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Freeman's Mind/Funny (view source)

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* When two scientists use Retinal Scanners to open the Test Chamber for Dr. Freeman:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' Ahh, [[Hell Is That Sound|stop that noise!]] I hate that! It reminds me of that dream I have where I'm strapped to a gurney watching [[Fraggle Rock]] with flashing lights on either side of me, then I realize: I'm in Hell! It's all crap anyway. The only reason they we have those scanners is because they caught me playing racquet ball in here once. }}
* "I like climbing things. It appeals to my simian instincts. And also, makes me regret how I have no tail. Damn my genes; [[Shout-Out|I have no tail]], [[I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream|and I must swing...]]"
* Times like this, I remember why I became a physicist: to show anti-matter particles WHO'S BOSS! YEAH!!
* Man, I hope we get some good readings today; depending on what we find, we might just disprove [[wikipedia:String theory|string theory]]. That would make my day... and I wouldn't be gracious about it, either; I'd rub people's faces in it!
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* "Well, there can't be anything good in that office if that guy was diving out the window, so I guess I have to take the elevator... [''[[Beat]]. Notices the elevator is out of order.''] I GUESS I HAVE TO TAKE THE ELEVATOR."
* "Now why is there no ladder here? The other elevator shaft had a ladder here! It was progressive!"
* "So, my only way out of here is to take some flying [[Leap of Faith]] like that scene in [[Indiana Jones and Thethe Last Crusade]], then claw like a mad cat, and hope like hell I get a grip and don't break my ribs! Once again, I need a [[Grappling Hook Pistol|grappling hook.]] I can't believe this. Why do you have a ladder in an elevator shaft? To fix the elevator! ''How do you get to the ladder?'' '''You take the elevator that doesn't work!''' Who thought this one up?! Jesus Christ! I suppose I could do the math on whether this jump is feasible or not, but, you know... we'll have plenty of time for that when I'm dead.
* "Ohhh my God that was stupid! [[Stupidity Is the Only Option|Why do I keep doing stupid things?!]] Oh my Guh- I could've died!"
* Freeman's ongoing battle versus the indiscriminate Turret Guns.
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== Episode 15 ==
* "Unlike my colleagues, I have a tendency to stay alive. Since this morning, I've been [[Man Bites Man|bitten]], [[Only a Flesh Wound|shot]], [[Fiery Coverup|bombed]], [[Shock and Awe|electrocuted]], [[Super Drowning Skills|almost drowned]], [[Not the Fall That Kills You|almost fallen to my death]], and [[Neck Lift|strangled]]. [[wikipedia:Grigori Rasputin|Rasputin]] [[Rasputinian Death|wasn't so lucky]]! But, here I am, [[I Love Nuclear Power|exposing myself to radiation.]] Why not? Let's add to the list: maybe I can get [[Kill It Withwith Fire|burned]], [[Knife Nut|stabbed]], and [[Poisoned Weapons|poisoned]] before the day is done."
* Gordon is crawling through pipes, rambling about how awesome it would be to have pneumatic pipes connecting his house to a liquor store. This being Gordon, he's going over all this in a fairly serious voice, and it's pretty funny. What makes it hilarious is when he pops out to jump into another pipe, says "I'm a gopher!" perkily, then continues his liquor store warp tube monologue as if nothing happened.
* On the subject of radiation:
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* Okay, I see an alien and a dead body. I can put one and one together. [''Shoots at the bullsquid''] Actually, that's one and negative one. [''Shoots again, killing it''] Now it's negative two, and me. But wait, wouldn't I be number one? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. See, this is why you have to define your terms. If you don't, people die.
* Everybody's lost except for me!
* A possible [[The Spoony Experiment (Web Video)|Spoony Experiment]] [[Shout-Out]]: "Okay, cut that out, I'm really not trying to get in anybody's way!"
 
== Episode 27 ==
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** "I was not ready for this. Who is ready for this? No one, they're fucking ninjas."
* After surviving a firefight with Black Ops:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Well, this settles it. Black Mesa is a [[Evil, Inc.|James Bond villain company]]. We have [[Nuke'Em|missiles]], [[Mechanical Monster|robots]], [[Frickin' Laser Beams|lasers]], [[Everything's Even Worse Withwith Sharks|sharks]], and [[McNinja|ninjas.]]"}}
 
== Episode 35 ==
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Barney: "No promises!" }}
* Episode 15 of Felix's Mind:
{{quote| Felix: "Aww, now that I've used [the shield recharger] so many times, [the high I was getting off of it] is starting to lose its effect. But I'd better keep moving before [[Tempting Fate|this morphine makes me see something I wish I hadn't.]]" (rounds a corner and sees [[Super Mario Bros.|Mario]])<br />
Mario: "It's-a me! Mario!"<br />
Felix: "..." (turns right around and walks away) }}
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