Noodle Implements: Difference between revisions
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Sometimes the best way to describe something is to give a few hints and let imaginations run wild, especially if you [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|aren't allowed]] or can't be bothered to get explicit. One common way is to imply the general feel and mention a few outlandish items to be used but not ''how'' they are used.
If the
Noodle Implements can cause [[Fridge Logic]] (and/or Fridge [[Squick]]) if you attempt to work out exactly what you do with a snorkel, a feather boa and a stuffed giraffe that's so incredibly erotic. Unfortunately, someone will have worked it out. There's probably [[Rule 34|pictures online]]. If the use is well known, it may become a form of [[Shout-Out]].
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* ''[[Potter Puppet Pals]]'' short "Wizard Angst": "You will be dragged by your ears to the basement, where a drunken Filch will be waiting with a cactus and a croquet mallet..."
* The short "Wizard Swears" also gives us the dreaded Elder Swear: "Your mother is a [bleep][bleep][bleep]ing [bleep] lorem ipsum [bleep][bleep][bleep] admitem venium [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] traguna [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] hippopotamus [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] Republican [bleep][bleep]ing Daniel Radcliffe [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] with a bucket of r[bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] in a castle far away where no one can hear you [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] Soup! [bleep][bleep][bleep][bleep] with a bucket of d[bleep][bleep] Mickey Mouse [bleep][bleep] and a stick of dynamite [bleeeeeeeeep] magical [bleep][bleep][bleeeeeeeeeeep] alakazam!"
* [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3946501/2/Thousand_Shinji The] Evangelion/40k crossover ''[[Thousand Shinji]]'' has Shinji (having converted to the worship of Tzeentch, god of [[Magnificent Bastard
** He also wonders "But where would I get that much tapioca?"
* The ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]'' 'fic, [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3835684/2/Misatos_Second_Childhood Misato's Second Childhood] has [[Manipulative Bastard|Gendo]] torturing Kaji with 'a live trout, a feather duster, a fireworks Sparkler, a nine-iron, a pack of already-chewed-bubble gum, half a pound of salt, two 6-inch candles, a rusty grill scrapper, two rolls of duct tape, and a copy of "Barney the Dinosaur Goes To Washington".
* Another ''Eva'' fic, ''[[Nobody Dies]]'', has Kei Ayanami (sic) demanding some... interesting things from Tokyo-3 after taking over one of NERV's outposts, including one million helicopters, one dollar, and Shinji and Asuka dressed only in ribbons.
** Rei herself is no slouch in the use of
{{quote|'''Maya''': "I have ''no'' idea how she managed to destroy Fuyutsuki's car with [a squeaky mallet]!"}}
** There is also Gendo's and Yui's conversation about subtly undermining Kyoko Sohryu's authority: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "I think so, but I don't know where we're going to get that much Saran Wrap."
* From a ''[[Harry Potter]]'' fansite, [http://www.mugglenet.com/funlists/deatheater.shtml this] guide to being a Death Eater includes the line "The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly."
** Any lists in said guide invariably have similar implements. For example, the equipment list has "Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc" and a pointy stick, and the list of skills includes yodelling.
** 99% of all good ''[[Harry Potter]]'' humor fic about the Marauders includes a list of
* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1553429/1/South_Down_The_Coast South Down The Coast]'', a ''[[Final Fantasy VIII]]'' fic has Quistis doing paperwork and receiving the following supply request: "One hundred metres nylon rope. One nun's habit. Motorcycle. Seven rolls duct tape. The list grew longer. Hyne, what did they ''need'' ten packs of Triple Triad cards for anyway? Not to mention the fertiliser."
* ''Zelda'' fic ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4788937/21/The_Legend_of_Zelda_Big_Brother_House The Legend Of Zelda Big Brother House]'' mentions that the reason Link never talks in the video games has something to do with Like Likes and Fire Keese in a bathroom and some yeast settling. Then there's the ingredients to Zant's meals, which include ingredients that try to run away.
