I Take Offense to That Last One: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

{{quote|''Ugly Dog Theory: In a comedy, whenever someone is being pummeled with insults, it's always the last and most seemingly innocent insult that evokes a heated response. Example: "You're ugly, your mother is ugly, your brother is ugly and your dog is ugly!" Response: "You can't talk that way about my dog!"''|'''[[Roger Ebert]]'''}}

 

== Anime & Manga ==

{{quote| '''Misty:''' You can stuff your greedy little face ''after'' we find a Pokemon Center!<br />

'''Ash:''' My face is little? }}

{{quote| '''Miyuki:''' Eat shit, you old fart.<br />

'''Hana:''' "Shit" I'll take, but "fart" I won't! }}

:: In this case, the character Hana was taking offense to the implication that the term "old fart" was referring to the character as a [[Transsexual|male]].

{{quote| '''Ryusei:''' Great. My rival's a jerk, and the chick's a nag.<br />

'''Rai:''' Jerk?<br />

'''Aya:''' Chick? }}

{{quote| '''Kogarashi:''' So the clumsy [[Meido|maid]] is easy too.<br />

'''Fubuki:''' Who are you calling "[[Dojikko|clumsy]]"? }}

{{quote| '''Gintoki:''' Do you hope to get sympathy by faking insanity?<br />

'''Kagura:''' Feigning insanity? How rude! I'm not feigning anything! }}

{{quote| '''Hiei:''' I believe these demons are ''technically'' classified as weak and ugly.<br />

'''Random demon:''' Who are you calling ugly?! }}

** Subverted when Ganju is offended in everything BUT the ugly comment by Yumichika -- even better is that it's [[Hilarity Ensues|lampshaded by]] Uryu Ishida.

{{quote| '''Yumichika:''' ''Who'' might you be? It's not my nature to ''remember'' ''ugly'' faces?<br />

** Straight when Hiyori is going off on Hitsugaya, throwing insults at his cool façade until something sticks. Tries calling him a stupid, crafty kid, then baldy (ad nauseam), but finally hits his [[Berserk Button]] with "midget".

{{quote| '''Hitsugaya:''' You're even shorter than I am!}}

{{quote| '''Casting Director:''' You ugly slut!<br />

'''Mako:''' Ugly? UGLY?! }}

{{quote| '''Perrine:''' You're like some kind of rabid raccoon-dog hybrid!<br />

'''Yoshika:''' ''Raccoon?'' }}

{{quote| '''Ranma:''' Who'd want to date a stupid selfish cat girl like you?<br />

'''Shampoo:''' ''(pushing Ranma into Koi pond)'' [[You No Take Candle|Shampoo selfish, not stupid.]] }}

{{quote| '''Walter von Schenkopf:''' You seem to be saying that I'm a middle-aged scoundrel... I'm still not middle-aged.}}

** In the episode dealing with "criticism training" (i.e. Nozomu have a guy show up and insult the students):

{{quote| '''Guy:''' ''(addressing Nami)'' You are uncute in a normal way.<br />

'''[[The Generic Guy|Nami]]:''' [[Catch Phrase|Don't say normal]]! }}

** In one manga chapter, for reasons that make as much sense in context, Nozomu brings in his "second opinion" of his students, who are (mostly <ref>except for the Gonk girl in the class -- her second opinion is thin and female</ref>) [[Gonk]] guys in wigs who imitate their mannerisms. When the one for [[Yaoi Fangirl]] Harumi shows up and announces a Slash pairing preference, Nami muses at how similar they are. Harumi, angrily indicates that she isn't like that- she prefers a different [[Seme|"top"]], and declares they (the pairings) aren't alike at all. Thus, she implies that this detail is the only one she contests and her response supports the depiction of her as an obsessive [[Yaoi Fangirl]].

{{quote| '''Gohan:''' You're stupid and ugly and... YOU SMELL!<br />

'''Nappa:''' ''(screams)'' ... I smell?! Why -- you -- it's not my fault! I've been cooped up in a space pod for a year, what do you expect?! }}

{{quote| '''some random girl:''' The way Orimura-kun is receiving it isn’t bad neither...<br />

'''Ichika:''' ''(in his mind)'' Hey, what’s the meaning of that last comment!? }}

{{quote| '''Naruto:''' You're nothing but a lousy little pervert!!!<br />

'''Jiraiya:''' I am NOT a little pervert!<br />

'''Naruto:''' Oh yeah? Then tell me, what are you?<br />

'''Jiraiya:''' Ah hah hah hah! ...I'm a big one! }}

{{quote| '''Edward:''' WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED HALF-PINT WHO DIDN'T GROW UP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK?!}}

** Note that on all of these occasions, the worst they ever called Ed is short; the elaboration is all Ed's.

'''Jack:''' You don't argue with light-fingered?<br />

''(Hannah swings an oar at him)'' }}

{{quote| '''Amon Sur:''' It's ironic, isn't it, Jordan?<br />

'''Hal Jordan:''' What is, Amon? Me about to break your nose with your father's ring?<br />

== Comic Strips ==

* ''[[Garfield (Comic Strip)|Garfield]]'': [http://garfield.nfshost.com/1987/03/04/ "I AM NOT EGOTISTICAL!"]

