Mathematician's Answer: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

{{quote|'''Monty:''' Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are ''completely correct'' but ''entirely useless'' under the circumstances? <br />

 

If you ask someone a question, and he gives you an entirely accurate answer that is of no practical use whatsoever, he has just given you a Mathematician's Answer.

 

== Anime and Manga ==

** From episode one.

{{quote| '''Mokona:''' *yawn* I slept well.<br />

{{quote| '''Chou:''' So who are we goin' after? The Boss? Or Battousai? <br />

'''Saito:''' Yes. }}

{{quote| '''Random guy on the beach:''' Hey, beautiful, where are you from?<br />

'''[[No Social Skills|Shigure]]:''' My ... home. }}

 

== Comic Books ==

* [[Lucky Luke]]'s horse can speak, but seeing as it's a horse, even Lucky Luke is baffled when he sees it on the riverbank, fishing.

{{quote| '''Lucky Luke:''' How did you get the bait on the hook?<br />

 

== Fanfiction ==

{{quote| '''Kyon:''' "So ''if'' I tell you, that means you can't go. Understand?"<br />

'''Kyon's sister:''' "Okay!" she cheered. "So, don't tell me! That means I can (it's not forbidden) go!"<br />

** [[Running Gag|"Headquarters? What is it?" "It's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now."]]

* ''[[Ghostbusters]]:'' "Where do these stairs go?"... "They go up."

* In the 2006 ''[[The Pink Panther|Pink Panther]]'' movie starring Steve Martin, a reporter asks Inspector Clouseau if they (the police) know if the killer is a man or a woman. Clouseau's answer is: "Well of course I know that! What else is there, a kitten?"

** Also, when he quotes someone about politics, Yvette asks him if he said it, meaning if he is the original author of he quote. Clouseau, of course, takes the question literally and, after confusingly looking around for someone else, answers "yes."

{{quote| '''Willard''': Do you know who's in command here?<br />

'''Roach''': Yeah. ''[Walks off]'' }}

{{quote| '''Vesper:''' How was your lamb?<br />

'''Bond:''' Skewered. }}

''[cuts to The Boss's penthouse]''<br />

'''Slevin:''' Yes. }}

{{quote| '''Saavik:''' May I ask how you dealt with the test?<br />

'''Kirk:''' You may ask. }}

{{quote| '''Evey:''' Well I can see that.<br />

''V:'' Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. }}

** "Has success changed your life?" "Yes."

** "Do you think these haircuts have come to stay?" "Well this one has, y'know, stuck on good and proper now."

** "What do you call that hairstyle you're wearing?" "Arthur."

** "What do you call that collar?" "A collar."

{{quote| '''Sosa:''' Gilbert, you've either deliberately aided and abetted a federal fugitive's escape, or you're the single dumbest human being I've ever come into contact with. Would you like to know which way I'm leaning?<br />

'''Gilbert:''' Forward! }}

{{quote| '''Kate:''' Where are we going?<br />

'''Richie:''' Mexico.<br />

** "Buddy O'Donald, on Paul Revere's night ride, what did he say as he stopped his horse in front of colonial homes?" "He said, 'Whoa!'"

** "Bobby Malon, what was Nero doing while Rome burned?" "I don't know, but I think he should've been hauling water to the fire."

* In ''[[Shrek]] the Third'', Pinocchio has a very confusing one in order to not lie to Captain Hook about where Shrek is.

* ''[[Sleepy Hollow]]'':

 

== Literature ==

* In ''[[Halo]]: [[The Fall of Reach]]'', during a test of the MJOLNIR armor with shields Cortana asked the Master Chief what his plan was for dealing with a squad of ODST marines. He responded, "I'm going to finish counting to ten," because he had been instructed to do so.

* Raymond Smullyan collected these:

** "Where does this road go?" "It isn't going anywhere. It's just staying put."

** One Vermont farmer approaches another. "My horse is sick. What did you give your horse when it was sick?" "Hay and molasses." Two weeks later: "I gave my horse hay and molasses, and it died." "Yep, so did mine."