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* In ''[[Grosse Pointe Blank]]'':
{{quote|MARTIN BLANK: They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?" }}
* ''[[Paycheck]]''. Ben Affleck's character has had his memory erased after reverse-engineering a complex device. Rather than the huge sum of money he was promised for completing the job, he leaves himself a series of seemingly unrelated
* In ''[[Fight Club]]'', when Tyler is interrupted having sex with Marla, he's wearing a heavy-duty rubber cleaning glove on one hand. Its purpose is never explained.
* From ''[[The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension]]''. As the group is running through the Banzai Institute after the Lectroids, New Jersey sees a watermelon in a metal press and asks what it's for. Reno just says, "I'll tell ya later." Explained later by [[Word of God]]: The Banzai Institute is developing ways of delivering food to famine-struck regions of the world by breeding a watermelon capable of being airdropped. Eggs are next.
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*** "some strong disinfectant"... "and a lot of carbolic soap." (Problem: Shakespeare died of a childhood illness)
*** "some drab clothing, a dark lantern and a very large cosh." (Problem: Shakespeare is killed by a gameskeeper while poaching)
** Perhaps the best example of all, from ''[[Discworld/Wyrd Sisters|Wyrd Sisters]]'', is the [[Footnote Fever|terrible fate*
{{quote|* Involving a [[wikipedia:Edward II of England#Death|red hot poker]], [[wikipedia:Henry I of England#Death and legacy|ten pounds of live eels]], [[Ra Ra Rasputin|a three mile stretch of frozen river]], [[wikipedia:George Plantagenet, 1st Duke of Clarence#Death|a butt of wine]], a couple of tulip bulbs, [[Hamlet|a number of poisoned eardrops]], an oyster and a large man with a mallet. King Murune didn't make friends easily.}}
** And then we have The Ginger Beer Trick, a surprisingly minimalist example of this trope which nonetheless manages to [[Squick]] characters and readers (in part) by never revealing the ''particular'' orifice involved. {{spoiler|Word on alt.fan.pratchett is that it's your nostrils that get fizzed (true, and reportedly used in both Mexico and Colombia)}} but that's unnecessary knowledge for the gags.
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*** And also by Miguel Prada's unhinged brother Ramon {{spoiler|in the nostrils of someone he suspects of being the Skinner}} in the third season of ''[[Dexter]]''.
** Leonard of Quirm is described as having 'accidentally blown up the Alchemists' Guild using nothing more than a glass of water, a spoonful of acid, two lengths of wire, and a ping-pong ball.' (''[[Discworld/Jingo|Jingo]]'')
*** Which sounds like he figured out a battery using acid and two different types of wire and electrolysised the water into hydrogen and oxygen. And then blew it up (old-style ping-pong balls were made with nitrocellulose, which, after ground, is a common component in modern explosives). Most of Pratchett's
*** Unless it's something that "Bloody Stupid" Johnson was involved in, as he apparently achieved the same effect using nothing but water and common sand.
** Also, from ''[[Discworld/Lords and Ladies|Lords and Ladies]]'': "There are no delusions for the dead. Dying is like waking up after a really good party, when you have one or two seconds of innocent freedom before you recollect all the things you did last night which seemed so logical and hilarious at the time, and then you remember the really amazing thing you did with a lampshade and two balloons, which had them in stitches, and now you realize you're going to have to look a lot of people in the eye today and you're sober now and so are they but you can both remember."
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*** This one was actually ''shown'' in ''Discworld II: Missing, Presumed...?!'' PC adventure game. Let's just say it's... somewhat less epic than one could judge from the description.
*** While the purpose of the sticks is unclear, the mouse blood or fresh egg are most likely required because something living needs to perish if you want Death to come for a visit. The minimalistic amounts of the living substance just indicates what is the bare minimum that counts for "life".