{{quote| '''Calvin:''' What kind of sick freak would do something like this?!<br />

'''Hobbes:''' A reckless exaggerator. You don't '''look''' like a baboon...<br />

** Dead-Girl describes the Anarchist as "a scared, self-denying, guilt-ridden, washed-up excuse for a mutant" and follows up by saying he isn't even fun anymore. It was that last one that did it. This is naturally because he recognizes all the previous digs as completely factual.

** Also, when watching a news montage that implicates X-Statix in illegal transactions involving drugs, land scams, and [[MP 3]]'s, the Anarchist replies with "[[MP 3]]'s? That's a damned lie!"

{{quote| '''Joanie:''' Private security? You mean those big, lawless pinheads in black tees and Ray-Bans who are always creating mayhem.<br />

'''Jeff:''' Oakleys.<br />

'''Joanie:''' What?<br />

'''Jeff:''' They wear Oakleys, mom. Only State Department weenies wear Ray-Bans. }}

{{quote| '''Henry Mitchell''': George, I've let you call Dennis some pretty nasty names, and said nothing but when you call our dog "mutt"...}}

<!-- %%Corrected link, possibly incorrectly, from [[http://www.normfeuticartoons.com/comics/retail-71006/ this variant]]. -->

 

 

== Fan Works ==

{{quote| '''Duke:''' They say you're a loser with a fetish for dressing up like animals.<br />

'''Joey:''' I am not a loser! }}

{{quote| '''Crowley:''' That vile angel wantonly seduced me.<br />

'''Aziraphale:''' ''(weakly)'' I don't think I was wanton. }}

{{quote| '''Spain:''' [England] just said you'd be a pushover in bed. And also that you worship the ground I walk on.<br />

'''Romano:''' I am not a pushover, and -- and I'm not a pushover! }}

{{quote| '''Draco Malfoy:''' My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist. I despise gingers, and Mudbloods. I hate Gryfindor House and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?<br />

'''Harry Potter:''' Hate Gryfindor House? Get out of my face, Malfoy! }}

{{quote| '''Nexko:''' Get the hell out of my way, you arrogant, retarded, self-centered, immature, power-hungry, lying, reckless, treasonous whore!<br />

'''Xertra:''' I am ''not'' a retarded whore, asshole. }}

** The [[Insult Backfire]] comes in to play when one takes into account that Xertra actually ''isn't'' a whore, but she is a prime example of the tropes [[Really Gets Around]] and [[Anything That Moves]]. And it's implied that she takes ''pride'' in that she does it for free.

{{quote| "Bitch!"<br />

"Skank!"<br />

"Minmei!"<br />

"...YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" }}

{{quote| '''Yahiko:''' You have a lot of explaining to do, Psycho-Kid!<br />

'''Soujiro:''' Oh? I'm not a psycho-kid. That's silly. I'm already twenty-four. I'm not a kid anymore.<br />

'''Yahiko:''' ''[[Lampshade Hanging|... Which means he didn't deny the "psycho" part at all?]]'' }}

{{quote| '''L:''' [[The Movie|Hollywood will be doing a movie now?]] Does this make Raito-kun feel like a cheap prostitute as well?<br />

'''Raito:''' I'm NOT cheap!<br />

 

== Films -- Animation ==

{{quote| '''Eris:''' You're a selfish, unprincipled liar!<br />

'''Sinbad:''' Wait a minute. I didn't lie. }}

{{quote| '''Sunburn:''' Who are you, anyway?<br />

'''Sunflower:''' One of the hired help, just like you.<br />

'''Sunburn:''' And just who are you calling "hired?" }}

* ''[[All Dogs Go to Heaven]] 2'': "You contemptible K9!" "Don't call me K9!"

{{quote| '''Simba:''' But Zazu, you told me they're nothing but slobbering mangy stupid poachers.<br />

'''Zazu:''' Ix-nay on the oopid-stay...<br />

'''Banzai:''' Who you callin' 'oopid-stay'?! }}

** A hilarious reversal of this trope is seen in the movie:

{{quote| '''Cartman:''' Kyle, I'm sorry for all those times I called you a stupid Jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.<br />

'''Mr. Garrison:''' Eric, did you just say the F-word?<br />

'''Cartman:''' ... "Jew"? }}

 

 

{{quote| '''Jane:''' You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious, and tiresome. And lately, you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say?<br />

'''Nick:''' I'm not tiresome... }}

{{quote| '''Kane:''' You long-faced, overdressed anarchist.<br />

'''Leland:''' I am not overdressed. }}

** It should be noted that during the time period this scene takes place, being called an "anarchist" would be like being called a communist or a terrorist. Anarchism was a major revolutionary social movement and one anarchist was responsible for the assassination of [[William McKinley]].

