Lame Comeback: Difference between revisions

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'''Todd:''' Because you'll be dust by then.
'''Scott:''' ...?
'''Todd:''' [[Don't Explain the Joke|Because I'm going to pulverize you sometime this weekend.]] And the cleaning lady, she... cleans dust. She dusts. And she has weekends off, so Monday...<br />
'''Envy:''' What the hell are you talking about? }}
 
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'''Richard Hayden''': Are you talking?
'''Tommy''': Shut up, Richard. }}
* In ''[[Funny People]]'', George is verbally abusing Ira {{spoiler|after Ira has [[Nice Job Breaking It, Hero|inadvertently]] destroyed George's admittedly slim chances of getting back together with '[[The One That Got Away]]'}}. Ira -- havingIra—having put up with all the shit he's willing to take from George by this point -- proceedspoint—proceeds to [[What the Hell, Hero?|completely demolish]] the other man and basically pegs him as a pathetic, bitter, self absorbed and self loathing man who even if he had everything he ever wanted still would find some way to fuck it up and be completely miserable because he doesn't even know how to be happy himself, much less inspire it in other people. Faced with this verbal assault, George's comeback -- thatcomeback—that Ira isn't funny -- isfunny—is exactly as pathetic as it sounds. And unfortunately, [[Insult Backfire|Ira has a comeback for that also]].
* From ''[[Serenity]]'':
{{quote|'''Mal''': You want to run this ship?
'''Jayne''': [[Rhetorical Question Blunder|Yes!]]<br />
'''Mal''': Well... you can't! }}
* In ''[[Hook]]'', Robin Williams as a grown-up [[Peter Pan]] when he engages in the verbal duel with Rufio.
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** And the original statement wasn't even directed at him. Or ''even an insult.''
* In ''[[Shallow Hal]]'', after Jason Alexander brags that he is "bigger", Hal takes about 8 seconds to respond "Yeah, bigger than a mouse's". Jason calls him out on taking too long; that's why it's called a "quip", not a "slowp".
* In ''[[Harold and& Kumar Go to White Castle|Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle]]'', towards the end, when Harold confronts his two co-workers.
{{quote|'''Harold''': Shut up, cock-boy.
'''Co-Worker''': Cock-boy?
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== [[Opera]] ==
* An embarrassing scene in the opera ''Le Grand Macabre'', by Gyorgy Ligeti, has the White and Black Ministers [[Volleying Insults|calling names at each other]] -- in—in alphabetical order. It starts out strong with "Ass-kisser" and "Bloodsucker", until:
{{quote|'''White''': I...I can't think of anything with I...<ref>Troper note: how about ''Idiot''?</ref>
'''Black''': I can't think of anything with J...''Kidnapper''!<ref>Further troper note: Judas? Jerk? Jackass?</ref> }}
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* The MMORPG ''[[Kingdom of Loathing]]'' includes a mini-game called [http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Insult_Beer_Pong Insult Beer Pong], in which you have to respond appropriately to various insults (e.g., if your opponent says "When I'm through with you, you'll be crying like a little girl," you say "It's an honor to learn from such an expert in the field"). But you can't just start with battle; you have to research the insults and comebacks. So you grab ''The Big Book of Pirate Insults'', get into fights with various pirates, insult them at random from the book, and learn various witty comebacks, which are then available for you during the match.<ref>The book insults are different from the beer pong insults, but if you learn every possible comeback, you should be able to come up with one that fits each new insult. For instance, you can learn the aforementioned comeback in combat if you use "I'll teach you the meaning of fear, you gutless coward!"</ref> If a pirate can't think of an insult, he'll stammer out something like "Yeah? Well... so's your face!" - and there are five possible Lame Comebacks for you to use during the match (if you want to lose), including "Stop waving it around like a featherduster!" - an extended reference to [[Monkey Island]].
* In ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'', the Sniper has a domination quote in reference to the Spy:
{{quote|'''The Spy''': [[Bond One-Liner|I never really was on your side.]]<br />
'''The Sniper''': ''I'' was never on ''your'' side either! ... Wanker! }}
* As mentioned above, the "insult swordfighting" in ''[[Monkey Island (series)|Monkey Island]]'' is based not around actual fencing ability, but about being able to [[You Fight Like a Cow|come up with clever comebacks]] to your opponents' insults to gain advantage in the duel. There are a couple of stock lame comebacks - "I am rubber, you are glue" or "Boy are you ugly!" - which don't work on any insult. In later games, "how appropriate - you fight like a cow!" goes from being a legitimate retort to Guybrush's go-to [[Lame Comeback]] whenever somebody insults him.
* In ''[[Portal 2]]'', during the [[Final Boss]] fight, if you let Rick the Adventure Sphere talk long enough, he will eventually ask if you have a "[[Pre-Mortem One-Liner|Cool Line]]" prepared for when you kill {{spoiler|Wheatley}}. After some unsuccessful attempts to think one up himself, he will try to [[Invoked Trope|invoke]] one by asking Chell to get {{spoiler|Wheatley}} to say "You two have been a thorn in my side for long enough!", reminding you to do so as he is plugged in. Once all three cores are plugged in and the final part of the fight starts up, {{spoiler|Wheatley}}'s dialogue will have now changed slightly to include Rick's setup line word-for-word. Rick then delivers his "[[Pre-Mortem One-Liner|Cool Line]]". It's... a little underwhelming.
{{quote|'''Rick''': "Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down. Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head."}}
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* During your [[Recurring Boss|final battle with]] [[Smug Snake|Kai Leng]] in ''[[Mass Effect 3]]'', he tries taunting Shepard. Shepard throws it right back at him, and his comeback line reeks of lame.
{{quote|'''Leng:''' You're still slow, Shepard!
'''Shepard:''' [[Dirty Coward|I'm only slow because I'm not running!]] You ran at {{spoiler|the Citadel}}! You ran on {{spoiler|Thessia}}!<br />
'''Leng:''' Sh...Shut up! }}
 