{{quote| '''Susan''': Are those mountains real or some sort of shadows?<br />

'''Death''': {{smallcaps|yes}}. }}

{{quote| '''Lord Downey''': Can I offer you a drink?<br />

'''Auditor''': Yes ... we judge you capable of performing that action }}

{{quote| '''Susan''': Are you {{spoiler|Lobsang}} or are you {{spoiler|Jeremy}}?<br />

''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Yes.<br />

'''Susan''': Yes, I walked into that. Are you {{spoiler|Lobsang}} ''and'' are you {{spoiler|Jeremy}}?<br />

''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Much closer. Yes. }}

{{quote| '''Rincewind''': There's a door.<br />

'''Eric''': Where does it go?<br />

'''Rincewind''': It stays where it is, I think. }}

{{quote| '''Granny Weatherwax''': Am I dying?<br />

'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}}.<br />

'''Granny Weatherwax''': But to you, everybody is dying, right? So you are not exactly being Mr. Helpful here.<br />

'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}} }}

{{quote| Demons were like genies or philosophy professors - if you didn't word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate [...] answers.}}

{{quote| Things just happened. What the hell?}}

 

** The real problem with Mathematician's Answers in Discworld is that they often AREN'T -- they're very accurate statements of the fact that, in a world where symbolism, belief, and narrative causality are literally physical laws of the universe, it is entirely possible for something to be two different and contradictory things simultaneously.

** Arthur has one as well:

{{quote| '''Arthur Dent''': You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.<br />

** In Life, the Universe and Everything, there is the character Prak. In a court case, he was injected with too much truth serum, and then he was instructed to tell "the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth." He responds by telling them everything that is true about, well, Life, the Universe, and Everything. Everyone present had to flee, leaving him alone telling the Truth, however by the time the protagonists arrive he has finished, telling them that there's not as much to it as one might expect, that he has forgotten it all now, but some of the best bits involved frogs and Arthur Dent.

* Jarlaxle the drow from R.A. Salvatore's series of Drizzt books is so fond of the Mathematician's Answer that "Yes" might as well be his catch phrase.

{{quote| '''Jake''': Did we go forward or back? Are we in the past or the future?<br />

'''Ax''': Yes. It's definitely one of those two choices. }}

* The Angel, a character in Mike Resnick's ''[[Santiago: A Myth of The Far Future]]'' does it several times:

{{quote| "How are you going to ...?"<br />

'''Rustam:''' With your hands. }}

** Weirdly, this answer is wrong.

{{quote| ''"As far as I can remember... I've always been around."''}}

{{quote| "Be careful what she teaches her," Adams said, without looking up. "You might get a very nasty surprise."<br />

"Are you talking about Anastasia teaching Katya or the other way around?" Nielson asked, grinning.<br />

''' {{spoiler|Meera}}:''' By the well? Or in the Nightfort?<br />

''' {{spoiler|Bran}}:''' Yes. }}

{{quote| Waiter: Anything to drink?<br />

Spike: Yes anything. }}

{{quote| '''Shadow:''' Where are we? Am I on the tree? {{spoiler|Am I dead?}} Am I here? I thought everything was finished. What's real?<br />

'''Whiskey Jack:''' Yes.<br />

 

== Live Action TV ==

{{quote| '''Adam:''' Where are we?<br />

'''Jamie:''' We're right here. }}

{{quote| '''Dr. Kelso:''' Would someone explain what that bird is doing in my hospital?<br />

'''Janitor:''' Sanchez appears to be flying, sir. I've named him Sanchez. }}

** In one case, Sheridan had asked what was in the random access hatch Kosh had led him to. Kosh's answer was "One moment of perfect beauty." Sheridan [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshades]] this: "Well, as answers go, short, to the point, utterly useless and totally consistent with what I've come to expect from a Vorlon." It turns out, this is a completely factual statement, though it makes no sense until you can see the context. This gets [[Lampshaded]] again in the same episode when Ivanova asks Sheridan what Kosh showed him. Sheridan responds "Beauty...in the dark." Ivanova remarks that Kosh's lessons must be working, because Sheridan is starting to talk like a Vorlon.

** The Drakh do the same in season 4: "Drakh? Is that your name or your species?" "Yes."

* The French-Canadian sitcom ''[[Un Gars Un Fille|Un Gars, Une Fille]]'' (A Guy and a Girl), has the titular Guy ask his girlfriend which of two wines she wants for supper. She answers "Yes." This prompts him to reply "When someone gives you a choice between two things, you can't answer with yes! If you're afraid of committing to a decision, do you want me to pick for you, or do you want me to leave choices up to you?" Her answer? "Yes! Yes Yes Yes!"