{{quote| '''Walter:''' You cannot carry all this negative energy into the tournament.<br />

'''The Dude:''' Fuck the tournament. Fuck you, Walter.<br />

'''Walter:''' ''[[Serious Business|"Fuck the tournament!?"]]'' }}

{{quote| '''Trinity:''' He called our mother an old ''(whispers)''...<br />

'''Bambino:''' She is.<br />

'''Trinity:''' She's not that old. }}

* ''[[Mirror Mask]]'':

{{quote| '''Helena:''' You useless, cake-hogging coward!<br />

'''Valentine:''' I did ''not'' hog those cakes! }}

{{quote| '''Robert:''' [[You're Insane!|You're crazy!]]<br />

'''Narissa:''' No. Spiteful, vindictive, and [[One-Winged Angel|very large]], but ''never'' crazy. }}

{{quote| '''Monty:''' You fat Russian fuck.<br />

'''Novotny:''' Fat ''Ukrainian'' fuck! }}

* ''[[Freddy Got Fingered]]''

{{quote| '''Jim:''' You want Daddy to give you a spanking in front of this retard slut whore?<br />

'''Devoe:''' What do you think I am -- some gung-ho, stupid son of a bitch?<br />

'''Julia:''' No! I don't think you're stupid... }}

{{quote| '''Tess:''' You're a liar and a thief.<br />

'''Danny:''' I only lied about being a thief. Besides, I don't do that anymore.<br />

'''Roberts:''' You're not ''what?''<br />

'''Pulver:''' I am not disorganized! }}

* ''[[In and Out]]'' combines this with [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking]] during a clip from the fake Oscar-winning movie ''To Protect and Serve'' (which is itself a spoof of [[Oscar Bait]] cliche. In the fake movie, Danny is a gay soldier who's being drummed out of the service after being outed. The following exchange occurs during a climactic military tribunal:

{{quote| '''Attorney:''' Your sergeant came across the following items in your footlocker. Will you kindly tell the court if they are yours. A letter to another soldier?<br />

'''Attorney:''' An autographed copy of ''Beaches'', starring Bette Midler?<br />

'''Danny:''' GIVE THAT BACK! }}

{{quote| '''Stark:''' "Textbook narcissism"... ''(looks at Fury)''<br />

'''Fury:''' ''(level stare)''<br />

'''Seth:''' If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?!<br />

'''Chelsea:''' I am ''not'' in denial! }}

{{quote| '''Lind L. Tailor:''' Kira, you yourself are a hypocritical, vile, and immature criminal.<br />

'''Light Yagami:''' Immature? }}

{{quote| '''Charlie:''' I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.<br />

'''Wonka:''' ''(throws down the newspaper he's reading)'' I do not! }}

{{quote| '''Claudette:''' Well, at least '''you''' have a good man.<br />

'''Lisa:''' You're wrong. He didn't get his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me.<br />

{{quote| '''Ollie:''' You snake in the ''grass!'' You ''Judas!'' You...you...<br />

'''Stan:''' Stop! Don't call ''me'' a you-you! }}

* [[Woody Allen]]'s ''[[Love and Death]]'':

{{quote| '''Anton:''' Grushenko? Isn't he the young coward all St. Petersburg is talking about?<br />

'''Boris:''' I'm not so young. I'm thirty-five. }}

 

 

== Literature ==

* [[Bobbie Faye]] of the similarly named series' response to being accused of blowing things up is that she hasn't... [[Walking Disaster Area|recently]].

{{quote| '''Cosmo:''' You are a thief, Mr. Lipwig. A cheat and a liar, an embezzler and [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|have no dress sense whatsoever.]]<br />

'''Moist:''' I say, that's a bit on the harsh side... I happen to think I dress rather snappily! }}

* [[Hercule Poirot]]. You can call him annoying, you can call him meddling, you can call him troublesome, you can call him short, but ''don't call him French''.

{{quote| '''Kimi:''' You're a mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, Milk-drinking, American dog fucker!<br />

'''Tucker Case:''' I don't drink milk! ''(thinking)'' Ha! Won that round. }}

{{quote| '''Mulch''': Don't call me friend.}}

* A hilariously [[Values Dissonance|values-dissonant]] example in ''[[To Kill a Mockingbird]]'': Jem is worried about a gang coming after his father, and Atticus assures him that there have never been any gangs in Maycomb. Jem says the Ku Klux Klan "got after some Catholics one time." Atticus says, "Never heard of any Catholics in Maycomb either."

{{quote| '''Brienne:''' A man who would violate his own sister, murder his king, and fling an innocent child to his death deserves no other name.<br />

'''Jaime:''' ''(to himself)'' Innocent? The wretched boy was spying on us. }}

* In ''[[The League of Gentlemen]]'', Pauline is called a "psychotic 50-year-old lesbian." Her response? "How dare you! I'm 48!"

* In one episode of ''[[Police Squad!]]'' Frank tries to taunt a boxer with all sorts of insults, to which the man smiles and turns the other cheek, and when Frank finally gives up and says, "Forget it!" that suddenly sets the man off and accidentally does the trick.

