Riff Trax/Funny/Film Franchises: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|'''Bill:''' "Accidentally released a half-a-dozen unrepentent serial killers instead."}}
==== [[Harry Potter and
* "If you bring me flesh I will do your bidding."
* "Hermione casts the 'give Ron a boner' spell."
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==== Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ====
* When Cedric Diggory (played by Robert Pattinson) shows up the first time:
{{quote|'''Mike''':"Ahh! [[Twilight (novel)|Undead]]!"
'''Bill''':"Quick! Fall in love with it! Ahh!"
'''Kevin''':"Make that love codependent and brooding! Ahh!"
'''Mike''':"I'm very mumbly and pause-filled! Ahhhhhhhhhh!" }}
* ''[Moody transforms Draco into a ferret]''
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'''Kevin''': No no, [[Sequelitis|the next two movies are insane]]; this one was somewhat rational. }}
* When Mr. Anderson gets his mouth sealed shut:
{{quote|'''Mike''': Amazing it doesn't [[Dull Surprise|impair his acting talent]].
'''Bill''': Oh, no! I have more to shave! }}
* "We melt down [[Terminator]]s to make our mirrors.
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'''Mike''': Uh...we all started shaved, and punctured, and immersed in pods full of KY...
'''Kevin''': Right.
'''Mike''': And we live in [[Crapsack World|a bland, unsatisfying]] [[Lotus Eater Machine|dream world]]...[[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|that's Linux-based]]...
'''Kevin''': Uh-huh...
'''Mike''': And [[Laurence Fishburne|Larry Fishburne]] [[Mushroom Samba|offers us drugs]] and rids our body of shrimp...
'''Kevin''': Right.
'''Mike''': And we pull the tendril timer out of our skull, put on greasy clothes, and head right back into the dream world!
'''Kevin''': I think you got it!
'''Mike''': Hey~! I know "What is The Matrix?"!
'''Kevin''': ''That's'' [[The Matrix]]! }}
* "Okay, so weaponry, travel, computers, they're still super-advanced...but [[Tech Marches On|pornography, of all things, is still stuck in]] [[The Fifties]]?
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==== The Matrix Reloaded ====
* Their introduction:
{{quote|'''Mike''': Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "[[The Godfather|Godfather's]] Syndrome" and let you down with number ''three'' in the trilogy...
'''Bill''': ''[[Terminator]]''!
'''Kevin''': ''[[X-Men (film)|X-Men]]''!
'''Bill''': ''[[Shrek]]''!
'''Kevin''': ''[[Spider-Man (film)|Spider-Man]]''!
'''Bill''': ''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]''!
'''Mike''': ...''[[The Matrix]]'' was there, boldly flaunting convention, ''[[Sequelitis|and sucking in Part Two]]!'' }}
* "''[[Akira|TETSUO!!!]]''"
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* When Smith starts cloning himself:
{{quote|'''Bane''': Oh god!
'''Agent Smith''': [[Answers to The Name of God|Smith will suffice]].
'''Mike''': ''(imitating Smith)'' I love it when they set me up like that!
'''Kevin''': I think he likes the zinging almost as much as the killing.
''(Bane's mutation into an Agent Smith clone is complete)''
'''Mike and Kevin''': ''(both imitating Smith)'' My god, you're handsome! Thank you. Okay, knock it off! }}
* "Father Reeves, Action Priest!"
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{{quote|'''Kevin''': So the nature of the universe is a date rape drug slipped to us by some pervy frog?
'''Mike''': I want a new universe! }}
* "[[wikipedia:Saint
* During the big fight in the parlor:
{{quote|'''Mike''': Uh oh, guys. I...I just had a horrible thought, and I need to share it...
'''Bill''': Aw, you really need to, strictly--
'''Mike''': ''Here it is''...I thought that it'd be nice to see [[Harry Potter (film)|a long Quidditch scene]] right now...''(Kevin gasps)''...or even, god help me, some [[The Phantom Menace|pod-racing]]! ''(dissolves into anguished laughter)''
'''Bill''': There, there, Mike...
'''Kevin''': It's okay, buddy.
