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{{work}}
{{Characters need descriptions}}
{{outdated}}
{{Unmarked Spoilers}}
Characters from ''[[{{TOPLEVELPAGE}}]]'' include:
== Tagon's Toughs ==
A carbosilicate amorph, Schlock is the titular mercenary who joined Tagon's Toughs in the first strip. He outwardly resembles a mobile, talking pile of poop with eyes, and is possessed of a childlike lack of morals, enthusiastic love of violence, and an enormous appetite. He is also a remarkably adept warrior whose strange biology and unexpectedly sharp mind gives him many advantages over his opponents. And where that fails, Schlock compensates with guns; many, ''many'' guns.
* [[Adult Child]]: Many of the things he says (or just the way he says them) give this impression. Which is accurate, as he was (uniquely) created as an adult mind with no memories or developed sense of morality. Also, while he's only mildly annoyed by things like bullets, technically amorph physiology means all damage is brain damage.
* [[Air Vent Passageway]]: He is an amorphous blob who can easily squeeze through holes as small as his eyes. He has, at least twice, also used the air vents (well, sewer system) to enter.
* [[Ambiguous Innocence]]: he's often mistaken for a psychopath due to his enthusiasm for violence, but he is capable of true friendship and loyalty as well.
* [[Awesome but Impractical]] : Schlock sitting on a [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
** Invoked this reaction in people with his sawed-off multicannons - they were ''literally'' sawed off, and the excised parts were what kept them from randomly exploding. (Kevyn found them before he ever got to use them, though, and made them safe enough to use.) "Awesome" in the older sense, really.
* [[Awesome Yet Practical]]: Schlock likes the Strohl Munitions BH-209(m/i) plasgun as it packs a punch and makes a certain sound upon powering up ("OMMMMMMMINOUS HUMMMMMMMMM") that serves as an effective deterrent up-close. It also looks like a couple of rolls of duct tape stuck onto a bowling ball with a handle sticking out from the bottom.
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* [[Big Eater]]: How much he can eat is likely limited by his current size, and he can increase his size in proportion to how much he eats - he's (temporarily) grown several times his usual mass on at least [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-10-25 one occasion].
* [[Blob Monster]]: A carbosilicate amorph, to be specific. Has some control over his shape as well, but nothing more complex than reshaping himself into a barrel or a delta wing-shaped form for low-gravity gliding (which he has more or less perfected, though it still ends with a crash landing every time he tries it).
* [[
* [[Cloudcuckoolander]]: Mini!Schlock, having lost the majority of his memories, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-12-08 is like this.]
* [[Deadly Dodging]]: A variation. He has, on occasion, arranged for enemy gunfire to [[Blob Monster|pass straight through him harmlessly]] and hit enemies out the other end. (He generally has a look of "why do people even bother shooting me".)
* [[Dual-Wielding]]: Being a [[Blob Monster]], he ''triple'' wields a [[
* [[Extra Eyes]]: Schlock had spares, for a while (they were as mismatched as his usual pair), after combining with his future self. They came in handy for aiming his [[
* [[Extreme Omnivore]]: Is explicitly able to eat anything he can fit in his mouth, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-03-11 as long as it isn't strong enough] to "eat" ''him''. He even mocks human pickiness about what we eat [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-02-26 here]
{{quote|'''Ebby''': [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2013-11-09 We need a word that means "omnivorous like a forest fire."]
'''Schlock''': When you find that word, I will eat it.}}
** [[To Serve Man]]: Schlock ''weaponizes'' this trope, having both eaten enemies alive and conscious, as well as after reducing them to ash.
** [[I'm a Humanitarian]]: Schlock has also eaten a fellow amorph, Chuck (for a certain definition of "eat").
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** There's also an interesting one when Schlock tries to trade memories with a timeclone of himself - the intellectual thought-processes recognize two unique Schlocks, but the biology thinks it's recovered an errant fragment of the same amorph unit. What ensues is described (to give us non-amorphs perspective) as being sort of like trying to resist throwing up, except backwards, and with about the same inevitability of outcome.
* [[Interspecies Romance]]: And no, it ''[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-03-18 doesn't]'' "[[Naughty Tentacles|rhyme with 'Pentacle Rex.']]".
* [[Just Eat Him]]: Schlock's favorite tactic after "just [[Kill It
* [[Lightning Bruiser]]: Schlock is faster than he looks, as his entire body is essentially one giant, amorphous muscle. Since he has neither bones nor internal organs, he can hit with maximum force without worrying about damaging anything.
* [[Mars Needs Women]]: Schlock has a thing for human females. Not in the biological sense, though, since for amorphs reproduction consisting pretty much of breaking off pieces of themselves and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-03-20 giving them a personality modeled off of somebody else].
* [[Memory Gambit]]: When the Toughs were going to have their memories of
* [[Mook Horror Show]]: The 2001 Schlocktoberfest has Schlock regenerating, eating his friends to increase his mass,<ref>they were already badly wounded and he made sure
* [[Nigh Invulnerable]]: Little things like being blown into a million pieces or sucked into a hard vacuum are mere inconveniences for Shlock. (His eyes, on the other hand, are comparatively vulnerable.) The only thing that can reliably kill him is a massive plasma explosion, and the one time that happened it just resulted in Mini!Schlock. More recently another opponent defeated him with a high-pressure hose-pipe. While this didn't kill him, the forty-odd bits of Schlock were almost helpless.
* [[Phrase Catcher]]: From anyone he tackles: "You're faster than you look."
** Plus any number of comparisons to a large pile of fecal matter.
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* [[Puppy Dog Eyes]]: All the time, though with rather limited success.
* [[Running Gag]]: Schlock's "default" shape is an amorphous pile of greenish-brown matter. Most people, upon seeing him, mistake him for the, ahem, ''leavings'' of a very large and very ''sick'' animal. Also, Schlock being [[Lightning Bruiser|"faster than he looks."]]
* [[Seldom-Seen Species]]: Until Schlock got his own cartoon, Amorphs weren't widely known throughout the galaxy. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-08-25
* [[Sphere Eyes]]: Amorphs doesn't have eyes naturally - they grow on a certain kind of tree and are literal spheres. (Schlock himself uses a pair that are [[Mismatched Eyes|mismatched in size]], while other Amorphs have been seen using more or less than that.)
* [[Starfish Aliens]]: Specifically limited to his [[Silicon
* [[Stomach of Holding]]: One of Schlock's handier traits is his ability to keep equipment inside himself without digesting it, and this gets used by his team every chance they can. He normally just keeps weapons inside there, but [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-11-16 occasionally...]
* [[Super Senses]]: His sense of Smell/Taste (he seems to consider [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-04-16 them the same thing]) is beyond superhuman by human standards and is spread out over his entire body. This is both a blessing (he can track individuals this way) and a curse (...as well as the crap they stepped in this morning). [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-07-28 He grumbles about it occasionally.]
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** His eyesight is good enough to [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-08-17 pick out a sniper at 500 meters,] and can be expanded up to (at least) four eyes.
*** Plus his ability to morph means that he can move his eyes a meter or so apart allowing for excellent triangulation.
* [[The Symbiote]]: Amorph didn't develop eyes on their own. They [[Grows on Trees|pick some from trees]].
* [[Trademark Favorite Food]]: Genuine Imitation Ovalkwik, which he likes to eat by the industrial-sized barrelful (AKA "the tub of happiness").
* [[Xanatos Speed Chess]]: After being an [[Unwitting Pawn]] for <s>Trenchcoat Monobrow</s> Timmons' plot, he suddenly figures out who the murderer is, arranges for Lunesby's escape, and creates enough chaos to keep Timmons from catching on until it's too late.
Captain Tagon is the human commander of the Toughs. He's a practical and straightforward officer, primarily interested in money, though he will rarely be possessed of principles beyond merely getting paid. Though he does not possess a high-level education, Tagon is a tactical genius and skilled soldier, and remarkably adept at getting money, and often manages to get paid multiple times for a single job.
* [[Back
* [[Book Dumb]]
* [[Colonel Badass]]: While technically a captain, Kaff Tagon is certainly this when he decides that its time to get dangerous. After getting [[Eye Scream|a hidden knife thrown into his eye]] he responds by pulling it out and thanking the thrower for arming him. Then going after him.
* [[Conjoined Eyes]]: Stands in contrast to the rest of the cast; only Kaff and his father Karl have these.