{{quote| '''Bad Guy:''' You pathetic, little fairy.<br />

'''Angel:''' Hey! I am ''not'' little. }}

{{quote| '''London Tipton:''' Ew, you mean I'm on a date with a greasy bag boy?<br />

'''Cody's Boss:''' That's greasy ''assistant manager''. }}

{{quote| '''Gollum:''' Shut up, Serkis, you stupid fat [[Sound Effect Bleep|(BLEEP)ing]] turd!<br />

'''Andy Serkis:''' I'm- I'm not fat! }}

{{quote| '''Girl:''' What do you know about talent? You're unemployed, single, over 30 and you severely overestimate your cuteness!<br />

'''Sarah:''' I choose to be over 30! }}

{{quote| '''Tiberius:''' Let me go, you fat, drunken cow!<br />

'''Julia:''' FAT?! FAT?! }}

::(But then it gets a lot less funny)

{{quote| '''Julia:''' If I'm fat, I'm fat where a woman should be fat, not skinny like a boy! Go to bed, my dear, and I'll send you one up. He's very pretty, I promise you, I've had him myself. ''(cackles)'' He reminds me of your ex-wife. Not a hair on his body, and he's ''even skinnier behind.'' ''(Tiberius hits her)''}}

{{quote| '''Keith:''' ''(to Elliot)'' Goodnight, you skanky, straw-haired pig whore.<br />

'''Carla:''' ''(consoling Elliot)'' C'mon, you're not straw-haired.<br />

'''Elliot:''' I know... }}

{{quote| '''Dana:''' I don't think you're cute, I don't think you're funny, I don't think you're smart, and sometimes I don't think you're very nice.<br />

'''Casey:''' You don't think I'm funny?! }}

{{quote| '''Wendy:''' Contractor? What do you do, build strip malls, kill people...?<br />

'''MiddleMan:''' I never build strip malls. }}

{{quote| '''Gordon:''' You two-faced lazy little fucker.<br />

'''Vinnie:''' Lazy? }}

* On a Dutch channel, BNN, there was a short-lived spoof of [[Jerry Springer]] called Jimmy Hopper. One of the stagehands was a homosexual. When one of the guests refused to be calmed down by a "Dirty faggot", the stagehand jumped up and screamed "I'M NOT DIRTY!" and attacked the guy. [[Crowning Moment of Funny|The funniest bit in the program]].

* When [[Bones]] is accused by a judge of claiming a victim was murdered in order to drum up publicity for her "pulp mystery books" (''The Double Death of the Dearly Departed'') she objects:

** [[Stephen Colbert]], objecting to comparisons with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahma[[The Unpronounceable|casualFriday]]ejad:

{{quote| "I have nothing in common with that fanatical self-promoting jingoistic egomaniacal fundamentalist! I am at ''least'' three inches taller."}}

** In a later episode, after gauging comparisons between WWII and the invasion of Georgia, he stated that "Putin is nothing like Hitler. He knows judo."

{{quote| "I'm not homeless!"}}

* ''[[Frasier]]'': Frasier explains to his boss the reason Bulldog chewed him out was that he overheard Bulldog repeat a rumor that the sports host was fired.

'''Miller:''' That I'm a drunk, that I'm incompetent at my job, that my wife is a big fat slut!<br />

'''Frasier:''' That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight! }}

{{quote| '''Naomi:''' This is a high risk covert op in unstable territory. It's dodgy enough without having to babysit a head case, ghost buster, anthropologist and a drunk.<br />

'''Abbadon:''' ''(referring to Lapidus, the "drunk")'' To be fair, he's also a pretty good pilot. }}

{{quote| "YOU ARE A BIG, DUMB, STUPID, FAT ZERO FATTY!"<br />

"Fatty?" }}

{{quote| '''Thelma:''' ''(to Naomi)'' Your idea of a workout is a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards!<br />

'''Naomi:''' That's not true! I've never smoked a cigarette in my life! }}

{{quote| '''Scotty:''' Well, captain, er, the Klingons called you a tin-plated over-bearing swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.<br />

'''Kirk:''' Is that all?<br />

'''Kirk:''' What was it they said that started the fight?<br />

'''Scotty:''' They called the ''Enterprise'' a garbage scow, sir. }}

** The incident is parodied in the game ''[[Space Quest]] V: The Next Mutation'', where Cliffy starts a fight with a crewmember from the ''Goliath'' for doing the same thing. Roger then points out that their ship ''is'' a garbage scow.

* ''[[The Thick of It]]''

** In [[The Movie]], [[In the Loop]], Malcolm has this response to being called English[{{[hottip|*: he's Scottish}}.

{{quote| '''Malcolm Tucker:''' "Don't ever call me fucking English again." }}

* ''[[That's My Bush]]''

** Used twice in the episode "Mom 'E'.D.E.A. Arrest":

'''Oliver:''' And I don't buy the "crazy, wacky Jane" thing. And I don't buy the you 'follow the philosophy of plants' thing. I think you're terrified you're not interesting enough, so you'll make up any old rubbish just to get attention. Do me a favour: look in the mirror. The way you look as if you have to try.<br />

'''Jane:''' I am ''so'' bisexual! }}

{{quote| '''Ms. Heffer:''' He doesn't want you! You're fat and old and ugly!<br />