*** Well, he ''was'' named on Bajor, where the Eastern name order is accepted, so it's still Mathematician's.

{{quote| '''Wesley''': Custodian, can you show me where Harry is?<br />

'''The Custodian''': Yes. <br />

'''Trance Gemini:''' Yes. }}

** Given that Trance is {{spoiler|the avatar of a star}}, this makes some sense.

{{quote| '''Roy:''' Is it a PC, or a Mac?<br />

'''Judy:''' ...Yes! }}

{{quote| '''Hannibal:''' How does that sound?<br />

'''Murdock:''' Well, Colonel, it doesn't make much of a sound at all! }}

* On ''[[Just Shoot Me]]'', when Elliot asks Dennis if he's licking stamps, Dennis answers sarcastically "I was, now I'm answering obvious questions." When a pretty model asks the same question, Dennis cordially responds "Why, yes I am." }}

* A guest of ''[[The Golden Girls]]'' tells the girls his wife has just had triplets. "What are they?" asks Dorothy. Rose answers, "That's when three babies are born at the same time."

{{quote| '''Jack''': How can you ''read''? [at a time like this]<br />

'''Ben''': My mother taught me. }}

{{quote| '''Locke:''' What's it do?<br />

'''Alpert:''' It points North, John. }}

{{quote| '''Leonard''': How was Nebraska?<br />

'''Penny''': Well, better than North Dakota!<br />

'''Roman''': I don't know... a squid? There are other options... }}

** To clarify, Roman is supposed to be DJ and is not at his post.

** Another from ''Cheers'':

{{quote| '''Frasier''': O death in life, the days that are no more -- who said that?<br />

{{quote| '''Teddy:''' So when he says he has it under control, should we be relieved or worried?<br />

'''Cece & Rocky:''' Yes. }}

{{quote| '''Tyrion:''' What sort of accent is that?<br />

'''Shae:''' Foreign. }}

* In ''[[The Sarah Connor Chronicles]]'', this is sometimes how [[Robot Girl|Cameron]] responds to questions.

* An [[Running Gag]] in ''[[Police Squad!]]'', where Frank holds a cigarette out to a witness or suspect and asks "cigarette?" The implication is that he's asking if they want one, but they always answer "Yes, I know," or "Yes, it is."

{{quote| '''Masters:''' House, how many prostitutes have you had?<br />

'''House:''' As in eaten? Ever? This year?<br />

'''Masters:''' Slept with. Since you've been here.<br />

'''House:''' All but one. She did my taxes. }}

{{quote| '''Melissa:''' Why is it so dark in here?<br />

'''Mulder:''' Because the lights aren't on. }}

== Newspaper Comics ==

* Similar to the Eddie Izzard example: in a 1960s ''[[Peanuts]]'' strip, Charlie Brown is trying to teach Sally to count. When shown a picture and asked "How many boats do you see?" she answers "All of them!"

{{quote| '''Miss Wormwood''': Calvin, pay attention! We're studying geography! [[Where the Hell Is Springfield?|Now, what state do you live in?]]<br />

'''Calvin''': Denial.<br />

'''Miss Wormwood''': ...I don't suppose I can argue with THAT. }}

 

 

* In ''[[Chicago]]'':

{{quote| She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "men."}}

{{quote| '''Hamlet''': Words, words, words.}}

* In ''[[The Pirates of Penzance]]'', the [[Modern Major-General|Major-General]] wants to find out something about the men in piratical outfits who propose to marry his daughters:

'''Shepard:''' Which?<br />

''' {{spoiler|Legion:}}''' Both. }}

{{quote| '''Warden:''' What were you doing in that cage?<br />

'''Sten:''' Sitting. }}

 

== Webcomics ==

** A few strips later there is an even purer [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0331.html example] - this time directed at Belkar.