** Then there are those rumors about the manufacture of [[Gargle Blaster|scumble]], which is made ''mainly'' from apples, but is also alleged to make use of: rats, snake heads, lead shot, a dead sheep, and/or a trouser button. Subverted in that these
* Invoked in the ''[[Wheel of Time]]'' series. Juilin Sandar asks for a basket of figs and a pair of mice when questioning someone, [[
** He does it again asking for salt and cooking oil.
** A fair number of Elayne's curse words work like this. We're informed that they're particularly vile, but as Elayne doesn't know what they mean the reader is never informed. For example, Mother's milk in a cup and Bloody buttered onions.
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** I'm not sure it's the trope if we know what she does with them.
** In Lemony Snicket's autobiography it's established that VFD members are equipped with a standard [[Noodle Implement]] ''disguise kit''. (One photograph purports to show a young woman convincingly disguised as a 1950s-model pickup truck.)
** In place of a summary on the back of the book, any of these books will typically have a letter to the reader that explains the setting, provides a typical [[Snicket Warning Label]], and lists many a few of the tragedies and horrors (read: random things) that will befall the characters, ending with a case of [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking]]. For instance: "Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system." These things always eventually show up in the story, but at first reading, the blurb seems like nothing more than a list of
* In ''[[Dilbert|The Joy of Work]]'', the author suggests a method of avoiding work by invoking this method. Simply carry a pair of unrelated objects (such as a flashlight and an oil funnel) with you and walk in a hurry through the office. If anyone asks what they're for, quickly say "[[You Do NOT Want to Know|You don't want to know]]" and walk off.
* ''[[Dave Barry]]'s Guide to Marriage and/or Sex'':
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* In the second book of ''[[The Darksword Trilogy]]'', Simkin whispers to the emperor of Merilon. The words "Contessa", "Chafing dish" and "Discovered naked" are audible to those around. The emperor surprises everyone by proving he can indeed laugh.
* [[Lewis Carroll]]'s ''[[The Hunting of the Snark]]'' features several examples; the method of hunting a Snark, for example, involves thimbles, care, forks, hope, a railway share, smiles and soap.
** But at least what is used for what was explained once per fit from 3 to 8. Though not in details,
* From ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/29487 Forever]'' by [[Robert Sheckley]]: "The ingenious way in which Dennison and his colleagues broke out of their seemingly impregnable prison, using only a steel belt buckle, a tungsten filament, three hens' eggs, and twelve chemicals that can be readily obtained from the human body, is too well known to be repeated here."
* ''[[Horrible Histories]]'' example: "Yay! Our gallant navy has captured the nasty Spaniards with only one small leaking boat, two men, one cannon, a pistol, a sharp stick and a sponge!"
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== Live Action TV ==
* This is how every episode of ''[[MacGyver]]'' works, hence the parodies. Though we do get to see how he puts it all together, he can make ''anything'' out of ''anything''. So if you've got
* Subversion: Most of the lists of things the [[Myth Busters]] need to carry out [[For Science!|their plans]] only SOUND like
** Played straight in the following exchange:
{{quote|'''Jamie:''' Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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** He got back into the act on his show. While speaking about the changing of 90-year-old Canadian magazine ''The Beaver'''s name to ''Canada's History'' because the magazine's title was getting blocked by on-line porn filters, Colbert mentioned that the Canadians must not know that in America, the term "Canada's History" is a euphemism for [[Noodle Incident|a sex act so depraved he couldn't describe it on television]]. He could only mention that it involved [[Canada, Eh?|moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup, and the Stanley Cup.]]
** And again on ''[[The Daily Show]]''. When Jon Stewart and John Oliver are discussing torture, at one point John Oliver pulls a turkey baster out of his pocket and suggests that Jon "use it on him." We never find out exactly what he means by that, although we can guess...