'''"Mitzi":''' Fat and old I may be, but ugly--''(hissing)--ugly...'' ...you're absolutely right, that's why he loves me. C'mere... }}

{{quote| '''Michael:''' Go upstairs and take a shower, you smell like corn chips and ass.<br />

'''J.R.:''' I do ''NOT'' smell like corn chips. }}

{{quote| ''(after the publicist has just told the family that Michael is the most likeable member of the family)''<br />

'''Publicist:''' There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town.<br />

'''Logan:''' I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"? }}

** He was more amused at her choice of words than objecting, but still.

{{quote| ''(Edina is concerned that when she dies, she won't leave a legacy behind)''<br />

'''Edina:''' What will people remember me by? Through you? I'm supposed to live on through you? ''(points scornfully towards her daughter Saffy)''<br />

'''Saffy:''' A great big fat ugly armless statue?<br />

'''Edina:''' I've got arms! I've got arms! ''(waves both arms frantically in air)'' }}

{{quote| '''Craig:''' Non-miraculous? Jeffrey....}}

* In the episode "Responsible" of ''[[Law and Order Special Victims Unit]]'', a female teenage suspect tells Munch to "Shut up, you [[Dirty Old Man]]!"

''(long pause)''<br />

'''Mason:''' And I'm not gay, either. }}

{{quote| '''Michael:''' Take it easy, Brian.<br />

'''Brian:''' He said I'm 31. I'm 30. }}

'''Trevor:''' Both my kidneys function fine, thank you.<br />

'''Jack Carter:''' [[Preemptive Declaration|Day's not over]], is it? }}

{{quote| '''Hot Lips:''' ''(to Henry Blake)'' Why don't you stop masquerading as a commanding officer? You're nothing but a spineless, mealymouthed, fly-fishing impostor!<br />

'''Trapper:''' He's not an impostor!<br />

'''Hawkeye:''' Right. He's a ''genuine'' spineless, mealymouthed fly-fisherman. }}

{{quote| '''Jack Malone:''' You're a stalker, Mr. Hill. You are the principle suspect in a kidnapping case. You've written her I don't know how many letters. You're a drunk, and apparently, you're an idiot.<br />

'''Peter Hill:''' ''(indignantly)'' I am not a drunk. }}

{{quote| '''Red:''' Kitty, every time we have an empty room, you wanna fill it up with a stray child. You’re like... the old lady who lived in a shoe.<br />

'''Kitty:''' Did you just call me old? }}

[...]<br />

'''Jack O'Neill:''' Well, first of all, Joe, I'm not a terrible ping pong player. }}

* In ''[[Peep Show]]'', Jeremy calls Sophie's father Ian a "fox-hunting, badger-baiting, tweed shirt, bumfuck homophobe", thinking he can't hear him through the headphones on his metal detector. Later, Ian reveals that he could hear him and tells him, "I may be a homophobe, but I'm no badger baiter."

{{quote| '''Spender:''' Now, I don't mind being called a bastard, but I do mind being called a fascist and I take exception to being spat on.}}

* ''[[Would I Lie to You]]'', on the subject of rider lists:

 

== Tabletop Games ==

 

 

== Theater ==

** An actual honest-to-god historical exchange; it's paraphrased from a series of letters written while they were courting. At first glance, the Adamses had an interesting and slightly tumultuous marriage, but it's only partly true. You just need to read the letters with the right mindset. John and Abigail were pretty much the only happy marriage of any of our founding fathers (the others were either full of tragedy or were political marriages), and they enjoyed the back-and-forth. Honestly, you could say they were the closest thing to soulmates you could find.

* [[Inverted Trope]] in the 2003 musical ''[[Avenue Q]],'' when Lucy the Slut tells a jilted [[The Everyman|Princeton]] that she isn't going to cling to "some well hung baby face kid, who leeches from his parents and can't get his act together!", and then stalks haughtily away. Princeton [[Aside Glance|slowly faces the audience]] and says, "I think I heard a compliment in there!" and proceeds to follow her off-stage.

 

== Video Games ==

{{quote| '''Farmer's Wife:''' AAAH! Little green spacemen!<br />

'''Crypto:''' I am ''not'' green! }}

:: [[The Greys|Of course]], "green" is the only inaccurate part.

{{quote| '''Reimu:''' You're a talkative ghost.<br />

'''Youmu:''' I'm half non-ghost, you know!<br />

{{quote| '''Henne:''' Looks like her report was right on. "Dumbass poser wearing a black trenchcoat, black hat, red bandana, and fingerless gloves."<br />

'''Haken:''' What...!? What's wrong with my gloves!? }}

{{quote| '''Leon:''' Finished?<br />

'''Cid:''' Would be, if it weren't for the old loon's magic.<br />

'''Merlin:''' OLD loon, you say!? }}

{{quote| '''Cid:''' ^$#&! Good for nothing, fat &$#$^@!<br />

'''Palmer:''' Don't say 'fat'! }}

{{quote| '''Baldus:''' Nessiah... I have heard it rumored that you are a heartless false prophet.<br />

