Washington DC: Difference between revisions

 

The capital of the [[Eagle Land|United States of America]], Washington, District of Columbia, (colloquially D.C. or ''The District'') is home to the U.S. federal government. Well, most of it. The land was originally taken from Maryland and Virginia in 1790. The Virginia part was returned in 1846 as what is now Arlington County and the City of Alexandria, which are still part of the same urban area. For people in [[Flyover Country]] it is often considered to be a [[Wretched Hive|Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villainy]], due to its high crime and reported corruption on the local and federal level.

Unlike other U.S. cities, Washington is notable for its complete lack of skyscrapers. This is because of a law on the matter (the DC Building Act 1910) that prohibits the construction of any building taller that the US Capitol (which, contrary to popular belief, does not mention the Washington Monument). Thus, most skyscrapers are usually located on the Virginia side of the Potomac (which separates Washington from Arlington and Alexandria). More on that later.

 

 

Why does such an ironic situation exist? It was written into the US Constitution. The Founding Fathers feared if the capital district was a part of any state or was considered a state itself, the federal government would treat that state favorably. The framers never thought that Washington would become an actual city with an indigenous population. But they overestimated the size of land needed to host a body of government, and that extra land naturally ended up being filled with people who worked in the District.

 

Why this has not been corrected: Aside from the fact that [[Be as Unhelpful as Possible|getting Congress to agree on anything is hard in general]], politics in the District are incredibly monolithic, leaving both of [[American Political System|the major political parties of the US]] having very different preferences for a solution. The Democratic Party, which enjoys over 90% support in DC, naturally favors statehood or something equivalent, which would add 2 Senate seats and one House seat that they would perpetually control. The Republican Party, on the other hand, prefers returning the land of the District to the jurisdiction of Maryland, which gave up the land to form the capital in the first place. This would add a single Democratic-dominated House district to Maryland's allotment, a much smaller advantage to Democrats and thus much more palatable to Republicans.

 

 

Combined with Baltimore, it makes up the Baltimore-Washington Metropolitan Area. Baltimore is less than an hour's drive from Washington (theoretically—traffic can be ''brutal'') and urban sprawl between the two is pretty much continuous. However, the two cities are culturally distinct, and because of the gap both Baltimore and Washington have separate TV and radio stations covering their areas despite the short distance between the two.

Central Washington, known as the ''L'Enfant City'' (the part laid out by [[Egopolis|said Frenchman]] in 1790 as a planned metropolis) has seen massive urban renewal to make the areas convenient to the centre [[Space Brasilia|"look more like America"]], "as befits the heart of our democracy"—if America had a mean income of $500,000, that is. At one point these efforts were justified by high crime rates (14th street was the [[Vice City|red light district]], two blocks from The White House, and downtown DC used to be a collection of boarded-up buildings and souvenir shops). But since the [[The Eighties|80s]] and [[The Nineties|90s]] crime epidemic [[Reality Is Unrealistic|has actually subsided]], it's merely been justified as "quality of life" ([[Blatant Lies|and not just for senators and their escorts]], either).

 

 

Georgetown especially is a haven for these [[Ivy League for Everyone|ivy-league types]]. It's also the setting for numerous movies. Just about every character on film in DC [[Friends Rent Control|lives in Georgetown]].

The museums on the Mall are all free. Good luck finding a place to eat, though; the American Indian Museum is popular. The best time to visit D.C. is in March, when the [[Cherry Blossoms]] bloom. This is the only festival the locals take seriously, and much like Mardi Gras, you have to know when and where to actually go—the blossoms never coincide with the actual festival. When they do bloom, millions of people descend on the Mall at once in a blossom-fueled rage.<ref>Note - [[Serious Business|This actually happens.]]</ref>

 

* [[Bio-Dome|The Capitol Building]]: not to be confused with The White House (it has a dome for a start). This is where the U.S. Congress meets. The Congress now can't all fit in the offices there, so there are other office buildings, linked to it via a private tunnel network. It is entirely possible to get between the Capitol, its associated office buildings and the three buildings that house the Library of Congress without ever once setting foot outside, which is quite useful in the middle of winter, avoiding repeated security screening, and keeping the business of government largely out of view of tourists.

* [[The White House]]: The President's pad. The West Wing contains the Oval Office and other offices for presidential staff; other executive offices are at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building (formerly the Old Executive Office Building, or OEOB), a [[Big Labyrinthine Building|giant gingerbread structure]] across the street. Thanks to [[The War on Terror]], it now takes six months and a phone call to your Member of Congress/Senator to schedule a tour. If the president announces a change in policy, reporters will sometimes declare that "The White House announced..."

* Rock Creek Park: A 1700-acre wilderness park set directly in the city.

** National Zoo. A zoo, but this one is run by the Smithsonian, so it's free. Located in Rock Creek Park, so it's basically situated on the side of a ravine. Has a bit of a Panda obsession ever since Nixon went to China and brought back some. Orangutans use overhead walkways to commute between their home and the Ape House.