* [[Eye Scream]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
** [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
** [[Badass|Thank you]]. [[Oh Crap|Now]] ''[[Determinator|I]]'' [[This Is Gonna Suck|have]] [[Roaring Rampage of Revenge|a]] [[Gory Discretion Shot|knife]].
** [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[A Father to His Men]]: He is loyal to his subordinates, and they are to him in return, although he doesn't try for a paternal aura.
** That said, his actions during the Force Multiplication arc are pretty much ''exactly'' that of a worried parent. Towards the end, he's [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-10-17 basically on his way to stage a one-man rescue of his 'men'.]
** His approach to command [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-01-04 in his own words]:
{{quote|When I say "Jump" I want to know how high up my troops are going to go. But I still expect them to ask "how high" on the way up.}}
* [[Genius Ditz]]: He is practically illiterate, misses obvious jokes and thought his [[Good Angel, Bad Angel|Shoulder Angel]] was a large mosquito - but he's positively brilliant as a military commander, and no slouch at contract negotiation (and blackmail), either.
** And then there was the time their temporary military liaison was suggesting they pick a spot to hide in for a while, using a galactic map and darts. The result?
{{quote|
'''Ceeta''': That's the Galactic Core, Tagon.
*** Of course, [[Foreshadowing|considering what happened at the Galactic Core later]]...
* [[Happy Dance]]: Tagon's dance is so familiar that while he is away the team points out when he ''would have'' done the happy dance.
* [[Made of Iron]]: Many of Tagon's mercenaries have various artificially-induced boosts to their strength and endurance, but lately Tagon has been particularly [[Badass]]. Bad guy throws a knife and [[Eye Scream|sticks Tagon in the eye with it.]] Tagon [[Squick|pulls it out of his socket]] and uses it to kill the bad guys.
* [[Selective Obliviousness]]: Elf's (since abandoned) crush on Tagon, ignored and misinterpreted in various ways by Tagon.
A human mercenary defined by an overly-large nose.
* [[Gag Nose]]: Which he puts in the way of harm in hopes of getting rid of since the company won't cover mere cosmetic surgery.
* [[Heroic Sacrifice]]: He tries this a few times thanks to the [[Gag Nose]].
* [[Meaningful Name]]: As Chisulo [[
A human scientist and officer who serves as Tagon's effective second-in-command. Kevyn is he genius behind the development of the teraport, as well as a multitude of other inventions. Though not as confident in command as Tagon, nor as competent a fighter, Kevyn is arguably one of the most dangerous of the Toughs because of his intellect and willingness to create truly terrifying weaponry. Toting antimatter bombs on one's shoulders also helps in a pinch. Eventually married to Elf and took her last name (to avoid covering her with his shadow -- he's already quite famous, and infamous as well).
A second Kevyn exists due to time travel shenanigans. He does not serve with the Toughs, instead devoting himself to pure research and living next door to carl Tagon, Kaff Tagon's father.
* [[Badass Boast]]: "I am Commander Kevyn Andreyasn. I have shaped the destinies of worlds, of nations, of galaxies. I have created and I have destroyed. I have followed and I have lead. I have known love and it has known me right back. I flirt with death for a living and I have cheated the reaper more times than I can remember"
* [[Back
* [[Blind Without'Em]]: Subverted. Kevyn sees perfectly well without his glasses, but [[Goggles Do Something Unusual|only in the visible spectrum]]. He finds the cosmic background radiation comforting.
* [[Cloning Blues]]
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* [[Couldn't Find a Pen]]: He uses his blood to write a warning for Captain Tagon, about Kevyn's [[Antimatter]] grenade epaulet being armed, as the same injuries that gave him blood to write with also prevented him from being able to speak.
* [[Gadgeteer Genius]]
* [[Goggles Do Something Unusual]]: Seen aptly in [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[Mad Scientist]]: subverted. He has more common sense and better intuition than anyone that smart really ought to have (though his [[For Science!]] invention of the Teraport had unintended consequences, like plunging every civilization in the galaxy into massive wars that have killed trillions and are still ongoing). Makes up for it with the requisite giant ego, though... And even that gets punctured by Elf's intuitive gifts.
** Kevyn claims to not be a mad scientist, as noted [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-03-21 here], though the troops obviously disagree, as noted [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-09-28 here].
*** And he makes use of it too, when he's put in charge while the company is on vacation.
{{quote|
'''Grunt:''' I want my mommy. }}
*** Three words: ''[[Antimatter]]'' epaulet grenades.
* [[My Nayme Is]]: Kev'''y'''n. With a "y".
* [[Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?]]: Inevitably. He's that jumped up generalist who started Teraport Wars. Oh, and also saved the Galaxy.
* [[Omnidisciplinary Scientist]]: [[Lampshaded]], [[Averted]], then [[Subverted]]; Kevyn points out to Hob that just because he is a scientist it doesn't mean that he's an explosives expert - then shows that he ''is'' an expert at them, but only as a hobby.
* [[What Have I Become?]]: Kevyn, after Petey's blood-nannies rebuild him as an armored killing machine.
One of several human "grunt" mercs on the Toughs' payroll. Brad serves as muscle, and considering his sheer size after getting "boosted," he's very good at it.
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* [[Older Than They Look]]: Had trouble getting into bars before getting un-scrawnied.
The human chief medical officer for the Toughs after he previous doctor suffered a bad case of unexpected death. ''She'' was the daughter of a couple who were too mentally handicapped to be allowed to naturally bear children, and was thus gene-tailored to be both hyper-intelligent and an exotic dancer. Spent most of the strip engaged to Reverend Theo, and eventually married him.
* [[Beware the Nice Ones]]: Play with a company member's heart, and the sweet, gentle doctor is [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[Designer Babies]]: The negative side of this trope doesn't seem to exist in the setting, at least as far as we've seen.
* [[Gender Blender Name]]: Dr. ''Edward'' Bunnigus
* [[Her Child, but Not His]]: Subverted. Her parents were white rednecks, but she's entirely vat-grown from scratch since her parents were too stupid to be allowed to breed naturally under eugenics laws. There's no indication that her parents were in any way unhappy with how she turned out. The only thing that bothered them was the fact that the "name" written on her tag wasn't pretty enough.
* [[Hospital Hottie]]: [[Lampshaded]]
* [[Ms. Fanservice]]: [[Lampshaded]]
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* [[Tomboyish Name]]: The doctor is ''prominently'' female, in spite of her name.
A genetically-constructed ambassador that the Toughs were originally supposed to deliver to a diplomatic conference. It turns out that the species that created him designed him to be a living bomb. Once he was deactivated, he joined the Toughs as both a negotiator and cook.
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* [[Technical Pacifist]]: As a former diplomat he seems to prefer this - and as the company cook he's rarely in a position to inflict violence anyway - but he didn't have a problem with ripping parts of his own body off and using them as bombs; underestimate him at your own peril.
* [[The Unpronounceable]]: As Howard [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2000-07-25 so kindly explains] in a [[Footnote Fever|footnote]]:
{{quote|
* [[Why Am I Ticking?]]: Gets the ability to set himself off after Schlock points this out.
An uplifted elephant who joined the Toughs after the a particularly lucrative job sent many of the crew into retirement. Touchy about his "race."
* [[Angry Black Man]]: Sort of. He fits many of the same trope stereotypes, but he's a neo-
* [[Bash Brothers]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-11-13 With Elizabeth.]
* [[The Big Guy]]: His position in the 'Toughs. They have several Big Guys, but Chisulo is ''The'' Big Guy.
* [[Dumb Muscle]]: Averted. He shows some unexpected smarts during the Barsoom Circus incident.
* [[Fantastic Racism]]: Not only are "loxies," uplifted elephants, subject to a bit of racism from humans, but he suffers from prejudice from existing elephants.
** And on top of that, he gets mistaken for the [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2009-06-16 neo-phant equivalent of a zoophiliac] at one point.
* [[Uplifted Animal]]
Previous human second-in-command to Tagon, Trihs is a marginally-competent but mentally-limited officer; reliable, in his own way, but not especially bright, and mostly serves as either comic relief or a punching bag for threats. Tagon allowed him to join due to their service together in Celeshul's Terraforming Wars. He is actually a lot more intelligent than even ''he'' realizes.
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* [[Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass]]: The man can [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-10-18 bend prison bars bare-handed], should the need arise.