'''Nessiah:''' I can understand where the "heartless" part might come from, but I never thought someone would call me "false". }}

{{quote| '''Caretaker:''' ''(to Qara)'' You're that tavern wench who cleans tables at that dive in the docks district.<br />

'''[[Player Character]]:''' Hey! the Sunken Flagon is not a dive! }}

 

== Visual Novels ==

{{quote| '''Phoenix:''' This witness... is a big, fat liar!<br />

'''April May:''' F-fat!? }}

{{quote| '''Speshdiv Robot:''' Meelord Marone, you are under arrest, for murder, conspiracy to conceal murder, kidnapping, and treason.<br />

'''Mee:''' Oh, come on man, I only did three of those. }}

{{quote| '''Marzipan:''' Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's like cottage cheese and The Cheat hair!<br />

'''Homestar:''' What!? ''([[Spit Take]])'' Strong Bad told me it was sour cream and The Cheat hair! }}

 

== Web Comics ==

{{quote| '''Woman in Lost and Found:''' But who would claim a rotting, scarred, incredibly whiny zombie head?<br />

''(...)''<br />

{{quote| '''Helen:''' HA! I knew [[Brotherhood of Funny Hats|the Daves]] had to have dealt with unsavory people!<br />

'''Caliban:''' Those are some old friends of mine you're insulting. Don't call them "people". }}

{{quote| '''Baron Grayfort:''' You stupid, useless deserter! Traitor! Lout! Hooligan! Coward! Clumsy oaf!<br />

'''Lucas:''' I'm no coward. }}

** [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2004/07/08/episode-439-everything-is-fighters-fault/ Black Mage has friends.] Well, ''a'' friend.

** [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2006/01/05/episode-644-processing/ The 4th and 5th panels.]

{{quote| '''Gwynn:''' Hi, "Hasn't Dated Since the Clinton Administration" and his sidekick "Captain Mommy Issues".<br />

'''Riff:''' I am '''not''' a sidekick! }}

{{quote| '''[[Action Girl|Sandy]]:''' I feel like every time I turn around you're doing something stupid, like holding a live grenade while standing knee-deep in radioactive sludge and [[Man On Fire|setting yourself on fire]].<br />

'''[[Idiot Hero|Gordon]] [[Too Dumb to Live|Frohman]]:''' For the record, I'm only ''ankle'' deep. }}

* Played with in ''[[Ansem Retort]]'', due to a misunderstanding.

{{quote| '''Darth Maul:''' Pandora? Is he calling us box openers?<br />

'''Marluxia:''' I think he's calling us box openers.<br />

'''Darth Maul:''' Let's kick his ass! }}

* Used in [http://www.blue-uncia.nl/pages/SoL/SoL0049.shtml this strip] from ''Stuff of Legend''.

* In [http://blankitcomics.com/2008/08/04/of-snakes-and-apples/ this strip] of ''[[Blank It]]'', the objector actually realizes his mistake.

* ''[[Dork Tower]]''

{{quote| '''Kayleigh:''' It's better than being a looser dweeb with no initiative, no fashion sense, no job, no prospects and a ''Buffy''-hater to boot!<br />

'''Matt:''' THAT was a LOW blow!... I '''love''' ''Buffy''. }}

{{quote| '''Dustin:''' But not me. [[Sarcasm Mode|Stupid Dusty. Dusty the moron who wants to save his own people first. Dusty who must be stupid and evil for trying to bring Earth into the G.O.B.]]<br />

'''Nogg:''' Hey now, we've never thought of you as ''evil''. }}

{{quote| '''Unwinder:''' Reading some manga there?<br />

'''Barbecue Sauce:''' No.<br />

'''Unwinder:''' Reading some non-canon comic continuations of old, canceled, BBC science fiction shows?<br />

'''Barbecue Sauce:''' No! I mean, most fans consider them [[Canon]], since they got some of the original writers. }}

* In ''[[Order of the Stick]]'':

{{quote| '''Nale:''' Malack, is the Control Winds scroll you cast still active?<br />

{{quote| "You are the fat, loud girl's girlfriend," she said.<br />

"Puddy's not fat!" I said angrily. Then, my brain caught up with the rest of her sentence, and I added, "And [[She Is Not My Girlfriend|I'm not her girlfriend]]." }}

{{quote| '''Nostalgia Critic:''' ''(after being knocked backwards into a pile of boxes)'' Who keeps piles of boxes around?! Honestly!<br />

'''Angry Video Game Nerd:''' Oh, don't you TALK about my boxes! I like boxes!<br />

{{quote| '''Me:''' Not only are you a lousy Dungeon Master, but you're crazier than a crapfight in a monkey house!<br />

'''Psycho Dave:''' I am not a lousy Dungeon Master! }}

{{quote| '''Theron:''' ''(to Gorgo)'' ...my little whore queen.<br />

''(Gorgo lunges at Theron)''<br />

'''Mike:''' ''(as Gorgo)'' I am not little! }}

* The people behind The Gentlemen's Rant made a series of videos called The Gentlemen's Response, where they respond to comments left on their youtube videos. One such comment was "blugh! what is with these same 5 boring, ugly, whiny, deep nasally-voice, depressing, lame joke, dead beat loosers." (sic) They responded by merely pointing out that there's only four of them (Although this is more about pointing out what an idiot the commenter is and disregarding their opinion since they can't count).

