Mitch Hedberg: Difference between revisions

{{quote| "There's a large, ''out-of-focus'' monster running around the countryside. That's ''extra'' scary to me. Run, he's fuzzy!"}}

* [[Calling Shotgun]]: "Last time I called shotgun we'd rented a limo, so I fucked up."

* [[Cloudcuckoolander]]

* [[Comically Missing the Point]]

* [[Cordon Bleugh Chef]]: Banana bread pastrami cottage cheese sandwich

* [[Dagwood Sandwich]]: He sees sandwiches from New York delis as this.

{{quote| "Whatcha gonna have? A pastrami sandwich. Would you like anything with that? Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people."}}

** He and some friends were dropping acid in the woods to avoid the cops, but ran into a bear, "[[Understatement|which was even more of a buzzkill]]." A friend remarked "Smokey is ''way'' more intense in person."

* [[Exactly What It Says On the Tin]]: "I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn ''literal''!"

{{quote| "Sometimes I'll fuck up and call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name. She can tell because I don't say the 'nn' long enough."}}

* [[Overly Long Gag]]: "I was at a restaurant, I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me cause she said, 'how would you like your eggs?' So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said, 'Incubated.'" ([[Beat]]) " 'And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put onto a grill. And then put onto a bun. Damn, [[Lampshade Hanging|it's gonna take a while]].' " ([[Beat]]) "[[Brick Joke|Scrambled]]."

** Subverted on one occasion when the audience underreacted to a joke Mitch was actually fond of. "That joke was better than you people are giving it credit for."

{{quote| "I have a sweet tooth." (Scattered laughter) "I think I messed something up with that last joke. I apologize."}}

* [[Stoners Are Funny]]

** "If 13 is unlucky, then so should the letter "B" be. 'Cause "B" looks like a scrunched-together 13."

*** "Hi, what's your name?" "Bob." "Get the ''fuck'' away!"

{{quote| ''Hey man, you know that story about that woman that drove her and her kids into a river?''<br />

''Yeah?''<br />