House (TV series)/Funny: Difference between revisions

'''House:''' It's Tuesday, I'm wasted.

'''Cuddy:''' It's Wednesday. }}

** Even better, earlier in the same episode, just after shooting said cadaver, another doctor walks in on House and sees him with the gun (having heard a loud noise) and the corpse, upon which House says, "I shot him. He's dead." Absolutely brilliant.

** Best part is house's lines during the MRI scene. After Cuddy barges in and yells at him first for shooting the corpse and using it for this "test"

'''Foreman''': Let me ring up one of the homies. }}

** Also his continuing assertion throughout the episode that Cuddy is pregnant because her breasts are firmer.

* House's metaphor for why a sudden onset of symptoms points to an acute condition: "You come home one night, your wife whacks you with a baseball bat. Likely cause -- the fact you haven't thanked her for dinner in eight years, or the receipt for furry handcuffs she found in your pants?"

* Cuddy screaming "This. Is BEYOND ASSHOOD!" at House in 'Both Sides Now'

'''Cuddy:''' Short, sweet, grab a file.

'''House:''' This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a ''bored''... certified diagnostician with a double specialty in infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is forced to be here against his will. ''(to Cuddy)'' That is true, isn't it? ''(turning back to the crowd)'' But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? }}

* "House Divided": [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmBrEQ6Kh9o Fight the Power!]

** The best part is that he's doing this because the voices in his head told him to.

* All of Season 6's "The Down Low".

** One of the overarching side plots involves House and Wilson's new neighbor, Nora, [[Mistaken for Gay|who thinks the two are lovers]]. House decides to screw with Wilson ([[That Came Out Wrong|wait, bad choice of words]]) by acting the part of a [[Transparent Closet]], then decides to keep up the façade in order to gain Nora's trust, become "girlfriends" with her, then reveal his "relationship problems" with Wilson, get her drunk, and sleep with her, which will cause a "revelation" about how he's never felt this way about a woman before. Wilson's attempt to tell her this only makes Nora think Wilson is jealous of the amount of time House is spending with her. Finally, right when House is about to spring the trap, Wilson interrupts their dinner and '''loudly''' declares his love for House, ending with a marriage proposal. This leads to House calling Nora into his office to explain the truth (including the fact that this all started because ''Wilson'' wanted to go out with her), citing his motivation for pretending to be gay as "I want to touch your boobs", then after initially telling her that Wilson was a good person, she says she might go out with him after all and he backpedals into a listing of his bad traits and straight into his customary [[Eureka Moment]], leaving a very bewildered Nora alone in House's office.

** Then there was the main plot, involving a drug dealer that went down in a gun fight despite the shooter missing and hitting himself in the foot. When the dealer tries to walk out of the room after House has finished stitching him up, House whacks the bed with his cane, making a loud noise and instantly dropping the dealer. House suspects an environmental cause, so he bugs the dealer's room, and gets a lot of interference. {{spoiler|He then finds out that there are ''two'' bugs in the room, the one he had planted and the one the patient himself had planted -- the "dealer" is actually an ''undercover cop''. He also gets the ''real'' drug dealer out of the room by saying that he needs to do a rectal exam.}} Also, in trying to find the answers that the patient wouldn't give...

{{quote|'''Eddie:''' ''(the patient's partner)'' I know what you're doing. You drugged me to make me think I'm sick so I'll lead you to the stash!

'''Thirteen:''' Do you ''feel'' sick?

'''Eddie:''' I don't feel sick; I feel '''''drugged!''''' Trust me, I know the difference! }}

** Thirteen is fiddling with the receiver for the bug House set up

{{quote|'''House'''It doesn't respond to manual stimuli. Maybe if you took off your top...

 

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[[Category:Funny]]