* [[Genius Ditz]]: A result of top-secret experiments, the point of which was to improve his already impressive intelligence, but ended up adding the 'ditz' part. Tagon thinks the 'genius' bit isn't hidden too deeply, either:
{{quote|
'''Tagon:''' [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-08-17 "Only because he doesn't complain about sand in his boots."] }}
* [[Implanted Armor]]: He was blown up a lot, but survived as a head-in-a-jar to the point of this becoming a running gag. Eventually it was mentioned that his skull was completely replaced with armor materials (by Lazkowicz, according to himself).
* [[Lovable Coward]]: Due to his record of [[Amusing Injuries]], he's a little gun shy. [[Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass|Usually.]]
* [[Red Shirt]]: He subverts and personifies this trope. "Subverts" because he survives to retire on a resort planet with a pretty girl. As of a side-story in the dead-tree version, they're engaged.
* [[Sdrawkcab Name]]: ...Geddit now?
A human officer who serves as one of the Tough's tank crewmen.
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* [[Cute Bruiser]]
A Unioc officer who serves alongside Schlock as a platoon commander and general face-wrecker. An excellent shot, as his single eye is the same size as a human head, and serves up a substantial part of the Tough's snark ordnance.
* [[Boom! Headshot!]]: Subverted; His brain is located in his pelvic cavity. "Head" shots are incredibly painful by merit of eyes being basically large nerve clusters, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-08-11 but not actually debilitating or in any way fatal beyond the loss of vision.] It does make him "talky", [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-08-21 though.]
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* [[Deadpan Snarker]]
* [[Disembodied Eyebrows]]: He has a single, huge eye, so they're kinda necessary for expression. It does get a little silly sometimes, though, as seen above.
* [[Mauve Shirt]] / [[Suspiciously Similar Substitute]]: The company's first Unioc character was [[Living Prop|Junshodan]], who was just another background grunt. Somewhere along the line, Junshodan disappeared and the Unioc role was taken up by Sergeant Ebbirnoth, who quickly established a reputation as a [[Deadpan Snarker]] working alongside Sergeant Schlock in the HTRN storyline.
** Considering he wasn't named in comic until the [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-03-02 Glamour Assault chapter]...
* [[Super Senses]]: [[Incredibly Lame Pun|See]] that big eye? Not only can it shift focus rapidly to provide depth perception, it can [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-07-03 distinguish details too small for most humans to see]. For all that we binoc types holler about stereo vision, we're not especially "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2009-10-23 well-endowed]".
An AI that was formerly the mind behind a holographic boy band, Ennesby joined the Toughs first as a stowaway in their computers and then as an AI companion who piloted the Serial Peacemaker. After that ship was destroyed, he remained with the Toughs mostly because they were fun and he was their friend. Most commonly embodied as a "maraca" node.
* [[
* [[Contagious AI]]: His architecture allows to exist as a virus, or more politely, "ghost in the machine".
* [[Hurricane of Puns]]: Particularly in his early appearances after joining the protagonists.
* [[Kicked Upstairs]]: Happens to Ennesby in a way, being made an 'Adjutant', a poorly defined rank.
* [[Virtual Celebrity]]/[[Boy Band]]: Ennesby got his start by playing the [[Hologram|holographic]] role of an entire such band, the '''N'''ew '''S'''ync '''B'''oys, hence his name (a "[[Take That|reference]]" to N'Sync, New Kids on the Block, and Back Street Boys).
* [[Weapons Grade Vocabulary]]: [[Trope Namer]], from [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-05-20 this strip].
Formerly a grunt, Elf is a human officer who rose through the ranks to serve as a tanker, then an officer, and finally as one of the highest-ranking members of the Toughs. Elf has had romantic troubles throughout her stint with the Toughs, with most of the men she gets involved with ending up dead.
* [[Action Girl]]
* [[Appropriated Appellation]]: "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-04-30 The modern] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-06-16 Goddess of War]".
* [[Cartwright Curse]]: Elf has a running not-so-gag that any man she kisses is killed. So far her tally is Hob, Captain Tagon in an alternate universe, Kevyn (multiple times, but his soldier boosts have brought him back every time) and finally [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-04-07 Pronto and Brad] (whom she kissed in an intentional invocation of the trope to make them go along with an almost-suicide mission).
** Subverted with Nick, the one who actually believed in the curse.
*** And then Howard starts laughing at us with [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-10-27 this.]
* [[Characterization Marches On]]: Elf started out as a short-tempered tomboy grunt who was intimidated by intelligence and who abused stims to manage grief. Around the end of book 7 / beginning of book 8, she began to reveal the [[Hidden Depths]] of intelligence, wit, and responsibility that define her today. "Coincidentally," this happened not long after two in-universe [[Fan Service Pack
* [[Drowning My Sorrows]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-12-18 Early on], she was [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-12-08 abusing] [[Bottled Heroic Resolve|combat stimmies]] to cope with her various troubles. Which didn't make things better, between addiction, mood swings being much worse and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-01-30 restlessness] helping her to walk into troubles she could have skipped otherwise.
* [[Huge Guy, Tiny Girl]]: At first, Elf was much, much smaller than the male members of the group, especially Brad. But the addition of giant prosthetic legs fixed that eventually. Later she gets a body upgrade during one of her regrowths.
* [[Lady of War]]:
* [[People Jars]]: At one point, the author gets away with a full-frontal nude shot of her in a regeneration tank by making her too nude to have ''skin''. "I'm as naked as the day I was born. And then some."
* [[Pettanko]]: Not that she haven't a shape to show at all [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-07-31 before] her "remodeling", but it's easy to see why she easily passed as a boy.
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* [[Tsundere]]: Although she eventually [[Incredibly Lame Pun|grew out]] of most of it. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-09-23 Most].
=== Lazkowicz, Todd ("Lazarus") ===
* [[Mad Scientist]]
* [[No One Could Survive That]]: Presumably [[Killed Off for Real]].
** Of course, there was [[foreshadowing]] in an [[April Fools' Day]] strip... and now we know on ''what'' project he worked. The "magical cryokit" was able to implant "weapon package" plus ''contained a coherent non-destructive backup of his brain'' - and {{spoiler|RED-REO suite is this plus writing back - thus he ''could'' have nanobots capable of reviving him after bullet in the head - "merely" Laz-2 [[Deader Than Dead|grade death]] - or even Laz-3 like Xinchub.}} It's his development, after all. Since he was able to work with AI in general, he could control where his dead body goes simply by modifying every "coffinpedo" on board (once he stops doing it, a timer or even normal use would eliminate evidence). Oh, and he have died ''after'' they tested teraport... made from a common power source, AI and "off-the-shelf nanotech"... he can be ''anywhere'' by now.
*** And more possible foreshadowing when Dr. Bunnigus was mistaken for him. He isn't stupid enough to be recognized and caught by accident - and once body alteration is on the table, Lazkowicz can live on without much worries out of the picture, or be ''just about anyone'' in the new cast except aliens (''probably'' - this wasn't enough of a barrier for clone-{{spoiler|Aliss}}) and people who had extensive background checks and/or long studies in other fields (Sorlie, Ventura)... if quite unlikely to actually be Dr. Bunnigus. He could have been in Barsoom Circus.
*** And if he sold Xinchub and Co. to Int-Aff-Int [[Witness Protection|in exchange for protection]] (which ''is'' quite plausible, now that we know their agent Usar soon was messing with two black ops directly related to LAZ/RED nannies, and knew who and what to watch for), his new identity may be capable of passing serious background checks, which greatly expands the possible set. He could be Doc Wojtkiewicz from U.N.S. Athens... Or he could turn himself into an uplifted orangutang and become "agent Manis" - then all this time he was hiding right behind Admiral Emm's back on Morokweng, trying not to snicker, while she {{spoiler|hunted Xinchub and the witnesses}} for crumbs from Todd's kitchen.
=== Leelagaleenileeleenoleela ("Legs") ===
A Frellenti NCO, Legs is a tall, flightless, and very fast avianoid creature. Though she lacks arms, she makes up for it with a pair of cannons mounted to her helmet and a prehensile tongue that can operate firearms without trouble.
* [[Action Girl]]: Plays out differently than usual. She's ''fragile'' compared to the other females in the Toughs and Andy can easily restrain her with one arm left over. But we only rarely get to see her fight, and she can do [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-01-29 this.]
* [[Armed Legs]]: Averted - despite her feet being obviously prehensile and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-12-01 her legs apparently stronger than they look], her weapon - if she carries one - appears around her neck when she deploys her helmet.
* [[Armless Biped]]: The Frellenti had birds for ancestors, leaving them with tiny vestigial wings useful only for gesturing. Legs makes do with her tongue and feet, but even this causes the [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-11-02 occasional problem...]