** Vaarsuvius [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0749.html does this] on Haley in another strip

** This is generally the sort of answer given when a question is asked about V's gender.

{{quote| '''Fan:''' What did the Court do with Sivo's body? ... Was Sivo laid to rest somewhere near the Court, or were his remains sent to an [[Our Dragons Are Different|Orjak]] burial ground in the Bovec Mountains or elsewhere?<br />

'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}40&page{{=}}12#3563 Tom Siddell]:''' Eglamore dealt with the matter in the way agreed on between he and his friend.<br />

'''Fan:''' I like how most characters have slightly different skin colors. But because they do, I'm not sure what to make of Zimmy's ashen color. Do you consider it to be in the expected range of variation for Gunnerkrigg characters (it does seem like the Headmaster's is quite similar), or is it intended to suggest something like unhealthiness or unnaturalness or even just griminess?<br />

'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}614&page{{=}}6#21831 Tom Siddell]:''' Yup. }}

* [http://somethingpositive.net/sp10112005.shtml Yeah], ''[[Something Positive]]'' did it, too.

{{quote| "Davan, I'm going to force self-worth into you if I have to do it with a suppository."<br />

'''York''': Probably not. It isn't a very common word. }}

* From ''[[Wapsi Square]]'', Shelly gives one when asked where she [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/onmyfront/ got her tattoo.]

{{quote| '''Thief:''' Since when do you care about quests?<br />

'''Black Mage:''' Since it's a convenient excuse to butcher Sir Hopsalot for revenge.<br />

'''Dragoon:''' You mean Red Mage or me?<br />

'''Black Mage: YES.''' }}

{{quote| '''Manager:''' Ever been arrested?<br />

'''Isaac:''' Once.<br />

== Web Original ==

* The Frequently Given Answers page makes a [http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jonathan.deboynepollard/FGA/questions-with-yes-or-no-answers.html serious attempt] to inform unsuspecting answer-seekers how to avoid this trope, when asking questions of places frequented mainly by the overly literal.

{{quote| '''Spoony:''' Quite a long way from the traditional kimono she wore before, and her previous characterization as a kind, demure, religious care-giver with a tragic fate. But is this huge change in outfit and characterization because of the radical cultural shift in Spira because of the exposure of Yevon as a maniacal, genocidal cult run by the undead bent on world domination... or just because japanese perverts want to see some cleavage and her cute ass in boy's shorts? Good question... The answer is "Yes".}}

* ''[[Dragon Ball Abridged]]'':

'''Cleveland:''' I believe it's called the Worm. }}

* In one episode of ''[[Peanuts|The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show]]'', Charlie Brown regains consciousness on a sidewalk as two little kids watch. Charlie gets up and asks one of the kids, "Where am I?" One of the kids points to him and says, "Right there!"

** Some of the other Avatar spirits that Aang consulted were more direct, but he didn't like [[Kill Him Already|what they had to say]].

* ''[[Rocky and Bullwinkle]]'' provides us with another example. Boris, in one of his [[Paper-Thin Disguise|Paper Thin Disguises]], needs Bullwinkle to go to a particular location. His scheme is to have Bullwinkle win a trip in a contest. The trick, then, is to get the [[The Ditz|exceedingly dense]] Bullwinkle to actually give the correct answer to a question, which he finally accomplishes with this exchange.

{{quote| '''Bart:''' Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!<br />

'''Milhouse:''' I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over. }}

{{quote| '''Orson:''' Doctors are your friend Wade, they'd never hurt you, but ''Roy'' here would. Wait a minute, Roy, you're not a doctor!<br />

'''Roy:''' Sure I am! I operated a guy just yesterday.<br />

'''Tech support assistant:''' (''heavy Indian accent'') I am on the phone with you. }}

* Back in about 2003, when Mark & Lard were still doing an afternoon show on BBC Radio 1, they used to run a phone-in quiz vaguely about music. Once, one of the questions was, "Can you name a member of Boyzone?" One of the callers jumped in with, "No." Technically, it was a correct answer...

{{quote| (morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?<br />

(alec_eso): 1, morganj<br />

'''Musician''': Practice, man! Practice! }}

* Then there's the old retort to "Can I ask you a question?" "You just did."

* Not so much an example but a possibly interesting piece of related trivia: The "-A or B?; -Yes" joke works in most languages because it's rather typical that only one word is used for both meanings of "or". It doesn't work in languages where there are separate words for them, for example Finnish ("tai" / "vai". The former means "or" as in "is it either A or B?" and the latter as in "which one is it: A or B?")

** In fact, Finnish also has a third word for "or": "eli" meaning specifically "also known as" or "in other words". One wonders if the early Finns just really hated the "or" jokes.