 

 

== Western Animation ==

{{quote| '''June:''' Oh great. It's prince pouty. Where's your creepy grandpa?<br />

'''Zuko:''' He's my uncle... and he's not here. }}

'''King:''' Who are you calling old?! }}

** That one is especially hilarious, because by "old friend" Sokka meant "long-term friend/friend from past times", not "aged".

{{quote| '''Harley Quinn:''' And here you thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, I'm not even a real blond!}}

** "Hurricane Neddy": Ned Flanders goes berserk and insults several of the people who tried unsuccessfully to rebuild his house after a hurricane struck. One can tell he was starting to run out of good insults by the time he got to Moe:

{{quote| '''Ned:''' You ugly, hate-filled man!<br />

{{quote| '''Medfly:''' You stupid clumsy idiotic brain-dead yellow imbecile!<br />

'''Duckman:''' Hey, wait, hold on there buddy!... You really think I'm yellow? I've always seen myself as more a sallow ochre. Here, check the butt feathers. }}

** "Space Pilot 3000":

{{quote| '''Smitty:''' Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.<br />

{{quote| '''Amy A:''' The Professor's right -- you are evil. And ''shallow''!<br />

'''Amy 1:''' I am ''not'' evil! }}

** In "TAK: The Hideous New Girl":

{{quote| '''Zim:''' Despite his huge head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid.<br />

{{quote| '''Dib:''' My head's not big!!<br />

'''Zim:''' I... didn't say anything about your head. }}

{{quote| '''Congressman:''' Are you high or just incredibly stupid?<br />

'''President Bush:''' I assure you -- I am not high! }}

{{quote| '''Iago:''' Don't ya get it, Einstein? You're a has-been!<br />

'''Frijeed:''' I may be a has-been, but ''I'm no Einstein!!!'' }}

{{quote| '''Candace:''' Oh, that's ridiculous! I do ''not'' have wheels!}}

* A slight variation, from ''[[Mission Hill]]'':

'''Andy:''' Sorry, not women. Woman. Just you.<br />

'''Shelly:''' Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things. }}

{{quote| '''Tad:''' You're a mean old witch!<br />

'''Sandi:''' I am not old! }}

{{quote| '''Xandir:''' You ass-kissing adopted homo!<br />

'''Captain Hero:''' I am not adopted! }}

{{quote| '''Ron:''' ''(reading from a book)'' "The Pink Sloth is an outcast, a follower, socially inept, and smells of overripe fruit." I do ''not'' smell of overripe fruit!}}

** [[I Resemble That Remark|And when a rotten banana peel came out of his pocket...]]

** From the episode "Down 'n' Dirty", where Buttercup tries to give up bathing:

{{quote| '''Buttercup:''' Don't you know only big, fat sissies take baths?!<br />

{{quote| '''Roach Coach:''' I am not just an insect! I am Roach Coach! I am the future ruler of this planet, you stupid biped!<br />

'''Bubbles:''' Who you calling a biped? }}

** The 1948 short ''Daffy Duck Slept Here'':

{{quote| '''[[Porky Pig]]:''' T-T-That does it! You web-footed, n-n-no good, two-timing, d-d-double-crossing, d-d-double-dealing, unsanitary old snake in the grass!<br />

{{quote| '''Melissa Duck:''' Goodbye, you scrawny little nine pound weakling.<br />

'''Daffy Duck:''' How do you like that? Calling me a scrawny little nine pound weakling... when it's perfectly obvious I'm a scrawny little ''ten'' pound weakling. Hmph. }}

{{quote| '''Burne Thompson:''' Not so fast! You slimy reptiles! I'll bet ''you're'' responsible for this!<br />

'''Donatello:''' Hey, I deny that insinuation! Turtles are ''not'' slimy! }}

{{quote| '''Gorilla Grodd:''' Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!<br />

'''Flash:''' Hey, who you calling slow? }}

{{quote| '''Lois:''' "Negroes: America's Dancin'est Rape-Folk." That's ''awful''! We don't use the word "Negro" anymore! }}

** In "Back to the Woods" Peter impersonates [[James Woods]] and goes on TV to talk about how he (meaning Woods) is making a wacky comedy movie [[Dude, Not Funny|about the September 11th terrorist attacks]]. And it'll co-star [[David Spade]].

{{quote| '''Paige:''' I came for a party and no creepy, weirdo, Goth loser is going to stop me!<br />

'''Darko Crevasse:''' Oh, come on. I may be, as you say, "creepy", but calling me a Goth is going too far. }}

{{quote| '''Lana:''' Now? Really?<br />

'''Archer:''' Oh, right! Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse and said "Help me showcase my intellect!"<br />

'''Lana:''' Discount? Hello? This is Fiacci! }}

* A variant from ''[[Sushi Pack]]'': seeing his scheme working, Titanium Chef crows, "Soon the world will see I'm not a so-so sushi chef, I'm a so-so [[Evil Genius]]!"

