Proper Lady: Difference between revisions

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{{quote|''"[The perfect wife] was intensely sympathetic. She was immensely charming. She was utterly unselfish. She excelled in the difficult arts of family life. She sacrificed daily. [...] Above all, she was pure."''|'''[[Virginia Woolf]]'''}}
 
What is a Proper Lady? Also known as a "real lady", a "true lady", simply a "lady", or an "angel in the house", she's the perfect lady in the Western (and especially Victorian British) mindset, and in that related to [[Yamato Nadeshiko]], who is the perfect lady in the Japanese mindset. The two ideals share many, many qualities. A Proper Lady is like a mythical creature or an unattainable ideal, often referred to, but rarely seen. Actual Proper Lady characters are largely a [[Forgotten Trope]] by now, and modern ones are likely to be accused of being [[Purity Sue|Purity Sues]]s. However, Proper Ladies were widely used in Victorian and earlier literature. [[Jane Austen]] was one of the first authors that introduced such qualities to heroines that did not fit into the strictest view of what is acceptable of a Proper Lady, beginning the slow death of this trope. The last time it was seen alive was around the 1950's.
 
A Proper Lady is a gentle yet strong being, [[Incorruptible Pure Pureness|incorruptible]] and [[Chaste Hero|pure like the driven snow]] and Madonna-like in her virtues. She sacrifices herself for the better of her family, religion, and country. She is intelligent enough to [[Apron Matron|smoothly run a household]], and [[The Consigliere|wisely spends her husband's money]] for the better of her family, never guilty of negligence or selfish frivolity. She possesses the wit, taste and esprit necessary to be [[Socialite|a star of Society]], and never crosses the border of good taste and civility. She is devoted and loyal, never treacherous or scheming. Her manners are never less than impeccable, and her good will and charity are a beacon to those lucky enough to live around her. She is perfectly groomed, likely [[Beauty Equals Goodness|beautiful]] or at least comely (while the female antagonist will be [[Beauty Is Bad|more beautiful]] and [[Evil Is Sexy|appealing]]). However, [[True Beauty Is on the Inside|more important than her personal looks is her gentle smile]]. Because small size is endearing (and allows for protective embraces from her lucky husband or fiancé), she will probably be [[Fun Size|on the shorter side]]. Chances are that she is an [[English Rose]], especially with [[Raven Hair, Ivory Skin|dark hair and fair skin]]. [[Parasol of Prettiness]] is a typical prop.
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She is ''always'' [[Blue Blood|upper class]] and nearly always [[Housewife|married, often a mother]]. She might also be a ''[[wikipedia:Victorian era#Prostitution|redundant woman]]'', in which case she will not be bitter about never getting married, and will instead direct her motherly instincts for the better of [[Maiden Aunt|her sister's or brother's family]]. Lower class women and maidens can have many qualities of a Proper Lady, and should, per this trope and the ideals behind it, aim to be as like her as possible.
 
There is no upper age limit to being a Proper Lady. Widowed ladies might easily be double-qualify as [[Determined Widow|Determined Widows]]s. If a lady dies at high age, her death will be dignified, probably caused by old age, and if she [[Too Good for This Sinful Earth|dies young]] (of [[Victorian Novel Disease|nothing too unsightly]]), it will be a heartbreaking tragedy. Her absence will leave behind a great void and she will be dearly missed by not only family members and friends, but also by those who only occasionally had the fortune to be graced with her presence.
 
'''Related character tropes:'''
* [[English Rose]] - another typically British character with similar properties; popular standard for a [['''Proper Lady]]''''s looks
* [[Graceful Ladies Like Purple]] - A color showing she's feminine.
* [[Grande Dame]] - a rare subtype is a mature Proper Lady
* [[The Ingenue]] - a potential future Proper Lady
* [[Lady of Adventure]]: [['''Proper Lady]]''' meets [[Glory Seeker]]
* [[Lady of War]]: [['''Proper Lady]]''' or [[Spirited Young Lady]] meets [[Action Girl]].
* [[Princess Classic]] - princess counterpart
* [[Silk Hiding Steel]] - A [['''Proper Lady]]''' who is able and willing to take an active role
* [[Southern Belle]] - Southern USA counterpart (see ''bonne belle'')
* [[Spirited Young Lady]] - a little more witty; a little less prim
* [[The High Queen]] - a regent variety
* [[The Woman Wearing the Queenly Mask]] - [['''Proper Lady]]''' meets [[Iron Lady]], add self sacrifice according to taste
* [[Yamato Nadeshiko]] - the Japanese version of the perfect lady
 
