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SCP Foundation/Funny: Difference between revisions
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* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1543-j SCP-1543], though a joke SCP, is one of the funniest things in the entire archive.
{{quote| ''There is a long-standing tradition of rivalry between the task force that runs The Sun Launcher and [[No Kill Like Overkill|Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once.]]''}}
* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1550-j SCP-1550-J], a wheelchair that turns the setting into ''[[X
{{quote| Girl: What's her power mister?<br />
231: Well I can [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED]<br />
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''The results of Dr. Gerald driving through the town of [REDACTED] on a moped.''<br />
''A research team hypothesized that rollerblades are, technically, vehicles. We tested their hypothesis by having Gerald skate into the IRG's headquarters in Tehran. They were right.'' }}
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-50-ae-j SCP-50-AE-J]. It's a .50 Desert Eagle that fires SCP-50-AE-1: an actual giant Bald Eagle that rabidly attacks anything perceived to be anti-American while yelling lines appropriate to [[Fallout 3
{{quote| '''Special Containment Procedures:''' SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept in a steel box locked with a padlock and wrapped in an American flag. The box containing SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept away from the following: Russian literature, radios, the Pope, first generation Russian immigrants, and pictures of Ronald Reagan.<br />
Investigations into the further properties of SCP-50-AE-1 have been stymied by the fact that SCP-50-AE-1 continues to attack Foundation scientists, calling them "PINKO FUCKS".<br />
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90) Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.<br />
90.5) Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J.<br />
92) Foundation resources may not be used to run ''[[Crysis (
104) Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that Dr. Rights is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of her breasts under laboratory conditions.<br />
109) Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to [[Red Shirt|black pants with a red polo shirt.]]<br />
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118.3.1) And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"<br />
118.5) Claiming to survive the detonation of an [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2558-j SCP-2558-J-Ex] does not make him a lion tamer, either.<br />
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-587 SCP-587] to re-enact the locker scene from ''[[Men in Black (
138) Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.<br />
138.1) Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.<br />
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138.6.5) Given that he asked another staff member to request a "Cup of Explodium" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.<br />
173) ''Excessive'' force is not the same as [[Star Wars|''the'' Force]], therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.<br />
196) SCP-963 is not a '[[Puella Magi Madoka Magica|soul gem]]', and despite what he might say, making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a '[[Magical Girl
196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'. }}
** Also in there are Dr. Bright's 'wrong' mottos for SCP Foundation which gives such examples as "Stab Carrion Powerfully," "Let's use it on 682!" "Can we put it through 914?" and my personal favourite, "That's it, you're on Keter."
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''I'm forwarding this one to Dr. Rights. If she wants to experiment with it, that's her decision; I have no wish to risk being molested by a soft drink. - Agent Talmor'' }}
** A "Ninja Chocolate Bar": lists "ninja" as an ingredient, and identical to ordinary chocolate, except when it's opened a ninja appears out of nowhere and punches you in the stomach, only to disappear just as mysteriously.
** My personal favorite is when it dispenses a six-inch long caramel figurine of SCP-682, the local [[Nigh Invulnerable]], regenerating [[Badass]] monster...that proceeded to [[Spaceballs
*** Really, any time something silly happens to 682, or a depiction thereof. In SCP-978's test log, the picture of SCP-053 shows 682 ''in a floral dress, with a red hair-bow and bright pink nail polish'', which is, of course, a hilarious mental image, no matter HOW you envision 682.
** Both items consumed by D-Class 24045-06. It's impossible to summarize them in any way that could do either item's description justice, but I honestly started crying due to stifled laughter.
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Photographs Activity: Being held for the picture by Dr. █████<br />
Photo Result: [DATA EXPUNGED] - I would NEVER do that to a kitten! -Dr. █████ }}
* The entry for SCP-756, a [[City in
{{quote| '''Planet III:''' mostly ocean dotted with islands of varying biome, presently inhabited by a sentient species of nomadic reptilians, with a religion based on ocean tides and the unexpected sight of Doctor ████████'s helmeted face in the night sky.<br />
'''Addendum:''' Any personnel caught placing glow-in-the-dark stars on the walls of the cell will be reassigned to paperwork.<br />
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** Don't forget what happens when you expose kids to sentient Lego blocks.
{{quote| "Addendum 387-1: How the fuck did these children gain knowledge of the workings of a M1 Abrams Tank, no less [EXPUNGED]!?"}}
* The testing log for [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-061 SCP-061,] a computer program that controls people's minds. The vague "Run on treadmill" command resulted in the test subjects attempting to run on an unmoving treadmill, run on a treadmill at full speed, and jog until told to stop, respectively, the latter two of which ended up flying off the end of the treadmill, [[
* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/routine-psychological-evaluations-by-dr-glass This gem].
* The ending of [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-523 SCP-523] got a laugh out of [[This Troper]].
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{{quote| '''Output: A list of something, about something. Researcher and Guard failed to recall what was on the list. List was misplaced, somewhere.'''}}
* [[Heroic Comedic Sociopath|Dr. Clef]] and [[Husky Russkie|Dimitri Strelnikov]] are forced to go on vacation. They decided to go to Brazil. [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/clef-and-dimitri-hit-the-road The rest writes itself.]
* Decommissions have been known to be a little... over-the-top. The [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp809termination termination of SCP-809], described by the site as a self-insert cyborg boyfriend for the (now gone) SCP-808 actually begins with a heated discussion of how to kill 809 in the most ridiculous way possible, including feeding it to 682, processing it with 914, [[Death
{{quote| '''Gephart:''' I do want to say one thing, though.<br />
'''Kondraki:''' And what's that?<br />
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'''Dr. Deral''': It would seem Dr. Grant is a rather poor whiskey connoisseur, as whiskey does not age outside of the barrel. Your delicious experiment resulted in a 37-year old bottle of 12-year old scotch. Well done.<br />
'''Dr. Grant''': I stand by my initial assessment. Delicious. }}
* During the so-called ''Tempest Night'', a lone researcher decides to take on several intruders by himself, ''[[
* SCP-173 becomes marginally less frightening when you realise it bears a distinct resemblance to [[Invader Zim]].
* The bizarrely adorable sapient calculator, [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-168 SCP-168], wants a storage room with a window;
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NO!! SCP-███ IS NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY, [[SCP Foundation
{{reflist}}
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