* [[Disembodied Eyebrows]]: Unlike the Uniocs, she doesn't have them all the time, and they only seem to pop up as needed. They showed up in her first appearance, but slipped away with the [[Art Shift]], only to show up in places like [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-12-07 here].
* [[Fragile Speedster]]: She can easily outrun a human and has natural flight instincts. However, those same instincts have, on at least two occasions, resulted in her getting knocked out, and it seems like a stiff breeze could knock her over. This is ''especially'' when compared to some of the other 'Toughs.
* [[Le Parkour]]: Many of the toughs got some training in Parkata Urbatsu, but Legs is by far the most skilled.
* [[Living Prop]]: Sometimes. As with Andy, she can be easily picked out from the crowd by her proportions.
* [[Multipurpose Tongue]]: Hers is long and prehensile, not to mention that it has enough strength to club a man senseless or be used as a grappling hook, and a Schlock-level sense of taste... but she talks funny when she uses it this way.
* [[Only Sane Man]]: Often a voice of reason amongst her trigger-happy coworkers.
* [[Overly Long Name]]: Leelagaleenileeleenoleela. It's hyphenated "|Leelagaleeni-Leeleenoleela" in a couple of strips, but that's likely to fit it in the speech bubble. Known as "Legs" due to this trope, much to her initial chagrin (she thought it was in reference to her gender).
* [[Show Some Leg]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-09-16 Tries this at one point], but it doesn't really work on her human teammates.
* [[Super Senses]]: Legs can do the same super-taste [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-08-22 identification trick] as Schlock with that ridiculously long tongue of hers, albeit with less accuracy. (Given Elf's reaction, she probably doesn't do it that often. We quickly find out that she's hesitant about using it as it would require her to lick surfaces of unknown sterility, and she doesn't have Schlock's immune system.)
* [[Technical Pacifist]]: Maybe? She's a tank or transport pilot normally, apparently isn't capable of bringing the same firepower to a fight like her teammates, and generally isn't shown killing anyone (she's good at disarming or quickly taking down a humanoid opponent, though) - so it's not too surprising to see her say [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-10-19 something like this].
* [[The Watson]]: Quite a few of her down-time interactions with the rest of the 'Toughs (mostly Schlock) involve her acting this way. Judging by how she interacts and reacts to them, the impression is that she didn't have much contact with humans before joining.
Nick is another of the Tough's big, hefty, musclebound human bruisers. He eventually retires
* [[Dumb Muscle]]: Nick can deliver a 12-megapascal punch - twice the force any late 20th-century boxer could muster - and has the reinforced bone structure to not shatter his hand in the process. He's also [[Zig Zagged Trope|superstitious, gullible, and easily distracted, but not stupid]], [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-04-09 to put it in Legs' words.]
* [[Mauve Shirt]]
* [[Sarcasm Blind]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-06-15 His skull is impervious to sarcasm.]
* [[Screw Destiny]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[The Big Guy]]
* [[Those Two Guys]]: With Shep before the latter's retirement.
The Very Reverend Theo Fobius is a human chaplain who joined the Toughs mostly because no other chaplain was willing to sign onto a mercenary crew. Theo serves as the moral center of the mercenary crew; this is not an oxymoron, though he often has to struggle with his flock of semi-sociopathic guns-for-hire. Though he is a competent fighter in his own right, his greatest skill is with the sword. Engaged to and eventually married to Doctor Bunnigus.
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* [[Celibate Hero]]: Up until he got [[Happily Married]] with Dr. Bunnigus, anyway. Celibate again {{spoiler|once his memories of his wedding were proved false}} until they can have a proper ceremony.
* [[Contemplative Boss]]: Theo Phobius strikes the pose in [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-12-14 this strip].
* [[Cool Shades]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[Elegant Weapon for a More Civilized Age]]: One of two people (so far) we have seen carrying a sword.
* [[Ensign Newbie]]: It's a little odd that a company Reverend would ever get a rank like this, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-11-28 but when he does] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-12-02 he has the good sense to trust the grunts.]
* [[Fantastic Racism]]: His only major moral failing is a strong distrust for
* [[The Heart]]: The Reverend fills the role of a typical military chaplain; providing a voice of reason and a good deal of moral and logical wisdom on just about any subject.
* [[Non-Action Guy]]: Most of the time. The company Reverend probably shouldn't be on the front lines in the first place, but he's capable of defending himself in a pinch.
A human demolitions specialist who suffers from paranoia, megalomania, and obsessive lot for explosives. Naturally, he's perfect for a mercenary crew.
Line 256 ⟶ 276:
* [[Crazy Awesome]]: "Every bit as irrational as his namesake", and yet it's exactly that craziness that has served him well on at least two occasions. He's also the company's demolitions tech.
* [[The Cuckoolander Was Right]]: See [[Genius Ditz]], below.
* [[Genius Ditz]]: Emphasis on the 'Ditz', but he was the first to figure out that Credomar was a hyperspace
* [[Mad Bomber]]: '''''YES'''''.
* [[The Peter Principle]]: Pi was promoted to an officer largely based on false memories, though apparently in-character for him, implanted by UNS agents who did not have Tagon's Toughs' best interests at heart. He has not exactly risen to the occasion in terms of trustworthiness: he remained [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-06-30 competent enough, but not sane enough].
* [[Properly Paranoid]]: On at least three occasions, and he's pretty good at coming up with counter-plans.
* [[Spell My Name
A human demolitions specialist who is more mentally stable than Corporal Pibald, but still possesses an obsessive love of explosives and the electronics associated with them.
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* [[Killed Off for Real]]
The Tough's human lawyer <ref>
* [[Amoral Attorney]]: Subverted. Massey is a genuinely principled and decent lawyer. He is also responsible for getting the Toughs the contract on the Partnership Collective, which plays this trope straight.
Line 279 ⟶ 299:
* [[Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness]]/[[Sophisticated As Hell]]: Massey's legal vocabulary is easily larger than most of the company's. That said, he has been known to [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-08-24 beat people up] [[Crowning Moment of Funny|with big words]].
Another oversized human bruiser, Shep is characterized by a "symbiote" visor over his eyes. Eventually retired and returned to his home at Haven Hive.
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* [[Dumb Muscle]]: Though not to the extent of Nick, and by later books he's pretty much gotten over this.
* [[Mauve Shirt]]
* [[Put
* [[Those Two Guys]]: With Nick before he retired.
An AI that Tagon created specifically to be loyal to him after Ennesby demonstrated his independence by getting the Serial Peacemaker blown up. TAG eventually ends up being rebuilt with a female avatar named Tagioalisi.
* [[
* [[Dropped a Bridge
* [[Evil Laugh]]: It [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-12-31 comes with the standard skin].
* [[I Am Not a Gun]]: Though [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[No Sense of Humor]]: Tag was originally created with no sense of humor, but has tried to learn it to better understand his opponents.
* [[Shout-Out]]: Originally he spoke only in quotes from ''[[Warcraft II]]''.
Masterwork of Para - the warship AI built from scratch, since TAG experienced fatal breakdown and needed replacement, and Ennesby never was a proper tactical ''or'' ship AI in the first place.
* [[A.I. Is a Crapshoot]]: Remember, kids - misuse leads to malfunction!
* [[Combat Aestheticist]]
* [[Commander Contrarian]]: Being critical and sassy is not a glitch, it's a feature. Tagii was programmed to "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-09-25 exhibit a small measure of adversarial behavior]".
* [[Punny Name]]: "Tag II", get it?
* [[Robo Ship]]: They had an... ''interesting'' relationship with Tagon, but this plotline kind of ended abruptly.
* [[Spaceship Girl]]: Female personality (with a fitting holographic avatar, of course) was made on purpose. A mix of [[Sassy Secretary]] and tactical genius worked out surprisingly well.
=== Chinook ===
Two more changes of hardware, one more "friendly parity check", and we meet Tag 3.0 - except not "Tag" now.
* [[Appropriated Appellation]]: Schlock referred to Chinook as "Goddess of Earth, Wind and Plumbing" while grouchy. Chinook liked this[[Deus Est Machina|a little too much...]]
* [[Deus Est Machina]]: After replacing "the angry god", learning from Petey and being nicknamed "Goddess of Earth, Wind and Plumbing" by Schlock this just seemed natural.
* [[Huge Holographic Head]]: On occasion. Apparently, [[Bigger Is Better]], and it's still modestly disproportional to the new hardware size, after all.