{{quote| '''Darkwing:''' I caught that hateful, underhanded, ham, Tuskernini, robbing a bank!<br />

'''Tuskernini:''' I object, your honour. I am ''not'' a ham.<br />

'''Judge:''' I mean the bank robbery! }}

** When Darkwing is called a second-rate jerk, he objects saying that he's a ''first-''rate jerk.

{{quote| '''Eeth Koth:''' Your reputation precedes you, general. The reputation of a coward, and a murderer.<br />

'''Grievous:''' ''Murderer?'' }}

{{quote| '''Queen Athena:''' I liked how you dealt with the obnoxious one with the big beak.<br />

'''Danger Duck:''' Hey! I'll have you know my beak is exactly the right size for my head! }}

{{quote| '''Doctor Octopus:''' Back off, you pea-brained, uncoordinated, absurdly dressed excuse for a man!<br />

'''Scorpion:''' Who are you callin' absurdly dressed?!<ref>Although this may be [[Hypocritical Humour]] on Doc Ock's part</ref> }}

{{quote| '''Sting:''' You're fat, greedy, and selfish, Bumble! You only think of yourself!<br />

'''Queen Bumble:''' I am '''not''' fat! }}

{{quote| '''Spike:''' Show yourselves, you dogs! You curs! Ah, there you are, you mangy mutts!<br />

'''Diamond Dog:''' Who are you calling ''mutts''? Unleash the hounds! }}

{{quote| '''Roger 'Booda' Sack:''' It's been so long since yo' momma's last bath, that her hairy arm pits smell like propane gas!<br />

'''Hank:''' Now hold on there, fella, a joke's a joke but now you've gone too far. You see propane is actually odorless, what you smell was put there by man for safety reasons... }}

* When Michael Buckly made fun of rival figure skaters Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir on his [[YouTube]] show ''What the Buck?'', declaring that the wannabe-macho Evan and flamboyant Johnny were "totally doing it" and probably texted each other all day, Johnny posted the following message to Buckley's [[My Space]] in response: "Love it, bitch! We totally don't text!"

* Byron Hall, author of the disturbing RPG ''[[FATAL]]'' objected to an RPG.net review calling it "the date rape RPG", retorting "Another faulty conclusion drawn by Darren. Where is dating included?"

** Considering how [[World War One|relations were with Germany at the time]], he picked the right part to complain about.

* Mike Tyson is attributed to have said "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."

{{quote| "These Republican leaders have not been content with attacks on me, or my wife, or on my sons. No, not content with that, they now include my little dog, Fala. ''(laughter)'' Well, of course, I don't resent attacks, and my family doesn't resent attacks -- but Fala ''does'' resent them. ''(laughter)'' You know, Fala is Scotch, and being a Scottie, as soon as he learned that the Republican fiction writers in Congress and out had concocted a story that I'd left him behind on an Aleutian island and had sent a destroyer back to find him -- a cost to the taxpayers of two or three, or eight or 20 million dollars -- his Scotch soul was furious. ''(laughter)'' He has not been the same dog since. ''(laughter)'' I am accustomed to hearing malicious falsehoods about myself -- such as that old, worm-eaten chestnut that I have represented myself as indispensable. But I think I have a right to resent, to object, to libelous statements about my dog!" ''(laughter)''}}

* [[Lady Gaga]] once went on ''[[The Tonight Show]]'' and was asked if there were any annoying rumors she'd like to dispel. Most people expected her to deny mean-spirited rumors she was a hermaphrodite, but she chose just to clarify that she wasn't from Yonkers.

* William Wallace, when accused of a number of crimes by the English after being captured, only defended himself by saying he is not treasonous, because he never swore loyalty to the English monarchy or any of its servants.

* From www.thinkgeek.com, in the product description for the d20 soaps: "we are NOT weirdo, basement-dwelling, outcasts who never shower. We do so shower." Which is true. That, and weirdness is relative.

*** It's actually pretty easy. Zionist Occupational Government refers to a secret conspiracy that Jewish people secretly run X country. If they don't believe the United States is secretly run by a Jewish shadow government, then they can't be anti-ZOG. Anti-ZOG also does not apply to Israel since there is no secret conspiracy.

* Steven Seagal was accused of driving a tank into a man's house, flanked by dozens of police in Riot Gear, and shooting the man's dog, because the man allegedly ran a cockfighting ring. Steven's response? He was outraged that someone would say he'd hurt a dog. (Turns out the dog bit wasn't true after all.)

* Howard Hughes was a highly controversial figure due to his eccentricity and, to some extent, his wealth. His synopsis of his fame:

{{quote| "I'm not a paranoid deranged millionaire. Goddamit, I'm a billionaire."}}

* There's an English legal anecdote about a judge who was called a "big-nosed bastard c**t" by an angry defendant. When his wife was told about this, her response was "but you haven't got a big nose".

* One of the British politicians jailed over expenses fraud was told by a journalist that people working with him had described him as arrogant, autocratic and rude. Right on schedule he said he didn't think he was rude.