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'''Wonderella:''' So's [[Your Mom]].
'''Hitlerella:''' Um, YES? Wait, did you just actually say that? }}
* The [[Villain Protagonist|Villain Protagonists]]s of ''[[8-Bit Theater|Eight Bit Theater]]'' (Black Mage in particular) are quite prone to this, such as in [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/05/05/episode-1124-king-bad-ass-of-evil-mountain/ this] installment:
{{quote|'''Black Mage:''' What did you THINK I meant every time I said I was going to burn the world?
'''Red Mage:''' Who cares?
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'''Ivy:''' I love your face when it's ugly. Which is all the time. }}
* In ''[[Goblins]]'', Minmax is notoriously bad at witty banter.
{{quote|'''Kin:''' Minmax! [[Ret-Gone|Stop throwing your clothes]] into [[Negative Space Wedgie|the hole]]!<br />
'''Minmax:''' [[Ret-Gone|I haven't thrown anything into the hole yet!]] You're the one throwing craziness into the hole 'cause you're craz... No, wait, you're... You're throwing... Yourself... No. Wait. You're... Yeah! Yeah! You're throwing yourself into the crazy hole!<br />
''[[Beat]]''<br />
'''Minmax:''' Heh. Burn. }}
* ''[[The Order of the Stick]]'', "[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0286.html A Minor Glitch]": Belkar berates Vaarsuvius for saving his life and thus ruining his [[Thanatos Gambit]], pointing out that Durkon could have just [[Death Is Cheap|cast Raise Dead on him]] immediately afterward. After Vaarsuvius points out a [[Understatement|minor flaw]] in the plan, Belkar utterly fails to come up with a comeback.
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* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3v0ZaZn23I This] 'Marvel / DC' spoof:
{{quote|'''Nightwing''': You're nothing but a hack, McGinnis!
'''[[Batman Beyond|Terry McGinnis]]''': You got issues, Dick.<br />
'''Nightwing''': No ''you're'' the... issues person. }}
* A classic from ''[[Street Fighter]]: The Animated Series'':
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[[Category:Dialogue]]
[[Category:Insult Tropes]]
[[Category:Lame Comeback{{PAGENAME}}]]