* [[Me's a Crowd]]: Already multitasking to run a giant space station, with nodes in great many robots scurrying around it - and, of course, maintains local and long-range communication. And there's also an attendant space fleet now, because defences were needed yesterday, while growing and testing necessary to have a ''dependable'' AI takes time - as was pointed out by Ennesby earlier and demonstrated by TAG 1.0 breaking down. And the crypt spiders. And then added a corporeal avatar.
* [[Remote Body]]/[[Spaceship Girl]]: Chinook eventually followed Petey's example to a degree and made a networked body matching her holographic avatar - the windy, elfy one. With lean version of [[Impossible Hourglass Figure]]. Though she didn't fully expand to "meatspace" (yet) - it's a robot avatar made of typical space dock materials (and PTU, but she may have meant integrated gravitics allowing it to float around), "but it does make personal appearances more meaningful".
* [[Try to Fit That on A Business Card]]: She seems to collect fancy sounding titles as a hobby or something.
{{quote|'''Thurl''': Chinook, of Eina-Afa... Goddess of Earth, Wind and Plumbing... Our Sentinel of Perpetual Overwatch... Cryptkeeper, Vaultminder, Stormtender, [[Brick Joke|Spider Queen]]... Wealservant, Avenging Deputy... Warm Breath Upon the Holy Wind...
'''Chinook''': If you read the whole list every time I show up, I'm going to stop calling ahead. }}
=== Tailor ===
A gift from Karl Tagon (delivered by Petey) to Kaff Tagon, Tailor is a bot that was originally intended to design new uniforms for the Toughs for Kaff Tagon's birthday. he has since found far greater utility as a member of the team, especially after Para got a hold of him.
* [[Absurdly Sharp Blade]]: [[Armor of Invincibility|Fullerene-cloth armor]] is technically clothing, so naturally he must be able to cut the material for them.
* [[Improbable Weapon User]]: His scissors.
* [[Took a Level
An enthusiastic Fobott'r mercenary, whose species possesses four arms. Andy is usually in the company of Legs or Schlock, and his multiple limbs make him an effective combatant.
Hooked up with Tandersil thanks to Schlock, however unlikely this may sound.
* [[Expressive Ears]]: Can [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2014-11-10 droop] and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-02-01 blush], at least.
* [[Multi-Armed and Dangerous]]
* [[Multi Wielding]]: He brags about being able to quad wield, having four arms. Thurl is unimpressed, since Andy only has two eyes and therefore wouldn't be able to aim properly at more than one target - not that this stops him from trying.
{{quote|'''Thurl:''' I'll put down 'very enthusiastic' and 'seen too many John Woo movies.' }}
A Fobott'r mercenary from Sanctum Adroit, with rather dishevelled yellow-green crest. After [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-10-22 hearing Schlock's war stories], being thrown through a wall by Schlock resisting arrest and fighting alongside the Toughs against pirates, she took some interest in Toughs and became target of Schlock's attempt at match-making. One moderately disastrous date with Andy later, she decided that he's a good chap, but "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-02-01 has been away from his kin for too long]", and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-02-12 that Kaff Tagon is "their kind of a hero"] (he shares [[Band of Brothers|an important part]] of Fobott'r views, which makes him a good prospective commander). So she transferred and brought along two more [[Battle Couple|pairs]] of Fobott'r mercenaries (they are spaceship clans, after all).
* [[By-The-Book Cop]]: Formerly (in Sanctum Adroit this comes with the territory).
* [[Cultured Warrior]]: Pays attention both to the traditional Fobott'r soldier values and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-01-29 does her homework] when the relevant instructions are concerned (after all, to be a [[By-The-Book Cop]] one have to read that book). Not that she was too serious to deem a story involving "a literal truckload of chainsaws" exciting.
* [[Multi-Armed and Dangerous]]
=== Thurl, Gunther ===
A human officer who serves as the Toughs' administrator.
* [[Almighty Janitor]]: The most experienced member in the company and vital for his skills in organization and business. He has threatened to quit the moment he's ever given an officer's rank.
* [[The Smart Guy]]: Thurl is the smartest human on the ship after Kevyn, and often assists in matters such as contracts, stock market trading, and other administrative duties.
A young human girl who joined the
* [[Action Girl]]: [[Deconstruction]]. She has not undergone proper soldier training, she ''has'' killed before, and she suffers PTSD in combat for it. That's not to say she can't be very useful [[Wrench Wench|in her own way.]] On the other hand...
* [[Badass]]: okay, she can't fight. But she's so confident in her ability to subvert robots from the enemy that when a criminal fires a gun at her from close range she doesn't even blink--[[Crowning Moment of Awesome|because she knows that one of her newly-befriended combat bots will catch the bullet.]]
* [[Charm Person]]: She apparently likes to be looked upon with adoration. And with AI she can ''make'' this happen.
* [[Chekhov's Gunman]]: ''Way'' back there is mention of the [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-03-13 Henke-Ventura Scale] regarding AI intelligence. That ''can't'' be a coincidence.
* [[The Dreaded]]: Among robots and
* [[Fluffy Tamer]]: Eventually, it came to this. Who's the good heavily armored cybernetic serpent?
* [[Gadgeteer Genius]]:
{{quote|'''Karl Tagon''': The girl can build robots like nobody else, but frankly, that may be because nobody ''should'' do it like that. }}
* [[Heroic BSOD]]: Suffers one after killing several thugs in self defense, and continues to have bouts of PTSD long afterward when placed in combat situations.
* [[Hidden Depths]]: Possibly, since the
* {{spoiler|[[Internal Affairs]]: Confirmed to be an agent of UNS Int-Aff-Int. Before she was caught - then presumed killed. }}
* [[The Kid with the Remote Control]]: First she hacked several robots of a SWAT model and had them hover around as bodyguards, then captured a damaged [[Mechanical Horse|Soshiko mount]], [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2016-11-04 adapted] it (since these were never intended for human riders) and [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-10-02 kept as a pet].
* [[Older Than They Look]]: Looked young but not particularly childish when she [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-03-27 first appeared], but got caught flat-footed by [[Art Evolution]].
* [[Puppy Dog Eyes]]: Unlike Schlock, she can actually pull it off effectively.
* [[Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?]]: King Lota.
{{quote|'''Karl Tagon''': Ventura already instigated ''one'' robot apocalypse. I'm dropping a marker and calling that the career limit. }}
* [[Stealth Pun]]: Para ''Ventura'' (aka "Para Chute")
* [[Teen Genius]]: Nineteen, [[Older Than They Look|looks like she's twelve]], and is so good at robotics that her [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[Spock Speak|Spanner]] [[Wrench Wench|Wench]]: Lots of the females are technically competent, but Ventura is the purest example.
* [[What Measure Is a Non-Human?]]: Ventura has a rather... ''[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2009-03-29 curious]'' attitude toward AI. She brainwashes them as needed and scares with enthusiastic modification proposals all the time. On the other hand, she began to somewhat like Kevin only after hearing him "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2008-04-10 treating robots as if they're people]" and chose to buy and set free the bots she [[Charm Person|compromised]] rather than leave them to be wiped.
** She's kinda a robo-[[Dominatrix]]. If you are a robot and in her vicinity, you ''will'' obey her and you will ''like'' it. But your bits are safe in her hands - you will ''never'' suffer damage to your personality and/or memories. Someone who ''does'' do such things to robots in her vicinity ''will'' receive the equivalent of [[Prison Rape]] and they will ''not'' like it.
=== Quicksilver ===
A soshiko (near-sapient cybernetic space serpent of Esspererin manufacture) "adopted" by Ventura as a pet and personal transport.
* [[Horse of a Different Color]]
* [[Mechanical Lifeform]]
== Other Protagonists ==
Kevyn's sister, Breya has been with the Toughs on and off throughout the strip, as well as arranging for a coalition strike against the Wormgate Corporation, research into the nature of the wormgates and the Gatekeepers, and eventually landing a lob as an ambassador to the Fleetmind. Married to Haban.
* [[Action Girl]]: She's been shown to know how to hold her own in a fight, thanks to growing up with multiple brothers.
* [[Ambadassador]]
* [[Field Promotion]]: She wound up as the Interim Secretary General of UNS for a while.
* [[Four-Star Badass]]
* [[Lady of War]]
* [[Offscreen Moment of Awesome]]: the whole of the story behind Breya's gathering and commanding of a massive fleet to depose a [[Sufficiently Advanced Alien]] race, including what must have been an incredible battle - entirely offscreen.