'''Bill''': Damn it, ''Matrix: Reloaded''! See what you've done to Mike?! }}
** Later, during a slow-motion jump across the parlour:
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* During Neo and Trinity's [[Fan Disservice|sex scene]]: (sing-songy) "Neo likes Trinity, Neo likes Trinity!"
* Pretty much every reaction to [[Mister Exposition|the Architect's]] long-winded [[Info Dump|speech]]:
{{quote|'''Kevin''': [[Meaningless Meaningful Words|Words wordswordswords words…words words words]].
'''Mike''': (whenever Neo asks a question) No, don't ask! Oh god, he's gonna go on for like ten minutes…''No, don't encourage him!''
'''Bill''': Well good, we're done, can we– (He starts talking again) ''Gah!'' The guy's like a [[Polly Wants a Microphone|parrot in a cracker factory.]]
'''Kevin''': That's right, folks, the '''''ACTION FLICK OF THE SUMMER!'''''
'''Kevin''': The instruction manual for my snow blower is ''gripping'' compared to this clown!
'''Mike''': Oh look, [[Shut UP, Hannibal|bite my nuggets, Colonel Sanders]].
'''Kevin''': Look, Jack Perkins, could you sum up, my car's doubled-parked!
'''Kevin''': Our priority, the next film will be two solid hours of fighting robots.
'''Bill''': ''OH DEAR GOD, get off the screen!''<br />
'''Kevin''': [[Running Gag|Words words wordswordswords words words]]. }}
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* This scene in the [[Greasy Spoon]] with the slovenly cook Dex:
{{quote|'''Kevin''': Mike, I invite you to think about that lizard guy's underpants.
'''Mike''': OH! ''(dry-heaving)'' OH! ''(gagging)'' [[Brain Bleach|WHY, Kevin?!]]
'''Kevin''': Hey, it took your mind off this whole thing for a minute, didn't it?
'''Mike''': You're right. Why, thank you, Kevin! Ah, That guy's underpants... }}
* When Anakin kisses Padme:
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* ''[During the scrolling letters]''
{{quote|'''Bill:''' Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor Ugga Bugga and Darth Buttcrack are rendezvousing on the planet Ovaltine, where the rebel leader B.B. Snausageberry is fighting the dreaded Cameltoeians. How's that?
'''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole Lucas thing. [[No Indoor Voice|Here, have TWENTY BILLION DOLLARS!]]
'''Bill:''' Oh, much obliged. }}
* Kevin finally cracks during the space pod battle:
{{quote|'''Kevin:''' Oh. Oh no. Tell me this movie won’t have Podracing will it. ‘Cause, ‘cause if so, Mike, I’ll pay yah good money to let me out of here now. I will sign the deed to my house over to you!
'''Mike:''' Kevin, relax. Enjoy this long, long sequence coming up of Jar Jar Binks doing funny stuff.
'''Kevin:''' ''(screams)'' [[Anything But That|No, no! Mike, please! Let me out! Seriously. I will kill all your enemies. Please!]]
'''Mike:''' Here, breath into this paper bag. }}
* Continuing the gag of not caring about the battle scenes:
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* This particular exchange after one of Yoda's, um... yeah:
{{quote|'''Yoda''': I hope right you are.
'''Michael J. Nelson''' [as Yoda]: Or predicate will I put again before subject [[Cloudcuckoolander|and gibberish shall I spout]].
'''Kevin Murphy''': True that is, Mike. An idiot sounds he like.
'''Bill Corbett''': And yet by many sci-fi geeks beloved he is, though Muppet he is also, and tiring his use of anastrophe is.
'''Michael J. Nelson''': Also true that is. Annoying it very is. Off it pisses me. }}
* This exchange:
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{{quote|'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it, then we can take that decal off the wall of the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?
'''Bill:''' ''(as Vader)'' So, where are the ladies on this ship?
'''Mike:''' ''(as Palpatine)'' [[Ho Yay|Ah, my son. You have much to learn about the Dark Side.]]
