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{{quote| '''TSA Agent Dennis:''' NCIS? That anything like CSI? <br />
'''Tony:''': Only if you're dyslexic. }}
 
{{quote| '''Gibbs:''' [[Noodle Incident|Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.]] Grab your gear! }}
 
{{quote| '''Kate:''' I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!<br />
'''Gibbs:''' [[Lampshade Hanging|Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.]] }}
 
{{quote| '''Ziva:''' ''[at the copy machine]'' Die, you stupid machine!<br />
'''McGee:''' She seems unfazed.<br />
'''Tony:''' Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine. }}
 
{{quote| '''Franks:''' My brother and I married the same woman twice.<br />
'''Gibbs:''' Twice? <br />
'''Franks:''' She was a ''hell'' of a woman, Probie! }}
 
{{quote| '''Tony:''' Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.<br />
'''Abby:''' That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.<br />
'''Tim:''' I used to work at a bank.<br />
'''Abby:''' Your tat is real. And you don’t disappoint me. }}
 
{{quote| '''Ziva:''' What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?}}
 
{{quote| '''Tony:''' You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.<br />
'''Saleem:''' You're still bound. You're lying.<br />
'''Tony:''' I can't lie, and I didn't say I was the one who was going to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper? <BLAM!!> }}
 
{{quote| '''Ziva''': Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!<br />
'''Abby and McGee''': Of ''course'' it was. }}
 
{{quote| ''[after surviving a [[Stuff Blowing Up|car bomb]]]''<br />
'''Tony''': Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? ''[[[Beat]]]'' [[I Lied|I lied.]] }}
 
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