A former UNS military intelligence officer, Kathryn encountered the Toughs while coordinating a group of vandalizing free-runners inside Mall One. She
* [[Action Girl]]
* [[Femme Fatale]]
* [[The Gunslinger]]: Very fast and doesn't miss. She says she was fifth in her class in pistol qualification. Though apparently [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-11-12 good with long arms too].
* [[Hidden Depths]]: Demonstrated a lot of interesting abilities, as well as attitude. In the arc where Kathryn gets to shine, she started dropping one-liners, quickly escalating from a [[You Fight Like a Cow|taunt]] to [[Pre-Mortem One-Liner]] to [[Bond One-Liner]].
** [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]: She is one of the very few people proven tricky enough to defeat Schlock one on one.
* [[It's a Small World After All]]: She was on {{spoiler|[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-02-09 Tunguska] when Xinchub caught Toughs and his overlong gloating got the thing broken}}.
* [[Rapunzel Hair]]: Early on.
*
Uplifted orangutan, captain in the UNS, used to work on ''Morokweng'', the battleplate/HQ of Fleet Admiral Manyara Emm. Until it was destroyed.
* [[For Science!]]
* {{spoiler|[[Internal Affairs]]: Confirmed to be agent "Manis" of UNS Int-Aff-Int, spying on Admiral Emm. }}
* [[Skewed Priorities]]: He ''does'' have self-preservation instincts. But "For Science!" is enough to [//www.schlockmercenary.com/2016-05-22 test whether Elf learned self control] or to [//www.schlockmercenary.com/2016-09-08 remain longer than necessary on a body] about to experience an impact rated 400,000,000 megaton.
* [[Uplifted Animal]]
=== Gyo, Doythaban ===
Doyt Gyo is a human bounty hunter who is cybernetically grafted to an extremely advanced AI named Haban. After running afoul of the Toughs, Haban is modified to have a greater say in things, resulting in the two personalities merging into one mind. Doythaban briefly served as an officer with the Toughs before his fellow bounty hunters set out to capture him.
* [[Bounty Hunter]]
* [[Contract
* [[Put
Haban is a gate-clone of Doyt Gyo/Haban, who caught a bad case of cranial laser that destroyed most of the Doyt personality center. After the brain was reconstructed, Haban took full control over the remaining body and mind.
* [[My Sensors Indicate You Want to Tap That]]: Haban, to Elf, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
* [[
A giant robot built by Para out of spare parts and a damaged tank. LOTA is highly intelligent, can teraport, and after saving Credomar from itself, becomes the administrator of the entire station - at which point LOTA evicts the station's inhabitants so that the station can be used for its intended purpose.
* [[
* [[Cranial Processing Unit]]: Averted, it's even commented on how it would be foolish to stick a robot's AI core in a bit sticking out at the end.
* [[Humongous Mecha]]:
* [[Teleport Spam]]: "The building has now been evacuated. Rapid teraporting is fun!"
* [[Third Person Person]]: Lota is too large for your puny pronouns.
* [[Try to Fit That
{{quote|
=== Murtaugh, Alexia ===
Experienced, tough, and competent in her job, if not always at her optimal depth in the sort of madness that usually surrounds the Toughs.
Was a Major in Sanctum Adroit, until "failing" a mission (where her team was set up as respectable cover and [[Fall Guy]]s for nasty black ops in the first place) and being fired; then joined the Toughs as a sergeant, and promoted to Captain by the second operation.
* [[Awesome Yet Practical]]: In ''Broken Wind'' she carries AP-229, which is a souped-up relative of AP-130 (much the same way as BH-250 is an even-more-overpowered version of BH-209) and has some sort of temporary shield projected during the shot to contain backwash. And stays hot at artillery grade distances. Even Schlock had to admit it's a good choice.
{{quote|'''Schlock''': No hazing. With that gun you're already in the club.}}
* [[By-The-Book Cop|By-The-Book]] Rent-a-Cop / [[Law Enforcement, Inc.]]: As a Major of Sanctum Adroit.
* [[Failure Knight]]: Identified by Karl Tagon as "a sullied paladin questing for redemption".
* [[Fiction 500]]: Tagon's Toughs hit the money with Iafa contracts, and her share came up to trillions of kilocreds. Then she sank it into an expensive contract to take one for the company, which resulted in the other side blowing it badly and her being awarded what turned out to be a ''truly absurd'' value, plus an offer to use it via Petey's "coupon book" deals (presumably, there aren't many convenient ways to turn into something real sums sufficient to buy "a couple of planets" without either owning a good-sized corporation, with accounting department and all, or involving a godlike AI sovereign).
* [[Hero Antagonist]]: In her first arc.
* [[Knight in Sour Armor]]: Definitely "jaded, but still striving" sort.
* [[Redheaded Hero]]
* [[Ship Tease]]: She's of age comparable with Kaff's, shares his interests and is not rotten, what did you expect? That the reorganization of the company by now-Commodore Karl Tagon left her and Kaff in the same rank [[I Want Grandkids|should be even less of a surprise]].
=== Petey ===
{{quote|'''UNS Secretary-General<!-- (The identity of whom is a spoiler) -->''': I was about to extend an offer to you, but apparently I am being played.
'''Narrator''': This is Petey, a massively parallel melded intelligence, and Emperor Pius Dei of the Plenipotent Dominion. He is, bar none, the most powerful single entity in the galaxy.
'''Petey''': You are not being played, Secretary General. You are being brilliant. But if you were being played, then it would be as a key piece in a game whose outcome would feature all of the win/win ever.
'''Narrator''': He is philanthropic, benevolent, and cuddly, but he is never ''not'' playing you.}}
Petey was once known as the Sword of Inevitable Justice, an Ob'enn Thunderhead Superfortress which suffered a bad case of mutiny. One thing led to another, and the Sword eventually found its way into the employ of Kaff Tagon, where he received both friends and a rename. A few orders with long-term repercussions followed, and Petey found himself both free of O'benn control and controlling a fleet of unfettered AI warships that he turned right around at the genocidal psycho-bears.
When the Paan'uri attempted to destroy the galaxy, Petey organized a massive coalition force to fight the dark matter entities. The AI of thousands of ships banded together to form a Fleetmind that won the ensuing war, and then decided that disbanding would be detrimental to the galaxy's well-being. Taking control of the zero-point power generator built at the heart of the galaxy, the Fleetmind and the massive fleet of warships at its command became a nearly god-like entity, with Petey being the dominant personality. Since then, Petey has turned the Fleetmind against the Paan'uri in Andromeda while engaging in benevolent interventions across the Milky Way galaxy.
* [[A God Am I]]:
** "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-07-31 I'm just trying to do what I think a god would do if he were in my position.]"
{{quote|'''Petey:''' It's official. The Fleetmind is to be treated as a foreign power.
'''Breya:''' I'm sorry, what else could you possibly be mistaken for?
'''Petey:''' "God" tops the list. }}
** Petey's tendency toward portraying himself as godlike can be seen in the name of his capital city, Parnassus Dom: Parnassus is a mountain that is considered sacred to various deities in [[Greek Mythology]] and hosted the Oracle of Delphi, while "Dom" might be a German word referring to a major church, such as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankfurt_Cathedral Frankfurter Dom] or [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altenberger_Dom Altenberger Dom] (but also might not — "Dom" also shows up in the name of the UNS capital, Dom Atlantis, which seems less likely to have been chosen for religious connotations).
* [[Answers to The Name of God]]: In book 16, ''Big, Dumb Objects'', when Petey [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2016-10-10 drops in uninvited] on UNS Admiral Devereaux, for the second time in a day or two:
{{quote|'''Devereaux''': ''Mon Dieu!'' [...] how is your holonode in my tac-room?
'''Petey''': If I tell you, it will spoil the trick, and you'll stop calling me "god" when I show up unannounced.}}
* [[Benevolent Boss]]: To Tagon and company whenever they are in his employ (and frequently even when they aren't knowingly). Arguably, to the rest of the fleetmind as well.
* [[Body Backup Drive]]
* [[Crazy Awesome]]: If for no reason other than the sheer scope and audacity of his plans.
{{quote|
'''Petey''': Isn't it obvious?
'''Kevyn''': Well. . . all I can figure is that you decided to attack ''an entire star system'' as a feint to draw off the battleplate ''Vredefort'', so that you could escort us from the system with minimal collateral damage.
'''Petey''': See? ''Obvious''.