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== Anime and manga ==
* Emma in ''[[Victorian Romance Emma]]'' starts as a poor peasant girl, becomes a flower girl, a maid, and ends up becoming a gentleman's sweetheart. While her background technically prevents her from becoming a true lady in the society's eyes, her angel-like disposition, good education, eventual marriage (although with [[Nouveau Riche]]) and careful grooming should make her one in all but name.
** William's mother Aurelia is a weird case. She has the status and loveable nature of a [[Proper Lady]], but also lacks the social and entertaining skills she would have needed to appeal to the London society. Despite everything, she is content to attend social life with her husband to make him appear the best he could even while she silently hates the whole thing. A wearying life filled with social obligations, combined with the strain of having children, made Aurelia physically ill. She is saved from the standard tragic death, but has to leave London and basically abandon her family in order to save their face.
* Elizabeth Middleford wants to be this for [[Kissing Cousins|her cousin and fiance]] Ciel in [[Black Butler]]. In fact, Lizzie wants to be this so much for Ciel that in the manga {{spoiler|she hides her [[Little Miss Badass]] side from him, [[No Guy Wants an Amazon|fearing he'd think she was "uncute"]].}}
* Marianne Hamilton, Emma Queensbury, and {{spoiler|Emma's dead older sister aka Francis and Keith's deceased mother}} from [[Ashita no Nadja]].
* [[Axis Powers Hetalia]] has [[Token Mini-Moe|Liechtenstein]], a [[Proper Lady]] from Europe. She's humble, kind, quiet, deferring yet not completely submissive to her brother Switzerland, very mature for a young nation, and quite competent at housework.
* Ed and Al Elric's [[Hot Mom|Hot]] [[Missing Mom]] Trisha from ''[[Fullmetal Alchemist]]''. In all the flashbacks she is sweet and loving to her kids and willing to wait forever for her husband.
** Also, Hughes's wife Gracia and the Armstrongs's little sister Katharine.
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** She could also [[Alternative Character Interpretation|be interpreted as]] just [[Exploited Trope|pretending to be one as a cover]] for her own management skills: she takes control over situations or exerts authority over people while presenting herself as modest, unassuming, etc.
* Amy Dorrit, from another Dickens novel, ''[[Little Dorrit]]'', seems to be a reconstruction, since her father is a former gentleman in debtor's prison who insists on his children's "gentility," while mooching and sponging off all and sundry. Despite her father's twisting of the ideal, Amy upholds true nobility of soul, and ends the novel a figure of quiet purity and strength.
* Katy in the ''[[What Katy Did]]'' novels by Susan Coolidge is a [[Tomboy]] who learns to be a [[Proper Lady]].
** The one who taught her to be this is her cousin Helen; she mixes this, [[Cool Big Sis]]... and [[Ill Girl]].
* Agnes from ''[[David Copperfield]]'' is beautiful and good enough to get [[Purity Sue]] accusations.
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* Also in the Austenverse, ''[[Pride and Prejudice]]'''s Jane Bennet. She stubbornly believes the best of everyone, everyone loves her for her sweetness, and she's the only one with enough patience to put up with her perpetually querulous mother. But, like Fanny, in addition to being beautiful and kind, she's also intelligent, rational, and sensible.
* Elizabeth "Beth" March evolves from a [[Fragile Flower]] into this in the second part of ''[[Little Women]]'' {{spoiler|before dying.}} May have taken it after her mother, Margaret aka Marmee, who is this too after having been more [[Hot-Blooded]] in her youth - but with more emphasis in wisdom and strong will than humility and kindness.
** Don't forget Margaret aka Meg, Beth's eldest sister who plays [[Team Mom]] ''and'' [[Proper Lady]] to her three little sisters (Beth, [[Spirited Young Lady]] Jo, and [[Spoiled Brat]] Amy), and her friends (the [[Spoiled Sweet]], but borderline [[Brainless Beauty|Brainless Beauties]] Annie and Belle)
*** In ''Little Men'', Meg's daughter Margaret "Daisy" Brooke fits as well.
* Subverted with Maud Lilly from ''[[Fingersmith]]'', who is ''supposed'' to be this but hides a dark secret.
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== Live Action TV ==
* Lady Marjorie in ''[[Upstairs, Downstairs]]'' is adored by her husband and servants, and a [[Proper Lady]] through and through. Her saintlikeness is tarnished only by a short affair she was quick to regret. Also gets a tragic death. Of course, after she dies, everything starts to slowly fall to pieces.
*** Hazel Bellamy is a steel core lady, very refined and composed, although not of genteel pedigree. A rare example of a [[Proper Lady]] who has ever actually done working class work.
* Delenn in [[Babylon 5]] might be a partial example of this. Except she is used to command and not inclined to [[Stay in the Kitchen]].
** She is of course Proper according to the Minbari ideal not the Victorian ideal.
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== Mythology ==
* The [[Ancient Greece|Ancient Greek]] concept of ''arete'' (virtue/excellence) as applied to women matches all the values of the [[Proper Lady]], making this [[Older Than Feudalism]]. Odysseus' wife Penelope from the ancient epic ''[[Odyssey|The Odyssey]]'' was presented as the [[Ur Example]].
** The [[wikipedia:Hera|Goddess Hera/Juno]] is the Greek patron deity of women and marriage, so she's supposed to be this; however, considering [[Clingy Jealous Girl|her]] [[Woman Scorned|behavior]] whenever [[Handsome Lech|Zeus]] cheats on her (and man, [[Really Gets Around|does he cheat on her]]), she comes off as a [[Yandere]] instead. Her sister [[wikipedia:Hestia|Hestia/Vesta]], [[Virgin Power|virgin]] goddess of households and families, seems to be more of the real deal.
** Also Queen [[Alcestis]], the only one brave and loving enough to offer ''her own life'' in exchange for her husband Admetus'. Luckily for her, Admetus happened to have an old friend named [[World's Strongest Man|Heracles]], who offered to bring her back from the Underworld... and did so [[Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?|by wrestling]] [[The Grim Reaper]].
 