* In an episode of ''[[NCIS]]'', the team needs to question a pair of teens, but Gibbs refuses to use actual interrogation techniques. Tony picks up the phone and tells the "person" on the other end that he needs to requisition a pair of "genital cuffs", pausing briefly to ask the teens if they have any family history of testicular cancer. When he leaves, the teens spend some time trying to figure out if genital cuffs really exist, and what their specific uses could
* The opening quotes of an episode of ''[[Andromeda]]'' described a variety of bizarre implements not the least of which was a nuclear device followed by an explanation 'Surprise party for the ambassador'
** Specifically: "Requested: One Mark V ECM unit, 1000 km of Fullerene cable, one low-yield nuclear warhead. Purpose: Surprise party for foreign dignitary. --Argosy Special Operations requisition form, CY 9512"
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'OK, try aisle 12.' }}
** It's true though. Where else can you save the world on a beer budget?
* [[George Carlin]]'s famous bit "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLoge6QzcGY A Place For My Stuff]", as it progresses, tends to accumulate more and more
** Another great line from Carlin (when describing the removal of a growth): "This was a part of my head a minute ago! But not anymore; I pried the bastard off with paint thinner and a Phillip's-head screwdriver."
* [[Carlos Mencia]] once related an incident where he attempted to purchase vaseline and jumper cables (for his car repair) and a box of condoms (favor for a friend who was out). The cashier came to the conclusion that these were all for the same event and asked "Dude, what are you going to do to her!?!"
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{{quote|'''Guybrush Threepwood''': I'm looking for thirty dead guys and a woman.
'''Meathead''': Whoah, I'm not sure what you're planning there but count us out! }}
** Arguably, most of the solutions to puzzles in this game are noodle implements. What requires a pot on a fire, wine, gunpowder, a rubber chicken with a pulley down the middle, breakfast cereals, ink, a jolly roger flag, breathmints, and some cinnamon?
*** Not quite as spectacular as that one, but in [[Tales of Monkey Island]] chapter 1, Guybrush misleads a guy by musing about how he's going to get past an ancient stone door, and mutters about going to gather "Several sticks of dynamite, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle, and some sort of rudimentary ''lathe''..."
**** [[Zak McKracken]] is largely based around using utterly bizarre items (such as a crayon, a kazoo and an egg) for the purpose of saving the world from aliens.
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** Later, one "intricately choreographed" number from a sparky opera [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20080206 is left to the imagination]:
{{quote|"For this performance, the Mechanikopera has recreated the original choreography, including all seventeen soup waiters, three ladder teams ''and'' the ''original'' roller skating giraffe!"}}
** Also, a [[Twitter]] based on [http://twitter.com/Othar Othar Tryggvassen] relies heavily on this and [[Noodle Incident
** When "our favorite [[Axe Crazy|bloodthirsty maniac]]" Bangladesh DuPree [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070718 asked] about her choice in ways of killing amateur assassins, the visual interpretation has: dagger, pistol, axe and ''[[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|cheese]]''.
** We shall never know what a mad scientist can do with [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20090506 a thousand orphans, a hedge maze and enough cheese].
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* ''[[Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures]]'' has genius Jyrras demand his friend to open the door or he'll do it himself with [http://missmab.com/Comics/Vol_663.php some floss and a spork].
** Sporks seem to be fairly common utility in DMFA, with Dan using one to defeat a legion of Death Knights.
* Gawain from ''[[The Adventures of Wiglaf and Mordred]]'' says [http://liliy.net/wam/2009/06/07/even-zombies-need-dental/ here] that how he became a zombie "involves a golden egg, a spork and a swamp witch... [[You Do NOT Want to Know|Anything you come up with is better than what actually happened.]] Oh and there was a puffer fish."
* ''[[Lackadaisy Cats]]'': "Some sort of high-speed, ballistic goose-related incident!"
* Common cold cure in ''[[Weesh]]'' somehow involves fish head, toe jam, and liverwurst...and that's not all of it.
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* ''[[Wapsi Square]]'' once mentioned a rather creative use of [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/10222004/ a toilet seat and a rubber chicken.]
* ''[[Wicked Awesome Adventure]]'' noted that an eye can be put out with the use of [http://www.wickedawesomeadventure.com/2010/06/121-123-show-him-what-for.html a funnel, sushi, and a small wager.]