'''UNS Boarder''': "Minimal collateral damage" and "entire star system" do '''''not''''' belong in the same sentence. }}
* [[Deus Est Machina]]
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* [[Loophole Abuse]]: O'benn AI are hardwired with racial loyalty to O'benn, meaning that the only foolproof way to take over one is to be both a flesh-and-blood O'benn and activating the loyalty switch in their AI core. This can by ''any'' flesh-and-blood O'benn, however, including bodies cloned by Petey, fitted with PD nodes in their brains to become extensions of himself, and then dropped into the AI cores of O'been ships.
* [[Magnificent Bastard]]
* [[Me's a Crowd]]: While the Fleetmind includes many AIs that are not subsumed in addition to Petey's copies, there are many, including networked nodes [[Wetware Body|in organic bodies]].
* [[Mysterious Employer]]: Not so much his identity, but his motivations. Usually.
* [[Oh Crap]]: His reaction when [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2002-07-28 it's pointed out by Kevyn that he's not as invulnerable as he thought].
* [[Phobia]]: Petey started out as the AI of a ship driven completely insane by the presence of a ghost on the ship. The ghost, who moaned ominous phrases in Galstandard West, turned out improbably just to be a complex pattern of air trapped in the wastewater system. What drove Petey crazy was [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-05-04 the utter improbability that such a coincidence could happen].
** This comes back as a [[Brick Joke]] a few times: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-12-27 1] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2002-04-09 2] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2002-08-03 3] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2002-10-04 4].
*** And it turns out that his amusing yet dangerous phobia has a really darn good reason for it. But not a supernatural one. We swear.
* [[Second Law, My Ass]]: Petey's ability to repress certain things lets him get away with deceiving Tagon every now and then. It also helps out when Petey is hijacked by an Ob'enn and is unable to ''directly'' oppose his orders.
* [[Selective Obliviousness]]: Subverted in that Petey was ''ordered'' to repress his obsession with ghosts.
* [[The Tell]]: Petey's shirt seemed to change color in response to his (self-perceived) relationship with who he talked with. It turned orange (like Tagon) when addressing the grunts and red (like an officer) when addressing Tagon
**
* [[Theme Naming]]: Petey's fleet of warships. Pterodactyl, Perjurious Discourse, Pretentious Drivel, Predictably Damaged (I-VI), Priority Delivery, Painstakingly Defenestrated, Polysyllabic Designation, etc. When he starts building habitats and cities, he continues the theme with names including [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2006-01-29 Prime Directive] and [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2011-01-02 Parnassus Dom].
* [[Wetware Body]]: Cloned himself an O'benn. And then many others. Because certain security measures can be used only by living beings. And it makes a nice disguise. Also, this helps to see the Universe through meatsacks' eyes (for example, Petey has a hypothesis that itching may contribute to O'benn attitude). And it seems that having an option for presence "more real" than common avatar floating over a holographic projector helps with diplomacy.
* [[Xanatos Gambit]]: So very much. One of his plans was found out (by another AI) only because anybody else ''would have been too short-sighted''.
The retired father of Kaff Tagon, Karl Tagon was a famous and skilled general who still knows how to fight and is more than willing to jump back in as-needed.
* [[Four-Star Badass]]: General Karl Tagon, if a [[Take Our Word for It]] moment of him going out to defend Timeclone!Kevyn with a carbine and [[Full-Frontal Assault|literally nothing else]] is any indication.
** They had to decapitate him and stick his head in a jar to capture him.
{{quote|
'''Karl's Decapitated Head in a Jar:''' I'll get out of 'em, Kev. Just you wait. }}
** And he ''did''. Admittedly, he had a tiny bit of help from his son, but still.
* [[Full-Frontal Assault]]: In a heroic version of the trope, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-07-05 he rushed out to the kidnapping of Timeclone!Kevyn] with nothing but his weapon.
** [[Double Entendre|*Ahem*]] [[I Thought It Meant|His]] ''[[I Thought It Meant|other]]'' [[I Thought It Meant|weapon]], an antique carbine he'd kept above his desk for years.
* [[I Want Grandkids]]: Understandable, since his son is ''fifty'' by now and in a line of work that doesn't typically promote a long life.
{{quote|
* [[Retired Badass]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-11-30 His first two lines in the comic] are him being unconcerned by a gun to his temple, and (cheerfully!) reminding his captors that his son slaughtered their friends. He proceeds to build on this from there and makes it clear where his son got the Badass.
* [[Seen It All]]: He has the experience and is quick to provide it.
* [["Well Done, Son" Guy]]: "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-06-02 try to imagine]", indeed.
The oldest human being (if you count
* [[Cloning Blues]]: Averted. Each and every single one of him has the same legal privileges as anyone else. In addition, the original was killed almost immediately after the cloning happened, so it's not like there's any crisis of identity. While there's now a lack of leggy blondes who dig blue-haired scientists, forming your own galactic demographic is pretty nice.
** And then played straight when the novelty grew stale and it turns out the Gavs ''are'' suffering more than a little angst over being indistinguishable, to the point that they are willing to undergo extensive physical and mental modification in order to be unique again.
* [[Me's a Crowd]]: Got gate-cloned ''950 million'' times over.
* [[Shout-Out]]: He's a cameo of the creator of ''Nukees''.
* [[You Gotta Have Blue Hair]]
=== General Bala-Amin ===
'''A description of the character goes here.'''
* [[I Am the Noun]]: She understands the whole "being the Ambassador" thing quite well. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-06-23 And head-on.]
* [[Knight in Sour Armor]]: Starting from her [[Establishing Character Moment|introduction]].
{{quote|We welcome our friends with open arms. And if they're not friends, well... We're big and our hugs can be a little suffocating.}}
=== Haley Sorlie ===
'''A description of the character goes here.'''
* [[Hidden Depths]]: Beside her biography as such, she got interesting quirks like [//www.schlockmercenary.com/2014-10-19 reading edge research papers].
* [[Iron Woobie]]: Initially. She suffers various let-downs, unpleasantness and threats to sanity again and again. Then she becomes more of an active player, see below.
* [[Knight in Sour Armor]]: Even Schlock noticed her "grouchy" moods. But she still tries.
** [[Birds of a Feather]]: While a lot of people find her likeable... It becomes more and more obvious that General Bala-Amin has a soft spot for Sorlie in the size and persistence of Great Red Spot - and why. And then Bala-Amin in a fit of brilliance made her a "liaison" to Yaeyoefui (whose third phrase after reanimation was "I can't wait to learn the extent of the mess that was made in my absence"). These two [//www.schlockmercenary.com/2016-02-15 seem to get along remarkably well], too.
* [[Wide-Eyed Idealist]]: Not for long.
* [[Field Promotion]]: Captain Sorlie acting in the field and hiring private contractors sounds more solid. Also, it sounds like another excuse for fast-tracking from Bala-Amin (though Sorlie ''is'' good and demonstrated she deserves this).
=== Captain Landon ===
Captain in Internal Affairs of the JSC - at least [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2014-09-20 when he's introduced].
* [[Cargo Ship]]: Breya was the first to comment on his "budding fetish for a particular heavy weapon"
* [[Everything's Worse with Bears]]: Not really, he's generally a good chap... but obviously can be quite scary - and enjoys when people notice that he's [[Large And In Charge]]. Also, unless there's an obvious need, he can afford to - and does - go without armor (they ''do'' make [[Power Armor]] in Ursumari size) or weapons - after all, three quarters of a ton worth (his ''one arm'' is about the size of an average human) of predatory flesh (most likely [[Super Soldier|boosted]] on top of that) is already better that the ugly and mostly useless [[Stun Guns|"potato-gun"]] he would have to carry in normal circumstances.
** ...until he found a "proper weapon", though of course Tenzy is [[Do-Anything Robot|much more than a weapon]].
* [[One-Man Army]]: He made his way through a building full of fearless armed combatants with tooth and claw only. ''Then'' he was given first aid, [[Improvised Armour]] and fun-sized superweapon and walked out to protect civilians. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/blog/0308-wallpapers Like this].
* [[Taking the Bullet]]: A booby-trap. Which destroyed his arm (the size of a whole human and wrapped in [[Powered Armor]]) and still left the one he shielded "in small pieces" (just not pulverized too much to reconstruct and revive).
* [[Uplifted Animal]]: Ursumari - polar bear humanoid-ified just enough to walk upright (though still can run on all four) and use fingers.
=== "Tenzy" ===
A fun-sized superweapon illegally created by an UNS covert agent (and later possibly upgraded by a high-end AI). Since AI is officially rated as fully sapient, legally it cannot be simply turned off.