== Theater ==
* ''[[Pygmalion]]'' and the later version ''[[My Fair Lady]]'' are about attempting to groom a poor girl into a lady. It works rather well -- exceptwell—except that the girl also gains enough dignity and self-respect that she walks out. In ''Pygmalion'', she never comes back.
* Tzeitel from [[Fiddler on the Roof]].
 
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* [[Final Fantasy IX]] gives us Princess Garnet Til Alexandros, AKA Dagger, whose a demure little princess when she's not being a not a [[Rebellious Princess|rebellious one]].
* Schala in ''[[Chrono Trigger]]'', and Riddel in both ''[[Radical Dreamers]]'' and its [[Spiritual Successor]] ''[[Chrono Cross]]''.
* Some of the [[Multiple Endings]] in the ''[[Princess Maker]]'' franchise invoke this, if your daughter's skills fall on the domestic side (high conversation, temperance, cooking and cleaning). Specially obvious in the "[[media:housewife_9300housewife 9300.jpg|homemaker]]" ending, but also invoked in the "[[media:tutor_8353tutor 8353.jpg|tutor]]", "[[media:nursemaid_5061nursemaid 5061.jpg|babysitter]]", "[[media:millionaire_wife_8094millionaire wife 8094.jpg|millionaire's wife"]], "[[media:merchant_wife_9283merchant wife 9283.jpg|merchant's wife]]", "[[media:maid_1341maid 1341.jpg|maid]]" and "[[media:queen_4421queen 4421.jpg|Queen Consort]]" ones.
** The Queen of the land in PM 2 is an older version of the trope. In fact, to meet her you must have ''very'' high temperance, which is obtained only through housework.
** Also Marthia, who crosses it with [[Shrinking Violet]].
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* The Virgin Mary is presented as the epitome of this trope, she being the perfect mother figure (indeed, the mother of Jesus Himself and [[Team Mom|spiritual mother]] to all His followers) and all. She's presented as [[Beauty Equals Goodness|beautiful and graceful]], humble, chaste, wise, and altruistic. She is held up as the perfect woman, and many Christian girls (especially Catholic ones) are encouraged to be more like her.
** Many female Catholic saints also qualify, although many others do subvert. Notably, along with Virgin Mary, they actually were an important part in forming this ideal.
* [[wikipedia:Princess Elisabeth of Hesse and by Rhine (1864%E2%80%9319181864–1918)|Princess Elisabeth of Hesse and by Rhine]], the beautiful and pious sister-in-law to Czar Nicholas II. When her husband Sergei was brutally assassinated, she didn't hold a grudge to his killers and pardoned them publicly before becoming a nun and selling all of her jewellery to use the money on charity. But after the Russian Revolution... [[Family-Unfriendly Death|her tale]] [[Buried Alive|didn't end well.]]
 
* An agency in London gave lessons on how to be a Proper Lady called the "Princess Prep" workshop.
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