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== Christopher Titus ([[Christopher Titus]]) ==
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Most episodes follow his exploits and his point of view. He knows that his life has been and is very screwed up, but realizes that he himself has turned out relatively okay. Even though the show is about his family, everyone calls him by his last name except for his dad and Erin.
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== Erin Fitzpatrick ([[Cynthia Watros]]) ==
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Christopher's fiancée, a strong and independent woman whose family is just as messed up as his. She is a calming influence on Titus, is one of the few people Papa Titus likes, and is semi-openly lusted after by both Dave and Tommy. Despite her peacemaking personality, she has a buried Irish temper that everyone is afraid of. Her parents, Nora and Merritt, are miserably married alcoholics, her sister, Kim, is a sexually promiscuous drug addict, and her brother, Michael, is a career criminal. Her childhood dream was to become the first person in her family to not be arrested. She brings in her niece Amy (Kim's daughter) after her stepfather (Kim's boyfriend) almost punches her in the face for calling Child Welfare on him.
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== Dave Scovill (Zack Ward) ==
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'''Dave''': (''between sobs'') But I told you...what I want. I...wanna...get bitten by a [[Spider-Man|radioactive spider and get super powers]]! }}
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== Tommy Shafter (David Shatraw) ==
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'''Papa Titus''':"Can you get him away from me?" }}
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== Ken 'Papa' Titus (Stacy Keach) ==
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'''Papa Titus''': (''opens beer can, [[Oh Crap|Christopher freezes in shock]]'') I think without me pushin' you, you never would have made it. }}
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== Juanita Titus ==
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'''Young Christopher''': "They look like trash cans, Mom."
'''Juanita''': "They always do! They're aliens, not morons! Go get your metal hat!" ''(brandishes a shotgun and shoves the business end of it out the window)'': HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY PLANET!" ''(fires)'' }}
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