* The Fourth of July is the biggest one-day event in Washington, which used to featue (ahem) smoke-ins and cookouts on the Mall before they [[Nostalgia Filter|cracked down on tailgating]].

* Out in the Virginia suburbs of Prince William County, those interested in the [[American Civil War]] can visit the Manassas National Battlefield Park, site of the First (1861) and Second (1862) Battles of Bull Run (a creek running through the area; Manassas is the town immediately south of the battlefield).

* Sonny Bono Memorial Park.

* The Einstein Memorial. You're supposed to sit in his lap.

* The World's Oldest (Non?)-Working Elevator, located in a fast food shop. Property of Smithsonian.

* The National Museum of Menstruation. [[Squick]].

* The Maine Avenue Fish Market. America's oldest fish market, since 1790. Busy at night.

* Dutch Country Farmers Market in Maryland. Run by the Amish.

* Walter Reed Annex. [[Circus of Fear|an abandoned resort]] full of wacky pagodas, castles and windmills. Former [[Abandoned Hospital|psych wing]].

* The Awakening. Statue of a gigantic, and very angry man buried in the earth. Lived for many years at the very tip of West Potomac Park; has since been relocated to the National Harbor development in Oxon Hill, MD.

=== Useful Features ===

* Metrorail - DC's subway system, the second-busiest in the nation and designed as something of an antithesis to the New York City Subway, with huge domed-concrete stations, hexagonal tile floors, computer-controlled cars, and notoriously strict rules about consuming food and beverages. Designed in the late 1960s as a [[Time for Plan B|Plan B]] to redirect unused freeway funds to some form of transport (as DC residents saw that they [[Big No|really didn't want freeways]] cutting apart their backyards and neighborhoods), it was made with an eye toward luring commuters out of their cars—a plan that, 40 years on, seems to have worked. It's starting to show its age a bit (it went online in 1976) and is nearing capacity, but still preferable to driving (especially if you're aware of how bad DC traffic is).

** It's also useful for navigation purposes to know that the Beltway has "The Inner Loop" (the side of the Beltway which runs clockwise around DC) and "The Outer Loop" (the side of the Beltway which runs counter-clockwise around DC).

* Just like NYC, Philly and Chicago, DC has commuter trains and buses leading out of the city into the far suburbs; unlike those cities, however, they're mainly for the hordes of Executive Branch workers (and, in the summer, tourists) going into and out of town, and so they don't run on weekends except for a few token Metrobus routes. The trains and buses going into Maryland are run by that state's transit authority, and the trains are called "MARC"; MARC also serves Baltimore, and the Penn Line runs all the way to Perryville, MD. Virginia's system is split between several operators, the biggest being the PRTC/VRE system (which mainly serves Prince William County, a few far-flung locations in Fairfax such as Lorton and Burke, and the 95 corridor down to Fredericksburg).

** Washington Dulles International Airport (IAD), the largest airport in the area and one of the busiest in the country. Infamous for being a long, long haul from downtown (25 miles from the White House, through what has since become a highly-populated edge city), for having an equally long access road reserved especially for it, and for not having any sort of public transportation (though Metrobus has since set up a proper shuttle line that serves it while the Metrorail extension is being built). You ''will'' get a ticket on the access road if you're not going to the airport for something; that said, "something" can be going to the Fedex terminal or picking someone up, not just boarding a flight. Otherwise, from the Beltway westward, you're expected to use the Dulles Toll Road and pay the tolls. Dulles was also infamous for its odd "shuttle lounges", crosses between buses and Jetways that, originally, could drive right up to the side of a plane and allow you to board directly. As the airport got busier, though, the lounges became a liability as they were small, cramped and required a slow docking process when arriving at the terminal. A new light-rail system (similar to the ones in use at other large airports) has mostly replaced them, although they continue to be used to connect Concourse D (not served by the rail line) to Concourse A and the main terminal. The most striking architectural feature of Dulles is its [[Raygun Gothic]] main terminal building, which was designed by Eero Saarinen (the same guy responsible for the old TWA Flight Center at JFK) and built in 1961.

** And finally, there's Baltimore/Washington International-Thurgood Marshall Airport (BWI), which is actually closer to Baltimore than DC but is still popular with DC residents. It's not as busy as Dulles or as restricted as National, meaning flights are often cheap enough that the drive (even longer than the one to Dulles, especially from Virginia) is [[Worth It]]. It's also accessible from MARC and Baltimore's light-rail system; like Dulles, Metrobus also runs a dedicated shuttle to BWI, originating from the Greenbelt Metrorail station. Also, just like [[Los Angeles|LAX]], almost everyone calls it by its call sign than its full name.

 

== The Neighborhoods ==

* '''Anacostia''' D.C. is an amalgam of people from around the United States and sits on the dividing line between the North and South, which is still very bright for some residents who refuse to cross the Potomac River except to go to a ballgame. The further south and east you go, the more it resembles a Southern town, such as [[The Big Easy|New Orleans]]. The houses are small and working class, the neighborhoods mostly black.

