Skippy's List: Difference between revisions

''Skippy's List'' proves that [[The Loonie]] can be applied to the military as well as [[Tabletop Games]]. The list consists of things that Skippy--an enlisted man in the US Army's psychological operations department[[hottip:*:<ref>Read: Drawing propaganda posters in [[The Yugoslav Wars|postwar Bosnia]]</ref>--discovered were forbidden in the US Army, generally [[Noodle Incident|without much context]] as to how he found out (although the blog does provide some explanations). It first came to the Internet back in 2001, lists 213 things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The [[Yanks With Tanks|US Army]]. [["Not Making This Up" Disclaimer|As the site explains, everything on the list actually happened]], either as something [[Truth in Television|Skippy himself did]], [[Or So IheardI Heard|something he saw happen]], something he was [[Suspiciously Specific Denial|spontaneously informed he was not allowed to do]], a [[Loophole Abuse|clarification to one of the above]], or "[[It Makes Sense in Context|I was just minding my own business, when something happened]]."

The original list [https://web.archive.org/web/20131109164111/http://skippyslist.com/list/ can be seen here.] The site also includes other sections with other, smaller lists submitted by "Friends of Skippy".

See also ''[[Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG]]'', whichand ''Skippy's List'' inspired, as well as "[[Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do At [[Harry Potter|Hogwarts]]"'', whichboth hasof severalwhich different''Skippy's iterations,List'' most commonly numbering one hundred and fiftyinspired.

* [[Arson, Murder, and LifesavingJaywalking]]: He actually got ''commended'' for some of these, specifically:

{{quote| 2. My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".<br />

37. Our medic is called "Sgt Larwasa", not "Dr. Feelgood".<br />

{{quote| 7. Not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophesy" to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.}}

{{quote| 3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.<br />

{{quote| 43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.<br />

{{quote| 5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.}}

{{quote| 113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ''[[The Full Monty|Full Monty]]'' every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".<br />

* [[Buffy -Speak]]:

{{quote| 177. I am not to refer to a formation as "the boxy rectangle thingie".}}

{{quote| 142. "Calvin-Ball" is not authorized PT.}}

* [[Cheese -Eating Surrender Monkeys]]:

{{quote| 20. Must not taunt the French any more.}}

{{quote| 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.}}

* [[Cross DresserCrossdresser]]:

{{quote| 80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.<br />

{{quote| 54. "Napalm sticks to kids" is *not* a motivational phrase.}}

{{quote| 11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.}}

* [[Dude, Not Funny]]: [[In -Universe]]

{{quote| 93. Nerve gas is not funny.}}

* [[Duel to Thethe Death]]:

{{quote| 86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the "field of honor".<br />

{{quote| 47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.}}

{{quote| 33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.<br />

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I ''did'' bring enough for everybody.<br />

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.<br />

55. An order to "Put Kiwi on my boots" does *not* involve fruit.<br />

{{quote| 44. I am not the atheist chaplain.}}

* [[Full -Frontal Assault]]:

{{quote| 175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.}}

{{quote| 62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.<br />

{{quote| 33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.<br />

* [["Have a Nice Day" Smile]]:

{{quote| 99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.}}

* [[I Just Shot Marvin in Thethe Face]]

{{quote| 6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.}}

* [[ItsIt's Raining Men]]:

{{quote| 35. Not allowed to sing "High Speed Dirt" by [[Megadeth (Music)|Megadeth]] during airborne operations. ("See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker")}}

* [[Jumping Onon a Grenade]]

{{quote| 201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.}}

{{quote| 124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.<br />

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.<br />

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.<br />

127. "No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages" does not imply that a Jack Daniel's® IV is acceptable.<br />

{{quote| 65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.}}

{{quote| 163. Take that hat off.}}

* [[Noodle Incident]]:

{{quote| 58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, '''or any references to squid'''.<ref>Which references [[Refuge in Audacity|a]] [[Pie in Thethe Face|very]] [[Crowning Moment of Funny|specific]] [http://skippyslist.com/2007/07/09/cephalopod-surprise/ incident.]</ref>}}

{{quote| 183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®<br />

* [["Not Making This Up" Disclaimer]]:

{{quote| 174. Furby® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, [http[wikipedia://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furby#Classic_FurbiesClassic Furbies|it's actually DOD policy.]])}}

* [[Or So IheardI Heard]]:

{{quote| 207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)<br />

{{quote| I don't mind if you want to quote a few items from my list of your site. But please do not copy the list in it's entirety.}}

{{quote| 26. Never tell a German soldier that "We kicked your ass in World War 2!"}}

{{quote| 128. [[Cannibal! theThe Musical|"Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.]]}}

{{quote| 1. Not allowed to watch ''[[South Park]]'' when I'm supposed to be working.<br />

6. Not allowed to play ''[[Pulp Fiction]]'' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.<br />

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my [[The Bible|Samson like powers]].<br />

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous "Barbie Girl Dance" while on duty.<br />

29. The Irish MPs are not after [[Notable Commercial Campaigns|"Me frosted lucky charms"]].<br />

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for [[Jack and Thethe Beanstalk|"magic beans"]].<br />

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.<br />

51. Not allowed to quote "[[Dr. Seuss]]" on military operations.<br />

52. Not allowed to yell [[G.I. Joe|"Take that Cobra"]] at the rifle range.<br />

53. Not allowed to quote ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' at the rifle range.<br />

77. The MP checkpoint is not an [[Star Wars|Imperial Stormtrooper]] roadblock, so I should not tell them [[A New Hope|"You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."]]<br />

97. [[Ghostbusters|Gozer]] does not dwell in my refrigerator.<br />

99. [[Minesweeper|A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.]]<br />

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ''[[The Full Monty|Full Monty]]'' every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff" <ref>(131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.)</ref><br />

128. [[Cannibal! theThe Musical|"Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.]]<br />

136. Shouting [[Platoon|"Let's do the village! Let's do the whole fucking village!"]] while out on a mission is bad.<br />

181. [[Pokémon]]® trainer is not an MOS.<br />

185. My name is not [[Dune|a killing word]].<br />

{{quote| To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly...I'm funny, so they let me live.}}

{{quote| 199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.}}

{{quote| 189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.}}

{{quote| 42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.}}

{{quote| 152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light® batteries.}}

{{quote| 151. The proper way to report to my Commander is "Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir" not "You can't prove a thing!"}}

{{quote| 203. "To conquer the earth with [[EverythingsEverything's Better Withwith Monkeys|an army of flying monkeys]]" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.}}

{{quote| 8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.}}

{{quote| 89. Must not refer to the Commander as "Dad".}}

{{quote| 88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as "Mom".}}

* [[The End of the World Asas We Know It]]:

{{quote| 39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.}}

{{quote| 27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).}}

{{quote| 10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.}}