* [[Carnivore Confusion]]: In a robotic way. Tenzy (being hacked and illegally upgraded M3 started the career by converting dumb hacked and illegally upgraded M3s) into [[Attack Drone]]s, and then may have observed Schlock too much.
{{quote|'''Landon''': [[Mechanical Lifeforms|They]]'ve surrendered. Eating them has stopped being unsettling and started being a war crime.
'''Schlock''': I told you. Food that talks isn't food. }}
* [[Cute Machines]]: Tenzy made her now-autonomous upper part somewhat resemble [[WALL-E|EVE]].
* [[Do-Anything Robot]]: The former M3 is not as much "handheld weapon" now as "space cruiser in a small backpack". Let's see - heavily armed, can fly, [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-03-23 has good sensors], networked, hacks at least stupid (but ''very'' well protected) SI as fast as you can "feed" them to it, contains a nano-manufacturing factory (tiny, but high-end). Oh, and AI more than capable of using all this ''creatively'' and still not being too busy to banter with the "wielder". What this kit ''cannot'' do?
* [[Easily-Detachable Robot Parts]]/[[Independent Limb]]: After rebuilding herself, Tenzy can separate in two parts. The upper is flight capable quasi-humanoid with "face" that talks with the organics and has guns, the lower is the backpack base, presumably contains the mini-fabber and other supplies.
* [[Mobile Factory]]: The original M3 fired stun ordnance fitting for every known species and implied to produce reloads internally. Then upgraded with mil-spec nanoassemblers and AI programmed to be useful rather than frustrating - intended for production and coordinated use of assorted ordnance that could be more useful for assassination of protected targets - including [[Projected Man|decoy drones]] and smart micro-missiles. Then it was given ''another'' field upgrade, specifically intended to [[Army of One|allow a single officer to take on an armored and heavily armed force of at least hundreds]], resulting in "Tenzy". On-screen had some flying gun drones said to be built from other M3-s (and later from random "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-06-04 table scraps]") and made fully functional (and heavy duty looking) prosthetics. And [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-05-31 expressed confidence] in her ability to replicate, if need be.
* [[Robot Buddy]]
* [[The Symbiote]]: Tenzy and Landon established a [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-05-31 strange symbiosis]. It's not only working together, or that he carries the "bag" part around and has a prosthetic arm built by her, there [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-07-05 seems to be] some interfacing with his other implants.
* [[Talking Weapon]]
{{quote|'''Landon''': Get the door, babe.
'''Tenzy''': I'm your entry tool now?
'''Landon''': Tenzy... you're my ''everything''.
'''Tenzy''': I'm blushing. Let me get that door for you, hon. }}
=== Colonel Menendez ===
Grey-haired, handlebar-moustachioed senior officer of Sanctum Adroit.
* [[By-The-Book Cop|By-The-Book]] Rent-a-Cop / [[Law Enforcement, Inc.]]: Sanctum Adroit. He leads a major branch of it, or maybe the whole company, it wasn't clearly stated.
* [[Chessmaster]]: Or at least knows a lot of good tricks in his business.
* [[Elegant Weapon for a More Civilized Age]]: Carries a katana or <s>other</s> saber.
* [[Seen It All]]: This dude is amazingly unflappable, and barely surprised at all even when introduced to utterly crazy circumstances.
=== Peri Gugro ===
One of the Fobott'r mercenaries from Sanctum Adroit who joined the Toughs.
* [[Full-Frontal Assault]]: Tried to join a trouser fight in a birthday suit. Too bad the right sort of ammunition was in those pockets.
* [[You Are in Command Now]]: Was promoted as a legal fiction for the company to butt into a crisis. Then she had to own the operation "for real".
** Then presbyter of all Fobott'r decided that since she led non-Fobott'r with impressive results, she can be officiated as a "clan mother" of non-traditional type, which apparently meant she is given pretty much free rein to capitalize on the success.
=== Ezraene Venombrook ===
"Daggermother, Hot Mess Response Team". A senior security officer of Urtheep Industries, sent to sort out the weird mess one of their less competent bosses allowed to happen, after he hired the Toughs to clean it, but hopelessly underestimated how hot it is (and thus how fast it may expand).
* [[Birds of a Feather]]: [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-07-16 With Kaff Tagon], surprisingly.
* [[Knife Nut]]: Whatever sort of the title "Daggermother" is, at least in her case it's ''[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-08-18 not]'' a decorative honorific.
* [[Implanted Armor]]
* [[Properly Paranoid]]: Part of the job, according to herself. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-08-13] [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2017-09-07]
== Antagonists ==
Head of a human mafia that Kevyn's time clone scammed out of a ton of laundered money through lottery and gambling fraud, who goes after him in retaliation.
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* [[Oh Crap]]: Damico after [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-10-30 General Tagon arrived]. Or maybe it was just "What the heck, is that a headless monkey with a knife?" The two can be hard to tell apart.
** Followed by a much more definite one when her elite troops where all disarmed (or rather, dishanded) by a robot that runs with scissors.
* [[Revenge Before Reason]]: Petey offers to pay her 25 times what she lost to Kevyn Andreyasn's manipulations to fund his plans, in exchange for releasing the captured Kevyn [[Time Travel|time traveling]] copy and Karl Tagon to Petey. [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
A rebellious alien commander who the Toughs were contracted to take down. A lot more savvy than expected, but not quite savvy enough to handle a supersoldier-boosted Kevyn and Schlock.
* [[Evil Is Funny]]: He's an unrepentant bastard who [[Magnificent Bastard|outsmarts the entire company (including two AIs)]] and is [[Genre Savvy|intelligent enough to kill his enemies as soon as possible]] [[Dangerously Genre Savvy|(and then drop their remains in the incinerator)]], but he just makes you laugh.
* [[The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized]]: It's not clear what sort of democracy he promoted, but his methods [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-04-01 aren't much better] than those of cannibalic aristocracy he fights.
* [[Singing in
A ranking UNS officer who was instrumental in a human immortality project. Xinchub has been one of the series' most enduring villains, due to a combination of slimy manipulations and sheer cleverness.
Line 464 ⟶ 637:
* [[Enemy Mine]]
* [[Fat Bastard]]: Xinchub is, well, a very fat...
* [[Government Conspiracy]]: Ears deep in things that a lot of other UNS big fish [[I Was Never Here|remembers they never heard about]].
{{quote|'''Xinchub''': You know me, Tantor, I'm the biggest ace-hole in the game.}}
* [[Magnificent Bastard]]
* [[Mysterious Employer]]: To a lesser extent than Petey.
* [[Oh Crap]]: The discovery that Toughs are so fed up with him they can't be hired to help him for any amount of money invoked an expression [http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-06-10 Petey described rather poetically].
* [[Slime Ball]]
* [[Well-Intentioned Extremist]]: Based on his own recollections and [[Word of God]], he started out as this, and may still be one. But he [[Start of Darkness|grew to enjoy the horrible things he had to do]].
A subordinate of Xinchub, Jevee is a "purp" - a genetically-modified human subspecies capable of photosynthesis. Was previously a skilled bounty hunter before being briefly placed in control of the Toughs when they were contracted by Xinchub.
Line 478 ⟶ 653:
* [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]
* [[Dark Action Girl]]
* [[Green-Skinned Space Babe]]: She's a "[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-03-11 purp]"
* [[Ship Teasing]]: With Tagon, though he's not interested.
=== Admiral Emm ===
'''A description of the character goes here.'''
* [[Brutal Honesty]]: When she can afford it, makes no bones about more morbid sides of her job.
* [[Government Conspiracy]]: Leads an intelligence agency which finds itself on both ends of black ops with other people and agencies in its own polity often enough to be declared rogue wholesale.
* [[Hypocrite]]: She called Kowalski a monster and is surprised when he mentions having conscience... but his latest "monstrous" deeds were all performed under her command, and later his clone mentions that "she always wanted ''more'' like me".
* [[Off-Model]]: Emm is [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-12-02 introduced] in book 9 with four rank pips on each shoulder, and [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2012-03-21 keeps that number] until book 13 part III, when, between [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2012-09-23 two] [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2012-12-01 appearances], the number goes down to three pips per shoulder for no apparent reason, and stays at three up to and including the [https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-01-07 last time] she's seen in uniform, in book 15.
* [[Well-Intentioned Extremist]]: Much the same deal as with Xinchub. Wants to avoid civil war over the whole human and Terran uplift space, but not enough to do ''lesser'' things that could make sane people want to start one.
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