 

 

* '''Suburban Maryland''' Going north, into Maryland, it often resembles [[Joisey|New Jersey]], and is populated by staunchly liberal Yankees, such as the college professors, [[New Age Retro Hippie|hippies]], and multi-cultural immigrant neighborhoods in and around Takoma Park, Silver Spring, and Mount Rainier, Maryland. This is where you can find all the delis, antique stores, and curry shops. Riverdale, Maryland is Little Mexico.

The two Maryland counties that surround DC are Montgomery County to the North and West, and Prince George's County to the South and East. Montgomery County is the richest county in the State, Prince George's county not so much (but not the poorest). An old joke about the importance of Montgomery County was that "The legislature in Annapolis considers its job to pump money out of Montgomery County and into the City of Baltimore."

 

 

Northeast along the high-speed tracks going towards [[New York City|New York]] is a marginally unsafe dead zone of tire salons and automobile dealerships. Everything west of the railroad tracks can be considered an extension of Upper Northwest and is just as affluent, with quaint Victorian homes. Metrorail service is also much more extensive on the Maryland side, and most of the suburbs have actual downtowns with a train station, restaurants and shops.

The most affluent portion of the region, Northern Virginia has some of the wealthiest and most well educated counties in the country. South and west, the communities of Arlington, Alexandria and Tysons Corner, with no high-rise limits, resemble [[SoCalization|Los Angeles]] or the southern city of [[Atlanta]], with crushing traffic on 8-lane roads, towering high security office complexes (populated by government contractors known as "Beltway Bandits"), and vast office parks. Wilson Boulevard provides a vaguely-human scaled "main street" to the area. Columbia Pike, a former suburb for enlisted military, is one of many small pockets of ethnic diversity. Old Town Alexandria is a quaint historic district, located just north of George Washington's home (in the world's best commuter incentive, he arranged for the District to be built near his house). Some roads in Alexandria area are still named after [[Values Dissonance|Confederate]] [[The American Civil War|Generals]]. Going west on I-66 leads to the exurbs of Chantilly County. While only the very wealthy own homes in D.C. proper or Arlington/Alexandria, many on the very next rung down on the income ladder own homes in Chantilly.

 

 

The further you go south of the Potomac river, the closer you are to [[Deep South|Dixie]]. D.C. and suburban Maryland are emphatically northern in mentality. As President Kennedy said, Washington is a city of "Southern efficiency and Northern charm".

All of these neighborhoods are entirely invisible to the tourist population, since [[Flyover Country|Metro travels under them, and the Beltway goes around them]]. Many of them are quite interesting to visit, however. Washingtonians pride themselves on their inferiority complex relative to [[New York City|That Other City]], and will sniff haughtily at Chicago's claim of same. D.C. does like being able to beat up on [[DFW Metroplex|Dallas, Texas]], its main football rival, however. That hasn't been going so well lately.

 

Due to DC's [[Fun Size|small size]], many of these works have DC as a base of operations and characters will frequently head into Maryland or Virginia in the course of their duties. This especially applies with military works as the bulk of major military and intelligence facilities, including the aforementioned Pentagon, are outside the District.

 

* ''[[24]]'' (Day Seven)

* ''[[American Dad]]''—the Smith family lives in the fictional Virginian suburb of Langley Falls.

* ''[[Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew]]'' sometimes featured its Earth-C counterpart, "Waspington, DC."

* ''[[The Conduit]]'': It not only takes place in DC, but is one of the very few video games out there to show the Metrorail system with any moderate degree of accuracy.

* ''D.C. Cab''—A [[Mr. T]] film which is among the few DC films to be set in the urban core of the city.

* ''[[Die Hard|Die Hard 2]]''

* ''[[The District]]''

* ''[[Eden of the East]]'' (episode 1) - very realistically rendered for an anime series.

* ''[[The Exorcist]]'' - you can visit the [[Mind Your Step|famous steps]].

* ''[[Fallout 3]]'' takes place in DC [[After the End|200 years after a nuclear war]].

* ''[[The Full Matilda]]'' discusses African-Americans living in DC.

* ''[[The House of Yes]]''

* ''[[NCIS]]''

* ''[[Night at the Museum]]: Battle of the Smithsonian''

* ''[[No Way Out]]'' -- [[Kevin Costner]] escapes pursuers by hopping on the [[Did Not Do the Research|Georgetown Metro]].

* ''[[Remember the Titans]]'' is set in Alexandria's public high school, TC Williams.

* The Postal Service's<ref>The Postal Service being the sideproject of [[Death Cab for Cutie]] lead singer Ben Gibbard and indietronica artist [[Dntel]]</ref> "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" (the opening track of their first and so far only album ''Give Up'') is apparently about meeting an old friend (now unrecognizable) who now lives in <s>Washington</s> the District.

* [[Post-hardcore]] band Fugazi's lyrics are full of local references:

 

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[[Category:Useful Notes/The United States]]

[[Category:Major World Cities]]