'''Bill:''' ''(as Vader)'' [[Big No|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]
'''Kevin:''' Ah, you see, Bill? That one seems kind of warranted. }}
* When the Wookies are preparing to charge:
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* During the scene where Lumpy watches a [[Buffy-Speak|holographic circus thing]] with obnoxious music in the background, every riff is a [[Crowning Moment of Funny]]:
{{quote|''(Mike, Bill and Kevin all scream in terror when the first acrobat appears.)''
'''Bill:''' Well, it was inevitable. [[Brain Bleach|Someday I knew the moment would come when I had to gouge my own eyes out.]] This is it!
'''Mike:''' No! Bill, stay your hand! There'll be plenty of ''other'' moments coming up. Be a shame to let ''those'' go to waste.
'''Bill:''' Good point.
(Mike laughs in amazement at the acrobats.)
'''Bill:''' ''(sarcastic)'' Wookies ''love'' this.
'''Kevin:''' Like his single leather boot there. ''(pause)'' This is the very same scene that is playing on a ''constant'' loop in Ryan Seacrest's brain. ''([[Beat]])'' Explains the smile, y'know.
''(The lead acrobat vanishes and reappears life size next to Lumpy playing some [[Dr. Seuss]]-like trumpet.)''
'''Mike:''' Elton John would give ''everything he owned'' if this were only a real device.
''(The acrobats swing into full steam on the table.)''
'''Bill:''' Even Rip Taylor thinks this goes way overboard on the camp.
'''Kevin:''' Oh, no, are we going to find out why they call him "Lumpy"?
'''Bill:''' [[Sanity Slippage|Music to go]] ''[[Sanity Slippage|mad]]'' [[Sanity Slippage|by!]]
'''Mike:''' ''(on the lead acrobat)'' I'd ''love'' to have been there the day this guy told the all other Keebler Elves what he ''really'' wanted to do with his life.
'''Bill:''' "No, seriously?!"... ''(a few seconds pass)'' Circe du Suck... oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill me, because I really don't think I could take another second of this, guys.
'''Kevin:''' If I watch any more of this, am I gonna get a letter in the mail informing me that I'm now legally gay?
'''Bill:''' ...''yes.''
'''Mike:''' You know, it might be a funny joke if you played this music if you knew someone was going to ask for your hand in marriage. "Rebecca, my dearest love, would you WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE WEEDEE WEEDEE-wee-wow!"
'''Bill:''' [[Captain Obvious|Kinda kill the moment.]] ''(a few seconds pass)'' I hate to say it, 'cause I know this is on the up-and-up, but... it all seems kinda weird.
'''Kevin:''' Ah! Ah, good, the bright fuschia fish acrobats are here! It wouldn't be a Life Day without 'em!
'''Bill:''' No sirree.
'''Mike:''' ''(exasperated by the lead acrobat)'' Look, would you and Bryce please move to Palm Springs, buy matching Speedos and get jobs in retail and just ''leave us alone?!''
'''Bill:''' ''(noticing Lumpy's avid grin)'' There's murder in his eyes! I like where this is headed!
'''Kevin:''' ''(as the lead acrobat)'' And that was the introduction, folks! Now let's get on with the show!
'''Mike:''' ''(as Malla)'' Would you turn off that stupid video game?!
'''Bill:''' ''(as Lumpy)'' It's not a video game, Mom. It's a video game ''system''! }}
* During the first scene with Chewbacca's family, Bill gets the most obvious joke out of the way:
{{quote|'''Bill:''' Well, terrifying thought, but I'm charging ahead with it anyway: If you're a [[Furry Fandom|furry]], and you're watching this right now. are you turned on?
'''Kevin:''' ([[Brain Bleach|horrified]]) Ohh! Can I be excused to have a good cry?
'''Mike:''' Stay ''right'' where you are, Murphy! }}
* While watching the...ahem, "cooking show":
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'''Kevin''': [[Black Comedy Rape|I think he has something else in mind..]] }}
* When the Sector 7 cars pull up outside the Witwicky residence and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivfvoqBiG04 the various agents pile out]...
{{quote|'''Kevin''': [[The Matrix|Mr. Anderson]]...
'''Bill''': ...Mr. Anderson...
