villains.
  • Also referred to at the start of chapter 12.
• Villainous Breakdown: The youma Ramua experiences this in Chapter 7 in a direct Shout-Out to the finale of Jojos Bizarre Adventure Abridged.
• Wham! Episode: Chapter 9. Jadeite's Youma see the futility of fighting the Senshi, and plan to leave the Dark Kingdom to join the Senshi instead. Jadeite agrees to join them in their reversal of loyalties.
  • Chapter 11. That is all.
    • Chapter 12. The police are trying to arrest the Senshi due to the property damage they've caused, and someone loses an arm.
• Weirdness Magnet: Miss Haruna is declared this in chapter 7.
• Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Rei's grandpa laments that he can't be a Dirty Old Man without being accused of being Happosai.