** Subverted when use of the
* In ''[[El Goonish Shive]]'', Dan was apparently going to start a new story involving ninjas, japanese bath houses, and ''hamsters''. [http://egscomics.com/?date=2006-10-02 Lots of hamsters] but this was scrapped because he had to deal with the aftermath of a party he threw celebrating the conclusion of the previous arc.
* ''[[A Modest Destiny]]'' [http://www.squidi.net/comic/amd/view.php?series=amd&ep=4&id=97 here]: "It's not quite as interesting as my plan, but since we seem to be all out of stilts and ventriloquist dummies, it'll have to do..."
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== Web Original ==
* An old, discontinued serial called "Gothic Survivor" (twelve stereotypical [[Goth
* Professional wrestler [[John Cena]] used to do a Q&A session on WWE.com called "5 Questions with the Champ." When a fan would ask a question such as "How did you spend your birthday?" or "How do you plan to spend the holidays?" he would say that "to protect the guilty," he wouldn't say exactly, but that it did involve [ Insert Noodle Implements Here], some of which were: packets of Mayonnaise, children's golf clubs, a Samoan, Pay Per View cable, and massive amounts of alcohol.
* [http://needmorerage.blogspot.com/search/label/Galertruby Galertruby] is a master of this trope. As a zombie who's missing his jaw, most of his blog posts come out as complete gibberish, but the mouse-over hyperlinks work just fine. So when you come across a post titled "Galertruby's Guide to Dating" which is mostly composed of five paragraphs of nonsense, but which includes hyperlinks to a broken wine bottle, a gnome effigy, a flask of Big Mojo, and a set of plate-armored leggings, you '''know''' there's gotta be a good idea in there somewhere.
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* One episode of ''[[Batman: The Animated Series]]'' showed a clip from a fictional wacky sitcom, in which Baby Doll had managed to cause a huge mess. Somehow, it involved the dog, a zebra, a giraffe and a pair of Scotsmen on rollerskates.
* In the ''[[Ren and Stimpy]]'' episode "Stimpy's Invention", two of the tools used to build the Happy Helmet are a beaver and a duck.
* In ''[[The Simpsons]]'' Marge is suffering from stress to the point where hair is falling out. She gets some relaxation time and her hair is strong enough to hold a <s>parasol</s> large beach umbrella. Homer takes this opportunity to ask her to come to bed. She smiles and removes the parasol. Homer's response: "No no - leave it in." They promptly scamper upstairs, leaving the viewer alone to think up a few [[Squick
** In the episode "Summer of 4 ft. 2," in a scene spoofing ''[[American Graffiti]]'', Homer is attempting to buy illegal fireworks from a Kwik-E-Mart and makes several other purchases in order to "act casual". His list of purchases includes a porno magazine, a box of condoms, some Old Harper, panty shields, and two enema kits. Marge's reaction upon his return:
{{quote|'''Marge:''' I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.}}
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* Misha Collins (Castiel in ''[[Supernatural (TV series)|Supernatural]]'') has done this on Twitter: "Out of Gitmo. not going to go into details, but long story short, it involved 250 gal. gasoline, a catapult, a bandaid & a pr of raybans"
* Amateur radio operators have the wouff-hong and rettysnitch, tools meant for the enforcement of law and order and decency respectively on the airwaves. The wouff-hong, allegedly named after a garbled message received by pioneering ham Hiram Percy Maxim W1AW, is made of wood and vaguely resembles an offset "rabbit" dildo; the rettysnitch is a metal rod with a handle and a spiked wheel on it. No one is sure exactly how they were supposed to be used, and frankly, no one ''wants'' to know.
* People have been known to break out of prison using the following; a potato and some shoe polish
** Yeah, well, that playing card thing is ''highly'' overrated. The kind of cards you need to pull it off aren't even made anymore.
*** A very few companies still sell them, but in such low volume that the price is jacked up. They are only purchased by people with antiquated tastes and magicians with specific needs for an effect.
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