'''Mike''': ...'''MR.''' Anderson...
'''Bill''': ...Mr. ''Anderson''...
'''Kevin''': ...MIS-TER Anderson... }}
* When the various character groups meet up at the Hoover Dam:
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* Right off the bat, they start arguing about vampire [[Perfectly Cromulent Word|sparkliness]]:
{{quote|'''Mike''': Thank you, and welcome once again to ''[[Riff Trax]]'', where I am joined by Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.
'''Bill''': Thank you, Mike. And may I say how happy I am that our movie, ''[[Twilight (novel)|Twilight]]'', is finally telling the world something I've been saying for years: that vampires are sparkly! Ho-ho-ho, the world laughed at me and my quoteunquote "crazy ideas about vampire sparkliness", but maybe now that the truth is out, I'll get an apology! ''Kevin''.
'''Kevin''': I-I-I never denied their ''sparkliness'', ''Bill'', we just happen to disagree ''very'', ''very'' strongly about whether that sparkliness is a full-body sparkliness, huh? Is it sparkly between their toes? Sparkly on the bottom of their feet? Are their ''inner thighs'' sparkly? [[Serious Business|These are important questions, and I don't think Twilight has settled them]].
'''Bill''': Oh, you had to bring up the sparkly thigh thing, didn't you? When you know that it all hinges on the buttcheeks! Frankly, sir, your views on this are well outside the norm in the vampire sparkliness research community.
'''Kevin''': ''(gasps)'' How ''dare'' you, sir?!
'''Bill''': I dare!
'''Kevin''': My contributions to the vampire buttcheeks sparkliness research are ''renowned'', and I'll not have your slander, shame on you, sir!
'''Bill''': No, shame on ''you''!
'''Kevin''': No, shame on-!
'''Mike''': Okay, o-okay, okay. }}
* Just before the opening credits:
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* "Yeah, that's the new girl; she'll fit ''[[Sarcasm Mode|right in]]'' driving [[Sanford and Son|Fred Sanford's truck]]!
* In the cafeteria:
{{quote|'''Girl''': ...[[It Makes Sense in Context|we're talking Olympic sized]]!
'''Mike''': High school girls discussing ''[[Biggus Dickus|wang sizes]]''; [[Despair Event Horizon|we've officially hit rock bottom, gentlemen]].
'''Kevin''': Shh, shh, shh! I'm trying to hear about the wang sizes! }}
* "'''''Llllllllllllllllllllllladies?'''''"
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* "Typical night at [[Jack Nicholson]]'s house, circa 1975."
* During the...well, rapidly changing scene:
{{quote|'''Kevin''': I'm having [[This Is Your Premise on Drugs|another acid flashback]], right?
'''Mike''': No, that's the movie.
'''Kevin''': So...you guys ''also'' see Jim Nabors riding a killer whale in space?
'''Mike''': No...
'''Bill''': Wish I did, though; that sounds great! }}
* Early scene mentioning the investigation into mysterious deaths.
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{{quote|'''Bill''': Italian Police issued a statement today once again reiterating that, ''for the love of God'', tour groups should stop going into that Castle where all the other tour groups have been mysteriously murdered.}}
* Pretty much the entirety of the treatment the Volturi in terms of [[The Rocky Horror Picture Show|Frank n Furter]] esque moaning, mockery of their effeminate portrayal, and in particular their reactions to Michael Sheen whenever they are on screen. In particular this little line as Edward is about to ask them to kill him
{{quote|'''Bill''': [[Omniscient Council of Vagueness|The High Council of GAYness]] will see you now!
'''Mike and Kevin''': (effeminate groaning and moaning) }}
* Early on...
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{{quote|'''Bella:''' Oh my God, Dad! I'm a virgin.
'''Charlie:''' Daaah-d-d-duh, okay!
'''Kevin:''' ''[laughs]'' Dad had a [[Friends|Chandler]] attack.
'''Bill:''' Could my daughter ''BE'' anymore of a virgin?! }}
* The other Running Gag of "Line?", especially when Bella is freezing in the mountains: "L-l-line?"
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